John Cena is back and he’s MAD!Â King William is STILL MAD!Â What’s everyone MAD about?Â They’re MAD because you’re not keeping your browser pointed to the Pulse.Â Not really, but keep it here because two hours of entertainment is nothing to get MAD about!
Tonight, I bring you a rendition of “What If Vince Russo Booked Tonight’s Show?”Â I’ll be serving up some one liners that will make sense in the mind of Vince Russo.
Last week, after losing to ECW, Triple H takes out the ECW Roster, but he gets judgment served two weeks early by Randy Orton.
Tonight, King William turns the lights on as Lillian Garcia sings “God Save The Queen”.Â He reminds us who he is and that he can throw people out of the arena.Â He heads out to the masses and he picks two random fans and has them ejected.Â However, this brings out Mickie James, who tries to vouch for the fans.Â After enough time gets wasted, John Cena makes his way out to address the powerhungry William Regal.Â He tells Mickie that he’d handle him and the tide gets turned.Â Cena’s out here to address Regal man to man.Â Cena knows how Regal feels, but he is doing it the wrong way.Â Regal says that Vince gave him carte blanche last week and Cena says that Vince is insane, talks to himself, and has sexual pasttimes that you can’t find on the net.
Cena brings out E-MAILS!Â One says why we should respect Regal when he doesn’t do the same.Â One says that this is WCW Thunder bad and that a new chant of “Fire Regal” should commence at the arena.Â Regal is besmirched as the fans chant “Fire Regal”.Â He gives the fans his word that he won’t be turning the lights off tonight.Â He also announces Cena v. Orton for the main event and if anyone not directly involved gets involved, they will be suspended.Â Regal believes that he earned a little bit of respect and he leaves.
But Cena is NOT FINISHED!Â Cena tells Regal that he’s in the gold ole’ U.S.A.Â He has Lillian sing some Aretha Franklin.Â Interesting opening segment tonight.
Tonight, Chris Jericho apologizes to Shawn Michaels and the Tag Titles are on the line as Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes take on Carlito & Santino Marella…and that match….is NEXT!
We are back as “Hot Rod” Rowdy Roddy Piper makes his way out to the ring.Â Apparantly, Roddy Piper was asked to be out here for the upcoming match.Â We’re six days from Judgment Day and it’s time to start things out proper with a Tag Title match!
Carlito & Santino Marella v. Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes [c]
World Tag Team Championship Match
If Vince Russo were booking this, I’d fully expect Roddy Piper to join the International Superstars.Â Starting out, Holly gets a textbook dropkick on Marella, and scores a kick to the beltline!Â Alabamaslam attempt, but Carlito gets a swinging neckbreaker to prolong the match.Â Carlito gets tagged in and he lays the boots to Holly.Â Santino gets tagged in and he hits an armdrag followed by the elbow to the head.Â He takes Holly to the ropes, but Holly explodes with a lariat that knocks Santino loopy.Â Tag to Carlito and Holly hits a side slam.Â Carlito and Holly tag out and Rhodes sends Santino to the turnbuckle.Â To the air Rhodes goes and he hits a crossbody for two!Â POWERSLAM to Santino gets two as well.Â Santino rakes the eyes and he goes up top.Â This brings out Piper for the distraction and it served its purpose.Â DDT by Rhodes and the champions retain!
Winners:Â Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes
J.R. asks King if the the injury from HBK was legitimate or not.Â Cue up the WWE Mobile poll.Â Text yes or no to 44993!
Kennedy is out on the stage and he calls for his personal microphone.Â He admits that he has a big mouth, but no one’s gonna shut it for him.Â I’m totally liking this face turn for Kennedy.Â Sadly, I can’t say the same about Snitsky.
Mr. Kennedy v. Snitsky
If Vince Russo were booking this, he’d interject run-ins galore.Â Kennedy evades Snitsky, but he makes a mistake by jumping off the turnbuckle.Â Snitsky beats up on Kennedy and he follows up with a scoop slam.Â He drops the elbow for two.Â He locks on a bearhug and Kennedy fights out of it for a second.Â He runs back into the bearhug.Â Kennedy gouges the eye and gets out of the move again, the hard way.Â Kennedy gets some offense in and he hits a chop block!Â He cuts Snitsky down to size and nails the kick!.Â He chop blocks again for a 2.9999 count!Â Kennedy tries to whip Snitsky, but Snitsky hits a lariat and he goes for the Pumphandle Slam!Â Kennedy evades the move and he scores the Mic Check for the three!
Winner:Â Mr. Kennedy
Tonight:Â Cena v. Orton!
We are back at “The Joe”.Â Todd Grisham is standing by with Santino Marella and he is MAD!Â Hogan is not champion, Ronald Reagan isn’t President.Â He warns Roddy Piper that he’s going to find him and he’s going to hurt him.
Mickie James thanks John Cena for sticking up for her tonight.Â She invites him to a post show celebration later tonight.Â He goes all monotone on us saying that he’s got to remain serious for his match against Orton tonight and JBL on Sunday.Â Serious?Â Yeah, right.Â Cena cracks up and he says that he’ll be there for two reasons.Â One, (Mickie’s hot) her brother’s a big fan and two, (Mickie’s hot) her brother’s a big fan.Â I wonder what Mickie James does that makes her wild.
Mickie’s got a match up NEXT!
Last week, Mickie James successfully defended the title against Beth Phoenix.
Mickie James & Maria v. Beth Phoenix & Melina
Divas Tag Match
If Vince Russo was booking this, he’d put the Women’s Championship on a pole and requre that the person that claims the title climb a ladder andÂ hang it up.Â Once that’s done, it becomes a Elimination Match until it gets down to the final two.Â After that, the one that scales the ladder and retrieves the title becomes the Women’s Champion.Â Maria and Melina start things out.Â Maria nails a gutbuster for one and quick tags Mickie James.Â Mickie hits a low dropkick for two after a successful doubleteam.Â Mickie sends Melina straight to Beth Phoenix and she’s PISSED!Â Melina takes Mickie to her corner and Beth leaves her partner.Â Neckbreaker by Mickie and that’s all she wrote.
Winners: Mickie James & Maria
Minor note:Â Maria is improving.
It’s now time for the public apology.Â Chris Jericho makes his way out to the ring as he is ready to face HBK six days from tonight.Â He takes us back to the footage from Backlash.Â Jericho goes back saying that he was in the minority that didn’t believe that the injury was real.Â Last week changed his mind.Â He apologizes to Shawn and he thinks the match should be called off on Sunday.Â This brings out Shawn.Â He has the microphone and he tries to say that an apology isn’t warranted.Â In fact, Shawn has to apologize.Â The beans have been spilled and Shawn admits that he was faking it the entire time.Â Jericho doesn’t buy it.Â Shawn interrupts him and says that he told everyone that he’d do anything to win.Â Jericho says that his intelligence has been insulted.Â He rambles on and gets his teeth knocked out.Â Shawn says that he is not hurt and he leaps over the top rope, to prove the fact.Â
Tonight:Â Cena v. Orton!
Who’s that music playing?Â Oh yeah…that’s Jeff Hardy.Â Good to see that he’s looking well.Â He gets the heros welcome back to WWE RAW.Â He has a microphone and the fans chant his name.Â He says that it feels good to be back.Â HE SHOOTS!Â He said that he made a mistake and now he’s paying for it.Â He says that he wants to reclaim the Intercontinental — and his mic gets cut off.Â This brings out William Regal who says that Hardy should be punished for his sins.Â Out comes Umaga and he is met with a baseball slide!Â Hardy busts out a plancha and the match starts proper!
Umaga v. Jeff Hardy
If Vince Russo was booking this, Umaga would be beating Jeff Hardy senseless.Â Umaga throws Hardy in the ring and he sends him corner-to-corner.Â Umaga gets on top and he hits the headbutt!Â He beats some sense into Hardy and he has him in the position.Â REAR END COLLISON MISSES!Â WHISPER IN THE WIND CONNECTS AND HARDY GETS THE THREE!Â Umaga kicked out a split second too late.
Winner:Â Jeff Hardy
Umaga is pissed as we take a break.
It’s time for some Cryme Tyme!Â J.R. calls the King his dog and I’m laughing!
Cryme Tyme v. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Tag Team Match
If Vince Russo was booking this, Lance Cade would leave his partner and start a three month long feud with him.Â JTG and Lance Cade begin things.Â JTG evades Cade and he poses with a Hulk-A-Like.Â Back in the ring, Cade hits a forearm and Trevor Murdoch gets tagged in.Â JTG takes Murdoch to his corner and tags in Shad.Â Shad scoops Murdoch up and slams him down.Â He continues to work on Murdoch and tags in JTG.Â In comes Cade and he kicks JTG in the jaw.Â Back in comes Murdoch and he is reeling.Â JTG messes up a sunset flip.Â He makes a bigger mistake by correcting himself and Murdoch counters to steal a victory!
Winners: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Lance Cade is happy at the success that he grabs a microphone.Â He attributes Trevor’s musical talent as a reason that the team is back on the winning ways.Â He has Trevor Murdoch sing a bit of “The Gambler”.Â After that, Lance Cade throws out a knockout punch!Â Murdoch tries to get back up and he gets another right hand!
SmackDown Rebound:Â Vickie Guerrero creates another excuse to book Edge v. Undertaker for Judgment Day!Â The World Title bursting in flames was a cool touch, I might add.
Triple H is on the cover of WWE Magazine!Â
Backstage, Melina and Beth Phoenix argue!Â The argument turns into a vicious BRAWL in the back!Â Beth Phoenix owns, ya know.Â Time to go over the Judgment Day card.
Chris Jericho v. Shawn Michaels
Edge v. Undertaker (World Heavyweight Championship)
JBL v. John Cena
Triple H v. Randy Orton (Steel Cage – WWE Championship)
Todd Grisham is with Randy Orton and wants some thoughts about his two huge matches.Â Orton asks who has beaten more top opponents in the WWE?Â The answer was Randy Orton.Â The Age of Orton returns at Judgment Day.Â Onto John Cena, he’ll learn just why Orton is the smartest person in the WWE.
Tomorrow night on ECW:Â Miz v. CM Punk & Morrison v. Kane!Â I’m there.
Holy Cow…Â Randy Orton has new music and IT OWNS!Â Seriously…I want to know what the title and artist of this song is.
Randy Orton v. John Cena
Non-Title Standard Match
If Vince Russo was booking this, Triple H and JBL both interfere and beat their respective opponents for Judgment Day, defying authority.Â The bell soundsÂ as Cena is over tonight.Â They lock up and we get a clean break.Â Orton goes back to the headlock and he takes Cena down.Â Cena powers out and he hits a forearm.Â Bulldog on Orton gets two!Â Corner-to-corner they go and Cena hits a vertical suplex for a two count.Â Orton sends Cena to the ropes and Cena eats a forearm.Â They brawl a bit, but Orton nails the modified backbreaker for a close two count.Â Orton nails a haymaker, knocking Cena down as we get a close up of Orton’s face.Â Vintage Orton is BLOCKED as Cena takes and he flips Orton over the top rope!Â Break time!
We’re back and Orton takes control with a knee to the face, followed by the rope-assisted Double-Arm DDT!Â Cena gets a bit of momentum, but Orton POWERSLAMS him for two!Â Orton goes back to the headlock, but Cena is too smart!Â Cena looks for the shouldertackle, but Orton drops down and Cena misses him completely.Â RKO is countered!Â The throwback connects and Cena goes up top!Â Diving Fame-Asser connects and Orton rolls out of the ring!Â
William Regal comes out and he ejects the current referee!Â JBL is your new referee, but Cena beats some sense to JBL.Â Orton tries to come back and Cena looks for the FU, but JBL gets a big boot! Orton falls into a cover and we get the quickest count in professional history!
Winner:Â Randy Orton
Post match, Cena beats some sense into JBL, but Orton gets some revenge and this calls out Triple H!Â Trips beats down JBL before going after Orton.Â Cena takes JBL to the cheap seats and they brawl!Â In the ring, Trips runs into a boot from Orton and Orton beats down the Game!Â Oh, the steel cage is here and it is being lowered!Â Orton is liking this and he attempts to send Trips to the chain mesh, but Trips busts out the spinebuster!Â Trips tosses Orton into the cage and Orton falls out!Â Trips stands tall on the top of the cage!
The WWE RAW Report Card
Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes d. Carlito & Santino Marella: B-
Mr. Kennedy d. Snitsky: C+
Mickie James & Maria d. Beth Phoenix & Melina: C-
Jeff Hardy d. Umaga: D+
Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch d. Cryme Tyme: C
Randy Orton d. John Cena: B+
The Final Grade for WWE RAW 05/12/2008: C+
For the final show leading to WWE Judgment Day, this show served its purpose.Â Randy Orton and Triple H inside the cage will be a spectacle.Â JBL and John Cena will be a brawl, no doubt about that.Â Jericho and Michaels will be awesome, no questions asked.Â Jeff Hardy returning and being victorious shows that the WWE is strongly thinking about maintaining his push in the upper midcard.Â Despite an average on the wrestling front, everything else makes this show very watchable.
Pulse Wrestling has the best ROH Coverage on the internet!Â Bones Barkly, Big Andy Mac, & Pulse Glazer give us a review of ROH in the Hammerstein Ballroom.Â Big Andy Mac also chimes in with a report from Manassas, VA.Â Not to be outdone, Steve Murray reviews ROH: Transform.Â Keep up with the hottest promotion without a TV Deal with these great reports.
Last night was TNA Sacrifice and Steve Murray has your play-by-play coverage while Scott Keith returns to Pay-Per-View with his Smark Rant of the show!
That’s all from me, catch you later this week!
Tags: Raw, WWE