The SmarK 24/7 Rant for Primetime Wrestling – September 10 1987
– Your hosts are Gorilla & Bobby, although this week it’s Gorilla that’s missing. So Bobby’s on a power trip alone.
Strike Force v. Steve Lombardi & Tiger Chung Lee
This is the TV debut of Strike Force, although Jesse immediately pitches “The Mexi-Can Connection”. Ha! Tito tosses Lombardi around with hiptosses, and it’s over to Martel with a rana before he takes Steve down with an armbar. They team up with a double hiptoss and then Tito works on Tiger with armdrags, but gets chopped in the corner. Lee misses a blind charge, however, and it’s back to Martel for a backdrop and dropkick to clean house. Atomic drop into Tito’s flying forearm finishes at 2:49. Hey, that’s a pretty cool finisher, actually. *1/2
– At this point, Gorilla joins the show and Bobby does a hilarious double-take, toppling over and knocking over the chairs in the process.
Islander Tama v. Scott Casey
Kind of a weird one. Stalling from Tama to start so everyone knows who the heel is, and then he goes into a whole routine about having his hair pulled. Oh, this will be a classic, I can tell. Tama grabs a headlock, but gets dropkicked to the floor. And again he protests about having his hair pulled. That would just defy physics, actually. Back in, Tama hides in the corner and then hits Casey in the nuts to take over. Ah, strategy. Headbutt and he pounds him in the corner, but misses a blind charge and hits the post. Casey gets a shoulderbreaker and yanks him out of the corner by the feet, a move that Gorilla calls “London Bridge”. That’s actually perfect and I’ll have to use that from now on. Tama throws chops in the corner, but Casey boots him down in return and starts to work on the arm. Tama headbutts him down again and hits the chinlock, then tosses him when he’s called on using the ropes. Back in, it’s back to the chinlock, but Casey fights out and pounds Tama down. Piledriver gets two, but Casey took too much time. Casey misses a blind charge and Tama goes up with the flying splash to finish at 11:23. Not terrible, but just a bunch of chinlocks and punching. **
– The Battle for Bam Bam sees Bobby Heenan leaving the race. This would seem to leave Slick as the winner by default, and he promises to deliver Bigelow next week. This was supposed to be preceded by an update on Piledriver according to the “coming up next” bit, so maybe they cut it out due to their ongoing music wackiness.
Paul Orndorff v. Rex Farmer
Paul slugs the guy down and tosses him, while Bobby Heenan walks away from the commentary position in disgust. Orndorff throws Farmer back in and pounds him down, while a cut-in interview from Humperdink posits that Orndorff has a better body than Rick Rude. And thus, it’s on. Times used to be so simple, didn’t they? Paul dropkicks him and clotheslines him to set up the piledriver at 2:27.
– Bobby Heenan threatens them from the interview stage and then brings out Andre the Giant, who gets booed and thus walks away again.
Cowboy Bob Orton v. Jerry Allen
Bob calls out Don Muraco before the match, but those darn referees just won’t them finish things their way. Allen whips Orton into the corner in the confusion and goes up with an elbow from the top, then dropkicks Orton to the floor. Interesting bit on commentary, as Mike McGuirk tells the story behind her name, as her father, Leroy McGuirk, wanted a boy and prematurely named her before discovering that she was a girl. That’s quite the faux pas. Anyway, Orton pounds Allen down and gets a double underhook powerbomb, then goes to work on the back and tosses him. He slams Allen on the floor and rams the back into the post, and back in for a powerslam to set up the pump splash. Allen gets the knees up, however, and goes up himself, but Orton slugs him down and finishes with the superplex at 5:15. *
Tito Santana v. Ron Bass
Hey, another dose of Tito this week. We pick it up with Tito beating on him outside, and back in for a kneelift off the second rope. Man, Tito’s pissed for some reason. He slugs Bass down and they fight on the floor, but Bass gets his whip and Tito backs off and gets a chair. I’m still betting on the whip, but this scares Bass off enough to run away. So now Tito gets the whip and the referee takes it away from both of them if they can’t play nice with it. And now Tito won’t let Bass into the ring, stomping him in the head on the way in and chasing him back again. Bass begs for mercy, so Tito knees him in the face and slugs away. Geez, did Bass kill his mother or something? Tito goes up and hits a forearm, then slugs Bass on the mat for two. Bass gets tied in the ropes and Tito the sadist is all over that, pulling on his MOUSTACHE and then dropping him on his tailbone. Bass wisely bails again and this time grabs a foreign object from the floor, which finally allows him to gain the advantage. Bass then goes up for some dumb reason, and Tito slams him off and drops a knee for two. Way to waste a perfectly good object.
We take a break and return with Tito doing a Perfect necksnap and going to a facelock on the mat. Bass dumps him and rams him into the post, then crotches him on the railing and headbutts him to finally take over. Back in, Bass pounds him down for two and follows with a suplex for two. Man, the floor is FILTHY tonight because they’re both covered in soot or something. Bass piledrives him, but Tito’s in the ropes. Bass tries another suplex, but Tito reverses this time. Bass headbutts him down again and rams him into the mat, then goes to a chinlock, which he turns into a headscissor on the mat instead. Unfortunately this slows things down to a crawl as Bass works that move, and we take another break in the meantime.
Back with Tito wrestling his way out of it, but Bass rams him into the top turnbuckle and chokes him out in the corner. Tito comes back with a forearm shot off the ropes, and makes the comeback. Blind charge misses by a mile, however, and Bass goes back to the chinlock. Tito slugs out and Bass hits the floor, so Tito follows and brings him in again. Backdrop and it’s figure-four time, but Bass kicks out of it and bails again. Tito chases him out and attacks from behind, and they brawl on the floor, but Tito gets sent into the post. Back in, Tito catches a fluke flying forearm in a nice spot, and Bass falls to the floor for the draw at 20:36 aired. You wouldn’t expect it from these two, but this was a hell of a fight and Tito was good and fired up here. ***3/4 With a finish, it’s an easy **** match.
One Man Gang v. Billy Anderson
Gang pounds him down to start and slams him, then drops a knee. He pounds away in the corner and the front suplex finishes at 2:33. Just a squash.
– Meanwhile, in Boston, a group of fans with too much time on their hands has a shirt up made up with a weasel wearing a neck brace, in a bid to have Bobby banned from Boston.
WWF World tag titles: The Hart Foundation v. The Rougeau Brothers
This is from Superstars so I’m not expecting much. It must be a dark match, though, because your commentary team is, get this, Bruce Pritchard and Mike McGuirk. Bret grabs a headlock on Raymond to start and hangs on tight, but Raymond escapes with a hiptoss and armdrags Bret down. Jacques dropkicks Bret into a slam from Raymond, and that gets two. Bret bails and it’s over to Neidhart. Jacques is unable to knock him down, but a chop does the trick and the Rougeaus do a little double-teaming and Jacques gets two. Raymond with a Boston crab, but Bret breaks it up and pounds on Ray in the corner. They toss him, and then Bret brings the awesome by walking over to the Rougeau corner and dropping to the mat in “pain”, which has the referee chewing out Jacques. They beat on Raymond in the corner and hit the double-team elbow for two. Ray comes back with a rollup on Bret and then dropkicks him to the floor, but Bret pops back in with a facelock to cut off the tag. Anvil accidentally dropkicks Bret, however, and it’s hot tag Jacques. Noggins are knocked and Jacques gets a double knee in the corner for two. Raymond goes after Danny Davis, however, leaving Jacques alone, and he chases Davis to the dressing room and gets counted out at 9:35. Weird finish, pretty decent match. **1/2
– Interestingly, Gorilla announces that with the next episode, the show will be moving to Thursdays instead of Mondays. That must not have lasted long.