Killer Pad – DVD Review

Film, Reviews


killerpad
Available at Amazon.com
It’s tempting to make a Freddy Kruger joke; something like, “This must be Freddy’s nightmare!” or somesuch attempt at comedy. Unfortunately, taking the time to even come up with that lame pun is more effort than this movie is worth.

Doug, Craig, and Brody are three witless friends who luck into some money after an accident with their dog, Ballsy, at a pet groomers. I’m pretty sure you can figure out what the accident entailed, but if you need a hint, the dog’s name is a misleading descriptor. With this financial windfall the three friends decide to move out of their parents’ homes and head to California for no discernable reason. A real estate agent hooks them up with a killer padthat just happens to be located near the attractive Lucy and her two friends, Jezebel and Delilah. The boys concoct a housewarming party to get to know the three women better, but unbeknownst to them, their house sits on a portal to hell.

So far, so good, right? Well, maybe that’s going too far, but in the hands of a decent writer, director, and crew this could have been better, but this just wasn’t funny. The sheer stupidity of the three protagonists should be humorous, but it’s taken to such outrageous levels that you quickly get tired of it and root for them to die for the sake of social Darwinism if nothing else.

What’s worse, though, is that there are far too many racist jokes made at the expense of the only likable character, Angel, played by Hector Jimenez. Angel (get the significance of the name? Because it’s a devil movie? Brilliant!) fulfills the obligatory role of the person who warns the protagonist(s) of imminent danger and is promptly ignored. However, the reason he’s ignored is because Doug, Craig, and Brody don’t know a lick of Spanish and think that the “El Diablo” Angel keeps talking about is a brand of hot sauce. Angel reappears several times throughout the movie, far past the point where I would have given up on them.

Most of the movie can be broken down into five categories: 1. Jokes where the three main characters are so stupid they completely miss the point of the situation; 2. Scatological jokes; 3. Jokes about sex; 4. Jokes about Joey Lawrence; 5. Racist jokes against Mexicans. None of these are funny; at best they are only mildly horrible. However, there is one moment where the movie does succeed in being marginally humorous, and that’s the scene near the end where the friends discover that the way to drive away the devil is to sing a holy song. They fail terribly when they try to sing Christmas songs, but are saved when their reformed alcoholic-turned-priest friend, Backwater, whips out an electric guitar and sings Kiss’ “Rock and Roll All Nite.” Not even the Devil can stand up to the power of Rock.

Robert Englund has made some poor career choices, but this has to rank up there with the worst. It’s sad to think of all the time, money, and resources spent on this movie that might have gone to a worthier project. Suffice to say, don’t watch Killer Pad, not even if it’s three in the morning and your only choices are between this and an infomercial for hair in a can. Trust me, that infomercial will be twenty times more entertaining.

The movie was presented in 1.78:1 widescreen and was shot using a digital camera. The video quality isn’t the highest, but every scene was clear, which for a movie like this is a mixed blessing.

The sound was presented in Dolby Digital. There was no surround sound quality to the audio, but there were also no points where I had trouble hearing the movie.

Making of Killer Pad: All Digital Workflow (running time: 11:43)
The title “Making of Killer Pad” is a little misleading considering most “making of” featurettes deal with various parts of the, well, making of the movie. This feature instead focuses on how Killer Pad was shot entirely with a Viper digital camera. Robert Englund and several other technical crewmembers talk about how this movie may revolutionize the film industry, which would be a more impressive statement had I not seen the movie.

Killer Pad Trailer (running time: 1:48)

Also From Lionsgate (cumulative running time: 6:09)
Trailers for Highlander: The Source, Catacombs, When Evil Calls, and The Legend of Butch and Sundance

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Lionsgate presents Killer Pad. Directed by: Robert Englund. Starring: Daniel Franzese, Eric Jungmann, Shane McRae, Emily Foxler, Cori English, Noureen DeWulf, Jeff Bryan Davis, Hector Jimenez. Running time: 84 minutes. Rating: R. Released on DVD: February 5, 2008. Available at Amazon.com