So, we have a series of matches, all set inside the Six Sides of Steel. Oh yes, there will be blood.
About 3:30 before the show starts, they do a full video recap, with some… generic band that I can’t place. The video quality isn’t near WWE level, but it ain’t bad. The song isn’t bad, through – definitely quality enough for a PPV theme.
Tenay comes out to speak, and get across the seriousness of tonight’s show. Then, a nice recap, with no lack of blood. “Be afraid, be very afraid.” And finally…
“You.. are looking LIVE…at a jam-packed, rockin’, Tsonga Arena in Lowell, Massachusetts!”
Opening pyro. Not bad – they’ve improved in the last year or so.
Don West and Jeremy Borash report live from inside the crowd with predictions on the Main Event.
First Match: X-Division Championship: Curry Man vs. Johnny Devine vs. Consequences Creed vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Shark Boy vs. Jay Lethal (c)
I’ve never seen Curry Man’s gimmick until tonight. Oh. My. Lord. And I had no idea Shark Boy was doing a “Stone Cold” gimmick – okay, THAT is frickin’ funny. Tenay, thankfully, run through the basic rules: for the first four, you can only be elimanted by pinall or submission. Once they get to the final two, it’s normal cage match rules: you can only win by escaping the cage itself – either up and over, or through the cage door. Sonjay and Devine start – nice hurricanrana from Dutt, second rope moonsault into an arm drag from Dutt. Devine gets a couple shots from outside, Dutt hits Curry Man, which brings him into the ring. Lethal takes Curry down with an elbow, then back body-drops Dutt onto Curry – nice. Devine runs in – enzuguiri from Dutt, necktie from Lethal, Dutt off the second rope with a moonsault onto Devine. Shark Boy in – Shark Boy down. Creed gets a double elbow from Dutt/Lethal. Shark Boy gets a jawbreaker from Lethal, followed by a clothesline from Dutt. Yes, we get it – they’re “best freinds”. Devine put up on the top, Lethal and Dutt go up after him, Curry and Shark grab those two in powerbomb position – Devine holds onto the cage to avoid the tower of doom. Creed jumps up onto the second rope, takes Devine down with a hip toss – into Curry and Shark. Nice. Dutt and Lethal double-team on Creed. Shark gets the Stone Cold Stunner on Lethal, Dutt breaks it up – but gets caught in a roll-up by Devine – 1-2-3.
Shark Boy with a missle dropkick onto Devine, then a splash into the cage, and 10 punch countalong. Shark stomps a mudhole and walks it dry, but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex from Creed. Curry and Creed go at it. Curry gets the better of that, and drops Creed onto the second rope, followed by a butt-butt. Curry and Shark work together a bit, some miscommunication, Creed gets a Creed-DT on Shark Boy for a 3 count. Creed gets a flying splash into Curry in the corner, running knee, and a kip-up into a clothesline (visuall impressive), 1-2-no.
Curry with a clothesline and a bow to creed, climbs up to the top of the cage. Devine shakes the cage wall, and causes Curry to drop waist-first on the top of the cage. Devine and Lethal chase him up, Lethal knocked off by Devine, Devine misses a Shooting Star Press. Lethal with a comeback, Creed breaks it up, doubleteams on Lethal with Devine, then turns on Devine with some forearms to the face. Back and forth, broken up by a plance from the top of the cage by Curry. Butt-butt to Devine in the corner, Creed hit with the Spice Rack, 1-2-3.
Devine tries for the quick roll-up on Curry – only a 2-count. Curry hoists up Devine, Lethal with a flying clothesline for just 2. Lethal and Curry go at it. Curry with a Spice Rack on Lethal, 1-2-broken up by Devine?? Okay, that was dumb. Devine Intervention on Curry – 1-2-3. Okay, maybe not so dumb.
Devine tosses Lethal face first into the cage, takes the tape off his wrist and tapes Lethal to the top rope. Devine calls for the door – but Sonjay jumps up, locks it shut (or at least, I’m sure that’s what he was supposed to do), and wags his finger in Devine’s face. Devine goes to climb, Dutt tosses finds a knife (!!??!) under the ring, and tosses it to Lethal. Devine gets up to the top, Dutt opens the door, Lethal cuts himself looses and flies through the ropes, through the open door. to the floor
Winner: Jay Lethal
Backstage with Jeremy Borash, interviewing Frank Trig, who is apparently an MMA figher.
Second Match: Queen of the Cage: Christy Hemme vs. Salinas vs. Jacqueline vs. Traci Brooks vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Roxxi Laveaux So, apparently – all 8 start outside the ring, on the floor. Two of them will crawl over the cage walls, into the ring. Those two will have a match, and who ever wins that is the number one contender. Wow – that is an interesting way to cover for the fact that 75% of your female roster can’t actually wrestle. Let’s just say – the outside of the ring is a cluster-eff. Rhaka Khan is the obvious monster. Angelina Love makes it into the cage within two minutes. Velvet Sky also climbs up, giving us a nice upskirt view Hemme and Salinas stop Kahn, Roxxi stops Sky, , a few others try – but Roxxi makes it into the ring next. (Maybe 4 minutes have passed.) So the match starts for real.
Nose-to-nose, pushes, forearms from Love, short-arm clothesline from Roxxi. High kick from Roxxi for 2. Jawbreaker, knee life, and clothesline from Love. Love grabs the hair. Love goes to throw Roxxi in into the cage – countered. Roxxi tries – countered. Elbow from Love, kick from Love for 2. Love throws a tantrum. Love chokes Roxxi on the ropes. Off the ropes, Roxx counters into a backbreaker – Love fights out, kick, Lights Out. 1-2-.. NO! Crowd starts a mid-sized “ROXXI!” chant. Roxxi tries a short arm back-body drop, countered, countered again, Love with a roll-up, Roxxi kicks out after two – and knocks Love into the cage wall. Roxxi hit the Voodoo Drop (hammerlock, hoist her up to your hips, front-headlock – drop her onto her ass), 1-2-3.
Winner: Roxxi Laveaux
Backstage, the newest member of the TNA announce team, Lauren, with Samoa Joe. Joe finally shows the emotion I was waiting for 12 months ago.
Recap of the New Age Outlaws breakup.
Third Match: Kip James vs. BG James Beatdown from Kip to start. BG outside the ropes, smacked into the cage several times. BG fights back out of the corner, Kip with a kneelift to stop that. Chinlock from Kip. BG fights out, stopped with a knee, off the ropes, thrown into the cage. Kips gets a kick, off the ropes, Fame-Asser, 1-2-no. Uhh – shocking. Kip on the 2nd rope – misses, BG with a blatant low blow. Both men back up, Punches from BG, Kip into the cage – 3 times. Funky knee gets 2. BG tries a flying knee, misses. Kip stomps the foot, tries a splash, hits the cage. BG gets a roll-up, 1-2-..3? Oh, okay.
After the match, BG goes for the handshake, Kips accepts – then throws a clothesline. Tenay and West pretend to be surprised.
Borash backstage with Angle, looking kinda scary. He talks about when he was in WWE, he beat everybody. But then he saw Samoa Joe, and that was someone who was equal in intensity to himself. So now, he has to do “something drastic”.
Fourth Match: Cuffed In The Cage: The Motor City Machineguns vs. The Latin American Xchange vs. “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner and Petey Williams vs. The Rock N’ Rave Infection vs. Eric Young and Kaz vs. Black Reign and Rellik Backstage, Eric Young is attacked by Black Reign and Rellik. And I like Petey’s headgear. If you expect play-by-play for 12 guys at once – yeah, go somewhere else. Let’s just say: “It’s chaos for a while”. I’ll let you know if anything big happens.
Scott Steiner gives a belly-to-belly for 4 guys in a row. Hernandez goes after him, LAX double-team.. and Steiner is the first one cuffed. Eric Young shows up, but the door is locked – he tries to climb in – but Rellik and Black Reign stare him down, and he goes to walk away. Kaz tries to call him back, but gets beat down by “the monsters”. Somehow, Chris Sabin gets cuffed. Kaz plants Sabin into the cage, and then cuffs him. The Monsters work on Petey, and cuff him too. LAX and Rock ‘n’ Rave get a nice sequence. Black Reign gives Hernandez a big groin shot, and cuffs him. Kaz and Rave to the top – Kaz gets the Flux Capacitor off the top. Kaz fights off the Monsters and the RnR, but gets a chokeslam from Hoyt off the top rope. Kaz gets cuffed. Oh, and somewhere in this, Homicide got cuffed – no idea when.
The music plays, and it’s Super Eric! The Monsters go after him, but RnR pull them off – so Eric comes off the top of the cages, and splashes all four. He cuffs Rave, back bodydrop into cage on Hoyt – Hoyt is cuffed. Black Reign takes him down. Tosses into a high kick from Rellik. Over to the last cuff, and… hey, he cuffed Rellik instead! Okay, that was pretty sweet – I totally did not see that. Super Eric Driver on Black Reign – Reign is cuffed.
Winner: Super Eric and Kaz
Backstage with Samoa Joe’s family. His dad looks like Superfly Snuka, with a stammering issue.
Fifth Match: TNA Women’s Champion Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed vs. Gail Kim & ODB
Kong and ODB start, Kong wins the test of strength (shocker). Kong trosses ODB into the corner, Gail tags in. Gail motions for Saeed, Kong tags her in. Back and forth, Saeed takes her town, and slams her arm into the mat a couple times, and works on the left arm. Gail fights up, arm drag, forearm. Saeed takes her down with a double-leg, and goes for.. soemthing, broken up. Saeed with a bodyslam and an elbow drop for 2. Fisherman’s suplex for 2. Kim with a dropkick and headscissors, roll-up for 2. Saeed with an Irish whip, Kim up onto the turnbuckle, Kong smashes her head into the cage. Saeed follows up, puts Gail on the top rope, and kicks her head into the chain several times. Kong tagged in, chops, splash into the corner, Saeed tagged back in -1,2,no. Gail tossed into the corner, splash missed – Gail hits a spear. Tags in ODB – who hits several moves on both Saeed and Kong. Fallaway slam for 2, broken up by Kong. Gail runs in and forearms Kong – she’s SPUNKY. All four in the ring now – Gail climbs up, Saeed catches her, looks like a powerbomb set-up – Gail fights out, and gets teh hurricanrana from the top rope. Kong takes her down with a clothesline. ODB and Kong exchange blows, Saeed grabs ODB – Kong throws a spinning backfist – but hits Saeed instead. Gail off the top turnbuckle – NICE missle dropkick. ODB climbs to the top rope – hits a splash on Saeed. 1-2-3!
Winner: Gail Kim and ODB
JB backstage with Karen Angle.
Video recap of Roode vs. Booker T.
Sixth Match: Mixed Tag: Robert Roode and Payton Banks vs. Booker T and Sharmell
Sharmell wants to get in from the start, which is enough to let Roode take advantage. Shots into the corner, Booker back with the chops. Booker with a back leg kick. Into the corner, countalong punch gets to 5. Roode gets a dropkick. Roode taunts Sharmell. Neckbreaker from Roode. Elbow off the ropes, kneedrop from 2. Chin lock. Booker fights out, gets a leg lariat. Spinerbuster from Roode, for 2. Elbow, corner charge missed, Booker hits the side kick. Chops from Booker, clothesline, snap suplex for 2. Float-over roll-up by Booker for 2. Spinebuster by Booker. Look at the hand – to a knee – spinarooni – axe-kick misses, Bookend counterd with a toss to the cage. Roode taunts again, with “one hand behind his back” – so.. Sharmell tags herself in! She immediately starts with the éžé›£ã¯ç‹‚æ°—ã®é›ŒçŠ¬ã‚’å¥½ã‚€ (big move in Japan, I’m told), while Roode counters with the tirÃ³n del pelo, a monster lucha libre move. Payton insists on being tagged in, Sharmell breaks free (probably way too early), Payton slaps her partner, and Sharmell rolls up Brooks for the 3 count.
Winner: Booker T and Sharmell
Lauren is backstage with UFC fighter Marcus Davis.
Seventh Match: Team Cage (Christian Cage, Sting, Kevin Nash, Rhino & Matt Morgan) vs. Team Tomko (Tomko, AJ Styles, Team 3D, “Cowboy” James Storm) It looks to be Cage vs. Tomko to start – but the lights go on, and AJ Styles is already in the cage! He comes off the top rope, and elbows Cage in the head. Tomko smirks his way backstage. Plus, we get told that the heel team won the coin toss (WOW – how SHOCKING! That’s only been the same result at EVERY OTHER War Games match!), so the next person out is from Team Tomko too. Meanwhile, Styles and Cage go at it back and forth. Styles with some nice moves, and Cage with a series of chops. Styles with an inverted DDT. Cage with a nice clothesline. Cage to the top, misses the frog splash, Styles Clash blocked, inverse DDT from Cage. POwerbomb from Cage off of hurricanrana attempt. Styles into the Cage. Tries the Unprettier, countered to a backbody drop, countered – Pele kick. And here comes Brother Ray (wearing a Jeter jersey).
Ray calls for Styles – he’s tossed into the door. INside the ring, Rey gets the high back bodydrop, and an elbow, into a Boston Crab, with a leg drop from Styles. Cage fights back – stopped with a shot to the eye. Caged tossed into a the cage a couple times. Chest slap from Ray. Our next entrant is Rhyno.
Shots to Styles, belly-to-belly to Ray. Takes up a spot to protect Cage, goes for The Gore on Ray – gets caught with a dropkick to the head from Styles. Rhyno fights back – shots to Styles and Ray. Cage jumps on Ray with a chinlock, gets dropped on his back. James Storm is next.
Storm immediately goes after Cage, and hits The Eye of the Storm (a twirling powerbomb). Rhyno fights back, tosses AJ into the cage – he CATCHES it, and climbs up. Rhyno chases, but it knocked down. Cage spider-mans his way up, and he and Styles are now straddling the top of the cage. Cage gets knocked off balanced, and finally knocked to the ground by Brother Ray. Our next entrant: The Big silver-haired Sexy, Kevin Nash.
Nash knocks down Ray, then Storm. Then beats on them a bit more. Styles comes off the top, and Nash catches him (whoa, barely) – Snake Eyes. Ray beats down Nash, then gets a shot on Rhyno. Cage climbs to the top of the cage from the outside.. pauses… SPLASH onto Ray and Storm. Everybody is laid out inside the ring. Next entrant: Brother Devon.
Devon goes straight after Cage, and pummels him down, double-team toss Cage straight into the cage wall. Rhyno gets a double-team shoulder-block. Nash takes out the Brothers. The Hells come back, aiming at Nash’s knee (it’s like rain on your wedding day). Next extrant: Matt Morgan.
Morgan comes in, and takes everybody down in quick succession. Ray gets a big boot, Devon gets a headbutt and a toss into the cage. Morgan tossed into the ropes by Team 3-D, counters to a double-clotheline. Goes for a chokeslam on Styles, countered, Styles goes for a head scissors, thrown into a front slam. Out last entrant: Tomko.
Tomko tries to get into the ring with his belt, and a chair. The refs say, “Ahh – no” on both counts. So instead, Tomko and Christian go at each other like 16 year old girls who wore the same dress to the prom. Our first person to bleed – Brother Devon. Our last entrant – This Is Sting.
So, there are now 10 guys in the ring. Again – we wait for something big.
Sting knocks down all 5 guys on the other team with chops and shots. Wait – it is 1997 again? AJ grabs a hold, comes off the rope – gets a kick to the groin. Storm rushes, hits AJ with a clotheslines by mistake, Sting gives his the Ric Flair low blow. Okay – it’s definitely not 1997. And now – it’s time to lower the cage, with weapons on it. The wrestlers gather on each side, and immediately jump up to the top for weapons.
The faces get the advantage from the weapons. Storm actually gets on top of the cage, but Cage chases him – but Storms smacks him with a trash can lid. Storm goes for a suplex, Cage counters by dropping him crotch-first onto the cage support. Team 3-D gets a DDT on Rhyno. Nash and Morgon hit stereo chokeslams on Team 3-D. Tomko takes out both Nash and Morgan with a chair. Sting takes out Tomko with a dropkick into the chair. Sting with the Scorpion Death Lock on Tomko – Styles goes nuts with a kendo stick. Cage sets up a table ON TOP OF the cage – Styles gets from the ring to the top of the cage in about 3 seconds, and catches Cage with a trash can lid. Cage is on top of the table. Styles sets up a ladder, ON TOP OF THE CAGE, and climbs it. Cage climbs up, fights AJ – Storms gets up, and pushes the ladder over. Styles and Cage go through the table, but stay on top of the cage.
James climbs down, calls for a beer. Takes a sip, BREAKS it over Morgan’s head. He turns our – GORE GORE GORE from Ryhno! James does a 270! 1-2-3!
Winner: Team Christian
Build-up to the win: interviews, “Who’s going to win?”, Joe and Angle in a suit, Karen Angle.
Eighth Match: TWA Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle Joe gets some flame-throwers on his entrance – cool. Borash does a big deal on the intro – whatever. Angle insists on Karen being removed from ringside before the match – she’s removed. Good start – though I am bit surprised by Angle’s MMA stance, it makes sense for his character to do so, especially against a good striker like Joe. Angle starts with a couple of kicks to Joe’s legs, Joe responds in kind, Angle goes after the leg grappling, Angle turns it into.. an Ankle Lock! Nice.
Amgle gets a single-leg takedown, and goes for some head-blows, into the ropes. Another single leg, Angle rides him like a UFC figher, looking for open shots to the head. Joe into the ropes again. Angle goes for the single leg AGAIN – countered by Joe, kick to the face. Joe on top, trying for open shots to the head, Angle into the ropes.
An actual tie-up, Angle with a knee to the ribs, Joe stomps the feet, hip toss, break. Another tie-up, ANgle with an explosion suplex. Angle on top, grabs a choke hold, JOe with a foot on the ropes. Off the break, ANgle with a knee to the head, punishes him in the corner, front headlock. Joe breaks, off the ropes, Angle with an overhead suplex. Angle covers, 1-2-no.
Angle with an uppercut to the head, Angle back on top. Angle goes for the arm-bar, Joe rolls him over and gets a 2-count. Joe with two strikes, off the ropes – Angle goes low and chop-blocks the knee. Angle with a Figure Four in the middle fo the ring. Joe tries to roll it over.. once.. twice… loooooooong pause.. (some BOOs from the crowd)… and finally, he goes the other way and turns it over. Angle chases into the corner- kick to the knee, elbow drop onto the knee, into a headlock. Joe up, elbows, Angle tries a belly-to-belly, Joe counters with a smack to the head and HUGE clothesline. Joe with some more forearms, Kurt with an elbow out of the corner, Joe with a roundhouse kick to the head. Joe sets up for the Muscle Buster – no, Angle rolls over the back and gets an Angle Lock! Joe rolls over and kicks out. Angle rushes the corner, Joe grabs him and SLAMS him down to the canvas for 2. Joe with a powerbomb for 2. Rolls Angle over into a elevated Boston Crab. Angle almost makes the ropes – Joe breaks, turns into the STF. Angle reaches again – Joe turns it into a Crossface. Uhhhhh… okay. Angle reaches.. fights… grabs Joe’s foot, and applies his own Ankle Lock. Joe lets go, and finds himself in the middle of the ring. Joe rolls through again – and gets another crossface! Angle pops out, and makes the ropes.
Angle charges Joe, who immediately takes him down again into another Crossface. Angle rolls through, brings him over, rolls through again, stands up, and his teh Angle Slam. Kurt rolls over, 1-2-NO! Angle up, immediately into the Ankle Lock, in the center of the ring. Joe kicks out, Angle holds on. Joe rolls over one more time, as if to kick out – Angle moves to counter – Joe grabs him in the Naked Rear Choke! Angle reaches… grabs ahold of the ref, uses the referee’s shirt to PULL HIMSELF CLOSER to ropes.. gets a break. That was awesome.
Angles tries the Angle Slam, Joe tosses him into the cage. Side kick from Joe, Angle up into the corner – MUSCLE BUSTER. 1-2-THREE!
Winner: Samoa Joe