Alternate Reality by Vin Tastic – WrestleMania Anti-Moments…

WrestleMania. The Showcase of the Immortals. The Granddaddy of Them All. The biggest spectacle in “sports entertainment” each and every year. The legacy of this annual tradition has been built on fabled “WrestleMania Moments”, like Hulk Hogan slamming Andre the Giant in front of a mammoth crowd, the beginning of the Austin Era with Iron Mike Tyson looking on, and the embrace between Eddie Guerrero and then-beloved Chris Benoit at the conclusion of WrestleMania XX in Madison Square Garden, each holding aloft a world title belt. But what of the moments that not only failed to deliver, but actually went so far in the other direction that they stood out as disappointments? Here are a few of the worst letdowns, or “Anti-Moments” this fan has experienced in the past 24 years, listed in chronological order.

TODAY’S ISSUE: My biggest WrestleMania disappointments.

WrestleMania V – Randy “Macho Man” Savage v. Hulk Hogan. When the dreaded scourge of “Hulkamania” was first unleashed upon the land, I was a mere lad of 12 years, and I easily fell prey to the freight train of red-and-yellow hype. But some five years later, I was able to see through Hogan’s demandments of saying your prayers, training, and eating your vitamins, and recognize him for the sham that he is.

On the other hand, the moment I first saw the Macho Man I became a fan. He was quicker, more agile, more athletic, and seemed willing to do anything to win, a trait I respect. So when the Mega-Powers exploded, I was hoping against all hope that the WWF might try something different and end the big one with Hogan not posing nor in possession of the coveted gold when it was all said and done.

Within kayfabe, Savage did more than enough to win the contest. He didn’t try to match power with the 300-pound behemoth. Savage played mind games with the eager challenger, executing a masterful cat-and-mouse game. He exhausted the larger, less cardiovascular-fit Hogan by forcing Hulk to chase him, in classic Memphis heel style. He even exploited the presence of manager Elizabeth, and kept Hogan off his game.

When Savage did strike, he struck hard and fast, pouring it on and breaking the Orange Goblin down. He put Hogan in jeopardy by maneuvering, scheming, and cheating, taking any and every opportunity to hurt the former champion in gamely trying to defend his crown. But while he was allowed to force King Hogan into check, checkmate was not in the script for the Macho Man on this night.

Hogan was worn down, bleeding, battered, and out-classed by the better athlete, but at this point in WWF history nobody was going to beat Hulk for the gold at WrestleMania. Therefore the match was a classic, right up until the moment of Hogan’s ridiculous Hulk-Up into his “big” finishing sequence, consisting of the finger wagging, a few weak punches, the big boot and a leg drop. That’s the moment when disaster struck and Hulk ended the reign of Macho Madness to win his second WWF Heavyweight Championship, causing the deflation of this Savage fan. But if you stop the tape just after Savage drilled Hogan with his gorgeous top-rope elbow, and imagine the champion covering the challenger for the victory, the match can have a happy ending, and the darkness doesn’t have to come.

WrestleMania IX – Bret “The Hitman” Hart v. Yokozuna. In case you’re a new reader, let’s get this out of the way up front. I’m a Hitman mark. He is one of my very favorites of all time. Hart had it all: technical skill, athleticism, in-ring savvy, a grounded, not overly-gimmicked character, toughness, and solid ability on the stick. I sometimes feel that Vince never truly believed in Bret, although he did of course enjoy five WWF championship reigns to go along with his multiple Intercontinental and tag team titles. But this was a time when backstabbing, power plays, and political manipulation were far too powerful for the Hitman to overcome.

Hart defended his WWF gold against the enormous sumo champion in a fairly pedestrian match, but it was the closing moments of the contest and the aftermath that place this WrestleMania moment among my biggest disappointments. Hart amazingly managed to lock Yokozuna in his vaunted submission hold, the Sharpshooter, and seemed poised to win the match. But Yoko’s evil foreign stereotype manager, Mr. Fuji, tossed a handful of blinding salt into Hart’s eyes that forced him to break the hold, and Hart was easily rolled up for the anticlimactic pinfall, losing the title. Now here’s where things got interesting.

When a babyface is in peril like the temporarily sightless former champ was at that moment, often another face will come to his rescue, vanquish the heels, and protect his vulnerable pal. But not on April 4th, 1993. Literally 5 seconds after the bell rang, the master politician Hulk Hogan entered the ring under the guise of explaining to the referee what just happened. Hogan had lost a tag team title match earlier on the card, so his night should have been over, but Fuji, now the manager of the WWF champ, immediately issued a challenge to Hogan for right then, with the title on the line.

It’s a good thing Hulk’s street clothes look just like wrestling gear, since he accepted the offer and pissed all over Hart’s six-month title run by defeating Yokozuna in a laughable, 30-second “match” to win the championship. When a wrestler who wasn’t booked in the main event emerges as the new champ, you know something bizarre has just gone down.

To make matters worse, Hogan was on his way out of the company and promised to put Bret over clean and drop the strap to Hart at SummerSlam in a few months, but the Dumbell Diva decided he didn’t feel like it, so Bret never got to win the title back from Hogan, and the Hitman character came out of the entire affair looking weaker than before it ever happened. For the record, this is not a wise way to book one of the top stars in the company.

WrestleMania XII – Bret “The Hitman” Hart v. “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels. In terms of storyline, it was a true “WrestleMania Moment” when HBK made his boyhood dream come true by winning the title in the 60-minute Iron Man match. However, the way they got there was disappointing to say the least. Rather than just letting Michaels drill Hart with a solid Sweet Chin Music superkick and pin the defending champ during regulation, they allowed Hart to lock Michaels in his Sharpshooter and hold him there until time expired, with the score 0-0.

As all wrestling fans know, this meant the match was a draw, and the champion retained. This is the very definition of the old chestnut that proclaims, “you have to beat the champion, but he doesn’t have to beat you.” Even as Bret exited the ring and walked up the aisle toward the dressing room with his belt in tow, Commissioner Gorilla Monsoon (known then as the WWF “President”) ordered a surprise sudden death overtime period, claiming a draw was not a satisfactory ending to a match with a preset time limit. Hmm… why not? Time was up and HBK wasn’t in the lead, so he didn’t get the strap. What more needs to be said?

But Monsoon’s ruling was final, so back into the ring climbed the two exhausted gladiators, and less than two minutes into this not previously agreed upon overtime, HBK nailed the Hitman with Sweet Chin Music for the victory, and then in “real life” promptly admonished Bret to get out of the ring so Michaels could have his moment in the sun. Classy move, Mr. Heartbreak.

It left a bad taste in my mouth to have the title change occur in such a screwball manner, although the Hitman character did have the right to argue that he won the actual match, and was forced into the second period against his will, after he thought it was all over. This could be viewed as something of a moral victory, I suppose.

Things went downhill quickly for Hart backstage from that point on, and we all remember the sad saga (for Bret Hart fans) of him being drummed out of the company and screwed out of a 20-year, multi-million dollar contract by Mr. McMahon. So like the Hogan/Savage affair from WM V, whenever I re-watch the Iron Man match I simply turn off the tape after the time expires and Bret leaves the ring with his gold. This way I get another satisfying ending from a WrestleMania main event, where one wasn’t easily accessible.

WrestleMania XIX – Kurt Angle v. Brock Lesnar. This particular match is unique on this list because I wasn’t disappointed with the booking of the planned outcome, but rather the unplanned botched Shooting Star Press by the huge-but-agile challenger Lesnar. I can clearly recall my emotional state throughout this match, as I was by this time a “smark”, “insider”, or a frequent reader of the “IWC”. Whichever silly term you prefer, what it meant was that I knew Kurt Angle was having legitimate neck problems, stemming from some seven years earlier when he wrestled and won an Olympic Gold Medal with two fractured cervical vertebrae, two herniated discs, and four pulled muscles in his neck, which were no doubt exacerbated by years of taking hard pro wrestling bumps.

I was big-time into the feud between these two legitimate amateur wrestling champions, and very much looking forward to this climax because the build to it was awesome. But rather than enjoying the contest at ‘Mania, I watched nervously and intently, hoping not to see any signs of Kurt re-injuring his fragile neck and causing irrevocable damage. As they neared the end, it looked like all the crossed fingers of Angle fans around the world had been enough of a good luck charm, as Kurt showed no indication of any new injury.

And then it happened. Having not performed the Shooting Star Press since his days in the “minor leagues”, Lesnar didn’t set himself up properly for the inverted 360-degree splash, and found Angle way too far across the ring. But not wanting to dismount the ropes and get booed by the crowd, Lesnar clearly hesitated, then bounced a bit and attempted to add some extra distance to his leap. He under-rotated and landed almost directly on the top of his head, his nearly 300 pounds crumpling down upon his neck. It was an ugly bump, and a scary moment to witness.

The look in Lesnar’s eyes directly after he landed was nothing short of terrifying, as suddenly my fear of Angle getting injured transferred to Lesnar. I held my breath waiting to see him move properly, hoping he hadn’t broken his neck. Angle’s professionalism and ability to improvise salvaged the match, but that was the least of my concerns at that moment. Thankfully, Lesnar suffered “only” a severe concussion, and fully recovered. But all the tension and nail biting turned what should have been a favorite match into a thank-goodness-it’s-over affair instead. Very disappointing indeed.

I’m happy to report that I was in attendance live at SummerSlam in Phoenix for their rematch several months later, and I thoroughly enjoyed that match without any worry or fear for either man’s well being.

WrestleMania XXI – Randy Orton v. The Undertaker. I was at the Staples Center in L.A. for this one, and I truly believed if they were ever going to use the Undertaker’s undefeated streak as a means to put over a younger member of the roster, it might have been this night. Prior to RKO’s gym bag defecation episodes and hardcore matches against his own hotel rooms, I thought he might be a great candidate to carry the company into the next era by ending the legendary streak of the Dead Man.

Orton certainly gave ‘Taker all he could handle on that April evening in 2005, including a shot from the infamous cast on the arm of his father, Cowboy Bob Orton, and countering the dreaded choke-slam into his own finisher, the Diamond Cutter-like RKO. But when the chips were down and the match was on the line, young master Randall’s shoulder gave out as he arrogantly attempted to deliver Undertaker’s finisher, the Tombstone Piledriver, allowing the man from Death Valley to reverse into one of his own for the pinfall victory, thus keeping the streak alive at 13-0 (which has of course been extended to 16-0 as of WrestleMania XXIV in Orlando last Sunday night).

This was a big letdown, as it seemed the time was right to use the legend of Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak to make Orton into something truly special which still hasn’t happened to this day, regardless of his successful title defense Sunday night. Orton did get a victory over the Dead Man months later at SummerSlam, but it was too little, too late, and it didn’t have the impact that ending the streak would have had.

When I think of WrestleMania, these Anti-Moments are every bit as memorable as anything else, and in some cases, more so. That’s why I’m glad to have many positive memories to call up in contrast. The epic Steamboat/Savage match, the great Austin/Rock outings, Matt Hardy’s unlikely successful defense of the Cruiserweight crown over Rey Mysterio, the Foley/Edge hardcore extravaganza, Randy Savage’s four victories en route to winning the tournament and his first world title at WM IV, and the surprisingly good ‘Taker/Diesel showdown at WM XII are a few of my favorites. Hopefully WWE will continue to deliver more good WrestleMania Moments in the future, and I’m sure they’re already plotting for the 25th anniversary show one short year from now.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

p.s. – “Men do less than they ought, unless they do all they can.” – Thomas Carlyle