I don’t know how clear I can be about the WWE’s direction from last week, but I’ll give it another try.
It’s obvious that the WWE is making a ratings grab with their recent string of crap finishes to shows. It’s appearing as if they are doing whatever they can to make the product seem “different” except for bumping up the quality of wrestling on television. Despite being a Mick Foley mark, the WWE couldn’t pay me to watch and care about Smackdown on a weekly basis. The Undertaker being stripped of the title doesn’t interest me. That’s not something that comes up on my radar that makes me want to tune in the following week. William Regal stopping a match between Triple H and Randy Orton? I saw this over a decade ago during a Hulk Hogan vs. Sting match and it didn’t work even then. An announcer leaving the broadcast table during ECW? I have so many issues with this on a one hour show. How many non-wrestler announcers have we seen involved in angles before? How many of those angles ended in a way that pushed the company along and how many of those ended in flaming disasters?
If this is a ploy to get people talking about the shows, they are getting the wrong people to talk about the shows. When the WWE brings in someone like Floyd Mayweather or pulls a stunt like crucifying Stone Cold Steve Austin, it’s not for the hardcore fans. It’s not for Blatt or Aaron. It’s for people who don’t watch wrestling on any kind of regular basis. It’s to draw in eyeballs that aren’t usually watching WWE programming. Unfortunately with shit-tacular angles like this, they are going to turn the regular fans away and they aren’t going to draw in any new fans.
If their goal is to introduce the WWE crowd to Adamle, they’ve done a piss poor job at that too. Comparing someone to one of the best of all time (JR) and one of the most loved of all time (Joey Styles), especially when it’s clear that Adamle has no idea what he’s watching, is a horrid mistake. The WWE has called attention to Adamle’s poor announcing with this angle instead of letting him grow over time into what might be a good play by play guy. They could have covered up some of this by having Tazz take a more proactive role in calling the matches, but instead they are calling attention to someone who is clearly in over his head.
Whew. Let’s watch some ECW, shall we?
DON’T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE!
So we start the show with Mike Fucking Adamle. Everyone hates this guy, but he still shakes a few hands on his way to the ring. Adamle heads into the ring and has a mic. “WE WANT JOEY” chants reign down on this guy.
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a lot of people have been asking me about what happened last Tuesday night on ECW and my sudden departure from the broadcasting table. First of all, let me say that in essence I lost my cool and I need to apologize number one to my partner, tremendous individual, tremendous wrestler Tazz. I didn’t mean to leave you in the lurch. And I also apologize to all of you. The great ECW fans. (BOO) I’ve been a broadcaster probably longer than a lot of you people have been alive. I played in the NFL for seven years, I covered the NFL for nine years after that. I covered the Olympic Games and yes, I was the host of American Gladiators. You know what? I had no idea how hard this job was and how great the ECW fans are. Have I made mistakes, absolutely. I’ve got a group of superstars backstage that aren’t shy about letting me know when I screw up. And my purpose is to be here tonight to say 1 I love the WWE and I love working for the ECW and I will do everything in my power to be as professional as I possibly can and to bring you the best possible product that ECW fans deserve. Despise me if you will, but enjoy the 100th episode on SciFi.”
“I’ve been a broadcaster probably longer than a lot of you people have been alive. I played in the NFL for seven years, I covered the NFL for nine years after that. I covered the Olympic Games and yes, I was the host of American Gladiators. You know what? I had no idea how hard this job was and how great the ECW fans are.” — Mike Adamle
No really. That’s what he said verbatim.
Tommy Dreamer over Mike Knox by “The Knox Out”
Stevie Richards is on the announce position for the 100th episode. Collar and elbow to start, Knox gets a few shots in, follows up with a shoulder block but misses an elbow. Now it’s Tommy turn to throw a few punches and clothesline Knox out of the ring. Outside the ring, Dreamer throws Knox to the barrier and the stairs, but gets clotheslined when he went for the shopping cart of weapons.
Knox grabs the cookie sheet and hits Dreamer’s back and throws him into the ring. In the ring, Knox hits a hanging suplex on Dreamer and can only get a one. UNO! Knox puts the boots to Tommy and chokes him over the second rope and hits the running leg over Tommy’s back. Knox goes outside and grabs the hockey stick after putting a trash can on the apron. Dreamer hits a basebal slide into the trash can, grabs the hockey stick and makes the crowd happy by giving Knox a rap on the back.
Dreamer grabs a kendo stick and a boat paddle, hits Knox a few times with the stick and then breaks the paddle over Knox’s head. Dreamer bring the shopping cart into the ring and goes for a suplex, but instead gets body slammed onto the cart. Knox throws a few bots and goes to the top rope. Knox gets crotched and Dreamer hits him with the kendo stick and goes outside for the trash can. Dreamer sets up the garbage can and the shopping cart and drop kicks the shopping cart into the trash can into Knox’s face. Adame uses “Have Mercy” for the second time in this match.
Dreamer gets wood outside and sets it up on the opposite corner of Knox. Dreamer goes for a bulldog onto the table, but Knox stops him and hits a bely to back suplex onto the table. Stevie calls the move and Adamle makes a color call. Knox goes for a chair shot with Dreamer on the ground, Dreamer kicked the chair into Knox’s face. Dreamer goes for a DDT, but Knox goes low on Dreamer. Knox grabs Dreamer and hits the corkscrew onto the chair for a three count. Adamle botches the call of “The Knox Out” a few times and everyone does their best to forget that he just made that mistake.
Jesus, Adamle’s calling of that match had more missed spots than a Sabu match. Stevie leaves the table, much to my chagrin.
We go back in time to watch the Zombie make an appearance on the first episode of ECW, only to get creamed by the Sandman. The Sandman, who was moved to RAW and then was fired. Way to go WWE.
So we’re back and Kelly Kelly is in the ring. She’s wearing some vinyl thing and STILL CAN’T FUCKING DANCE. You’d think that after over 100 weeks, she’d have picked up a few moves that you don’t see in a strip club. Layla comes to the ring and shows Kelly how to dance. Kelly jiggles her ass a bit and Layla show hew up again. Eventually, Kelly shoves Layla and continues to dance poorly. Kelly slaps Layla and we’re headed into a cat fight! Kelly mounts Layla and smacks her head into the mat a but until the referees come down to break up the fight.
Next up in the look back in Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly and the table suplex spot. Rob Van Dam, who was disgusted enough with the direction of the brand that he stepped away from wrestling almost completely.
By the way, we are finding ourselves sitting on another primary day. Who the hell thought that we’d still be in the middle of primaries that matter?
Flashback to Roddy Piper singing Happy Birthday to Matt Striker. If you remember, Striker was covered with his birthday cake and then forced to eat worms.
Anyway, were shown the replay from last week as the CM Punk vs Palumbo match went to a DQ finish. Palumbo is backstage with Lena for an awkward question. Palumbo says that if Punk gets in his face again, he’ll knock him out. Tough words from the man who once got married as a tag team to Billy Gunn.
Shelton Benjamin comes to the announce table to watch the Kofi vs. Striker match.
Kofi Kingston over Matt Striker by corkscrew kick
Striker is a pretty sound wrestler, but is way too young to be enhancement talent. The match doesn’t last longer than a minute and post match, Shelton comes in and hits Striker with Paydirt.
Backstage, Colin Delaney is headed towards the ring and gets the slow clap by C.M. Punk and the rest of the faces.
We go back to April 3rd to the eight man hardcore match between the new breed and the ECW originals. ECW originals include Rob Van Dam, Sandman and Sabu. Nuff said.
Colin Delaney over Armando Estrada by slide through pin
So we’re gonna see Estrada wrestle? Finally. The man came up through OVW, so I’m assuming that he can wrestle. He’s in better
Colin goes for a quick roll up, but only gets a one. Armando hits a clothesline and taunts Colin on the ground. Estrada throws a few punches in the corner, throws Colin to the center of the ring and can only get a two. Estrada gets Colin in a reverse hammer lock, Colin fights out and Estrada throws him to the ground.
Estrada has control, drapes colin over the top rope from the apron and hits a forearm. Colin come sback and Estrada brings Colin back in, Colin floats over and pins Estrada by sliding under the ropes and puling Estrada down for a pin! Colin does a few laps around the ring celebrating with the fans. Tazz gets Colin for a short interview post match. On the stick, he kinda sounds like Kidman. Colin thanks everyone who’s supported him, he thanks Dreamer and he thanks everyone who doubted him because that’s why he goes out there each week.
I think I would ahve preferred a real underdog win in the main event. They’ve been building this for months and that was a serious blow off. Expect Colin to be just another guy starting next week.
Adamle and Tazz are joined by the Douches, who compliment Adamle on getting the Miz’ name correct this week.
CM Punk and Kane over Bam Neely and Chavo Guerrero by GTS
Neely and Kane start Kane starts with control of Neely. Kane gets Neely into the corner, throws some punches and hits a body slam, tags in Punk. Punk hits a springboard senton and goes to work on Neely. Neely out muscles Punk. Chavo’s tagged in, but Punk throws up the knees to block a springboard splash. Punk pulls Chavo over into a cradle, but Chavo fights out. Punk hits a span suplex and gets Chavo in a double underhook as Chavo fights to his corner. Chavo hits a european uppercut and there’s no call. Morrison asks Adamle what that move is called and Tazz answers the question.
Chavo gets Punk to the heel corner, Punk knocks Neely to the apron and back body drops Chavo to the outside. We head to commercial with the heels outside.
We’re back and Punk has control of Neely. The Douches introduce themselves because Adamle didn’t. In the ring, Neely’s taken control by out powering Punk.
“Why don’t you go Jamake yourself crazy Adamle”
Chavo’s in the ring, can’t get a two. ONE! Punk block s apunch in the corner, but that won;t do it, as he’s quickly on the floor getting pinned by Chavo for a two. TWO!
Chavo gets a modified chicken wing on Punk, fights out, but is thrown to the floor. Chavo brings Punk to the heel corner and tags in Neely. Neely hits a belly to back suplex, tags in Chavo who hits a springbard boot to Punk’s face. Chavo hits a suplex on Punk but can only get a two. TWO!
Chavo wrenches back on Punk’s neck and runs and hits Kane, which draws Kane into the ring and allows the heels some double teaming in their corner. Punk is thrown to the corner by Neely, Punk hops over the ropes to the apron, Neely charges and gets hit with a forearm and Punk’s flying forearm. adamle throws out his third “Have Mercy” of the night.
Kane and Chavo are tagged in. Chavo gest caught by Kane and driven into the corner and gets hit with a big boot. Chavo gest whipped to the ropes and back body dropped, thrown into the corner and hit with a clothesline. Kane hits a sidewalk slam, turns around and hits Neely and throws Chavo over the top rope. Kane goes up top and hits his clothesline. Punk is tagged in and he misses his springboard clothesline, but lands on his feet. Punk follows with a leg lariat. Punk hits the knee in the corner, gets thrown off of the bulldog but hits a drop kick. Neely comes in and breaks up a pin attempt, Kane gives Neely a big boot and punches Chavo. Chavo turns around and gets hit with the GTS and hits the three count!
That was not a memorable ECW for the 100th episode.
