R0BTRAIN's Bad Ass Cinema: A Letter of Apology…

Dear Readers,

So as I sit here on the Sunday morning before the Oscars, I’m kind of at a loss as to what to talk about. You see, as a kid I was always fascinated by the Oscars for some reason, and it’s a nostalgia that’s always firmly stuck with me. Yeah, I know it’s kind of cool to not care about them any more, but it’s a nostalgia that’s never really stopped for me. I don’t think it’s the pageantry or anything like that; it’s more about the historical aspect of the whole thing.

The fact that Hollywood comes together once a year just to celebrate movies is probably my biggest reason to keep watching the event. I like watching the montages, and I like seeing legends of the industry being honored. Sure, people like Harvey Weinstein and others have made the Oscar races themselves kind of suspect and somewhat meaningless, but I still can’t help but root for my favorite movies.

Still, this brings me back to my initial problem, which is not knowing exactly what to write about. I had thought about writing about each of the Best Picture nominees, but I just did my picks last week, and as you’re reading this on Monday, this column will already feel moot. I could just ignore the Oscars and write about my latest obsession with Harrison Ford movies, but my heart’s not in it. I could write about No Country for Old Men and how its going to win tonight, but if there’s an upset that just makes me look like an idiot. It’ll make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can’t afford to look ridiculous. God, how did this column end up so whiney?

So what other options do I have? I could sit here and talk about the Indiana Jones trailer, which I loved so much that I went out and bought every Harrison Ford movie I could think of that I didn’t own already. Yeah, it’s got an odd pace, and there’s the weird CGI-pants thing, but the thing made me scream like a little kid. Also, has anyone else seen the trailer for The Fall? It’s the newest offering from the Director of The Cell and looks absolutely insane, kind of like a cross between Pan’s Labyrinth and Julie Taymor’s Titus.

So basically, I’m just going to sit put. That’s right, this week you guys basically get nothing from me, and really this is a five hundred word apology. I’m taking this Sunday off as a religious holiday of sorts and I’ll see you guys next week. What I will give you guys before I go is a pledge to redouble my efforts. I’ve got a lot of ideas for columns all the way through the summer and I can’t wait to get to them, but as for now, I’m taking a little siesta and just going to enjoy the show. See you next week, and I promise I’ll have something with fist fights for you guys to read about.