Didn’t we just have a PPV, like, yesterday?
Cuirrent Match: TNA Heavyweight Championship: Kaz vs. Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe
Kurt Angle arrived at 7:07pm in a limo, and says that his doctor has told him he can’t wrestle tonight. Scott Steiner arrives at 7:27, and is told about Angle’s injury. He seems happy to have a chance to wrestle Samoa Joe one-on-one, and it turns out he’s accompanied by his brother Rick – and Kevin Nash. Joe arrives “minutes ago”, is unfazed by the news about Angle, but does react with confusion when he hears about Kevin Nash.
Match 1: Tag Team Tournament: Team 3-D vs. James Storm and Sting
The editor just ate my write-up of this match, so I’m going to summarize: Storm starts off against D-Von and does fairly well, Ray comes in and pummels him a bit. Jacquelyne jumps in the ring and gets a smack on the ass for her troubles. Sting tags in somewhat reluctantly, pulls out an arm-drag, scoop slam and clothesline on Ray. D-Von in, more of the same, and Sting stomps on his fingers. Storms comes in to apparently complain about the tactics, and both members of 3-D attack Storm from behind. At that point, Storm decides to take a break for a cold beer, and sits on the ring apron. Sting takes a bit of beatdown, D-Von gets a table, Sting back with a double-clothesline. Sting stares down both members of Team 3-D, Storm jumps in the ring behind 3-D and yells at Sting, then sits up on the top turnbuckle (beer still in hand). Team 3-D shrugs and lets Sting through, who biels Storm (or, rather, just Storm’s right leg) through the table. Sting walks out, 1-2-3. Team 3-D on to the semis.
Winners: Team 3-D
Backstage with Frank Trigg, who explains that Kurt Angle re-injuried in necks “overseas”.
Match 2: Tag Team Tournament: Robert Roode & Booker T vs. Rhyno & Christian Cage
Roode is less than thrilled by his partner, and they push and shove a bit. Four teams so far, and two of them are “wacky, mismatched partners” – gee, you’d never guess Russo had anything to do with this. Roode and Rhyno start, Rhyno takes the advantage with a clothesline and punches. Cage in. double arm-drag. Cage with an elbow and a corkscrew forearm from the 2nd rope. Unprettier attempt countered, Roode knocks Cage off the turnbuckle. Roode refuses not to tag out, so Cage comes back with chops. They continue this pattern a couple of times, until Cage gets a Tornado DDT. Roode staggers to the ropes, and Booker T tags himself in. Booker with a kick to the head, chops, and a back bodydrop to Cage. Ax kick misses, Cage gets an inverted DDT. Rhyno tags in, shoulder block in the corner, Booker cuts it short with a leg lariat. Booker with more kicks, sets up for the ax kick – Roode tags himself in. Booker argues, Roode yells “I got this”. Rhyno runs over and clotheslines Booker out of the ring, then a series of running elbows for Roode. Roode with a knee, Payoff attempt is countered, GORE! 1-2-3.
Winners: Rhyno and Cage
Afterwards, Booker congratulates Rhyno and Cage, walks out of the ring, grabs a chair – and brains them both with it.
Backstage, Scott Steiner tells Nash that everyone knows that Nash has just been using Joe. Steiner promises that if Nash helps him out, Nash gets his first World title shot. Nash shakes Steiner’s hand, promises to think about it, and walks out of the lockerroom.
Match 3: Tag Team Tournament: Kip James and Matt Morgan vs. LAX
Kip starts off by making fun of Homicide’s height. Homicide responds by poking him in the eye. Heh. Headlock, Kip picks him up and places him on the top turnbuckle. Homicide responds to that with a missle dropkick. Kip charges, Hernandez comes over the top rope with a shoulder block that knocks Kip out of the ring.Homicide follows with a tope con hilo. Morgon gets a ahold of Homicide and tosses him back in, then tags himself in. Morgan does UT’s Old School. Kip tags back in, showing off his awesome arsenal of kicks and punches. Blind charge hits the post, Hernandez tags in. Shoulder, clothelines, Stinger Splash, shot to Morgan on the apron. Morgan comes in, and they exchange blows. Shoulderblock, nothing. Shoulder block, nothing. Flying Shoulderblock, Morgan goes down. Kip attacks from behind. Heel miscommunication – Morgan nails Kip with a big boot. Hernandez knocks Morgan out of the ring with a dropkick, covers – 1-2-3.
Backstage with AJ Styles, who wonders who to face Awesome Kong. Angle interrupts, and asks if AJ has been seeing his wife.
Match 4: Tag Team Tournament: Super Eric and AJ Styles vs. BG James and Awesome Kong
BG and Eric start, Eric takes the advantage with a dropkick. AJ tags in, another dropkick, and his own super hero pose. Kong tags in – this should be interesting. AJ does whatever he can to avoid striking her, trying a roll-up and a sunset flip, and even hesitates to strike back when she chops him. Spinning backfist stuns AJ, who finally connects with a kick to the midsection. Kong back up, and pulls out the Greco-Roman Testicle Grab. BG back in, with an inverted atomic drop, and a straight punch for 2. Bearhug (?), AJ elbows out, big boot from BG for 2. Kong tagged back in, sets up for a powerbomb, countered with a sunset flip attempt, so Kong just sits on him for 2. BG back in, punches, funky punches miss – Pele kick from AJ. Eric in, clothelines, and a senton (which clearly misses, thanks to the overhead camera shot) for 2. Kong breaks it up, Eric bodyslams her onto a still prone BG. Eric tags in AJ, then does a tope onto Kong outside the ring. AJ screws up a springboard splash BADLY, falling on his face. BG can barely stop himself from laughing. Small package from AJ finishes it.
Winners: Super Eric and AJ Styles
Backstage with Rick Steiner, who is surprisingly mellow.
Terror Dome promo.
Match 5: Terror Dome: Curry Man vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed vs. Shark Boy vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Kaz vs. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Johnny Devine vs. Jay Lethal
Good luck on blow-by-bloiw with this one. Oh, but first – Jim Cornette comes out. Not only does the winner of this match get a shot at the X Division title, but he will also take Kurt Angle’s place in the main event tonight!
As for the match itself – 10 guys are inside a huge red cage, with a circular roof, with just one small hole at the top. The winner is the guy who makes it out that hole (about 20-30 up) first. However, the structure of the cage makes it impossible to see anything from the normal wide-view camera, so everything is shown by a camera at ringside. Wow, it’s a mess. Let’s just say – everybody beats the hell out of everybody else for a while. The Motor City Machine Guns (Sabin and Shelley) seem to be the most effective, pulling several double-team moves on Shark Boy, Dutt, and Lethal. Creed gets up fairly high, but uses that to get a big move on Kaz (who also has looked quite good). Dutt does his usual good flippy-flippy move. There’s a Tower of Doom, of course. Dutt almost makes the roof, until Curry Man powerbombs him down into 6 other guys. Rave also gets up there, but Curry Man takes him down with a top rope Spice Rack. Kaz with a reverse Flux Capacitor on Curry. Devine makes it up to the roof, but gets pulled down by Kaz. Kaz keeps going, and makes it out.
Backstage with Samoa Joe, who says that Kaz is a great competitor. JB then really pisses off Joe by bringing up Kevin Nash.
Match 6: Tag Team Tournament: Team 3-D vs. Rhyno and Christian Cage
Both Rhyno and Cage are a bit more subdued than usual during their entrance. Ray and Cage start, D-Von with a cheap shot to the back fo the head. Ray works on the neck and head to no one’s surprise. D-Von tags in and continues the plan. Cage with a comeback. tags in Rhyno, double back-elbow. Big shoulder from Rhyno for 2. Set up for the GORE, Ray grabs his hair and slams the back of his head to the mat. Ray tags in, more elbows and forearms to the back of the neck. D-Von in, elbow for 2. Rhyno with a spinebuster, tags in Cage. Back bodydrop, knocks Ray off the apron. To the top – cross-body on both men on the floor. Back in, 2 count. To the ropes, Ray pulls Cage out, throws him into the steps twice. Back in, 2 count. Neck vice from D-Von. Christian with a short comeback, stopped by a back bodydrop. Ray caught on the second rope, hurricanrana, 2 count. Both men tag, Rhyno takes over, 2 count broken up by Ray with a blow to the neck. Whazzup stopped by Cage, spinebuster by Rhyno on Ray, top rope shoulderblock on D-Von for 2. Johnny Devine comes down to ringside with a singapore cane. Double team neckbreaker on Cage, Rhyno back in and takes down both men with a clothesline. Powerslam by Rhyno on D-Von, 2 count. GORE GORE GORE! Devine jumps up to stop the count, Ray with a cane to Rhyno’s head, 1-2-3.
Winners: Team 3-D
Backstage, JB with Kevin Nash, who claims he simply got a ride from the airport from Scott. Nash asks JB to go “cross Joe’s path” with him, and see who gets choked out.
Match 7: Tag Team Tournament: AJ Styles and Super Eric vs. LAX
Homicide and AJ start (which is a match I’d like to see a lot more of.) Chain wrestling, neither man with an advantage, paused by a double crossbody. Both men tag. Eric and Hernandez trade shoulderblocks, Eric tosses Hernandez over the top rope, Hernandez back over the top rope with a shoulder block. Test of Strength offer by Super Eric – heh. Eric down to his back, bridges up, Hernandez hops on him – and Eric keeps the bridge? Wow, good neck muscles. Back up, Hernandez with a go-behind, Eric throws his through the ropes to the floor. Eric uses the ref to help balance himself up to the top, cross bodyblock to the floor. Back in, 2 count. AJ tags in, hits the springboard this time with a flying forearm for 2. Eric in, scoop slam, elbow drop for 2. AJ in, kneedrop for 2. Hernandez with an electric chair. Both men tag, chain wrestling, Homicide with an overhead belly to belly. Hernandez in, neckbreaker, Drive-By, 1-2-.. no. Hernandez with a delayed suplex, only 2. Eric with a jawbreaker, AJ tags in, spin kick, Styles clash is countered with a TKO. Gringo Killer stopped by Super Eric, who is taken to the floor by Hernandez. Small package from Styles, ref distracted, Hector Guerrero rolls them over, LAX gets the pinfall.
Backstage with “members of Samoa Joe’s kin”.
Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is in the audience.
Match 8: TNA Knockout Makeover Battle Royal: Jacqueline vs. Traci Brooks vs. Salinas vs. Angelina Love vs. Christy Hemme vs. Gail Kim vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Velvety Sky vs. Roxxi Laveaux vs. ODB
Lotta entrances, lotta exposed boobs and asses. Again, don’t expect much blow-by-blow (heh, no pun intended) until we get to the last two entrants (who will then participate in a ladder match). (Oh, and the runner-up gets her head shaved.) Salinas is eliminated first, despite between through the second rope. Velvet Sky and Traci Brooks follow quickly. Rhaka Khan just tosses Hemme over the top rope with no effort at all. ODB and Jacqueline decide to double-team Rhaka, which seems like a good idea, since she’s the Andre the Giant of this match. Rhaka is quickly gone after that. They gloat, and are both eliminated almost immediately. Angelina Love charges and is back bodydropped to the floor. So, we’re at our last two: Roxxi and Gail Kim. Now, it’s a ladder match. Oh, and Gail Kim is “immune” from getting her head shaved for some reason – so if she loses, Angelina Love will get shaved.
Roxxi dominates to start, and goes right after the ladder. Love tries to interfere, but takes a couple of ladder shots. Kim does a baseball slide into the ladder as Roxie tries to get into the ring, then goes and gets her own ladder. Kim sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, gets caught, powerbomb attempt, Kim counters with a hurricanrana. Roxxi takes a ladder shot to the head. Kim puts the ladder in the corner, Roxxi back with forearms, Irish whips Kim into the ladder. Follows with a shoulder block. Tries again, Kim monkey-flips her into the ladder. Both of them climb.. holy cow, Roxxi is busted open hard-way. They fight at the top, Kim nails a sunset flip powerbomb. Love tries to pull Roxxi out of the ring, Roxxi fights her off, and nails a VICIOUS spinebuster on Kim to the ladder in the corner. Velvet Sky rolls in, gets a big boot from Roxxi. Roxxi climbs, pushed over by Love, slingshot on the top rope. Kim climbs, and makes it to the contract.
Winner: Gail Kim
Post-match, Kim goes after Love, and tries to put her in the barber chair. Love and Sky fight her off, and Roxxi eventually gets in the chair. But seriously, how much does a chick who colors her hair purple care if it gets shaved or not? In any case, the crowd is solidly behind her afterwards.
Backstage, we get the confrontation between Nash and Joe. Nash: “Shut up and listen! What I did today was old school. What, you think I was in a car with Steiner because I want to hang out with him, talk politics?” Actually, I heard Scott Steiner was probably a pretty staunch Kucinich supporter. He has some pretty radicial ideas on tax code reform.
Match 9: Tag Team Tournament: Team 3-D vs. LAX
Team 3-D gets in Hector Guerrero’s face in front of the announce table before the match. Homicide finally has enough of this, and hits a tope con hilo on D-Von, then gets up and starts whaling on Ray along with Hernandez. Team 3-D comes back, including a suplex from Ray on Hernandez onto the ramp. Ray beats on Hernandez with a chair. Homicide tosses into the guardrail. Back into the ring, Homicide with a second rope crossbody for 2. Homicide goes up, tossed off the turnbuckle by Ray. Ray in – knee, headbutt, punches. D-Von tags, chokes out Homicide in the corner. Delayed vertical suplex from D-Von. Clothesline for 2. Headscissors (?) from Ray. Charge misses, Ray takes out Ray. Hernandez tags in, takes down both with forearms, backbody drops, noggin knocker, and a double dropkick (!). Team 3-D to teh floor, Hernandez follows with a no hand tope to the floor. Johnny Devine runs down to ringside, sets up a table outside the ring. Hector comes over to put a stop to that, including a cane shot to Devine’s head. Hector puts Devine on the table, climbs in the ring, up to the top (the crowd is going BESERK) – double-stomp throught the table! Back in the ring, Ray vs. Hernandez. Up top, Ray hits a superplex. D-Von with a top rope headbutt, 1-2-NO! Homicide back in – immediately falls victim to a double-team neckbreaker. The announcers get confused by the concept of “the legal man in the ring”. Hernandez with a double-clothesline. Homicide with a top rope hurricanrana to Ray. Hernandez with a spinebuster. D-Von with a forearm to Hernandez, up top with Homicide. Hernandez breaks it, gets a Border Toss. Homicide up – Frog Splash. Ref counts – 1-2-3!
Winners and new TNA Tag Team Champs: LAX
Match 10: TNA Heavyweight Championship: Kaz vs. Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe
Frank Trigg joins us for commentary, even though Kurt Angle is no longer in this match. I have no idea what he’s supposed to add. Kaz and Steiner feel each other out, and Joe stops that quickly enough with a double clothesline. Joe hits a couple of high kicks in the corner. Kaz and Joe tie up, Joe casually walks away from a splash attempt by Kaz – nice. Half crab by Joe. Arm bar on Steiner. Steiner finally catches him, only to be stopped by an exploder. Joe is just completely dominating both of these guys – it’s not even close so far. Steiner pulls Joe out, sends him into the railing. Kaz tries a baseball slide, Steiner avoids and clotheslines Kaz. Steiner with an almost-brainbuster on Joe on the ramp. Steiner and Kaz in the ring – Steiner hits a second rope belly-to-belly. Steiner on the ring apron – clothesline to Joe on the floor. Second-rope fallaway slam on Kaz. Joe back in – Steiner with a belly-to-belly on Joe, overhead on Kaz, overhead on Joe. Steiner Recliner on Joe – Joe picks him up on his shoulders, Kaz his a missle dropkick on Steiner. Kaz with a series of kicks and 2nd rope legdrop on Steiner for 2. Steiner tosses Joe into the corner, charges – Joe catches him and slams him to the mat. Steiner rolls out – Rhaka Khan distracts the ref, Joe tries a tope suicida, Steiner hits him with a lead pipe. Simple, but effective. Kaz with a plancha onto Steiner. Back in, Kaz gets a 2 count. Kaz with a DDT on Steiner for 2. Kaz with a dropkick for 2. Kaz up – caught up top by Frankie Williams. Steiner follows – hits the top rope Frankensteiner. 1-2-NO! Joe just gets in the ring in time to break it up. Joe with a second rope legdrop on Steinder, inverted atomic drop, dropkick, and senton on Kaz. Powerslam on Steiner for 2. Joe selling the left elbow (from the pipe) heavily. Attempts the rear naked choke, Kaz break-up hits no one, Joe takes down Kaz with a superkick. Joe sets up Steiner for the muscle buster, Kaz does a springboard dropkick onto Joe, knocking him out of the ring. Kaz hops up, driven to the mat by Steiner, two count. Tries again, Kaz tossed to the floor. Joe rushes in, high kick to Steiner’s head, muscle buster – 1-2-3.
Winner: Samoa Joe