Pulse Wresting’s WWE RAW Report Card for 03/17/2008

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

John Cena and Randy Orton take on the entire RAW Roster tonight!  Will they survive with only thirteen days to Wrestlemania, or will they be destroyed?  Also on tap, Chris Jericho has the Big Show on the Highlight Reel!  With Wrestlemania around the corner, what will happen tonight on RAW?  Click to find out!

(Editor’s Note:The first 90 minutes of the show will be presented to you as more of a recap and not a play by play.  This is because I was late getting home tonight due to something coming up that was beyond my control.)

We open up the show with the Highlight Reel!  The first guest is the Intercontinental Championship.  However the real guest tonight is the Big Show!  We go to the TV Mayweather can’t buy and we see the clip of Big Show tossing Mayweather out of the ring.  Big Show says that no one likes Floyd Mayweather.  He uses Chris Jericho as an example, saying that Jericho couldn’t last two minutes with the Big Show.  They bicker over the past and they talk about Bringing Sexy Back and Justin Timberlake…that gets a match set up for tonight as Jericho will take on Big Show for the Intercontinental Championship.  This is how you make the title seem important.

From earlier today, Vince McMahon gloats about being the biggest star of them all.  He books himself against Ric Flair in a Career Threatening Street Fight.

Commercials.

Triple H:  The King of Kings will be on DVD next week!

CM Punk makes his RAW Return in the form of a match aginst Carlito!  JR confirms that this year’s Money in the Bank Match is indeed a seven man match.  How odd…

Carlito v. CM Punk
Money in the Bank Preview Match (Sort of…)

Carlito and CM Punk go back and forth throughout the contest, getting nearfalls and the like, but it was CM Punk that counters a springboard into the Go2Sleep for the win.

Winner:  CM Punk
Grade:  B

They called Snoop Dogg for a promo.  He pimps Bunnymania and it’s evident that he is reading from a placard.  Santino comes out and Snoop Dogg blows him off and leaves the set.  How nice.

Commercials.

William Regal introduces us to our next match.  Paul London and Brian Kendrick get to take on the man that will obliterate Batista at Wrestlemania…UMAGA!

Umaga v. London & Kendrick
Handicap Match

London and Kendrick try as they could, but Umaga controls the entire match.  He hits a nice double Samoan Drop on both of them.  London eats the Rear End Collision and Kendrick takes a walk.  London meets his end with a wicked mid-air Samoan Spike for the pin/

Winner:  Umaga
Grade:  D- (Squash, but I upped the grade due to the awesome double Samoan Drop spot.)

Backstage, Triple H and William Regal have a chit-chat.  Triple H decrees that if Cena walks out, he loses his Wrestlemania spot and if Orton walks out, he will be stripped of the WWE Championship and gets removed from the Wrestlemania main event.  William Regal disputes it, but Triple H reminds him that he made the stipulation.  He then gets sarcastic saying that he won’t give himself the title, that he enjoys his match making skills.

Commercials.

We get a promo of Triple H’s rise from the ashes, or should I say return in style.

After that, Vince McMahon gets his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Ric Flair warns Shawn Michaels that he does not need any help tonight against Vince.  Translation:  You can help me if I don’t see it.

Commercials.

JBL makes his way to the ring for his match.  We get some candid comments from Finlay.  Hornswoggle is getting better, but will never be the same.  JBL will receive a beating from Finlay that words can’t describe.  In the ring, JBL runs down Finlay.  He found the second best Irishman…Colin “I have no music” Delaney!

Colin Delaney v. John Bradshaw Layfield
Standard Match

Colin Delaney throws the first punch and that is all he gets as JBL cold cocks him.  After a minute of beating down Colin, JBL finishes the match with the Clothesline from Hell.

Winner:  John Bradshaw Layfield
Grade:  F

Colin Delaney is really out of it.

Commercials.

We return and we take a trip down memory lane as Vince declares that if Flair loses a match, his career is over.

Ric Flair v. Vince McMahon
Career Threatening Street Fight

Flair takes it to McMahon in the early going.  The fight goes on the floor and into the crowd.  Flair gets opened up and Vince tries using a TV Monitor, trash can, kendo stick, and a steel chair to put Flair away, but Michaels gets involved and immediately ejected from ringside.  Vince sets a table up, but he eats a couple low blows from Flair!  Flair nails a swan dive from the top rope, putting Vince through the set up table for the win.

Winner:  Ric Flair
Grade:  B

Recap of Cena’s return from injury.

Commercials.

We’re back as Jerry Lawler interviews Jared Fogle, the man who lost 245 pounds by eating Subway.  Candice and Maria make their way to the ring wearing matching spandex outfits, which are hot…

Maria & Candice Michelle v. Jillian Hall & Victoria
Divas Tag Team Match

We get Santino Marella out the gate.  Santino talks smack with the commentary team as Maria is in trouble in the early going.  Victoria and Jillian have their way with her until Maria counters a standing moonsault by Victoria.  Candice Michelle gets in and she cleans house.  Candice evades losing as Victoria tags in Jillian.  Jillian misses the 630(!) and she falls victim to the Candy Wrapper.

Winners:  Candice Michelle & Maria
Grade:  C

Santino talks smack and Jerry Lawler tries to kick him out of the booth.  Jerry gets his drink tossed to him and Santino steals his sandwich!  HAHA.

A promo featuring Mayweather is shown.

Commercials.  (End Quick Recap)

And…we’re back!  The Intercontinental Championship takes center stage right now as Chris Jericho is set to defend the title against a fighting Big Show!

Big Show v. Chris Jericho (c)
WWE Intercontinental Championship

The bell sounds as Jericho utilizes his quickness, but he still runs into a 18EEEEEE boot!  To the corner Jericho goes and Big Show chops his chest beet red.  Jericho manages to nail a jawbreaker, but Big Show is not amused.  Jericho does manage to lower the ropes and send Show to the outside.  Baseball slide is blocked and Jericho is tossed like a child against the retaining wall.  Back inside the ring, Show walks over Jericho before climbing to the second rope.  Jericho rolls out of the way and hits the Lionsault, but Show kicks out, sending Jericho out of the ring.  Jericho says “screw this” and he grabs the belt and clocks Big Show for the DQ.

Winner:  Big Show via DQ
Grade:  C-

Afterwards, Jericho runs into a KO punch and gets the chokeslam for his troubles.

Commercials.

Kim Kardashian will be at Wrestlemania 24!  Sadly. the segment gets ruined by Big Dick Johnson, but she says no to him.  That has to be a first for him…getting rejected.

We get a promo on Randy Orton.  After that, John Cena joins Randy Orton for a meeting of the minds.  Randy proposes to stick it to Triple H and lose the match purposely.  However, Orton doesn’t want to do the honors.  He wants Cena to do it, but Cena says for him to take it like a man.  Triple H comes in and announces that the match goes on until Cena and Orton beat the roster or until they can’t physically stand.  He says that he will be rooting for them.  That cheeky Hunter.

Commercials.

Welcome back.  I can’t believe I’m about to be typing this one…  This is a 17-on-2 Handicap Elimination Match.  The King notes how this is a history making night.  I say…sure, that is, if you like handicap matches.

John Cena & Randy Orton v. 17 RAW Superstars
Massive Handicap Match

The entire RAW Roster comes out as a unit.  There’s no way I’m listing each name right now.  I’ll list them as necessary.  Snitsky and Cena start out.  FU try to Cena is blocked as Snitsky takes control.  Cena is slammed down and he is blind tagged by Santino Marella.  (Eliminated:  Santino Marella)  Trevor Murdoch comes in and he scores a near fall on Cena.  Cena clips the legs and gets the STFU for the tap out. (Eliminated:  Trevor Murdoch)  In comes Lance Cade, who gets taken out by a RKO for the pin. (Eliminated:  Lance Cade)  Umaga comes in and he takes both men out as we go to a break.

Commercials.

We are back as JBL takes Orton down.  Super Crazy was eliminated during the commercial break..  Hacksaw Jim Duggan tags in and he takes it to Orton for a second before Cody Rhodes takes his shots at the WWE Champion.  Paul Burchill takes his shots before he tags in Val Venis.  Val does something before tags out to Carlito and he takes one shot.  In comes Hardcore Holly and he gets a two count on Orton!  Robbie eats a backbreaker and Orton tags in Cena who nails a Fame Asser for the elimination! D.H. Smith can’t see Cena and he gets drilled with the FU for the elimination.  Orton tags in and he RKO’s Burchill and Venis!  Cody Rhodes eats a FU/RKO combo! for the elimination.  The RAW Roster runs in and the bell is sounded for the DQ.

No Contest
Grade:  B-

Cena grabs a steel chair and he beats down some people before eating a Samoan Spike!  JBL has the chair and he goes to hit Orton, but Orton is smart and he ducks, causing the chair to JBL.  Umaga nails the spike on Orton and he chases JBL up the ramp.  There’s nobody left until Triple H comes out dressed to compete.  Triple H nails the Pedigree on Orton and has one for Cena.

Show Over.

The RAW Report Card

CM Punk d. Carlito (B)
Umaga d. London & Kendrick (D-)
JBL d. Colin Delaney (F)
Ric Flair d. Vince McMahon (B)
Maria & Candice Michelle d. Victoria & Jillian Hall (C)
Big Show d. Chris Jericho via DQ (C-)
Cena & Orton v. 17 RAW Superstars went to a No Contest (B-)

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 03/17/2008:  C

Before You Leave…

Check out my first column, The Marshall Report.  I talk about Jeff Hardy’s suspension and how it relates to the big picture.
Scott Keith returns with his daily Mania retro-rants.  They are always a good read, so check them out!
Matthew Michaels discusses the Cruiserweight Championship and Pulse Glazer feels that Matthew is dead on about the ECW Championship being the new and improved Cruiserweight Championship.
The questions were tough this week in VS – The Comeback.
And coming in at #45 in the top 100…Owen Hart!

And that is a wrap.  See you next week!

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Paul Marshall has been with Pulse Wrestling since September 2007. He currently does a weekly WWE Column titled "This Week In 'E". Follow him on Twitter here.