Directed by
Glasgow Phillips
Cast
Matt Besser ………. Claypool
Chris Coppola ………. Cletus
James Denton ………. Elmer
Scott Flick ………. Zombie Soldier
Michelle Greathouse ………. Schoolmarm
Patricia Greer ………. Saloon Girl
Leslie Jordan ………. Padre
Chris Kattan ………. Luke
Michael Patrick Metzdorff ………. Gunfighter Zombie / Union Soldier Zombie
Cristin Michele ………. Kate
Christopher Allen Nelson ………. The Captain
T. Jay O’Brien ………. Farlow
Brian Posehn ………. Ben
Navi Rawat ………. Sue
Run Time: 91 minutes
Rated R
DVD Release date: December 11, 2007
This sounds like a good recipe.
Are you ready?
Step 1: Take one of the writers from South Park and have him helm a zombie/western/comedy.
Step 2: Add sketch comedy veterans from the likes of Saturday Night Live, Mr Show, and The Upright Citizens Brigade.
Step 3: Throw in a bit of man-meat from an award wining comedy series.
Step 4: Toss in a pinch of everybody’s favorite effeminate near-midget Leslie Jordan.
Step 5: Blend with a liberal amount of exotic beauty Navi Rawat.
And you’ve got the makings for an under-appreciated film, one destined for cult status! Surely, this will be an offbeat classic in the years to come!
Oh wait, I missed the last part there. . .
Step 6: Remove all humor and set aside for use in other movies.
At first, it’s hard to say what went wrong, but it’s even harder to point out something that went right. The film-makers seem completely incapable of telling a story or turning a scene. The tone jumps from horribly dark to light and fluffy, never finding its own comfort zone. There is little chemistry between any of the leads. Virtually none of the lines sound at all natural. “Forced” is not a strong enough word to describe the dialogue of this flick.
Long story short, Undead or Alive really sucks.
It really, really sucks.
The opening sequence features a zombified Brian Posehn stepping in a bucket and getting a pie in the face before eating his wife and daughter. Tired slapstick followed by familicide? Now that’s classy!
Then up pops the title card which reads-
Undead or Alive: a Zombedy
Bad Movie Sign number 18a: if the title card has to tell you what genre the movie is, then the movie itself doesn’t make a strong enough argument. You can pretty much find that in any book on screen-writing; don’t put the genre in your title. The audience is the judge of that thing.
Anyways, the movie itself meanders about as a half-assed buddy western starring the elfish Chris Kattan and James Denton, that guy from Desperate Housewives who your mom thinks is dreamy. It’s the old west and they are being chased by a posse, the posse gets zombified.
Imagine the very worst possible episode of The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., and then remove all possibilities for joy, humor, or excitement.
It would still be better than Undead or Alive.
So, Kattan and Denton happen upon an Indian woman named Susan, who just happens to speak perfect English, having been schooled in New York City. She also just happens to be Geronimo’s niece, and you see, well. . . I forgot to tell you that the zombies are a result of Geronimo’s death curse on the white man.
Pretty stupid, huh?
They even call the zombies Geronimonsters.
Really stupid, eh?
Geronimo’s niece Susan ends up being the third member of this newly formed gang of outlaws. She also serves as Kattan’s love interest, the poor thing.
Susan is probably the funniest part of this movie. She doesn’t have any memorably funny lines or funny scenes, mind you. It is just that I find it funny that the actress is actually half German and half the other type of Indian. She is less convincing as an Apache than Chuck Heston was a Mexican.
Then again, Geronimo died of pneumonia in 1908, not by jumping off of a cliff while zombie-cursing the White man. So maybe in this alternate reality the Indians are swapped.
After a bit, the movie decides to pass the time with a useless subplot featuring Leslie Jordan. I love Leslie Jordan, but this part of the movie isn’t funny or scary, nor does it connect in any meaningful way to the rest of the movie. It screams edit.
Did I mention that this movie sucks?
Diehard gorehounds won’t be very impressed by the movie’s unconvincing CGI spurts of blood or its cheesy prosthetics. Zombie fans won’t find anything particularly worthwhile or interesting. Men who like westerns would be better off blindfolding themselves in that section of their local video store, spinning around, and picking a movie a random. I know few women who will watch westerns let alone zombie westerns.
Fans of humor should avoid this film at all costs.
But if you absolutely have to see a movie where Chris Copolla has a detachable penis, Undead or Alive is probably your best bet!
The DVD
Audio and Visual
The movie looks and sounds good. Too good. Seeing and hearing the actors doesn’t help one’s experience with this film.
The Extras
There are two “Making of” featurettes and a commentary track.
