Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of TNA Impact for 05/01/2008

The Tag Team Tournament continues and Jim Cornette promises to unveil the newest gimmick match EXCLUSIVE to TNA Wrestling.  If the Reverse Battle Royal, King of the Mountain, Elevation X, and Lethal Lockdown wasn’t enough for you, then maybe this newest match will be.  Keep it tuned for real-time updates!

Welcome back to the Pulse, fellow readers.  For those that caught the end of TMR earlier this morning, I mentioned that a special guest was doing live TNA Impact coverage tonight.  Look no further, I’m the man up for the job this week.  Let’s get crazy, shall we?

TNA Wrestling: CROSS THE LINE!

Last week on Impact:  Jim Cornette hints at a new concept match, the Deuces Wild Tournament begins, and the main event to Sacf

The Egotistical Eight

Tonight:  Joe/Angle v. Steiner/Williams!

Starting out, the man who’s hot, spicy, and tastes great…Curry Man!  His tag partner is “Stone Cold” Shark Boy!  They’re facing the Motor City Machine Guns.  I’ll buy that!

Curry Man & Shark Boy v. The Motor City Machine Guns
Tag Team Match

Curry Man and Chris Sabin start off.  Curry Man does the dance on Sabin.  Nice dropkick by Sabin and in comes Shelley.  Shelley works over Curry Man with an armdrag.  Tag back to Sabin and they double snap suplex Curry Man!  Shark Boy is in illegally and he’s dispatched just as quickly.  Curry Man takes out Shelley and he has Sabin alone.  Sabin lights up with the kicks to the midsection and Shark Boy gets a Thez Press, followed by the drop!  Shark Boy is legal and he fights on the top turnbuckle, hitting the hurrancurana!  Curry Man sets up Sabin and he hits the flying hip attack!  Curry Man goes up top, but SHelley causes a timely distraction that causes Sabin to superplex Curry Man.  In comes Shelley.  Whip to the ropes and Shelley looks for a DDT on Curry Man, but Shark Boy comes in…DOUBLE DDT!  Both Shark Boy and Curry Man are dispatched and STEREO SUICIDE DIVES!  The sirens sound and Scott Steiner & Petey Williams come out to ruin the match.

Result:  No Decision
Grade: C+

Williams hits the Canadian Destroyer on Shark Boy and Steiner talks trash.  Last week, Steiner left Angle laying beaten.  He says that not only will he beat Samoa Joe, he’ll take Angle’s gold medal and make him his bitch!  That calls Kurt Angle out and he dispatches Steiner, and Belly-to-Belly suplexes Williams out of the ring.  Overhead Suplex attempt by Steiner gets countered to the Anklelock!  Williams hits Angle with the lead pipe and Steiner has Angle in the Recliner!  Joe comes out and he clears the ring.

Meanwhile, A.J. Styles is in a dilemma.  Tomko went to Japan and got injured, so A.J. has to find somebody or he loses his shot.  Jimbo plays teacher with A.J. and reminds him that he has an hour to find a partner.

Commercials.

Against All Odds is available NOW on DVD!

Later tonight, the Deuces Wild Tournament continues!

Mike Tenay is in the ring for our seductive interview segment with Angelina Love and Velvet Sky.  They come out wearing jeans (BOO!).  At Sacrifice, one of the Knockouts will get their head shaved bald!  They seduce Tenay as he talks about the match.  The winner gets a title shot and the loser will get their head shaved.  The Beautiful People seem confident that they will win and they go through the potential  outcomes.  They all can look, but they can’t touch.  This brings out Gail Kim and ODB.  ODB takes the microphone and calls their breasts fake and both Kim and ODB breast shove the Beautiful People!  The naughty girls leave the ring as ODB issues a challenge for later!

To JB we go, as AJ has fun trying to look for a partner.  He walks to Angle who inquires about Karen Angle.  They go to Booker’s locker room and Booker asks who he is?  AJ lists his acolades, but Booker isn’t buying it. 

Commercials.

Still to come, Steiner/Williams v. Joe/Angle!

Interviewer chick is with Samoa Joe and they talk about the Three Way at Sacrifice.  Nice to see Big Kev holding the title like he’s the champion.  Joe loves competition and to destroy people.

Time for a Deuces Wild Tag Team Tournament.  Out comes EY and Kaz!  Two weeks ago, EY interferred in his own match and caused him and Kaz to be stripped of the tag titles.  Yes, you read that right.

Eric Young & Kaz v. LAX
Deuces Wild Tag Tournament Match

Salinas is looking good tonight.  EY begins with Hernadez.  Young gets sent to the corner andhe dodges some issues.  In comes Kaz and Homicide! They circle and Cide has Kaz in the headlock.  Arm drag by Kaz and they have a whip contest.  Spinning dropkick connects as does a springboard leg drop for two!  Cide gets sent to the ropes and Kaz hits a jawbreaker!  Hernadez jumps the ropes and LEVELS Kaz!  The referee misses the count, but it’s kosher as Hernadez gets tagged in.  He owns Kaz and he gets a bear hug locked in.  Kaz gets out of it and he hits shot after shot.  Kick to the gut and an inverted torture rack is applied by Hernadez.  Kaz springboards into Hernadez’s clutches…SIT OUT POWERBOMB FOR TWO!  In comes Cide and he continues the offense.  Quick Belly-to-Belly Suplex by Cide gets a two count again!  LAX double teams Kaz and Cide goes on tiop.  Doomsday Device misses and Kaz shows new life!  Kaz tags in EY and he is a man on fire!  Cide gets whipped to Hernadez and EY gets a two count on Cide.  Hernadez takes care of Kaz.  Gringo Stunner is countered and EY looks to put an end to it, but Cide rolls him up for the three!

Winners:  LAX
Grade:  B

After the match, the teams show respect to each other and Homicide grabs a microphone.  He calls out Hector Guerrero to the ring!  However, TNA has to make money, so we’ll see what this is about NEXT!

Commercials.

Welcome back and LAX brings up Hector’s brother, Eddie.  Huge Eddie chant in the Impact Zone.  Eddie, Chavito, & Hector.  LAX requests Hector to be in their corner at Sacrifice.  Hector obliges!

In Cornette’s office, Traci Brooks wants Jimbo to think about something.  Matt Morgan comes in and wants to know if he’s included in the egotistical eight.  He’s gonna have to wait, just like the seven other people!  Geez, that’s throwing it away.  Speaking of throwing it away, Kip James decides that it’s smart to attack Matt Morgan IN FRONT OF THE BOSS!

This stuff almost writes itself.  Anyways, they get separated and the Beautiful People make their way to the ring.

Commercials.

AJ Styles is still looking for a partner.  He heads inside Kevin Nash’s room and we get a side of Christy Hemme I wanna see more of.  She says that they’re going to rock the world.  AJ wants Kevin in his corner, but Kevin says that the World Title is more important.

Angelina Love & Velvet Sky v. Gail Kim & ODB
Knockouts Tag Team Match

This match will be a slobber—wait, wrong promotion.  This match will be a knockout!  The bell sounds and ODB and Angelina Love begin the match.  They shove each other and ODB owns Love, slamming her face to the mat.  In comes Sky and Kim.  She mounts Kim and bashes the head in a bit.  Kim comes back with a dropkick, followed by a scoop slam.  Love tries to distract, but it fails.  Sky has Kim in a wrist lock.  Kim climbs the turnbuckle, but Love crotches Kim.  We take a break with Sky getting a two count!

Commercials.

Welcome back as Love takes it to Kim.  They double team her for the moment.  Kim goes to the ropes and she misses a charge by Love.  A couple rollups get two apiece, but Love gets a clothesline for a near two count!.  Love misses another charge and Kim gets a wraparound lariat for the double KO spot!  In comes both Sky and ODB! ODB is on fire!  Love jumps onto ODB and she gets a Fallaway Slam for her troubles.  Sky makes ODB pay for it.  ODB gets the Breast Press for two!  Running powerslam connects on Sky and ODB gets the fall.

Winners:  Gail Kim & ODB
Grade: C

Angelina Love attacks Gail Kim and ODB post match!  Love looks to give Kim some punishment, but ODB stops it and out comes Roxxi!  Roxxi stares down Love and it’s three on one!VOODOO DROP by Roxxi!  The threesome celebrates.

JB is in the back trying to hype the big announcement…and nobody gives a crap.  Bobby Roode is stuck reading the stock market news.  AJ brings a peace offering that’s NOT BEER!  Bobby Roode tells AJ NO!  Roode and Storm are in the Egotistical Eight!  Wait, I thought that was supposed to be secret!  AJ is down in the dumps and somebody stands in the room.  He finally gets his partner!

Commercials.

CROSS THE LINE!

Time for the final Deuces Wild Qualifier!  AJ’s partner is….SUPER ERIC?!  So wait, let me get this straight.  Super Eric beats Styles two weeks ago and caused this tournament to start and he’s suddenly teaming with Styles?  Kill me!

The Rock ‘N Rave Infection v. AJ Styles & Super Eric
Deuces Wild Tournament Tag Team Match

Styles and Rave start things off.  Styles gets a headlock as Rave tries to fight out of it.  Big Back drop hits and AJ DROPS THE KNEE for two!  AJ gets an arm wringer and in comes Super Eric!  Hoyt gets in the ring and he sizes himself up.  In a bit of comedy, Eric runs into a brick wall, but the flying forearm knocks the big man down!  In comes Styles and DOUBLE ARM DRAG!  Styles gets a one count and the big man throws Styles around like a ragdoll.  in comes Rave and DROPKICK connects!  Christy gets on the apron and shows Styles her legs.  He doesn’t buy it, but Rave gets the offense necessary to tag in Hoyt!  Styles jumps into Hoyt’s clutches…AIR GUITAR SPINNING SLAM gets two!  Both mena re in and they drop the double elbows on Styles for two!  Rave, the legal man, gets a headlock applied on Styles.  Dtyles gets out of it and the PELE hits out of nowhere!  Hot tag to Eric and he cleans house!  Eric puts Rave on the turnbuckle and Hoyt runs after him.  Eric gets Hoyt up for the DVD and Rave JUMPS ON!  Eric loses his balance and Hoyt looks to finish Eric off, but Eric backs Hoyt into Rave and Styles hits the corner splash!    360 lariat connects on Rave by Eric for two!  Rave looks for a headscissors, but Eric counters and AJ Styles gets elevated onto Hoyt…HURRANCURANA CONNECTS! Eric gets a cover on Rave for TWO!  ENZUGIRI BY STYLES CONNECTS!  Eric gets the DVD for the three!

Winners:  AJ Styles & Super Eric
Grade: B+

JB is with Sting, who wonders what’s in the water.  TNA is in a looney bin currently.  JB ponders what is going on between Sting and Booker T and even Sting can’t find out what’s happening.  All the talk is about is the Egotistical Eight!

Commercials.

We are back and Tenay says that TNA’s innovation separates the competition.  They talk about the various gimmick matches.  And now, the newest innovation is about to be unveiled…

THE TERRORDOME!

Color me surprised.

Time for our first singles contest tonight!  Daisy Haze takes on Cheerleader Melissa!

Daisy Haze v. Cheerleader Melissa
Knockouts Match

They circle the ring and Haze tries to take it to Melissa.  She holds onto a headlock and Melissa gets out of it!  Melissa gets a headlock of her own.  SCREAMING CLOTHESLINE connects, but Haze gets a jumping arm drag!  Both Knockouts are up, but not for long as Melissa tosses Haze around.  Melissa gets a suplex for two!  Melissa attempts a reverse suplex, but Haze counters with some chops.  A forearm shot stops that offenxe.  Haze bitchslaps Melissa, but misses the superkick!  Melissa HITS THE VERTABREAKER!  THE VERTABREAKER!  That gets three!

Winner:  Cheerleader Melissa
Grade:  C

Immediately afterwards, Interviewer Chick talks to Steiner and Williams.  Steiner talks about mathematics, spinning numbers off my mind.  Steiner apparantly has a 140 and some change percent chance of winning.  The Interviewer chick is furious and that ends that segment.

Commercials.

CROSS THE LINE!

Time for our main event!

Petey Williams & Scott Steiner v. Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe
Tag Team Match

The bell sounds as Joe and Williams start the match.  CHOP to Williams and the MMA punches come to play.  Williams takes a dive off the ropes and JOE CAUSALLY WALKS AWAY!  IDIOT!  Joe hits the big splash on Williams and in comes Angle.  Uppercut connects and Angle takes Williams down for two.  Williams hits a dropkick while Angle got ditched on the ropes!  In comes Steiner and the workrate of this match increased a half-fold!  Hard chops take the breath out of Angle.  To the ropes Angle goes and Angle hits a Belly-To-Belly!  In comes Joe and he works on the back, but Steiner pokes the eyes!  Steiner hits a chop of his own andJoe sends Steiner to the corner.    Joe hits a roundhouse kick on Steiner, but Williams hits a missile dropkick!  Break time.

Commercials.

We are back as Steiner drops the genetic elbow, followed by the push-ups!  Tag to Williams and he runs into an atomic drop, but Williams hits a roundhouse kick for TWO!  Tag back to Steiner and he locks on a headlock.  Joe fights out of it, but Steiner nails the Belly-to-Belly for two!  Chop to Joe in the corner and Steiner tosses Joe to the other corner.  A charge misses as Joe hits a side slam!  Williams keeps Joe grounded.  Tag to Willams adn he jumps off to a waiting boot to the face!  Joe gets closer to Angle and he flips the bird!  Joe is a one man army…POWERSLAM ON WILLIAMS!  Angle gets in and he sends Steiner out.  Joe has Williams in the clutch, but Angle takes offense and attacks Joe!  Angle is laid out…Joe gets Williams…MUSCLE BUSTER CONNECTS!  That is all folks!

Winners:  Samoa Joe & Kurt Angle
Grade: B-

Post match, Angle nails a German Suplex and applies the Anklelock!  Steiner comes in with the lead pipe and Angle runs away.  Joe clocks Joe with the pipe and he stands tall with the belt!

JB is with Jimbo.  He’s on his way to the ring!

Commercials.

Welcome back and we recap the main event!  In the ring, Jimbo is in the ring!  4 tag teams have qualified and 4 other teams will be teamed together.  The Egotistical Eight include:  Matt Morgan, Kip James, BG James, James Storm, Booker T, Robert Roode, Sting, & the one that will define history, AWESOME KONG!!!!!

Show Over.

The TNA Impact Report Card

Curry Man & Shark Boy v. The Motor City Machine Guns went to a no contest: C+
LAX d. Kaz & Eric Young: B
Gail Kim & ODB d. Angelina Love & Velvet Sky: C
AJ Styles & Super Eric d. The Rock ‘N Rave Infection: B+
Cheerleader Melissa d. Daisy Haze: C
Samoa Joe & Kurt Angle d. Scott Steiner & Petey Williams: B-

The Final Grade for TNA Impact for 05/01/2008: C+

Final Thoughts

The wrestling was decent this week and the developing angles continue to make me curious.  While some things were better left unsaid, there are no overall complaints, besides what I’ve mentioned as obivous in the report.  Somebody will be back next week.  Have a good night!

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