No intro video today.
It currently looks like it’s gonna be McCain vs Clinton come November. Not terribly exciting. BLATT vs ECW can make an official endorsement tonight. BLATT vs ECW endorses Barak Obama. I’d also liek to retract any endorsement that I’ve ever had of White Castle. That story is for another day.
DON’T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE!
Punk starts it out. Man, people love that dude. I wonder if he even needs the ECW title belt. The show is all about Punk, and at this point it seems like that belt belongs to no one else but him. Punk’s got the mic and runs down Chavo’s fiesta last week. Punk needs to die his hair, cause his roots are showing.
Punk shows a video which runs down last week’s fiesta. Punk looks lovely with a handlebar mustache. He should think about growing one for real. Punk laughs about his antics form last week, and translates the meaning behind the guitar shot. He’s invoking his rematch right here, right now, tonight. This brings out the champion, who is looking as smarmy as ever. Chavo reminds us that Punk ruined his fiesta when he dressed like a “crazy mariachi”. Punk thinks that’s what CM should stand for. Chavo says that Punk’s not getting his rematch tonight, it’ll be in two weeks at No Way Out. Instead of a title shot tonight, Chavo introduces Armando Estrada.
Outside the arena, Estrada is on the video screen. Tonight, Punk will make history fighting Chavo in a “Gulf of Mexico Match” where the winner throws the loser into the Gulf of Mexico. That’s… odd. Of all the matches to have, this is the match they book? Chavo makes an EXTREEMLY clever joke about Punk “drowning”.
Off the top of my head, I can think of a few diferent moments of things being thrown into water. At some point, both Stone Cold and the Rock threw championship belts into a river, John Cena threw Edge into the Housatonic in Bridgeport after Edge threw Cena’s belt into the river, and of course there’s the legendary Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly match which went into the Mississippi River. Any others I’m missing?
Victoria & Layla over Kelly Kelly & Michelle McCool by Widow’s Peak
It appears as if that the heel group of diva’s in the WWE is Victoria, Layla and Lena. Michelle McCool? Why is she in this match? Oh right, because they can’t book another woman into this show. Even Tazz and Joey have to guess as to why Michelle is in this match.
Kelly’s improving, but that doesn’t say much. Victoria is the only woman with real talent in this ring. Watching the rest of these women is like waiting for an injury to occur. You can ask Candice Michelle about that. Victoria puts this match out of its misery with a Widow’s Peak on Kelly Kelly. Once again, the WWE is relying on Victoria to carry all of the female talent on one of the rosters.
Juice Morrison with the Miz over Tommy Dreamer with Colin Delaney by Corkscrew Neck Breaker
The other half of The Douches accompanies Morrison to the ring. Dreamer comes to the ring with Colin Delaney. Collar and elbow, Dreamer steps behin into a headlock. Morrison pushes him off, Dreamer comes back with a shoulder block to knock Morrison down. Morrison, back up, whips Dreamer but it is reversed and Dreamer gets an arm drag. Dreamer gets another arm drag and keeps Morrison down with an arm bar.
Morrison fights up and pushes Dreamer to a corner. Dreamer grabs Morrison, ships him to the corner and Dreamer hits a bulldog for a two. TWO!
Dreamer is draped over the apron and Morrison chokes with his boot. Morrison does his springboard drop kick to Dreamer, outside the ring, Delaney stands up to the Douches. Dreamer knocks down the Miz, but Morrison knocks down Dreamer. Morrison, in the ring gets a few punches to Dreamers face and Morrison does his spinning leg drop thing.
More abuse to Dreamer and Morrison gets a Cobra Clutch on Dreamer, but Dreamer fights out. Steamboat makes his presence felt and Morrison gets right back into the move and hits a neck breaker for two. TWO!
Morrison goes up top and misses a corkscrew moonsault and Dreamer gets momentum, throwing Morrison tot he mat and hitting one hell of a clothesline. Dreamer sets up Morrison in the Tree of Woe and the Miz gets onto the canvas and gets knocked to the floor instead of Morrison getting hit with the hanging drop kick. Instead, Dreamer goes to body slam Morrison, but hangs on and hits a reverse DDT instead.
The Miz attempts to come in, but is pulled off by Colin. Miz kicks Delaney to the barrier, Dreamer baseball slides the Miz and gets hit with a corkscrew neck breaker for the loss.
Joey reminds us that Richards is still on the roster, but just injured. He recently had throat surgery. The original injury was the title match with Terry Funk when he had a guard rail dropped on the base of his neck. They do a pretty good job of humanizing Stevie, who is someone that never actually got attention in ECW until now.
Kofi Kingston over James Curtis by his Kick to the Face finisher
I kinda wish they put him up against someone who mattered. You might remember James Curtis from such losses against Shelton Benjamin on New Years Day, CM Punk on October 30th of last year or Kevin Thorn on October 9th. On his fourth ECW appearance in ECW he does no better. Also, this is KC James from Smackdown.
When is this guy going to fight someone we care about? I understand they want us to care about his moves, but week after week of squashes doesn’t help build this guy. Despite his record, he’s beaten no one that matters.
CM Punk over Chavo Guerrero in a Gulf of Mexico match
Why start a match like this in the ring? To make this match end, you have to be outside. Punk gets the early advantage, throwing Chavo out of the ring. Outside, Punk and Chavo trade blows and Punk is sent into the stairs. Punk is upper cut over the guard rail and we’re fighting in the crowd. Punk is sent into the first row of seats and gets another uppercut.
What’s the past tense of uppercut? Is it uppercutted or uppercut?
Chavo throws Chavo over the hockey barricade towards a hallway. Punk slams Chavo on a steel plate and drags him outside. We have no camera of what the hell is going on, instead we get the arena shot. Finally, we’re outside as Punk and Chavo make their way into the parking lot. The crowd recognizes said parking lot and pops for it. The parking lot got a bigger pop than Kofi Kingston. Chavo sends Punk into the wind shield of a car that happens to be driving by. Punk kicks Chavo back into the camera and we go to commercial.
We’re back and Punk has control. He lifts Chavo and slams him onto the hood of a van. Punk back body drops Chavo and breaks the wind shield of the truck. Both men walk closer to the water and Punk is thrown over a small guard wall a few feet even closer to the water. Appropriately, Joey and Tazz have shut the hell up. Chavo taunts Punk as some local fishermen leave the scene of what must look like a random filmed mugging. Punk gets a cooler thrown at him and they tease a dip in the water for Punk a few times.
Chavo taunts Punk and attempts to throw Punk in, eventually settling on a suplex attempt. It’s blocked by Punk, who reverses it into a GTS. Chavo falls back into the water and this match and show is over.