Kicking us off â€¦
Batista vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Porter teases a hook up, but when they do hook up Batista takes Porter right into the corner. The referee removes Batista, and Porter complains to the referee. Porter off the ropes into a shoulder block by Batista, Porter rolls outside to take a breathe. Porter goes behind Batista but Batista gets an arm drag. Scoop slam by Batista and Porter rolls outside again. Porter kicks Batista in the gut and takes him into the corner. Batista sends Porter into the corner and nails a snap mare, following up with a boot to the face of Porter for a two count. Batista nails a suplex for a two count. We clip to Porter nailing a drop toe hold and sending Batista into the second turnbuckle. Porter goes for the corner boot, but Batista rolls out of the ring while Porter teases how close it was. We clip again (thatâ€™s going to be a common theme tonight) to Batista going after the leg of Porter via a leg lock. Batista off the ropes, Porter jumps over Batista and Batista chops the leg. Batista applies the Figure Four on Porter! Porter gets to the ropes and rolls outside as we head to commercials.
Weâ€™re back and Batista hits Porter with spears in the corner. Batista runs into a knee by Porter, who then sends Batista into the steel post. Porter with an arm breaker to Batista for a two count. Porter hooks Batistaâ€™s arm on the ropes and pulls. Porter with a boot to the head of Batista for a two count, almost a three. Porter with an arm bar on Batista but Batista turns it into a arm drag. Batista goes to capitalize, but Porter sends Batista outside. On the outside, Porter whips Batista into the steel steps.
We clip back to Porter going after the arm of Batista, and we then clip again to Batista yanking Porter into the steel steps. Batista spine busters Porter into the ring apron and we CLIP to Batista nailing the flying shoulder block for a two count over Porter. Batista runs into a big boot by Porter, and Porter in turn runs into a spine buster by Batista. Batista goes the Batista Bomb but Porter attacks the arm and rolls Batista in a school boy for a two count. Porter sends Batista shoulder first into the steel post. Porter goes for the running boot, but Batista nails the spear! Batista sends Porter into the steel post shoulder first repeatedly. Batista Bomb gets the three.
Post match, Porter makes the ring announcer proclaim Porter to still be the United States Champion – which is a classic touch. Great way to kick off SmackDown if only it werenâ€™t for all the damned clipping. These two put on quite the match and they get better with every match between them it seems. Seven out of Ten.
Edge is sitting backstage when Hawkins and Ryder walk in and ask for advice. Edge says heâ€™s there for them usually, but tonight he just needs to be on his own.
Curt Hawkins, Zach Ryder, Deuce and Domino w/ Cherry vs. Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore, Jesse and Festus
This is the first time in months where Deuce and Domino have been given an actual entrance. Festus attacks Ryder to begin before tagging out to Jesse, who shortly tags out to Moore. Moore gets a sunset flip on Ryder for a two count. Hawkins tagged in with a suplex to Moore for a two count. Domino in, as is Yang. Yang comes in with a flying cross body to Domino. Yang with a spinning heel kick and pinfall attempt over Domino, but the Edge Heads stop it and Jesse and Moore fight them off. Yang with the moonsault on Domino for the early three count?
Winners: Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore, Jesse and Festus
The heels attack post match, and Festus â€¦ just watches. Thumbs up for continuity. Festus does nothing until Jesse rings the bell, and Festus goes ape shit. Man, someone had better abuse that tactic one day. Match was too short to be anything, but the end booking was class. Two out of Ten.
Vickie gets her makeup done backstage by Jan the makeup lady (didnâ€™t she have brown hair a while ago?).
Michelle McCool vs. Victoria
Victoriaâ€™s Spiderman esque attires are just plain awful. Chuck Palumbo is watching from ringside. Lock up and Mc gets a firemans carry for a one count. Palumbo revs his bike, distracting Mc and allowing Victoria to get the sneak attack. Victoria chokes Mc in the corner. Mc tries for a superplex but that doesnâ€™t happen, so she and Victoria exchange punches on the top rope before falling to the outside. Victoria sends Mc into the ring for a two count. Mc flips out of a back body drop attempt. Mc with a clothesline, dropkick and big boot to Victoria. Palumbo begins revving louder and louder, which gets Mc upset, and allows Victoria to hit the Widowâ€™s Peak for the victory. In a nice touch, Victoria turns the Widowâ€™s Peak while setting it up and nails it so that Mc faces Palumbo.
Palumbo stands on Michelleâ€™s hair afterwards, so she canâ€™t escape. Palumbo tells her that she had better get used to seeing Noble get hurt. What should have been a fine womenâ€™s match (not even by SmackDown Standards) was hurt by the Palumbo stuff. However, having said that, the Palumbo stuff does help further the storyline. Two out of Ten. Just for the booking.
The Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V w/ Matt Striker
Post opening bell, the feed cuts right to Undertaker taking it to V in the corner. Taker hooks the arm briefly before knocking Striker off the apron, only to turn into a clothesline by V. V sends Taker outside, allowing Striker to get a cheap shot to Taker. Taker tries to send V into the steel steps, but V blocks it and slams Taker into them. In the ring, V gets a two count pinfall. In the corner, V misses the running splash and Taker nails a running clothesline. Taker hitâ€™s the Old School before sending V outside. Taker sets V up on the apron for the usual head area offence. Taker off the ropes with the running DDT for the three count.
Winner: The Undertaker
It didnâ€™t even take a finisher to defeat V? What a great way to build him as a monster â€¦ douchebags. Post match, Taker attacks Matt Striker. Not even any redeeming booking here, Iâ€™m afraid. -One out of Ten.
Edge is anxious!
Michael Cole and Jonathon Coachman run down the No Way Out card. Most of it.
Kane makes his entrance.
Kane and CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin and Chavo Guerrero
Why isnâ€™t Kane in the SmackDown Elimination Chamber instead of V? Heâ€™s a reliable name, has a great idea of how the wrestlers in the match work, and has the added incentive of the whole Kane / Undertaker thing. Anyways. To the match. Kane and Guerrero begin. Guerrero attacks Kane from behind but Kane nails a military press. Punk tagged in. Punk with a scoop slam and leg drop for a two count over Guerrero. Guerrero nails an uppercut to Punk and tags out to Benjamin. Punk whips Benjamin into the corner and nails a few elbows before Benjamin flapjacks Punk into the top rope. We cut to Guerrero being dropped onto Punk, assumedly thanks to a Benjamin body press or something.
Benjamin goes for a power bomb but Punk falls behind Benjamin, Benjamin turns into a heel kick by Punk. Guerrero and Kane in. Kane with clotheslines to Guerrero, shoulder body toss x2 and clothesline in the corner. Kane with a side walk slam before connecting with the flying clothesline. Kane goes for the pinfall but Benjamin breaks it. Kane goes for a choke slam on both Guerrero and Benjamin, but they stop it. Kane off the ropes, Punk makes the blind tag. Go To Sleep on Guerrero for the three count.
Winners: Kane and CM Punk
Served itâ€™s purpose in furthering both feuds I suppose, but that couldâ€™ve been quite good considering the guys in that match. Three out of Ten.
Video package of Cenaâ€™s injury / No Way Out.
The Great Khali w/ Ranjin Singh vs. Finlay w/ Hornswoggle
Recap of the last few Hornswoggle / Vince segments before the match begins. Finlay circles Khali before we cut (again) to Khali choking Finlay in the corner and then we cut (AGAIN) to Khali posing. Thatâ€™s fucking ridiculous, two cuts in the span of ten seconds?! Khali with a scoop slam on Finlay. Khali applies the shoulder grip. Finlay escapes the grip but runs into a big boot. Finlay avoids a running clothesline in the corner. Finlay goes up top and jumps off into a choke by Khali! Khali nails the double handed choke bomb, but Hornswoggle attacks Khali from behind with the super shillelagh! Khali no sells, Hornswoggle attacks Singh and Khali throws Hornswoggle down. Finlay hits Khali with the shillelagh twice and covers Khali for the three count.
Ridiculous. A two minute match, with two cuts in the span of ten seconds, and Finlay winning after two offensive shots. -Five out of Ten.
Theodore Long wheels Vickie Guerrero backstage.
The ring crew set the ring up in a very romantic setting as we go to commercials.
Violinists play Edge into the arena. Take that, Alter Bridge. Edge says that this is the first time in his life that heâ€™s actually nervous, and that tonight the R in Rated R stands for â€¦ Really, Really In Love â€¦ Oh god that was corny. Vickie Guerrero comes on out. Her wheelchair looks like a Sydney Mardi Gras float. Edge sings her a little Brian Adams. The crowd hates it, and Edge knows it. Edge gets down on one knee and proposes to Vickie that she be his wife. Vickie accepts and the violinists begin playing again, until theyâ€™re interrupted by Rey Mysterio. Rey congratulates them but then calls itâ€™s the most disgusting thing heâ€™s ever seen. Rey suggests Vickie drop the Guerrero name, because sheâ€™s now degrading it. Edge demands an apology, otherwise heâ€™ll be the one in a wheel chair. Rey says some stuff in Spanish, and then says heâ€™s through with apologising. Rey says heâ€™ll become the new World Champion at No Way Out. Edge attacks but Rey hitâ€™s the 619 and goes for the Seated Senton, but accidentally hits Vickie! The crowd seem to enjoy that. Rey doesnâ€™t care that he just hurt Vickie (heâ€™s the good guy in all of this, right?) and walks out as SmackDown fades out. Props to Vickie for taking another bump – I still never expect her to be physical.
The Inside Pulse
Batista defeats Montel Vontavious Porter: 7/10
Yang, Moore, Jesse and Festus defeat Hawkins, Ryder, Deuce and Domino: 2/10
Victoria defeats Michelle McCool: 2/10
The Undertaker defeats Big Daddy V: -1/10
Kane and CM Punk defeat Shelton Benjamin and Chavo Guerrero: 3/10
Finlay defeats The Great Khali: -5/10
SmackDown 15/02/08: 8/60
First off, I hate clipping. Secondly, there were some great touches in this weekâ€™s episode. Sadly, over all, the episode blew. Until next week, have a good one.