Welcome to the first RAW of 2008! Tonight is very special for two reasons. One: We are treated to RAW Roulette, which means we will have a lot of fun tonight. Two: I’m going to change things up a bit. You’ll still receive the same quality I put into my RAW Reports, but instead of star ratings, which are overused around the IWC…and I’m usually pretty lenient in them anyways. No, in 2008, RAW will be going back to school. Each match will have grades assigned to them. “A†means excellent, while “F†means failure. I’ll use plus and minus if it is warranted. Enough about the grading scale, let us get on with the show!
Recap of last week’s episode involving Triple H v. Ric Flair. I missed out on last week due to it being New Year’s Eve. I’m sure no one will hold it against me, however.
We open RAW inside William Regal’s office. Vince McMahon enters the room and he hypes tonight’s show. The wheel is unveiled as Regal kisses up to Vince. Vince announces that Triple H will be taking on William Regal tonight in a First Blood Match! Regal leaves the office and the match starts NOW! Oh, wait…not yet. After Triple H attacks him a bit, referees stop the fun and games and we go to…the RAW intro!
We are live from the Mohegan Sun Casino and Shawn Michaels is making his way to the ring. Last week, Shawn Michaels lost to Mr. Kennedy in a hard fought match. His opponent, the loudmouth Mr. Kennedy! Kennedy grabs his microphone, but Mr. McMahon interrupts and he spins the wheel.
Shawn Michaels v. Mr. Kennedy
Match Stipulation: Strange Bedfellows Match
We go to a commercial break before the opponents are announced.
Commercials.
Shawn Michaels & Mr. Kennedy v. Charlie Haas & Trevor Murdoch
We are JIP as Mr. Kennedy goes to work on Haas. Michaels tags himself into the match and he throws Kennedy out of the ring! Haas puts on a mask and screams that now it’s time. Haas plays superhero as Murdoch takes down Michaels. Tag to Murdoch and he goes to work, keeping Michaels down. He nails some clubbing blows to Michaels before nailing the backbreaker! Haas tags in and he nails Michaels with an elbow for two. Michaels sends Haas down and goes for the tag, but Kennedy backs away. The masked Haas floats over the suplex and he unmasks Haas. Jawbreaker connects, as does the punches. Scoop slam and he goes to the ropes, Diving Elbow connects and he hits Sweet Chin Music on Murdoch! Kennedy tags himself in as Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music on Haas! Kennedy hits the Mind Check on Michaels! Kennedy covers Haas for three!
Winners: Mr. Kennedy & Shawn Michaels
Grade: C+
Post match, Mr. Kennedy talks trash to Shawn Michaels.
Commercials.
We are back to the action with no sound. There’s a thunderstorm in my area, so I’m gonna have trouble with this match. Anyways, from the looks of it, Carlito and Santino Marella come out to the ring looking like Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes. Next up are Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly looking like Santino Marella and Carlito. The screen goes blank as I’m forced to wait this out. I first assumed tag team match, but I went back to watch what I could and I seen the partners outside the ring.
Hardcore Holly w/ Cody Rhodes v. Carlito w/ Santino Marella
Match Stipulaion: Didn’t catch the audio, but my guess would be “Dress Up Match”.
To the match, which is in progress, Blonde Carlito has Holly in an arm wrench. But Holly gets out of it. To the corner they go and Carlito misses with the chops, but Holly doesn’t. To the ropes Carlito goes and Holly back drops him. Textbook dropkick connects as Marella provides some distraction for Holly to SPIT apple to Carlito! That is enough for the Alabamaslam for the three count!
Winners: Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly
Grade: No Grade Given Due to the Weather
Vince McMahon is inside the office with Maria. I still have no sound, so I don’t know what they are talking about. The wheel is spun and it lands on Submission, but McMahon tells Maria to close her eyes and the wheel gets moved to a Lingerie Pillow Fight. They talk some more as I stare at Maria’s cleavage.
Commercials.
From that point until 9:18pm CST, I was taking cover for a probable tornado that was sighted. The tornado missed us, so I’m able to continue from this point forward.
We are back from that untimely interruption. Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring. We take a commercial break as the wheel spins away.
Commercials.
Chris Jericho v. Snitsky & John Bradshaw Layfield
Match Stipulation: Handicap Match
The bell sounds and Jericho is being manhandled by Snitsky. Jericho battles back for a bit before being destroyed by a clothesline. Choke toss by Snitsky and he readies for the big boot. The big boot misses and Jericho sends Snitsky out of the ring. JBL enters the ring and he tosses Jericho out and they fight it out. JBL nails Jericho in the head with the ring bell. Call it.
Winner: Chris Jericho via DQ
Grade: D
JBL tosses the referee aside and he chokes Jericho out with a cable. He drags Jericho around and he nails a toss, using the cable as a bull rope. Jericho is being taken apart by JBL. He drags Jericho all the way up to the production area and he continues to lay the boots to him. He climbs up a tower and he loops the cable over it. He attempts to hang Jericho, but the referee contingent prevents the hanging.
Commercials.
Tomorrow Night on ECW: Chavo Guerrero v. CM Punk – the Rematch!
We return to the show and we get a replay of the post match action between JBL and Chris Jericho. Moving on, Jerry Lawler pimps his laptop to remind us who qualified for the Rumble. In the ring are the Highlanders. Hornswoggle comes out with a jobber named B.H. Jordan.
B.H. Jordan & Hornswoggle v. The Highlanders
Not so fast, Mick Foley makes his semi-quarterly appearance and he sends Jordan out of the ring.
Mick Foley & Hornswoggle v. The Highlanders
Match Stipulation: Pick Your Partner Rumble Qualifier
Mick goes to town on Robbie until he tags into Hornswoggle. The fun commences until Robbie tags in Rory, which is no laughing matter. Hornswoggle excapes and Mick does the Bang Bang attack. The Million Dollar knee lift sends Rory reeling. Robbie tags in and Mick is in trouble. Robbie nails some uppercuts and he tags in Rory. They use their heads. Mick takes care or Rory and he pulls out Socko! Rory comes off the top and he eats sock. Double Arm DDT connects on Robbie and Hornswoggle nails the Tadpole Splash for three!
Winners: Mick Foley & Hornswoggle
Grade: B
They celebrate their victory as the steel cage comes down. Earlier tonight, Jeff Hardy v. Umaga was booked inside the steel cage!
Commercials.
Jeff Hardy v. Umaga
Match Stipulation: Steel Cage Match
Before the match starts, Randy Orton comes out with an evil haircut. Jeff Hardy stares at him with a very cold stare. Randy Orton takes a seat at ringside as the bell rings. Umaga gets on the offense early on. Hardy goes for a sunset flip attempt, but Umaga drops south, missing Hardy. Hardy walks into a big boot by Umaga. He picks Hardy up and he looks for a stinger splash in the corner, but Hardy moves and Umaga eats steel. Orton peers inside the cage while Umaga nails a back flip, to which Hardy nearly escapes! Umaga brings him back inside as we head to a commercial.
Commercials.
We are back as Umaga is manhandling Hardy and he has on the dreaded neck pinch. Randy talks trash to Hardy as Umaga continues with the pressure. Hardy fights to a knee, followed to his feet! Umaga sends Hardy to the ropes and Hardy telegraphs Umaga’s move. Coming back at Umaga, Umaga SUPLEXES HIM BACK FIRST TO THE STEEL! Umaga nails some vicious headbutts and he bashes Hardy’s head into the cage. Umaga nails a splash, sandwiching Hardy against the cage. Umaga covers for two, as Hardy gets his leg on the ropes. Orton goes irate and it is raining chairs inside the cage. Umaga uses a chair to level Hardy on the mat. Umaga covers and Hardy kicks out at two! Umaga climbs the cage, but he hesitates, which allows Hardy to crotch Umaga! Hardy sets up a chair and he nails Air Sabu Poetry in Motion on Umaga! Hardy looks for the Twist of Fate, but Umaga unleashes the Samoan Spike! Umaga drags Hardy to the corner and he looks for it. REAR END COLLISION MISSES! Hardy nails a kick to the jaw and Hardy pulls a Sabu, throwing the chair at Umaga’s face! Hardy nails a DDT on the steel chair! He covers, but Umaga POWERS out at two! Hardy looks to escape, but Orton slams the door in Hardy’s face! Umaga crawls over to Hardy and he covers….for TWO! Orton is livid outside the cage! Umaga looks for the Samoan Spike, and he misses! TWIST OF FATE CONNECTS! Hardy tosses his shirt off and he goes on top of the cage, but Orton is waiting for him. Hardy NAILS THE WHISPER IN THE WIND FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!!!!!! He covers and gets the three! AWESOME MATCH!
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Grade: A+
Hardy climbs on top of the cage to celebrate as Orton looks up at him.
Show Over.
The Inside Pulse
The RAW Report Card
Shawn Michaels & Mr. Kennedy d. Charlie Haas & Trevor Murdoch – C+
Hardcore Holly d. Carlito – No Grade
Chris Jericho d. JBL & Snitsky via DQ – D
Hornswoggle & Mick Foley d. The Highlanders – B
Jeff Hardy d. Umaga – A+
The Final Grade for RAW 1/8/08 – B-
Other results via PWInsider:
Ashley d. Maria, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, & Melina – No Grade
Triple H d. William Regal – No Grade
