We’ve got a three way main event delivers tonight folks. Strap it in, cause it’s Tuesday night and it’s time to get extreme, or some reasonable facsimile.
Kelly Kelly and Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II Turbo vs. Santino Marella and Layla
Stevie Richards vs Mike Knox
Tommy Dreamer and Colin Delaney vs. The Douches
CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Elijah Burke
Ladies and gentlemen, I take one week off and Ric Flair decides to come onto the show. Is this how I’m repaid for the countless hours I’ve watched this show and paid close attention? A good and fun tag team main event featuring Ric Flair and CM Punk teaming up? How could I have missed that?
Despite all that, I was redeemed this past Saturday when walking through the Milford mall in Connecticut when I stumbled upon a sign that read “ECW SUPERSTAR CM PUNK”. So after catching a glimpse of Punk in a random mall, I felt pretty good. Even my wife was excited to see “Star Panties” (it’s my wife’s nickname for Punk).
Straight to the music this week. MAYWEATHER!!! DON’T QUESTION THE $20 MILLION THAT BURNS INSIDE!
“What a way to start ECW.” – Joey Styles
How does the show start? Flaming tables match? Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas? Tazz vs. Sabu? Dreamer vs. Colin Delaney?
Kelly Kelly and Dee Jay from Super Street Fighter II Turbo over Santino Marella and Layla by Fame-Asser
This is going to be a classic, I can see it already. We start with Kelly and Layla, but Layla tags Santino. Kofi faces his first real opponent in Santino. Kofi gets an early advantage and Kelly and Kofi get a double drop kick to Santino. Santin goes outside to bitch to Layla and he’s grabbed by Kofi, but Santino punches Kofi and gets the momentum with some sweep clotheslines, a whip to the corner, but Santino yells at Kelly giving Layla time to grab at Kofi’s stereotypical dreads. Santino sends Kofi his love with a shoulder in the corner and a modified arm bar. Kofi fights out and gets a roll up for a two. TWO!
Santino pounds Kofi, but Kofi fights to his feet as Santino tags Layla. Layla mocks Kofi and goes to slap him, but she’s blocked and Kelly hits a few clotheslines. Layla whips her to the corner and charges, but it’s BOOT vs FACE. Face rarely wins. Kelly gets a top rope corss body and goes for a pin, but Santino pulls her off at one. Kofi charges Santino, Kelly gets the Fame-Asser, the pin and the win. Kelly does the Kofi Kingston “boom boom boom” thing.
Maria gets the Playboy treatment in the form of a video package about her photo shoot. Basically its the story of a small town girl gets into the wrestling business, gets plastic surgery, a new set of plastic boobs and winds up naked on street corners everywhere. You know the story.
Stevie Richards over Mike Knox by Stevie T
Knox was already in the ring, so this isn’t good for him. I appreciate the WWE giving me a match between two men I don’t have to look up their names. Knox starts the match overpowering Stevie targeting the neck. Stevie comes back with some kicks, but Stevie gets dropped on his throat and Knox has the control again.
Blah blah blah. Everyone knows Stevie is winning this one. Stevie his the Stevie-T to no reaction from the crowd.
Backstage Tommy Dreamer is pumping up Colin Delaney. Dreamer says Colin can be a champion. Colin wants to know if he becomes a champion, will he finally get his own entrance music? Classic. Dreamer stares at Colin until we fade to comemrcial.
So lets hope that they give the main event at least ten minutes tonight. These guys deserve lots of time after they ALL made Flair look like a real threat last week. I don’t think that I’d ever see Flair on ECW once, let alone twice. I also didn’t think that I’d see Tazz interviewing Ric Flair either. Could you imagine that happening in 1998? /nostalgia.
We get a reminder that Hornswoggle might NOT be Vince’s son, and afterwards Tazz and Joey discuss the angle. Tazz has his glasses off, so you know he’s being serious.
Tommy Dreamer and Colin Delaney over The Douches by DDT
Miz and Dreamer start, Miz whips dreamer, Dreamer comes back with a shoulder block and an arm drag. Miz fights up and gest out with a punch and tags in Morrison, who also gets an arm drag. Morrison gets a european uppercut, but gets suplexed by Dreamer. Colin tags himself in and Tommy pulls him over the ropes and into the ring, making him hit a senton on Morrison. That only gets a two. TWO!
Colin is brought to the heel corner and the Douches give him the business. Colin gets beat down pretty bad here and there including a slingshot into a forearm into an elbow. After some more damage, Miz gets a modified chicken wing on Colin and gloats to the crowds dismay. Colin floats over a suplex, but can’t get a tag to dreamer through the Miz, but gets it on his second try. Dreamer ships Miz to the corner and hits a bulldog. Dreamer gets Miz in the Tree of Woe, hits the dropkick and inverted DDT on Miz and turns Morrison inside out with clothesline. Miz hits a jawbreaker and runs to the ropes, but Dreamer throws him into Delaney in the corner. The Miz’ head collides with Colin’s and Dreamer hits a quick DDT and gets the three count! Colin Delaney win a match!
Instead of starting our main event, we look back at the ‘Mania press conference. Is it me, or does anyone else want to see Mayweather get his ass kicked by the Big Show? Maybe I just want to see the Big Show finally win a Wrestlemania match. Can you remember the last time he won one?
Backstage the Douches are arguing when they are broken up by Lena, who delivers the bad news that they’ll have to fight Dreamer and Delaney with their championships up for grabs.
Before the main event, Chavo makes his way to the announce table to guarantee that we won’t see a clean finish to the match despite having the three best wrestlers on the roster in one match.
CM Punk over Shelton Benjamin and Elijah Burke by GTS
Both heels stare at Punk while the crowd is firmly chanting his name. Shelton turns on Burke first! Burke is outta the ring after a roundhouse kick to the face. Shelton gets Punk in a headlock, Punk whips hi to the ropes, Shelton gets a shoulder block. Once again, but this time Punk gets a clothesline. Shelton to the ropes, but Burke pulls the rope down and sends Shelton out of the ring. Two body slams later Punk has control of Burke. Burke drives Punk tot he corner and hits a few shoulder blocks to the mid section.
Burke hits a few head butts and the crowd will not stop chanting for Punk. Burke stays on Punk, ships him to the ropes, but Punk holds on. They charge at each other and Punk muscles Burke into a back body drop. Punk charges Burke, but Burke kicks Punk and floats over the top rope to the apron. Punk does the Jericho springboard drop kick to Burke on the apron and now it’s Benjamin who’s back into the ring. shelton hits the inverted back breaker on Punk, but can only get a two because he’s pulled out of the ring by Burke.
We’re back and Punk has control over Burke and Shelton’s biding his time outside the ring. Punkattempts a spluex to the floor, but Shelton sunset flips over Burke in the ring and over Punk on the apron and powerbombs Punk to the floor. AWESOME.
Shelton tries to get Punk into the ring, but is met with a baseball slide from Burke, who hits the outer limits elbow on Punk. Burke goes for a pin after gloating and only gets a two. TWO! Burke and Benjamin clash in the ring while Punk waits it out. Burke hits some offense on Benjamin and then dives onto Benjamin as he’s leaning on the middle rope, whatever that move is called. Burke goes up top, but Punk tries to throw him off unsuccessfully. Benjamin JUMPS STRAIGHT TO THE TOP ROPE and flips Burke to the canvas.
Benjamin attempts to pin Burke, but it’s broken up by Punk. Punk hits some kicks and blocks one by Shelton. Shelton spins with a kick and catches Punk in the face. Benjamin takes control, but gets his in the corner with the high knee. Burke drop kicks Punk in the back of the head while he was in the corner. Burke goes for a pin on Punk for a two. TWO!
Burke hits an elbow on Punk, then goes for the outer limits elbow on Benjamin, who stands up and catches him, but winds up being thrown out of the ring anyway. Punk gets up, catches Burke and hits the GTS! Punk FTW!
That was an awesome main event. Burke’s still a little messy in there, but it lends a little bit of realism in my mind. If he tightens up his moves a little bit we’re looking at a guy who can easily carry the mid-card of one of the top tier shows.