Welcome To My Nightmare

After my off-topic piece from last week, there is only way to follow up: POLITICS!

Every four years, the media in America loses their minds. I’m sure it similar in other democratic nations — when election time rolls around, nothing else matters. Late last night I was watching a CBS News broadcast and towards the end they mentioned the crash of two small passsenger planes in California. Debris and body parts rained down over the businesses below, killing one person on the ground when part of a plane crashed through a the roof of the building that person was in. This story got 20 seconds of air towards the end of the broadcast, long after coverage of North Carolina’s primary, the 3,781st recap (already) of the candidates’ rankings in the polls and a story on the dismal state of education in the poor South. Considering that’s pretty much the way its been for longer than I’ve been alive, I don’t even know why it was suddenly newsworthy. But I guess I better get used to it. The American electoral process takes almost two full years to work itself out, with the grand finale coming this November. With that in mind, I thought I’d have a little fun with it. I invite you all to join me for…

The Race For The Comic White House 2008!

(OK, I know Walken isn’t a comic book character, but you know you wish you could vote for him.)

What I’d like to do first is gather nominees for both Marvel and DC. After a couple of weeks I’ll post the nominees and then the fun begins. Unlike the American system, which has several parties but really only ever uses two of them, I’m going to conduct this election more like our nomination primaries. If we get 4 to 6 good nominations for each company’s presidency, I’ll be happy. Then what I would like to do is have you, my wonderful readers, take on the roles of the candidates. Every so often I’ll dedicate a column to furthering the Road to the White House, at which time the candidates can write up short campaign speeches or ads and I’ll run them here. I’d also like to do a “debate” for each company, similar to how I ran the Readers’ Roundtable discussion awhile back. If nobody volunteers to do a little roleplaying, I’ll do it myself (you’re stuck with it, I was a Poly-Sci minor and I figured I oughta use it). But I’m sure some of you guys (and gals) would have some fun with this.

So for the initial selection of candidates, you pick a candidate, create a party for them — it need not be a real one — and provide a little background on what their platform is (what issues in their comic universe they are running for) and maybe a campaign slogan. Should be pretty simple, right? What I’d like to get from folks is something like this:

Presidential Nominee (Marvel) – J. Jonah Jameson, Ordinary People Party. JJJ represents the common man who is tired of losing life and limb, peace and property, to the costumed freaks that are taking over America. Especially that no-good wall-crawler, Spider-man! If elected, Jameson will work to restrict the activities of super-powered citizens, push for a broadening of the SRA, retask S.H.I.E.L.D. to an appropriate acronym for the enforcement of the SRA and the protection of the ordinary American, and advocate a more literal interpretation of the term “freedom of the press”. “For Our Country, Not For Costumes. Jameson 2008”

Man, once I came up with the Original People Party, it took a lot for me not to make his campaign slogan “Get Down With OPP!” Good thing I didn’t go there, eh? Here’s a DC example:

Presidential Nominee (DC) – Michael Carter (Futurist Party). As Booster Gold, Michael Carter brought a wealth of knowledge from the future to help the Justice League battle threats beyond the scope of tradition national defense. If elected, Carter would put that knowledge of the future to use on the issues of the present: the economy, reliance on oil, and education. “In at least 9 timelines, Michael Carter will get elected President. Make sure your timeline is one of them. Be a Booster! Carter ’08.” And if you wish to play the role of your nominee, let me know somewhere in the message! If I get multiple nominations for a candidate, the first person who wants to play that part will get it. First come, first served!

See? Easy as voting in Florida (ba-da-dum-ching!). Send in as many nominees as you want, powered or non-powered characters alike. Even though we’re roleplaying a fantasy world, I would still like to adhere to the usual rules for being President. The rules are pretty simple: Be a natural-born citizen of the United States, been in residence of the US for at least 14 years, and be at least 35 years old. I will be flexible on that last point, since who knows how old these people are with all of the Zero Hours, Crisises, and ridiculous deals with Mephisto. Speaking of Marvel and DC, let’s try to keep it in the realm of the “prime” universes, mainstream. No Ultimates, no Superman from Earth 47. There will be plenty to choose from without those complications. So any man, woman or mutant, any race or creed, as long as they’re American and older than Power Pack should be fine.

Have fun!

Welcome To My Nightmare’s Road To The Comic White House 2008!

Join our newsletter

never miss the latest news, reviews, live event coverage, audio podcasts, exclusive interviews and commentary for Movies, TV, Music, Sports, Comics, Video Games!