So my TiVo crapped out again for the second time in two Tuesdays and I missed whatever happened at the show’s opening. The show’s presented in HD for the first time, but my box ain’t working, so it’s just regular D for me.
Shelton Benjamin wins the Over the Top Rope Chalenge
Here are the entrants:
Kane
The Miz
Juice Morrison
Tommy Dreamer
& Shelton Benjamin
The tag team champs start in on Kane and Shelton and tommy go one on one. It’s pretty impossible to call these properly. Tommy goes to throw out Morrison, but Morrison hangs on. Tommy goes after Kate, but Kane manhandles Tommy. Dreamer goes for an elimination on Kane, but Kane catches him and tosses him out of the ring.
This sets up a three on one with the heels busting on Kane. Kane, of course, is set for his monster push leading into the Rumble. Shelton gets an inverted bulldog on Kane, and the tag team champs start to double team Shelton. Shelton can’t fight both of them off as Kane lays motionless in the ring, setting up the big “sit up” move. Kane boots the champs and clotheslines Shelon in the corner.Morrison gets thrown into Shelton in the corner, and Kane continues his punishment on the champs, throwing out the Miz one handed. Shelton is unsuccessfully thrown out, and skins the cat.
Kane dumps Morrison and Shelton brings himself into the ring from the skinning the cat position and catches Kane with a head scissors and pulls him out of the ring.
Interesting way to pump the Rumble, usually we’ll get some kind of mini-Rumble, but this time it’s a simple battle royal with essentially a bunch of mid carders stuck in mid card hell.
Kelly wins the ECW Best Body Competition
We’re reminded about the Diva Dance Off from two weeks ago to remind us about the women that we don’t care about in ECW. The Coach is the host, and this means he’s probably getting hit in the crotch. The entrants are the only women in ECW, Layla, Lena, Kelly and The Miz. No, I’m kidding. To show that Kelly is the face in this, everyone is wearing black except Kelly.
The Coach says something that grates on my nerves, and explains the rules. This week we’re just going to be showing off the bodies, dropping the pretense of dancing compeltely. As expected, the music starts and Coach dances in the background making a fool of himself.
Layla starts, showing off the body that Vince bought for her. Standard bikini fare. Lena’s up next, also showing the good things that money can buy. I’m glad they stopped the idea that these girls can dance. Kelly’s last and by now I can’t actually tell the difference between these girls because they probably all used the same surgeon.
Layla garners a smattering of boos, same for Lena. Kelly gets the cheers, and the Coach announces the winner as Kelly. The other girls look upset and attack Kelly post-competition, slamming her face to the canvas. No worry girls, that wasn’t her nose to start off with.
It wasn’t too long ago that the “best body” kinda crap would wind up on Pay Per View. But then again, we also used to see Acolyte Bar Brawls as PPV matches too. It’s clear that they don’t have a direction for this show outside of the Punk vs. Chavo match, which is on TV and not PPV for some reason.
Kofi Kingston over David Owen
Looks like we’re gonna finally see Kofi Kingston fight. This dude is happier than the Rock in his debut match. They actually brought in a sizable red-shirt for Kofi to wrestle. I’m assuming that Owen’s an OVW guy. Kingston’s offense is kinda weak and is dominated by jumping, which generally looks weak by anyone.
Backstage, Edge talks up Chavo when Vicky interrupts. This is pretty useless as a segment. NEXT!
A Rumble promo airs, which runs through Royal Rumble statistics. It’s actually pretty awesome. If you can find it online, you should watch it. They run down the matches for the Rumble and we head back to commercials after showing what happened to CM Punk last week on smackdown.
Here are my picks for the Rumble:
Edge, Orton, Jericho, Flair and the Undertaker.
Ha! Colin Delaney again. Supposedly he’s not signed to an actual contract yet. Tazz shows the replay of the last few matches. Tazz asks if his mom knows he’s doing this. He shakes his head no before finding out that he’s fighting the Great Khali tonight.
Great Khali over Colin Delaney
Poor Colin. The first time he gets w in is going to be an awesome night. Colin doesn’t back down, but gets chopped in the head and slammed to the mat. Colin’s finished with the vice grip and the ref calls for the bell mercifully.
Chavo Guerrero over CM Punk to win the ECW Championship
It’s a party at ringside with Edge. The match is also a no DQ match. They come out swinging, with Punk gettin Chavo in the corner delivering as many knees as possible. Punk goes to pull the turnbuckle padding of, but Chavo cuts him shirt. Chavo finishes that job and Punk hits Chavo with a whip, but it’s reversed, and neither go tot he corner, but it’s teased multiple times. Chavo whips Punk, Punk drops Chavo over the ropes to the apron. They go to the outside and Punk takes advantage of the lack of DQs.
Back in the ring, Chavo takes control but can only get a two. Chavo goes for an abdominal stretch, and Punk fights out, but gets a forearm to the gut and thrown to the exposed corner, but turns around and clotheslines Chavo. Chavo’s up first, but get sa kick to the guy and a pair of knees from Punk. Chavo blocks the bulldog, but Punk gets it off on his second attempt.
Punk goes to the top rope and attempts a plancha but gets mid air drop kicked by Chavo. Chavo hits the three amigos and goes to the exposed corner for the splash. He misses and Punk sens him head first into the corner. Punk hits the GTS and gets speared by Edge. Remember there’s no DQ. Chavo crawls over to Punk and one… two… THREE???
WHAT
THE
FUCK
