BLATT vs ECW – 4/22/08 edition

This came in from Brad:

Funny story I wanted to share with you as a regular reader/sometimes correspondent (and IP staff member); my most recent job writing for WWE: the Magazine was doing all of the write ups for ECW in their annual yearbook issue. Miz and Morrison had a page devoted to them. I had to fight very hard not call them the Douches throughout the whole damn write up. Also, I did a write up on how Joey’s been the voice of ECW forever and remains synonymous with it; it’s always nice when my write ups are completely invalidated (I think Knox showed up again like a week after I based a write up on his finisher on how he wasn’t on TV anymore).
 
 So… the Douches is a very effective name for the current tag champs, even if they have become a pretty good team, I think.

Brad

DON’T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE!

Happy Passover everyone. This will be a very special edition of ECW on ScFi because…. well… it won’t be. It’s special for Hillary clinton because everyone is projecting she’s going to win the Pennsylvania primary. You know what started in Philadelphia, PA? OMG it’s totally ECW. And it’s on right now!

Kelly Kelly & Tommy Dreamer over Layla & Mike Knox by FameAsser
Mike Knox has not shaved or trimmed his facial hair. Just a note.

Kelly and Layla start off. Laya starts with some weak looking forearms and can’t hit Kely’s face to the turnbuckle. Kelly kicks Layla in the face and can’t get a three count. TWO!

In come the guys and Knox hits a big clothesline on Dreamer and chokes him on the middle rope. Knox pushes Dreamer into the corner, paintbrushes him, whips him to the other corner and eats Dreamers’ boot. Dreamer retreats and tags back in Kelly. Kelly hits a pair of bad clotheslines and finishes it off with a bad drop kick and a sloppy cross body. Kelly covers but is pulled off by Knox. Dreamer Cactus clotheslines Dreamer and Layla gets control. Kelly floats over a suplex and hits the FameAsser for a three count.

Afterwards, Knox finishes off Dreamer with his finisher and gets showered with a “you suck” chant. It won’t bring Dreamer to relevance, but it probably helps a little bit.

I like the comparisons of Barack Obama and John McCain to the Rock and Ric Flair.

DO YOU SMEEEELLLLL WHAT BARACK IS COOKIN?

Jimmy Wang Yang over John Morrison by moonsault
The Miz compliments Mike Adamle and immediately everyone on the internet hates the Miz a bit more. the Miz makes fun of Adamle saying “is he Jamaican you crazy?”
Morrison starts with a back elbow. Morrison whips Yang, Yang dives under Morrison and hits a head scissors and clotheslines Morrison out of the ring. Morrison does the Randy Savage and runs around the ring, Jimmy gives chase and Morrison hits an elbow as Jimmy gets into the ring. Morrison slaps on a headlock, Jimmy fights up, whips Morrison to the ropes and goes for another head scissors, but is caught by the leg and brought to the canvas.

Morrison works over the leg, but Jimmy gets out with a head scissors from the ground and throws a few punches. A kick is caught and Morrison is hit with an enziguiri. In the corner Yang monkey flips Morrison onto his stomach (nice) and can only get a two. TWO!

the Miz says “Jimmy Wang Wang” and then says “Adam’s allowed to mess up his lines”. WOW. Morrison has control, but misses the corkscrew moonsault and that allows Yang to hit his moonsault and get the three!

The Miz is looking pretty upset and the douches have an uncomfortable meeting ringside and the faces celebrate up the aisle. I’m shocked the Miz got all those digs on Adamle in.

So Punk tapped out to William Regal to lose the King of the Ring tournament. That’s a friggin shame, but I guess Punk can’t win all of the non belted titles for the year. Adamle and Tazz run down the Backlash lineup. My picks are Undertaker, Batista, JBL, the Big Show, and Kane.

A note to anyone who uses the “king Kong vs. Godzilla” line for two big men meeting.

Backstage, Shelton bumps into Kofi Kingston. Kofi annoys me by speaking and he offers a handshake to Shelton and let the best man win.

Shelton: LOLZ! YER UNDEFEETED STREEK ENDS 2NITE!1!

Tazz makes fun of Adamle’s “Jamaican me crazy” and I fear that the line is going to become one of those things that they make fun of so much, it’s accepted.

Kofi Kingston over Shelton Benjamin by Trouble in Paradise
Collar and elbow, Shelton gets control of Kofi’s arm. Kofi flips out and hits a high drop kick. Shelton gets a headlock on Kofi and is whippied to the ropes. Kofi jumps and is caught by Shelton and Shelton hits a shoulder breaker. NICE. Shelton hits a few forearms to the back and stretches out the arm. How often do we see a shoulder breaker? That’s like the ice cream sandwich of pro wrestling. Kofi fights out, shelton ships Kofi and Kofi hits a cross body for a two. TWO!

shelton hits a flying arm bar and a few kicks. Shelton whips Kofi, Kofi puts on the breaks at the ropes, drops shelton over the top rope to the apron and Shelton pulls Kofi’s neck down over the top rope.

Shelton goes to the top and gets drilled in the chest with a hard drop kick mid air. Shelton kicks out after two, TWO! and grabs an arm bar. on the ground. Shelton modifies it to a seated position on Kofi’s back to let him fight out, and fight out he does. Kofi gets almost all the way out, but Shelton wrings it back in. Kofi goes for an arm drag, but shelton holds on and rolls through. Pretty awesome stuff. Kofi pushes shelton to the corner, breaks the hold and attempts a monkey flip, but Shelton lands on his feet and drills Kofi with a hard shoulder block. Shelton drags Kofi up, hits a few forearms and knees, misses a roundhouse kick and Kofi hits the “Trouble in Paradise” to end the match?? What the hell? That was one sided until the end.

Mark Henry over Nunzio
What the hell? We come back from commercial and both men are already in the ring. I’m not going to bother.

In case you miss ECW some week and my commentary makes you actually want to watch this mess, WWE.com is now streaming ECW from Wednesday to Monday. I wish they’d put it on a service like Joost or Hulu, but you’ll ahve to settle for X-Stream.

The Cutting Edge with Kane
EDGE: ROFL. IM IN YUR ECW CUTTING EDGING YOUR LAST SEGMENT. I TOTULLY BEAT THE ECW CHAMPEEN KANE LAST NITE!

Cue Kane and his ECW title. He’s not very happy.

EDGE: YOU CAN HAS SEET. SOME DOOD THINKS YOU AND YER BRO ARE VERY DOMIMUNT IN TEH WWE. YUR BELTS IS PURDY. YUR PARENTS MUST BE PROUD.

KANE: LMAO. MY PARENTS ARE DED. I’LL KILL U.

EDGE: THIS IS MY SHOW! UR LIFE TOTALLY SUXORS. YUR FAMILY SUX. YUR BROTHER SUX. U CAN’T HOLD DOWN A GIRLFRIEND AND I TOTALLY BANGED UR GIRL AFTER YOU. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

KANE: I IZ IMPORTANT?

EDGE: I WUZ IN LUV BUT YOU TOTALLY RUINED MY WEDDING DAY. I WAS CHAMPEEN BUT YU INJURED ME. BUT NOW I’MZ GONNA MARRY VICKI.

KANE: VICKI SUX.

EDGE: I HAVE FAMILEE. I HEART RIDER AND HAWKINS. I HEART CHAVO. YOU HAV OUR TITLES. WE’RE TOTALLY GUNNA BEAT YOU AT BAKLASH.

KANE: SILLY HUMAN. I CRUSH YOUR HEAD. MY BROTHER’S TOTALLY GUNNA BEAT YOU UP.

Kane clears house, but gets beat down by Edge, Rider, Hawkins, Bam and Chavo. Edge sets up a conchairto on Kane’s leg for Chavo to hit. Chavo takes his time, loosens his sleeves and hits Kane’s knee three times. Chavo gest one more hit in for good luck and we’re outta here.

I’m reserving judgement on Adamle until next week. you’ll have to stay tuned.

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