Egotistical hyperbole is the bread-and-butter of the wrestling business and is certainly not something that Shawn Michaels likes to shy away from. However, his newfound fondness for referring to himself as ‘Mr WrestleMania’ is not without justification. Whilst The Undertaker might have the more renowned body of work at the so-called Biggest Granddaddy Of ‘Em All, in terms of pure quality his undefeated efforts don’t come close to matching Michaels. Of course, WWE did release a 15-0 DVD set for Taker, so I guess some people really were prepared to spend money for the right to watch his epic encounters with Giant Gonzalez and King Kong Bundy for years to come. The likelihood of a 5-9 DVD set for HBK is slim to say the least but it would indeed be one fine collection, since the man charged with ending Ric Flair’s career on an in-ring high note has, starting in 1989, turned in some mighty fine performances on the big stage… and tended to turn it up even higher for the biggest stage.
1. Kurt Angle, WrestleMania XXI (03 April 2005)
The WWE brand-extension has been a continual cock-up of ill-understood intent, poorly-defined direction and blatant bloody stupidity ever since 2002. Then, just as they seemed to maybe be getting the hang of it, they went and added a third brand, only to let it implode just to prove a point to some greasy bald grubber with a ponytail who didn’t even give a shit. Ah well, at least it allowed us to bask in the glory of the first Michaels/Angle feud, the first and only time that having separate brands seemed to enhance the product rather than complicate or dilute it. Cameos by Sensational Sherri, Marty Jannetty and The Rockers theme music were just the icing on the cake. The match itself was 27 minutes of greatness, a ceaseless flow of crisp, clean ebb-and-flow that ranks as one of the best in both men’s careers. The eager-to-please Michaels actually managed to out-wrestle Angle in the early-going, although that only earned him a thorough beating from the pissed-off Olympian. Angle kept up the attack by working on Michaels’ weakened back but turned the rage up a little too high for his own good, allowing Michaels a window of opportunity to counter with a superfluous moonsault onto a non-selling announce table. Angle held on, however, playing possum until he could sucker Michaels into the first of many Ankle Locks. When that didn’t work he went for a moonsault of his own only to miss, by which point both guys were sufficiently weary and wise to play cat-and-mouse as they tried to hit their finishers. After deploying the Power Of The Strap, not just once but TWICE, and busting out the Sit-Down Ankle Lock of DEATH for good measure, Angle earned himself a tap-out victory over bible-bashing fratboy ex-junkies for crazy bald junkies everywhere.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IRACTCTuk8[/youtube]
He’s just a Sexy Kurt…
2. Razor Ramon, WrestleMania X (20 March 1994)
It’s no secret that I consider this one to be over-rated but it has come to gain such significance over the years that criticising it too much starts to feel wrong. Kinda like The Godfather. This wasn’t the best match Michaels and Hall had together, nor was it the best Ladder Match in WrestleMania history, nor was it even the first Ladder Match in company history. However, it was by far the most prominent Ladder Match first presented to the WWF’s international audience, it was representative of the type of post-Hogan in-ring action that the WWF would later indulge in, and it was the first time that Michaels stepped out onto the big stage with the express intent of stealing every single damn scene available to him. Many people think he did and seem to forget that he actually lost the match and wasn’t even the defending Intercontinental Champion at the time. Some might not think that he succeeded but Vince McMahon did and that’s all that mattered. Michaels went out and planted the seed of the idea that he too could one day be a main-eventer, since he was a refreshing, spectacular, athletic and entertaining worker… or a homoerotic preening prettyboy who Vince could make dance for him…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrXmUfUIv7c[/youtube]
Highlights of the rematch, complete with rubbish music
3. Chris Jericho, WrestleMania XIX (30 March 2003)
Oh, boy. I was royally irked by the result of this one at the time. Thank heavens for my woeful drunken aiming ability, else several empty beer bottles would have smashed the TV screen. Good thing they played the Goldberg promo immediately afterwards as it calmed me down somewhat… although they just went ahead and wasted him as well… wearing blonde wigs and having to keep up with The Rock on the mic, wtf?? Okay, okay, remain calm. Regardless of the result, the actual content of the match was brilliant. Michaels had only just returned from his career-threatening injury (the genuine one), so Jericho worked on his back as Shawn tried to keep up by matching like-for-like. The longer it went the more incensed and irrational the impetuous Jericho became, which allowed Michaels to eke out a narrow win off a fluke roll-up. Jericho punched him in the balls afterwards, a WrestleMania Moment that should make it onto every highlight reel. Neither man went on to do a great deal of anything for the rest of 2003, although for obvious reasons Michaels wound up back in the title hunt long before Jericho did.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M445hhesgsk[/youtube]
Chris has since acquired lamer hair but a far saner chin
4. John Cena, WrestleMania XXIII (01 April 2007)
By this point people were long past wondering whether or not Michaels was one move/match away from paralysis/retirement. Most people were also quite prepared to forgive and forget the unsavoury aspects of his earlier career since it was by now just easier to accept the veteran as one of the best wrestlers ever, not to mention the most reliable in-ring performer in WWE. Hell, if Ric Flair thinks that and handpicked Michaels as his last-ever opponent, who the hell can argue the point? The offshoot of this is that Michaels neither needs nor seemingly cares about getting another world title run, yet he had a lot of people believing that it would happen last year. He also had a lot of people convinced that he deserved the vast majority of the credit for just how good this particular match turned out. Then Cena went on to have a series of good-to-great bouts against various opponents of far feebler calibre, as well as managing to last an hour with Michaels on Raw without embarassing himself, which made his critics look as though – gasp – they might not actually know what they’re talking about after all. The truth is that both men were on top form in this one. Michaels was in full flow in the Indian summer of his career, Cena was hitting his stride in the prime of his, and the end result was 30 minutes of pure class. However, the STFU does of course still suck the big one.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd5UWaYbOcE&feature=related[/youtube]
Whacky Tag Team Champions Cannot Get Along (TM, Vince Russo)
5. Bret Hart, WrestleMania XII (31 March 1996)
This one is the Cena of Iron Man Matches given how it tends to polarise opinion. A lot of people praise it too highly, perhaps out of fanboy obligations to Bret and/or Shawn, whilst others compare it unfavourably to the hour-long efforts seen in the NWA and thus declare it to be worthy of scorn just as Goldust/Piper was worthy of psychiatric analysis. The truth, as ever, lies somewhere in between. It might not have lived up to Flair/Steamboat, or even in many ways to the Rock/HHH effort in 2000, but it was in its own way a genuine classic. The 0-0 draw and golden-fall, extra-time booking perhaps soured it for some, like those Americans who just can’t understand how a football game can finish goalless after 90 minutes and still be more involving than a high-scoring basketball match. Perhaps this one was more like a chess game, however, a prolonged cold-war that gradually descended into hair-pulling and name-calling until an errant queen managed to slip one over the harrassed king and claim his throne. Watch it again with the benefit of hindsight and you’ll be fascinated.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o2KFfd5rJk[/youtube]
Mr Hickenbottom Goes To WrestleMania
