The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – March 29 1986
“Just FWIW, the NWA episode that was uploaded last week has a few must-see featuresâ€¦”
– Dammit, I knew that I should have started with it. But Prime Time is leaving on Tuesday so it got first attention.
– Your hosts are Tony & David.
– Wahoo McDaniel v. Ron Rossi. Wahoo pounds the arm and chops Rossi down, then hits the chinlock, but Rossi elbows out, only to walk into a chop. Wahoo chops him down twice more and finishes with a back elbow at 2:25.
– Ron Garvin is out and ready for Flair in the cage.
– Jim Cornette once again reminds us that the Road Warriors are not so much in the brains department. He’s looking ahead to the RNR anyway.
– The Midnight Express v. Phil Brown & Wee Willie Wilkins. OK, this is the famous squash that was discussed on the blog a while back. The full story is in Dusty Rhodes’ book, believe it or not, but basically Wilkins was this little guy who thought he was hot shit and didn’t think he warranted position as a jobber because he had a couple of jacked up bodybuilder friends who he brought with him to the tapings. So Dusty decides to punish him with the Wee Willie name instead of his previous choiceâ€¦Blue Thunder (cough). And then he got in the MX’s face backstage, so this is the result. Condrey pounds Brown down to start and Eaton drops the flying knee, just beautifully. And we get the traditional rubbing of the belts in the jobber’s face by Cornette, and it’s over to Wilkins. Dennis gets on his knees to challenge him, which is hilarious, and Cornette actually jokes that he should call himself “Blue Thunder” on commentary. Eaton brings Wilkins off the top with a backdrop suplex and Condrey drops a knee, and it’s back to Brown again. Condrey, however, gives Wilkins another round of punishment while he’s leaving the ring, so he tags back in again. Eaton also does the kneeling joke and then starts laying in some pretty stiff shots and laughs off his offense. Like, literally chuckles when Wilkins is trying to make a comeback. Oh man, this is the best squash ever. Eaton adds a neckbreaker on the floor, and back in so Wilkins can tag out again. Condrey chokes him out on the ropes and they do the in-and-out gag, and Eaton suplexes him. Back to Wee Willie again and Condrey suplexes him and really lays into him with boots, as does Eaton. Willie then makes a major error and no-sells the beating, popping up with attitude, so the Express finishes with the Rocket Launcher at 7:00. I’d hate to be that punk in the dressing room afterwards.
– Pez Whatley joins us, having finally turned heel between shows, showing off Jimmy Valiant’s ponytail as a trophy. So let us take you back to Worldwide, as Jimmy calls Pez “the best black athlete in the world” and Whatley goes nuts and cuts Jimmy’s hair, because he perceives it as a racial slur. Whatley actually cuts a really good, fired-up heel promo here, although he’d turn into a bit of a clown once he became Shaska Whatley.
– Jimmy Valiant cuts a promo in response, so upset that he’s talking in his normal voice. He worries that he gives too much and that Pez might have mental issues or something. Good stuff, way better than his goofy promos.
– Jimmy Garvin v. Don Turner. Garvin pounds the crap out of the jobber and Precious smacks him around on the ropes, but Turner grabs a headlock. Garvin cinches in a facelock in response and chops Turner down. His pants are a size too big or something this week. Garvin drops knees and then puts him down with a forearm shot. He pounds the neck with elbows and holds the facelock again, and the brainbuster finishes at 4:05.
– Garvin calls out Wahoo yet again, but he’s still a coward, apparently.
– Ivan Koloff v. Ray Traylor. Ray puts Ivan down to start, but gets rolled up and quickly recovers. They trade forearms in the corner, and Ray blocks a charge with a big boot, then follows with a slam, only to miss a kneedrop. Ivan goes for the knee and sends him out to Nikita (dressed like an English teacher for some reason), but Nikita doesn’t make a move this week. Back in, Ivan stomps Ray down and chokes him out, then follows with the Russian Hammer choke and pounds him down. Traylor powers out of a facelock and puts Koloff on top, then pounds him on the way down and follows with a backdrop. Koloff headbutts him down and drops a knee for two. Ivan hooks the abdominal stretch, but opts for a choke instead. And now Nikita makes his move, hitting a Sickle behind the ref’s back to give Ivan the pin at 5:37. You could tell they had plans for Traylor now.
– Magnum wants to know what kind of guts that the Russians have. He ain’t afraid of no chain match.
– Bathroom break promo with Joe “Nighthawk” Coltrane.
– Ron Garvin v. Tony Zane. Garvin takes Zand down and follows with a hiptoss, then goes for the leg. And because it’s him, he pulls the poor guy in all kinds of unnatural directions, then drops a pair of knees. He ties him up on the mat again and buttdrops the neck, then it’s over to a rear chinlock before he chokes Zane down for two. Garvin rolls him up and basically holds him there for a few near-falls, then it’s back to the leg again. And we take a break, and return with Garvin twisting the poor guy around again. Hands of Stone ends the torture at 6:42.
– Dusty comes out to offer his usual modest promo. Seriously, close-ups of Baby Doll’s face are not a great idea.
– And now for the rebuttal, it’s Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard. JJ thinks Baby Doll should stop giving orders and perhaps go back to the kitchen and make him a sandwich. Not in those words, but close. Arn drops the Horsemen name again.
– Magnum TA v. Bob Owens. Yup.
– Magnum stops by for another promo, along with Ron Garvin, as they admit that they’re probably not the strongest “tag team” (despite being seeded #2 in a $1,000,000 tag team tournament).
– Tully Blanchard v. Bill Tabb. Tully is immediately complaining about the hairpulling as Tabb overpowers him, so the ref promises to keep his eyes on the situation. Tully takes him down for two and offers a clean break. Tully shoots in again and goes to work on the leg for a while, but Tabb fights back and slugs away in the corner. Tully has had enough of that and dumps him, as we learn that #10 seed Ted Dibiase & Steve Williams have been replaced by the inferior combination of Terry Taylor & Steve Williams, and Tully finishes with the slingshot suplex at 5:03. That reminds me of how much I generally regretted missing out on the era of Duggan, Dibiase and Williams teaming up as the Rat Pack for Bill Watts and kicking ass all over the south.
– Precious comes out alone to call out Wahoo again, and this time he answers. So she cuts a bitchy promo against him and leaves.
– And now it’s Nature Boy time, not looking a day over 40 and talking about staging his own Final Four in the bedroom, but with different types of college students entirely.
– The Rock N Roll Express v. Art Pritts & Kent Glover. Robert gets a hiptoss on Glover and the RNR work on the arm, but the real highlight here is Ric Flair ranting away on commentary while they switch off on the leg in dull fashion. Flair talking about the girls yelling “CHAAAAAMP!” in his girlish voice is just crazy hilarious. Double dropkick finishes at 6:00. Morton heads over to the table, and Ric educates him about how he enjoys the “bigger girls, with the fuller sweaters” as opposed to the teeny-boppers who scream for Morton. But then Flair takes off his $500 sunglasses (I’m estimating here) and Morton STOMPS ON THEM. Oh, it’s on now, pal. They brawl into the ring and Morton wins that fight, too.
– Arn Anderson v. David Dellinger. Arn works a hammerlock on the mat and grabs an armbar, then grinds it until the gourdbuster finishes at 2:47.
– The Russians show off their Russian Chain.
– Wahoo lets Precious know that if he wants to do a man’s job, he’ll treat her like a man next time. Truly a renaissance man, that Wahoo.
– The Road Warriors v. Larry Clarke & Paul Garner. Powerslam from Animal and press slam from Hawk, and Animal clotheslines a jobber down for the pin at 0:47.
– The Warriors follow that up by yelling a lot.
– And we’re out. As awesome as advertised. Best part? NO PAUL JONES!