Still no SciFi in HD in Connecticut.Of course this means that the McMahons don’t get SciFi in HD if they have cable either. I doubt that they have cable, but if they did, they don’t get their own programming in HD. I hate the Dolan family.
We open the show with a video package looking back at last week’s main event between Chavo and CM Punk. Chavo got thown into the Gulf of Mexico.
DON’T QUESTION THE BURITTO THAT BURNS INSIDE! Seriously, that stuff gives me indigestion.
Chavo is STILL selling being thrown into the Gulf of Mexico. That’s a CHAMPION for you. You don’t see Randy Orton selling being thrown into water a week later. No no no. Only on ECW folks! Chavo goes for the easy laugh, saying he got thrown into the water despite being able to swim. The crowd’s laughing at Chavo and they’re pretty hot for the show. They must be taping ECW first tonight. Chavo’s symptoms are a rash, itching, headache, migraine and a jelly fish sting.
Despite all that, he’s a Mexican warrior and a Guerrero. One of those two can’t be disputed. He’s not going to wait to defend his title at No Way Out, he’s gonna do it IN THIS VERY RING! Cue Estrada’s music. Estrada’s all “LOLZ! OMFG! NO TITLE DEFENSE 2NITE! UR THE AWESUM!” and Chavo’s all “STFU! IM IN UR ECW BEIN UR CHAMP!” and Estrada’s all “CM PUNK IZ 1337 H4X0R!11!!” Then he announces that Mark Henry is going to fight CM Punk tonight instead.
Remember Stevie Richards? Last week he was interviewed about his return to the ring. Perhaps this will be a return to the ring for Stevie Richards that matters. Don’t get me wrong, I like Big Stevie Cool, but the WWE has seriously dropped the ball with Stevie. This time, they’ve decided to ditch the dress, ditch the bWo and ditch the attitude and let Stevie be Stevie. Unfortunately, he’s fighting a friggin red shirt.
Stevie Richards over Robbie Fox by double under hook DDT
Come on. This is insulting. Stevie gets the crowd going, but this match means nothing. I think that they have run out of ideas for ECW. It seems like there’s only one way they know how to introduce a wrestler to the show. My question will be, will Stevie fight James Curtis next week? Rob Echoes the following? Maybe Jeff Louis?
HOLLA! Kelly Kelly makes her say to the ring and unfortunately she’s going to fight.
Kelly Kelly over Layla by Fame-asser
Remember months ago when I was angry that we were eventually going to see these two fight one day? Well, I’m still angry about this crap. Lena is at ringside, which makes the entire bottom of the ECW talent pool in one segment. We have some a long way from Molly Holly, Trish Stratus, Victoria and Lita. Well, we’re far from Stacey Kiebler, Sable and Torrie Wilson. Layla’s attacking the arm, Kelly Kelly’s attacking my attention span. Kelly ends this with a Fame-asser. PK must be thrilled. So maybe this crap is over now? Kelly wins a clean match, and now we can all sleep soundly knowing that she got her revenge for losing the best body match.
Kofi Kingston over Mike Knox by standing enziguiri
Holy shit! It’s Mike F’N Knox! Remember when he was relevant? Now he doesn’t even get an entrance. He’s given the same treatment as Rob Echoes, Jeff Louis, James Curtis and the other red shirts. Kofi does his usual crap routine, but they finally found someone to overpower him so Kofi can show his speed. That is, if they decide to be intelligent about this.
Knox comes at Kofi with power and Kofi uses his repertoire of reversals for his offense. Knox has put up the best fight so far, but of coures they’re not going to derail this guy’s “winning streak”. Knox doe the slow lumbering routine and Kofi shows his strength and leaping ability with some drop kicks and ends it with the standing enziguiri. Tazz says the win “wasn’t easy” but I think that Kofi’s taken dumps that were harder. I know I have.
The douches are in the ring and Juice Morrison wants silence. He’s the guru of greatness. The Tuesday Night Delight, John Morrison. The Miz is the real deal sex appeal, your chick magnet The Miz. In life, there are winners and losers, and the Miz calls the next two guys the biggest losers in ECW history. Maybe he wants to check his history there.
Tommy Dreamer over John Morrison by DDT
Colin Delaney, still bandaged up, is following Dreamer to the ring. Morrison gets an early advantage, but Dreamer whips him tot he ropes and drops him twice with a shoulder block. Tommy goes for a headlock, but Morrison gets to the ropes. Tommy wwhips Morrison, Morrison goes for the cross body andis caught by Dreamer for a fall away slam. Morrison goes to the ropes, but Dreamer clotheslines him over the top rope. Dreamer goes to the apron and gets a flying clothesline. Dreamer goes to the apron and the Miz pulls him off and Tommy bangs his arm on the stairs. Colin looks on and Morrison pulls Dreamer back in, dropping him on his arm for a one. Morrison stretches out Tommy’s shoulder and Tommy hip tosses him off. Dreamer gets kicked in the back and falls to the bottom rope as Morrison goes for his springboard kick, but misses Dreamer and is crotched on the bottom rope.
Dreamer hits some punches and a neck breaker. Dreamer shows us his Jesus Christ impression and hits an elbow drop. The Miz jumps up and gets knocked to the floor. Morrison hits a back kick and goes up top for a kick to the face. Morrison walks over to Colin, who had his back turned to the ring and kicks Colin in the back of the head. Back to Dreamer, Dreamer reverses Morrison’s finisher into a DDt and covers Morrison for a three count!!!
Post match, Tommy gets his ass kicked, Colin Delaney gets his ass kicked. The Douches pull out a nice move by hitting a suplex into a power bomb.
Mark Henry’s backstage. I’ll type this one out.
“It’s not gonna be a match. It’s gonna be a funeral.”
Yeah. A funeral. This dude is CLASSY.
CM Punk over Mark Henry by DQ? Yeah. DQ.
At least it’s not Big Daddy V, right? Chavo makes his way to the ring as the match begins.
Punk avoids some clubbering blows and hits a few kicks. It does nothing, and Punk resorts to forearms, but that does nothing. Off the ropes, Punk gets floored. Henry follows it up with a pair of body slams. Punk’s back up and tries more kicks and an irish whip, but Punk’s cornered instead. Punk avoids getting crushed and hits the high knee in the corner. He goes for the bulldog, but is thrown across the ring.
Henry deposits Punk outside and continues the beat down out there by driving Punk into the ring post. Back into the ring Henry ties up Punk in the ropes and doesn’t release on a five count. Punk hits an enziguiri and now he pulls Chavo into the ring. Chavo gets a GTS for good measure and that ends the show. Punk celebrates with the title and they’ve finally managed to build an ECW match for a PPV. Color me surprised.