|Available at Amazon.com|
Welcome to horror movie 12 B. In order to make horror movie 12 B you will need the following elements:
– 4 to 8 oversexed young people who get lost quite easily
– Frequent drug use
– A dilapidated gas station
– A creepy old man at said gas station to provide vague warnings which will invariably go unheeded
– A van which breaks down at inopportune times
– A threat which is capable of killing off our oversexed young people
– no less than 2 breasts
– no less than 4 dead bodies
Since 1994 it is now customary that the oversexed young people spend a good chunk of time filming themselves on handheld cameras.
Now, all you need is to answer some questions Mad Libs style. I’ll provide the categories, and fill them in with Wrestlemaniacs attempts to make horror movie 12 B.
1. Number (of oversexed young people) – 6
2. Location (to strand oversexed young people) – Mexican Ghost Town
3. Noun (which names the threat) – an evil luchador
4. Adverb (to describe the method of killing) – Face-ripping-off-ly
5. Number (of breasts) – 3
6. Number (of ass shots) – dozens and dozens
Any road, Wrestlemaniac attempts to tell the story of six young folk set to film an amateur porno in Mexico. These characters consist of a stoner with a van, an unlikeable douche who thinks dirty Sanchezes are hi-larious, a guy that kinda looks like Hurley on Lost, a skinny drunk chick who spends most of the movie unconscious, an overly toned woman who does not look good naked, and 2005 WWE Diva search contestant Leyla Milani/Razzari/Razzaghi.
These crazy kids stumble upon a ghost town which serves as the home of an exiled, murderous luchador called El Mascarado. El Mascarado was genetically engineered, or built out of the spare parts of other luchadores, in order to win a gold medal in the 1962 Olympic Games. He is played by the senior Rey Misterio (uncle of the famous Rey Misterio). So, if you’ve ever watched horror movie 12 B and wished that the killer were a stout, middle-aged Mexican, Wrestlemaniac might be for you!
Because losing his mask is the worst thing that can happen to a luchador, El Mascarado kills his victims by ripping of their faces. Or he kills them and then rips off their faces. At any rate, faces are ripped off. It isn’t as convincing as the face removing in Dagon. Mascarado just kinda pulls the faces off without any preparation, as though the face were a lucha mask.
While the concept may sound like silly fun, the movie doesn’t really get any mileage out of it. It is too serious and too full of cliches. It is the standard horror flick where the guy that lives the longest is the guy who thinks about drugs and sex the least, and where the final girl is the one with a practical skill set who didn’t flash her breasts. Of course the final girl, in the final reel, has to try to outwit the bad guy by means of getting clothes ripped off, getting soaking wet, and contorting into a number of licentious positions. See No Evil is a lot more entertaining if you are looking for a film with “el ultimo rudo” as the killer. Wresltemaniac manages to make 75 minutes feel like 3 hours.
I’ve got no complaints here.
There is an audio commentary with Jesse Baget, the film’s writer/director/editor/producer. You also get a 5 minute “making of” special and trailers.
If Leatherface and Strongbad were to have a baby, and it were to star in a bad horror movie, that movie might possibly resemble Wresltemaniac, depending on the lighting and how it is dressed.
Anchor Bay presents Wrestlemaniac (A.K.A. El Mascarado Massacre). Directed by Jesse Baget. Starring Rey Misterio. Written by Jesse Baget. Running time: 75 minutes. Unrated. Released on DVD: March 11, 2008. Available at Amazon.com.