Welcome to Pulse Wrestling’s Coverage of Monday Night RAW! Tonight, you have your resident RAW Recapper on the job after missing RAW two weeks ago and having issues with the weather last week. There is nothing stopping me tonight, so let’s get going!
Last week, Jeff Hardy beats Umaga in what will be the best match of 2008, mark my words.
No opening intro tonight, we segue into RAW with YOUR #1 Contender to the WWE Championship, Jeff Hardy. We are 13 days away from the Rumble and Hardy has the microphone. He reminds everyone that he has the chance of becoming the WWE Champion. He is thrilled and angry at the same time. Last week, he promised to take Randy Orton out. He didn’t deliver, so tonight is the night, as he calls out the WWE Champion.
In true Randy Orton fashion, we get a stalled response. Orton is at the top of the key with a microphone. Hardy gets what he asks for, but there is a catch. He wants to be the third man to hold both the WWE Championship and the Intercontinental Championship at the same time. He challenges Hardy for the Intercontinental Championship TONIGHT!
Hardy reminds Orton that he will take the WWE Title at the Rumble, but he will take him out TONIGHT!
Two months ago, Ric Flair says that he will NEVER retire. WOOOO! Tonight, he takes on William Regal in a Career Threatening Match! Nice way to already spoil that match with the booking of Flair versus MVP at the Rumble.
We don’t take a commercial break as we start off with divas tag team action with last year’s WWE Playboy Diva, this year’s WWE Playboy Diva, and someone that NEEDS to be in Playboy!
Oh yeah…we have to take this time out.
Commercials.
We are back as Melina makes her way to the ring with the paparazzi. Jillian makes her way to the ring, as does Beth Phoenix.
Ashley, Maria, & Mickie v. Melina, Jillian, & Beth
Divas Tag Team Match
Jillian and Ashley stare off with Jillian taking the mounted position and beats some sense to Ashley. Ashley fires off the ropes with a cross body. Melina tags in but Ashley outsmarts her before tagging in Maria. Maria has good flexibility as she kicks Melina in the head. Bulldog attempt is blocked and Melina chokes Maria on the second rope. Beth gets tagged in and she nails a side slam on Maria, covering for two! Maria nails a desperation jawbreaker on Beth before tagging in Mickie. Mickie disposes of the heel group before nailing a top rope Lou Thez Press! Beth picks up Mickie, but Mickie nails a kick in the chest! Everything breaks apart on the outside. Mickie goes for the kill, but Beth kills her by hanging her up on the ropes. Fisherman’s Suplex finishes this for the heels.
Winners: Beth, Jillian, & Melina
Grade: B
In the back, Vince McMahon talks to William Regal. Regal puts himself over Orton, Umaga, & Triple H. He will end Flair’s career in the most undignified way possible. Vince gives Regal an apparatus. Vince is glad this isn’t in HD, and the reason why walks inside the office. Snitsky wants to make an impact, so he gets Triple H tonight.
Next week, WWEHD debuts!
Commercials.
Tomorrow Night on ECW: The Cutting Edge with CM Punk. Blatt will have fun!
We are back as we go back to last year’s Royal Rumble. The Undertaker wins from the 30th spot, which is a first!
Lillian Garcia is in the ring and we have a Royal Rumble Qualifying Match! Shawn Michaels comes out and he is in a great mood! Shawn has the microphone and the great mood turns sour almost immediately. He is upset that he has to qualify for this year’s Rumble. He says that the rules are indeed the rules. He came out to challenge Mr. Kennedy, but his response is answered by Trevor Murdoch.
Shawn Michaels v. Trevor Murdoch
Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
The bell rings and they tie up. Michaels gets an armdrag, but Murdoch gains control with high offense moves! Murdoch is looking impressive in the early going, sending Michaels to the corner HARD! He gets a two count before focusing on a rear naked choke. Michaels gets out of the move, telegraphing Murdoch’s next move. LOU THEZ PRESS by Michaels and he connects with the forearm! Murdoch is reeling as Michaels goes up top. He drops the elbow and he TUNES UP THE BAND! Murdoch falls backward, anticipating the Sweet Chin Music, but Michaels applies a reverse Figure Four Leglock for the submission!
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Grade: C+
Mr. Kennedy is apparently in WWE Studios reminding everyone that he beat Shawn Michaels two weeks ago. Mr. Kennedy has nothing to prove for Shawn Michaels, but out of respect, he will give him a match next week! Like him or hate him, but Mr. Kennedy is starting to entertain. Trevor Murdoch tries to jump Shawn Michaels, but he runs into SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Point made.
Tonight: William Regal v. Ric Flair!
Also tonight: JBL’s 2nd Coming!
Commercials.
Hogan v. Warrior title v. title is shown from Wrestlemania VI, to which Warrior won the WWF Heavyweight and Intercontinental Championships.
“Stand Up For Rock & Roll†by Airborne is your music for the Royal Rumble.
Current Matches:
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge v. Rey Mysterio
JBL v. Chris Jericho
WWE Championship: Randy Orton v. Jeff Hardy
Royal Rumble Match
In the office, Vince McMahon has a heart to heart with Hornswoggle. Since Hornswoggle has no experience in the Rumble Match, a mini-Royal Rumble match will be on tap for tonight. The other participants include Mr. Kennedy, Mankind, Batista, and possibly a surprise or two. McMahon pushes him back on the couch and teaches some more “tough loveâ€.
Triple H takes on Snitsky…NEXT! Adjust your sets…wait, we aren’t in HD yet. Whew.
Commercials.
WWE Rewind: Triple H gets SCREWED by William Regal.
We are back as the pimps go on for later tonight. It’s time to play the game, however. We are promised an ugly match, so my expectations aren’t so high on this match. Here he comes…the mean, the bad…SNITSKY!
Triple H v. Snitsky
Standard Match
The bell rings as we get more HD related jokes about Snitsky. They lock in the center, but Triple H escapes from the corner. Snitsky resumes control, until he runs into a power clothesline from Triple H. Triple H nails an European Uppercut to little effect. Snitsky takes a dive on the outside as it is time to earn USA some more money.
Commercials.
Tomorrow Night on ECW: CM Punk v. Chavo Guerrero, Act III.
We are back as Snitsky is learning a huge wrestling lesson. Sadly for Triple H, he is learning the pain and suffering. Snitsky delivers several shoulder thrusts in the corner, before sending Triple H to the opposite corner. They play the corner game for a moment and Snitsky gets a two count after a sidewalk slam. Hard scoop slam connects and he drops the elbow for two! Triple H tries to fight back, but Snitsky locks in a bearhug! Triple H tries to escape, but to no avail. Triple nails some elbows to the head, but Snitsky isn’t fazed one bit! Triple H goes down to a knee for a bit. Triple H breaks out of it, but the damage has been done. Pumphandle Slam try fails, as Triple H floats over and he nails a DDT! Both men are down as the referee starts to count. Both men are up. Triple H nails the Knee Smash, followed by the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER! Pedigree try is COUNTERED to a back body drop OUTSIDE THE RING! Snitsky sends Triple H face first to the steps. He places Triple H head first on the bottom steps. He goes for a conchairto, but Triple H moves and he comes back with the steel chair for the disqualification!
Winner: Snitsky via DQ
Grade: B-
Triple H pulls out his trusty sledgehammer and he hits Snitsky! He follows that up with the Pedigree and that is that. The match surprised me, however…but I did state that I had little expectations on it.
Vince McMahon appears on the mini-Tron, saying that Triple H has gotten more violent each week. He says that Triple H should take a chill pill and Triple H destroys the mini-Tron. That was awesome.
Commercials.
Rant Session: How is it that the referees don’t utilize the same rulebook. How can one person get disqualified for attempting to use a foreign object (i.e. Chavo Guerrero last week) and another person doesn’t (i.e. Snitsky tonight). This is one reason of many why the product isn’t what it used to be. All the officials have different standards and that needs to change. There needs to be a uniform standard for all matches. End Rant.
We are back as the Tron is still smoking. Backstage, Vince McMahon bitches at Triple H for the damage he caused. He can’t trust Triple H, so he puts him back in the Royal Rumble match. There is a catch however. He has to win his match next week. We don’t know what that match is, however.
Two weeks ago, JBL returns to RAW and he gets his ass handed to him!
And now is the 2nd Coming of JBL! There is a different aura in JBL this week as the balloons come floating down. It’s good to see that the BIG TitanTron is working still! The balloons are being popped around the arena as JBL stands in a ring full of them. He takes us back to LAST WEEK when he abused Jericho so bad. He almost hangs the savior, but it was not to be. Back to the present as JBL asks where his savior is now. He is apparently at home, where he should be. JBL tells Chris Jericho to move over and he talks to his children through the TV. JBL calls Jericho gutless and spineless. He doesn’t want to make this personal, but he wants him to tell his kids that JBL is better than him. JBL warns Jericho that if he dare comes to the Royal Rumble, then he will need to be saved from him.
The fireworks galore play. Jim Ross notes that he has suffered a bruised larynx at the hands of JBL last week. More fireworks play as JBL walks back up the ramp. At the top of the key, EVEN MORE FIREWORKS erupt. This is bigger than the 4th of July!
Jeff Hardy is preparing for his Intercontinental Championship match! Up next, the Five Man Rumble match!
Tomorrow Night on ECW: Edge goes Extreme!
Commercials.
Lillian Garcia stands inside the ring full of smoke.
Hornswoggle v. Mr. Kennedy v. Mankind v. Batista v. Mystery Opponent
Five Man Royal Rumble Match
Out comes Mr. Kennedy…who had an accident with steroids and shrunk! He can’t reach the microphone, HA HA! Hornswoggle takes it to Kennedy Jr. as we get the countdown. In comes Mankind Jr. as I’m just shaking my head. Kennedy Jr. takes Mankind down before going back to Hornswoggle. Mankind pulls out mini-socko, but Hornswoggle kicks him in the balls and he dispatches Mankind. Kennedy Jr. gets tossed over the top (and I am not kidding) before Small-Tista comes in. SPEAR by Small-Tista and he does the Batista mannerisms. Small-Tista-Bomb try is countered in a back body drop. Hornswoggle almost eliminates himself and Mini-Kane comes out as our surprise opponent! He nails uppercuts like crazy before Small-Tista nails the mini-spinebuster, followed by the Small-Tista-Bomb! Kick to the balls and out goes Small-Tista! It’s down to Hornswoggle and Mini-Kane. He nails some timely uppercuts and he goes to the second rope. Flying clothesline connects and he looks for the Chokeslam. It doesn’t work as Hornswoggle nails the Celtic Cross before eliminating Mini-Kane. The buzzer sounds and we get ANOTHER surprise guest. It’s not a midget…it’s a life size Khali as Small-Tista takes advantage of the distraction. Finlay comes in with the Shailiegh! Khali is ELIMINATED! Runjin Singl tries to steal the Shailiegh, but he pays the price. Runjin is eliminated for extra credit.
Winner: Hornswoggle
Grade: No Grade
The fun and games is over. Orton v. Hardy is forthcoming!
Commercials.
And we are experiencing technical difficulties. We get another pimp for WWE HD next Monday!
In the office, Finlay tries to confront Vince in thinking that he had Khali come out. Finlay references a deal, but Vince tells him not to mention the deal. He books Khali v. Finlay on Smackdown this Friday!
Back to the arena, Ric Flair makes his way to the ring to face off against William Regal. It is 9:48pm CST and we still have the main event to come. Something is not going right tonight, so it seems.
Ric Flair v. William Regal
Career Threatening Match
We have to take a time out before the match!
Commercials.
We are JIP as Regal is in control. The smoke continues to cloud the ring from earlier tonight. Flair reaches the ropes as Regal is not letting up. Flair finds an opening and he targets the leg of Regal. Chop block connects as Regal is in trouble! Figure Four try and he has it locked in! Regal barely reaches the ropes. Regal rolls Flair up, but he is caught grabbing the tights! Flair rolls Regal up and he doesn’t get caught grabbing the tights!
Winner: Ric Flair
Grade: D (Mainly due to what was shown on television)
Commercials.
Randy Orton v. Jeff Hardy
Intercontinental Championship Match
The match starts immediately and it ends just as immediately with a Randy Orton low blow.
Winner: Jeff Hardy via DQ
Grade: No Grade
Post match, Randy Orton tosses Hardy out of the ring and he exposes the concrete on the outside of the ring. RKO try is COUNTERED! Hardy fights for his life. Both men battle on the ramp, sending Orton to the top of the key! Hardy gets introduced to the stage set as Orton is in control. It’s noted that Hardy is close to the edge of the stage. Orton lines up for the Concussion Kick, but Jeff Hardy BACK DROPS ORTON OFF THE STAGE! Hardy takes off his shirt and he climbs up the scaffolding. OH MY GOD…He goes up higher as the referees try to stop him from doing it. Thirty or so feet in the air…he has lost his mind! SWANTOM BOMB ON TOP OF ORTON! Almost immediately, the EMT’s get dispatched and the set gets toren up. Both men are practically dead as they are both taken care of by the medics. It’s mentioned that Randy Orton has a pulse. Randy Orton is strapped on a stretcher as the medics work on Hardy. The fans respond with “That was awesome†chants as J.R. & the King do not talk. Hardy is placed on the stretcher and he raises his arm in the air!
Show Over.
The Inside Pulse
The RAW Report Card
Melina, Jillian, & Beth d. Ashley, Maria, & Mickie – B
Shawn Michaels d. Trevor Murdoch – C+
Snitsky d. Triple H via DQ – B-
Hornswoggle survives a Midget Royal Rumble, featuring Special Attraction “The Great Khali†– No Grade
Ric Flair d. William Regal – D
Jeff Hardy d. Randy Orton via DQ – No Grade
Extra Credit: Post Main Event – A-
The Final Grade for RAW 1/14/2008: B
