The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – March 22 1986
– Your hosts are Tony and David.
– Uh oh, looks that daggum Black Bart won the Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight title from Sam Houston in the pre-show video.
– And we begin with the Rock N Roll Express, as I’m thinking they should provide subtitles for Robert at this point. Ricky has words for Ric Flair, as apparently you fall asleep when you ride Space Mountain or something. I have to take Flair’s side in the war of words until I see some proof from the other side.
– Jimmy Valiant v. Kent Glover. Jimmy pounds away on Glover and tosses him to start, and back in for the old thumb to the eye. That one’s for Paul Jones, you see. He goes to a nerve hold while doing his own color commentary and finishes with elbow and elbow at 2:05.
– Ron Garvin wants the cage match with Ric Flair, because there’s just no other way to settle it. Not even binding arbitration? Because that’s usually pretty effective.
– So let’s go back to another Crockett program, as Sam Houston defends the Mid-Atlantic title against Black Bart and has him pinned with a nifty headscissors into a cradle, but the ref is out. Bulldog and still no ref, so Bart tosses him and brings him back in for a legdrop on the ropes to finish and win the title. Hey, it was a totally clean win, can’t blame him there.
– And now, Jim Cornette is out to protest the gross miscarriage of justice that saw the Road Warriors get the #1 seed in the tag team tournament. Apparently they did a brain scan of the Road Warriors and it was a test pattern. I’ve heard better from Jim.
– The Midnight Express v. Phil Brown & Ray Traylor. Ho HO, what have we here? Traylor gets caught in the Midnight corner to start and Condrey works on the arm and takes him down. Over to Phil Brown, who gets slammed by Eaton into the flying elbow for two. He wants Ray again, however. Traylor grabs a headlock and Eaton hits him with a nasty backdrop suplex and Condrey chokes him out on the ropes and calls for Cornette. Jim heads over to rub the belts in Ray’s face and then goes back to commentary without missing a beat. Back to Brown as the Express takes turns beating on him while Cornette gives him the badmouth. Condrey dumps him and Eaton brings the poor jobber over to the commentary area and beats on him for Tony and David, then tosses him back into the ring. Dennis sends him out again, so Bobby dusts him off and gently offers him a leg up into the ring, where Dennis kicks him in the head. They should do a DVD of Express squashes. Rocket Launcher ends the slaughter. Ray Traylor must have been repackaged as Bubba Rogers pretty shortly after this.
– Tony and David run down the other 14 teams in the Crockett Cup. I’m gonna put my money on Koko B Ware & Italian Stallion. Any takers?
– Leo Burke v. Don Graves. Burke pounds Graves down and stomps away, into a samoan drop for two. Teardrop suplex gets two. He works on the leg in the corner and a side Russian legsweep gets two. Piledriver, but he picks the jobber up again. Dropkick finally finishes at 3:11. Another dull squash for Leo.
– Jimmy Garvin is out to dispute that Wahoo McDaniel is actually here, since he just chased him out of the arena and into the fields. Jimmy advises Tony to find a “substitute Indian” instead.
– Tony announces that a piledriver is illegal, so in fact Leo Burke was DQ’d after the fact and Don Graves is the winner. I see big things ahead for that Don Graves kid based off that win!
– Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin v. Bill Mulkey. Garvin pounds Mulkey down and makes “Woo woo woo” noises at him, lamenting the distinct lack of Indians on the show. Gutwrench bomb gets two. Mulkey tries to fight back, but Garvin hiptosses him and goes to a rear chinlock. More abuse, and he finishes with the brainbuster.
– Dusty Rhodes is out with nothing in particular this week.
– Wahoo McDaniel v. Bob Owens. Wahoo overpowers Owens with a top wristlock and goes to work with a hammerlock and they slug it out. Owens loses that one and Wahoo chops him down and finishes at 2:33.
– Some guy from TBS Sports talks with some guy who coaches football or basketball or something.
– Paul Jones and his army of bald foreigners are out to announce that next week, there’s a big surprise for Jimmy Valiant.
– Baron Von Rashke & Teijho Khan v. Tony Zane & Italian Stallion. Khan overpowers the Stallion to start and makes funny faces. Stallion takes him down for two and brings in Zane, and there’s his offensive mistake, if I had to nail it down to one thing. Khan knees him down and brings in the Baron, who pounds away on Zane. Back to the Stallion, who takes Baron down with a headlock, so Khan comes back in and stomps Zane down. You know, as much as I bust on Barbarian, Teijho Khan is so incredibly awful that he actually makes Barbarian look like a decent worker. Baron chokes the Stallion out while Jones beats up on Zane outside. Khan with the shittiest powerslam ever and it’s over the Baron to finish with the Iron Claw at 6:00.
– Now let’s the wash the taste of that away with Ric Flair and his big gold belt. He’s dedicating this week to all the co-eds who wake up after spending the night with him on Spring Break and wonder if there’s life after Ric Flair. Onto the tag tournament, as Flair declares this Dusty’s LAST SHOT EVER. Man, that promise didn’t last long. And next time he sees Ricky Morton, he’ll slap him. Just because.
– Tony introduces Joe “Nighthawk” Coltrane, who I’ve never heard of before. Jim Cornette scares him off.
– The Rock N Roll Express v. Bill Turner & Larry Clarke. I won’t pretend to care which jobber is which. The RNR work on the arm of one of them in their corner and Ricky rolls him up for two, but it’s over to the other jobber. Ricky takes him down and the Express switches off with headlocks and finish with the double dropkick at 3:30.
– More from Ric Flair, who really needs to get that faceplate changed from “Rick Flair”. He introduces…
– Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson v. Mike Simiani & Ron Rossi. Arn stomps Rossi down to start and they let Simiani in so that Tully can beat on him. Arn with a powerslam and a kneedrop, and Tully goes to work on the leg. They trade off on it and Tully uses a spinning toehold, and Arn drops knees on the knee of Simiani. Tully in with the elbow on the knee, and Arn goes with the spinning toehold of his own. They team up with an Arn backbreaker into a Tully kneedrop, and finish with a double-team gourdbuster off the second rope at 4:35. That’s a pretty awesome finisher.
– Magnum TA v. Dave Dellinger. Not sure why I even bother with the stopwatch here. Slam and armdrags, and the suplex ends it at 0:30.
– So after that gruelling squash, Wahoo and Magnum announce an alliance against Ric Flair’s “Three Horsemen”.
– Our first Russian interview of the night, as Nikita lists all the bad things he’s going to do to Magnum with his chain if he doesn’t sign the contract and defend the US title against him.
– Ivan Koloff v. Rocky Kernodle. Don has a brother? Really? Ivan pounds him but gets rolled up in the corner for two. They d the test of strength and Ivan cheats to win that, then elbows Rocky in the gut and pounds him down. Hiptoss out of the corner into the Russian Hammer, but Rocky slugs back. Blind charge hits boot, however, and Uncle Ivan gets a fistdrop for two. He goes to an abdominal stretch, but misses a charge and hits the post. Rocky follows up with a backdrop, but Ivan tosses him into a Sickle from Nikita on the floor. Nikita helps him back in and Ivan pins him at 5:00.
– Jimmy Garvin, with a new outfit, takes umbrage with Wahoo’s comments about Precious, and Wahoo’s weight. And his headdress, because his feathers are UGLY.
– And now, more from Jim Cornette, as it was 10 years ago today that the Road Warriors graduated the sixth grade for the eighth time. But that Coltrane guy returns to mouth off, and has the Rock N Roll to back him up this time. What am I missing here? Should I know this guy from somewhere?
– Ron Garvin v. Brodie Chase. Ron immediately ties the poor guy up and slugs him down, then into an abdominal stretch. Backdrop suplex and he throws the chops in the corner, into a hiptoss, but Chase finally fights back. Garvin calmly backdrops him again and the Hands of Stone ends it at 2:40.
– And we wrap it up with Tully & Arn, as they don’t fear Wahoo’s big strap.
