DON’T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE!
No video package to start the episode. We’re “live” from Wilkes-Barres. As if the story hasn’t dragged on long enough, tonight we’re having a “dance off” between Layla and Kelly Kelly. That’s kinda funny, because if you go back and read my coverage of Extreme Expose (referred to as the Nitro Girls), you’ll see that Layla was clearly the superior dancer as Kelly was always a beat behind the other girls.
The Miz and Juice Morrison vs. Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang goes to a tie in a “Fifteen Minutes of Fame” match at 1-1
We’re starting the night with the “iron man tag match” but not really the iron man match because it’s only 15 minutes long, so instead it’s a “fifteen minutes of fame” match. So what are the rules? Well… it’s a fifteen minute iron man match.
So the prince of pun…. I mean Shannon Moore starts with the Miz. The Miz overpowers Moore to start, but Moore turns it around with some punches and kicks. Body scissors into a roll up gets a one and a backslide gets a one for Moore, but the Miz takes control with some clubbing blows. Miz tags in Morrison, who hits a neck breaker for a one, followed by a knee to the face. Morrison slaps on a rest hold headlock and Moore fights out of it, but thanks to the Steamboat rule, Moore can’t get more than a few moves at a time. Moore fights off Morrison enough to get Wang Yang in, who hits some offense on Morrison like a monkey flip that flipped Morrison an extra half of a rotation. Moore takes out the Miz with a rana off the top. Wang Yang misses a moonsault press and Morrison grabs a victory roll and the ropes, but is cut short by Moore.
Yang hits a leg lariat, but the Miz distracts the ref so there’s no count. Morrison rolls up Wang Yang for a cheap pin and it’s 1-0.
We go to and from commercial and Morrison has a cobra clutch on Wang Yang and we’re at the half way point. Yang’s thrown to the corner and attempts the moonsault press but gets crotched on the top rope. Yang gets caught up in the tree of woe and the Miz takes advantage of it while Morrison distracts the ref. Yang fights out and hits the moonsault press for the second fall and evens the score at 1-1.
The Miz comes in and immediately goes after Yang’s leg. The Miz turns Yang over for a half Boston crab, but Yang’s not giving up so easily. Yang turns over and kicks his way outm but the Miz tags in Morrison before Yang can tag in the Miz. The Miz attacks the leg some more on the ropes and stretches out the leg with a spinning toe hold before turning the the patella. Yang fights out once more, but still can’t tag in the prince of punk.
The Miz is in and punishes the leg on the post and ring apron, but that only can get a two. TWO!
Yang gets hit with the slingshot into the elbow into the springboard elbow. Yang gets to the rope in a submission and the heels bring him back into their corner for more abuse. Yang starts to fight back with a jawbreaker, but he can’t fight back enough at first. He eventually gets the tag and Moore clears house, sending both the Miz and Morrison outside, then sends himself out with a forward roll plancha, then Yang hits a top rope to the outside plancha on Morrison as Moore takes the Miz into the ring for a two count. TWO!
Moore hits a WEAK corkscrew moonsault on the Miz for a two. TWO! :40 left and Yang is back in for a double team twisting neckbreaker for another two. Yang goes for another pin, but only gets a two. Yang hits the moonsault press, but hits the Miz in the face with his boots, but there isn’t enough time for the three count. I guess in a tie, the champions win. Looks like Yang kicked the Miz silly, as he’ stumbling and doesn’t really look very coherent.
Up later, Chavo gets another chance to get a title shot. That doesn’t seem fair, does it?
So we’re back with Colin Delaney from last week who lost to Big Daddy V after getting his interview opportunity with Tazz. We’re back with Tazz and Delaney. Delaney’s got his elbow wrapped up and his “ribs” wrapped up. Tazz reminds us how last week’s match worked out, but they just showed it. Tazz kinda looks like a goof, and he asks how Colin feels.
“It hurts… pretty much everywhere.”
Tazz has god news for Colin. He doesn’t have to face an ECW superstar. He’s gotta fight a Smackdown superstar. As Joey says, this may be like a bear mauling a chipmunk. Poor Colin Delaney.
Mark Henry over Colin Delaney by World’s Strongest Slam
Headbutt, thrown into the air and down to the canvas, bonsai drop and world’s strongest slam. Poor Colin. Oddly enough, Colin’s only fight black guys so far. There aren’t many more on the roster before they run out of black superstars.
It’s Lena, the WWE’s newest Diva.
Who? Right. It’s the diva dance off. Each diva has 30 seconds to show us what they got. Layla’s up first. She dances to Throw It On Me by Timbaland. It’s kinda like what you’d think an ADD stripper would dance like on coke. Kelly’s up next, she’s dancing to the same song and Kelly rips her top off to reveal a bikini and she shakes her ass a little bit to each side. Basically, I just saw one girl dance and one girl rip her shirt off. Lena says there’s one more diva that’s supposed to enter the competition, and it’s her. She gets booed by the crowd and it’s pretty clear that no one gives a shit about this. Lena declares herself the winner of the competition and that ends that.
Let’s play F/M/K. It’s Kelly/Layla/Lena for me. Anyone have a different opinion?
Backstage, Shelton’s all smiles. It’s time he got dirty and filthy. He reached down and grabbed a gold nugget, and it says Royal Rumble match, and when he wins it’s the motherlode, a championship match at Wrestlemania.
Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
Stare down to start, Punk keeps distance with a few kicks. Collar and elbow, Punk gets Chavo to the ropes and gets an arm drag on Chavo. Punk takes Chavo down again with the wrist, but Chavo turns it into a headlock. Punk fights out with a forearm and a whip into the ropes, but Chavo gets the upper hand with the shoulder block. Chavo goes to the ropes and Punk gets a leapfrog and monkey flip. Punk pulls Chavo down with a headlock takedown. Chavo fights out, or attempts to, but holds it. Chavo gets a head scissors as the crowd gets behind Punk. Punk stands out and hits a seated drop kick to Chavo fora two. TWO!
Chavo takes Punk into the corner for some european uppercuts and punches followed by a scoop slam. Punk’s whipped into the corner, raises a boot, but that doesn’t fool Chavo. Punk hits a standing enziguiri on Chavo and we head to commercials.
We’re back and Chavo has control with an abdominal stretch. Punk arm drags Chavo off and attempts a splash, but gets a knee to the midsection instead. Chavo throws a few boots to Punk on the canvas, and then turns to attacking Punk’s back. Chavo gets Punk in a surfboard, Punk fights out and gets a roll up for two. TWO!
Chavo hits a clothesline, leveling Punk. Chavo lifts Punk and drops him with an knee for a two. Punk kicks out Chavo’s knee, but Chavo maintains control throwing boots to Punk. Chavo can only get a two. TWO!
Chavo goes for a body scissors, continuing to work the midsection and back of Punk. Punk looks to get out of the move with some elbows, but Chavo answers with axe handles. Chavo rolls over for a two. TWO!
Punk continues to fight out, because he’s CM Punk. Punk stands up and half goes for a Boston crab, but throws kicks to the back of Chavo instead and monkey flips Chavo to the floor. Punk dives through the second and third rope and because of the momentum., they go flying back towards the entrance ramp. Chavo hits the ring first, then Punk hits a springboard clothesline, but can only get a one. ONE!
Punk pulls Chavo up, hits some knees in a suplex position and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Punk goes after Chavo, but Chavo rolls through for a two. Punk grabs Chavo and Punk backbridges out of a pin and goes for a backslide. Punk hits the rising knee in the corner and the bulldog. Punk goes for the GTS, but Chavo wiggles out. Chavo hits a snapmare and goes to undo the turnbuckle. The ref catches him and Chavo then goes for the title belt, getting him DQ’d. Hmmm, what a crappy finish to a good match. I’d accept another count out over that.
