OK lets do this.
Cornette invites Joe to the ring, even using his back for Joe to sign the contract but of course it’s interrupted by Christian Cage. Cage wants Joe to set things right and be his partner tonight to face AJ Styles and Tomko and take them out. Joe agrees and tries to leave the ring, but Cornette still wants Joe to sign the contract, but Joe says his personal business is more important (than a multi million dollar contract?). Um, yeah. Your guess is as good as mine.
Tomko cuts a hatred promo on Cage. “Me and Christian Cage are over!” Didn’t know they were like that…
Back from the break AJ is backstage and is irate, mainly about the Angle’s renewing their wedding vows.
Team 3D w/ Johny Devine vs Curry Man and Shark Boy
Curry doesn’t have his cool shorts =( and Sharky still has his Austin gimmick going. Suddenly Earl Hebner comes out with a weight scale and forces the Dudley’s to weigh in, since it’s an X Division Match. D-Von makes it, but Bubba doesn’t. He begins stripping off his clothes to make it, thanks TNA. But he still fails.
Austin-like offense by Sharky. D-von gets the advantage back with a choke slam, and misses a top rope head butt which allows Sharky to tag in Curry. Devine runs in, gets stunnered and as the ref is distracted Curry gets a weight scale to his noggin for the win.
Winner: D-Von by pin
Booker wants to snap necks outside the arena.
Rellik talks about god knows what, something about Eric Young, I need a Russo translator.
Highlights from Barbed Wire Massacre 2 is shown.
Abyss vs Scott Steiner
Steiner comes out with his black muscle woman/male/thing. Abyss comes out and down to the ring, then walks back up the ramp and unmasks (back to the camera) and goes through the tunnel. West and Tenay sold his walking out on the match more than the unmasking Damn you TNA, damn you
Winner: No contest
Steiner promo when we return, says he can get an X title and World title shot whenever he wants and dubs his new freak “Rakka Khan”. Yeah….I don’t even need to put any puns or jokes in here for that. Steiner wants to wrestle anyone and out comes Petey.
Scott Steiner vs Petey Williams
Petey takes the early advantage with his speed and almost beats Steiner real early until Scotty catches him with a belly to belly. The big bad booty daddy continues the hurt with a power bomb and more power offense. Petey tries to come back and goes up top but Rakka Khan crotches him up top and Steiner Samoan Drops him off the top for the win.
Winner: Scott Steiner
Backstage: Tomko decides to join the Angle Alliance but wants to do things his way, Angle agrees.
Also backstage: Caged is unconscious.
Tomko and AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe and Christian Cage
Joe promos and says Phenomenal Tomko must have had something to do with Christian backstage, but Joe has friends and calls out Nash to help him. Joe and Nash go to work on both men, and toss both outside the ring before we hit commercial break mid match.
Back from the break Tomko and AJ have gained control and work over on Joe with quick tags. Joe fights off a double team situation with a fantastic kick to the face of Tomko and makes the hot tag to Nash. Only to have the ref say he didn’t see it.
Nash comes in anyways, picks up Hebner and cleans house on the Phenomenal Tomko. Angle hits the ring and while the ref is busy with Nash, decks Joe. The Samoan backs up into Tomko’s finisher (currently named “Oh and he powers him down!”) for the win.
Winners: AJ Styles and Tomko
Joe promo; very intense as he declares war on the Angle Alliance.
Rellik vs Eric Young
Ugh. Rellik. Guys like him make me hate this job. The man wears a mask over his original mask for crying out loud. 10 Seconds into the match Tenay reminds us that his name is killer backwards as Rellik taunts and thinks he’s over. Eric starts hulking up but it doesn’t go anywhere as Rellik puts on his second mask and hits a very weak clothesline for the win, thankfully it was quick.
Backstage some NASCAR redneck interviews two other NASCAR rednecks one with the Motor City Machine Guns and the other with LAX. They talk about how wrestling is related to NASCAR and Alex Shelley, aware of how bad this promo is going, asks LAX if he can see their green cards.
Random plug for NASCAR again.
Jimmy Rave vs Chris Sabin vs Homicide
Finally something good. Rock n Rave Infection still come out with guitar hero controllers. Hoyt has a Slash hat on and the crowd doesn’t pop.
Rave air guitars and gets jumped by Sabin and ‘Cide. Fast paced ROH action which builds to Rave rock bottoming Sabin onto the apron, right after Homicide dives through the ropes onto Rave. Some NASCAR guy on commentary marks the hell out. Back in the ring, Sabin springboards off the 2nd rope but only falls into an Ace Crusher by Homicide.
Hoyt tries to get involved but Hernandez interferes and the LAX NASCAR guy hits Hoyt with a chair. This distracts Rave and Homicide school boys him for the quick win. Dammit, the best thing on the show just had to be only 4 minuets.
Rhino history video.
Rhino comes to the ring and says how he allowed James Storm to bring alcohol into his life again and questions if he has balls, and if he does to meet him at Destination X in an Elevation X match.
Video package for Awesome Kong.
ODB Promo: she says if she fights Kong 5 times, she’ll win 3 of them. Yeah lets not talk about this anymore.
ODB vs Awesome Kong non title street fight
ODB attacks Kong right on the ramp but gets tossed down for her efforts. Kong tries a chair shot but misses. ODB sends Kong into the railing and tries to jump on her into the crowd but Kong moves away leaving ODB in the audience. The two battle in the crowd and we cut to a commercial mid match.
Back from the break ODB is in control, until Kong’s manager hooks her leg as she was coming off the ropes. Out comes Gail Kim and tries to get her hands on Cheerleader Melissa In A Blanket but Kong attacks her. Kong hits ODB with a clothesline that makes Rellik look like what he is, a failure. Gail fights back and holds Kong and as ODB comes running over, Kong breaks free and causes Gail to be sent flying. ODB looks over at the damage and Kong spins her around for her Impact Buster for the win.
Winner: Awesome Kong
Booker T is STILL in the parking lot, Payton comes out and tells him Roode won’t be here tonight. Booker snaps and says he’ll search all over Manhattan if he has to but he will not be responsible for his actions. Cornette runs over out of nowhere and books him for a match next week against Angle.
Time for the Six Sides of Suck.
Angle comes out and looks great with his tux while AJ looks in drag with his. A country boy will survive I guess. Out comes Karen and her maid of honor Jeremy Borash. Random close up of So Cal Val. After the I do’s, comes the “speak now or forever hold your peace” bit. Samoa Joe slugs out with his boyfriend Nash and calls Karen a “dime store gold digging skank” (Nicely put Joe!). The two run down and attack Angle, the minister and push AJ down on Karen. Both of them chase Angle up the ramp and strip him down to his boxers, thanks guys.
The minister, barley conscious, sees Karen and AJ standing in front of him and pronounces them man and wife, he may kiss the bride. AJ goes right into it. Go get ’em tiger. We leave with Angle shocked on the ramp.
The Inside Pulse
D – Von beat Curry Man and Shark Boy
Abyss vs Scott Steiner was a No Contest
Scott Steiner beat Petey Williams
AJ Styles and Tomko beat Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash
Rellik beat Eric Young
Homicide beat Chris Sabin and Jimmy Rave
Awesome Kong beat ODB
ROH goodness in Sabin/Homicide/Rave
Bubba making Earl Hebner break character and laugh
Shelley questioning LAX’s legality
Samoa Joe promos
Curry Man showing
Curry Man showing
Rellik (He should be called Skcus because he sucks)
As wild as TNA can be, they were in full force tonight:
The introduction to Steiner’s new “freak” which doesn’t make sense to me. Establish what you already have. Shelley Martinez has barley got any mention since joining LAX and we just got introduced to Kong’s manager two weeks ago.
NASCAR. Why? What the hell does this do for TNA? It ended up making Homicide look weak (forcing him to get a quick roll up pin) and almost ruined what was the best match on the card.
Curry Man ain’t so hot and spicy anymore. He’s more of a leftover mild sauce that got heated with a bad microwave so that the top part is zesty while the bottom leaves you empty and cold. Can’t TNA just do what Japan does and book him like a normal wrestler and just let his awesomeness explain itself?
Two men stripping on one show. OK! Bubba didn’t take off his shirt nor jeans but he would have, had Hebner instructed him not to. And WHY IN GOD’S NAME would Nash and Joe strip Angle down to his undies? Joe said he’s strip him of his dignity but my God, I didn’t take it literally.
TNA, you’ve got some splanin’ to dooo!