BLATT vs ECW – 4/29/08 edition

So have you seen the odd ECW spoiler today? Let’s see what’s gonna happen with the main event tonight.

So it’s time to weigh in on Adamle’s announcing. I think it’s going to be difficult for anyone to replace Joey Styles, but I think that they should have gone with someone that a higher profile than Mike Adamle. The problem is that none of the guys who are currently up for an announcing gig could do play by play.

Can I suggest something? Josh Matthews makes a little come back, makes an announcement that he wants to fit in and has himself a few awesome hardcore matches. He then takes Joey Styles’ place and he’s already endeared himself to the fans. I mean, this isn’t hard to book.

DON’T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE!

We get a replay of Shelton’s loss to Kofi Kingston. JAMAICAN ME CRAZY!

Kofi Kingston over Shelton Benjamin by the Trouble in Paradise
Could you imagine someone like Kofi Kingston ever being in the original ECW? Anyway…

SHELTON: OMG. UR NOT GUNNA WIN.

The bell rings and we start with Sheltonb with a quick rollup for one and a clothesline. Another one count and Shelton’s all over Kofi with a trio of body slams for a two. TWO!

Shelton gets a back breaker and holds Kofi over the knee with a submission hold. Kofi throws some knees to break out, has a kick caught and Shelton gets a sweep for another two. TWO! Shelton stays on Kofi with some knees and an odd knee to the back for another two. TWO!

Shelton puts Kofi on the top rope, hits a few shoulders and throws a few fists before going up top and attempting a superplex. Kofi fights out, pushes Shelton off and thwarts one of Shelton’s leaps and hits a cross body. Shelton rolls through for a two. TWO! Shelton hits Kofi with an electric chair and Kofi kicks out at two again. TWO! Adamle says it’s the fifth time Shelton’s covered Kofi, but I can count seven thus far. Adamle’s REALLY not helping his own case here.

Shelton whips Kofi to the corner and hits a clothesline. Whip to the other corner and misses a clothesline and Kofi hits the trouble in paradise for his first offensive move of the match and gets the three. Anyone else think the move should be called “Thunder in Paradise”?

Mike Knox over Tommy Dreamer by his finisher thingy
Colin is with Dreamer at ringside for this one. Dreamer gets an early advantage, but that’s ended with a clothesline from Knox. Knox slaps on a headlock and we’re already in a rest hold?

Knox hits a side suplex and a half nelson before going after Colin Delaney at ringside. This gives Dreamer a moment to hit a baseball slide. Dreamer checks on Colin and Knox sends Dreamer into the post. Both men go back in and Knox hits his finisher and this is… over already?

It’s Matt Striker and he’s gonna have Mick Foley in the classroom. Striker says that everyone needs to be taught cause it’s spring break. Striker welcomes the newest addition to the Smackdown broadcast booth… MICK FOLEY!

***DISCLAIMER: I AM A MICK FOLEY MARK***

Everyone here has their own wrestler they mark for. I’m hardly the weirdest. PK loves Billy Gunn.

Strker welcomes Mick to the classroom, and he’s laid out a lesson for Foley. Striker says that Foley has a history in the ring, Foley says he’s also a two time NYTimes best selling author. STriker says that if Foley didn’t have to appear on camera, he’s be suited for the job and he’s got a face for radio. Striker says the eyes are the window to the soul, but not for Foley. It’s Foley’s smile. Striker makes fun of Foley’s missing front teeth, his physique and his hair.

Foley stops him there, as Foley likes the way he looks because the scars, the smile, the missing ear all remind him that he sacrificed alot to entertain the fans. Two principals Striker may have trouble following because Striker’s never sacrificed anything and has never entertained anyone.

ZING!

Striker says perception is reality and the perception of Foley is that he just rolled out of the dorm room after “smoking the pot” and listening to Bob Seger’s greatest hits. Foley gets the cheap pop for saying he has more testicular fortitude in his sweat pants than Striker has.

Striker makes fun of Foley’s knowledge of wrestling moves comparing moves like the Boston Crab to a Boston cream pie and the like. Mick asks if Gore Vidal was in the audience and when Striker’s distracted he hits him with Mr. Socko. Foley tosses Socko to Tazz who stuffs him into Adamle’s mouth. Adamle, being an idiot, holds the sock in his own mouth which produces an awkward moment between Tazz and Adamle where Tazz says lots of people want to see Adamle keep that in his mouth. Yikes.

As we went to break, we had a very obviously overdubbed announcement of our next match.

CM Punk vs. Chuck Palumbo
Tazz says Palumbo can “bang with the best of them” what does that mean? Chuck starts the match giving Punk a paint brush and we go into a collar and elbow. Paumbo overpower Punk into the corner. The ref pulls them out and they go again. Punk steps behind, this time Palumbo backs into the corner. The ref breaks it up again and this time in the collar and elbow, Palumbo hits Punk with a knee and then gets slammed by Punk. Punk throws some kicks, can’t whip Palumbo to the corner. Palumbo sends Punk to the corner, stops shy of getting a boot in the face, pulls Punk out and hits a clothesline.

Palumbo beat on Punk with a side suplex and a headlock, which gives the crowd a moment to chant CM Punk’s name. Punk starts to fight out and Palumbo sends a few knees to Punk’s back. Punk figthts out, but is put in the corner and Palumbo throws a few right hands. The ref pulls Palumbo back and Punk throws him into the corner, but he can’t stay there. Punk is put in another corner and Palumbo won’t stop the punches and kicks.

The ref can’t take this bullshit match anymore and disqualifies Punk, killing any heat he might have had. Punk goes after Palumbo, but takes a nasty clothesline and stays down. No one in the crowd could give a crap about Palumbo.

So let me get this straight. Punk can take Edge to the limit, he can beat Jericho, he was the second to the King of the Ring and wins the Money in the Bank match, but he can’t take Chuck Palumbo to a finish? What kind of bullshit is this? They want to start a feud and can’t think of any other way to do it between these two?

So Mike Adamle leaves the announce table before the main event, just as reported. He left after saying “What was great about it as far as Kane was concerned…” Tazz seemed a little put off and they show Adamle leaving the announce table. What the hell?

Tazz makes the sponsorship calls without Adamle and the match is gonna start with a one man announce team.

Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely
Chavo starts with no announcer (sounds like Tazz left too) and gets beat down by Kane. Kane hits a gorilla press and ships Chavo to the corner. Chavo hits Kane with…

I can’t do this. This is too weird. Where the hell did both announcers go?

We’re back from commercials and I’m wondering why this was left in the program. There was time for Tazz and Adamle to overdub their parts while they taped Smackdown.

Anyway, Kane gets to square off with Bam and they seem pretty evenly matches with the punches and kicks till Chavo gets involved with a Knee to Kane’s back. Some classic double teaming on Kane gives the heels the advantage and Chavo’s back in and immediately loses control of the match. Makes sends Chavo over the top rope tot he floor and follows him out. Chavo cuts Kane short of coming back into the ring and Bam pulls Kane to the floor from the apron. Looks like Kane hurt his leg while doing so, he might have landed on his ankle awkward.

Kane is favoring the leg he landed on and Chavo goes to work lightly in the corner.Chavo goes for punches in the corner and gets caught with a drop kick after his leg gives way. Both men are down for a standing three before Kane sits up and gives Chavo a big back body drop.

I still can’t follow this sloppy match because of the lack of announcing being SUPER jarring to me and bad storytelling in the ring. This is too bizarre for words.

Let’s not pretend that I can follow this mess and just say that the match ended with a frog splash by Chavo. Where the hell did the announcers go? What’s going on with this show. That hour of wrestling was so messed up that I could have made up all of the results and no one would have known any wiser.

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