The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – April 19 1986
– Your hosts are Tony & David
– The conceit here is that we’re halfway through the Crockett Cup and they’ve just flown everyone from New Orleans out to Atlanta to tape this show during the break between morning and evening sessions. Hey, it was a simpler time.
– Ric Flair joins us first, and he’s not even gonna tell us which of his $10,000 robes he’s gonna wear tonight. He actually says "I don’t do no jobs in front of 70,000 people". That’s pretty inside for 1986.
– The Road Warriors v. Bill Tabb & Ray Traylor. Total destruction as they toss Tabb and Animal shoulderblocks Traylor, and Hawk follows with a slam and a legdrop and a fistdrop off a snapmare. They toss him over to tag Tabb, and Animal hits Tabb with a sloppy press slam before correcting himself with a proper one. Powerslam sets up the Doomsday Device at 1:49.
– Dusty and Baby Doll make their rebuttal to Flair’s promises of victory tonight. Nobody cares about Space Mountain, and Dusty doesn’t do jobs in front of 70,000 people either. I don’t know where they’re getting the 70,000 people thing from, since there was only like 10,000 in the Superdome for the Cup.
– Jimmy Valiant RETURNS, ready to avenge his ponytail against Shaska Whatley.
– Nighthawk v. Gene Ligon. Nighthawk with a pair of armdrags into a powerslam, and the shoulderbreaker finishes at 1:00. The pop-up notes that Ligon was sometimes half of the Thunderfoots. Well, lots of people were and the Deaton brothers were the ones most associated with them, but good to know anyway.
– The Rock N Roll Express is COMING to New Orleans.
– Wahoo McDaniel v. Vern Deaton. Hey, speaking of good old Thunderfoot #2. Wahoo works the headlock to start and chops Deaton down, then hits the chinlock and drags it out for a while. Chop chop chop finishes at 4:30.
– Paul Jones and Shaska Whatley cut a yelling and screaming promo against Jimmy Valiant, setting the stage for the haircut matches they would later have.
– Next up, James J Dillon accuses Ron Garvin of wrapping his fist with 8 pounds of tape and some plaster of Paris. Now that’s just exaggerating. Something needs to be done by next week…or else.
– Magnum TA v. Paul Garner. Backdrop, dropkick, suplex, goodbye at 0:20.
– Jimmy Garvin v. George South. Garvin’s knee brace is getting out of control. Wonder if that’s why he started wearing the glitter pants all the time? South gets a dropkick and he’s all fired up, but Garvin drops a knee and backdrops him to take over. He tosses South and knocks him off the apron, but South fights in, only to walk into a facelock. Garvin works that for a while and then offers a handshake before taking him down again and outwrestling him. Garvin works on a leglock FOREVER and then finishes with the brainbuster at 6:48. Way too long.
– Manny Fernandez is so excited about his TV title shot tonight, he forgets to speak English.
– Jimmy Garvin is tired of searching for Wahoo, so maybe he’ll just move on to someone else now. So I guess that’s that.
– Ivan Koloff v. Tony Zane. Ivan slugs him down and drops an elbow for two, but Zane catches him with an elbow of his own and necksnaps him on the apron. Back in, Zane gets a sunset flip for two, but Koloff elbows him down and tosses him. Back in, a back elbow gets two. Zane slugs away, but misses a charge, and Ivan gets a kneedrop off the second rope. He pounds Zane down for two and a swinging neckbreaker gets two. Kneedrop gets two. Zane comes back with a backdrop for two, but Ivan drops an elbow and takes him down with the Russian Hammer. Ivan pounds away and we have to take a BREAK? During THIS snoozer? Back with Ivan pounding Zane down and hammering away on the mat, then he picks Zane up and puts him down again. Zane comes back with an airplane spin, but a splash hits the knees and Ivan finishes him with the Sickle from the middle rope, at 9:15. NINE MINUTES for a squash.
– The Russians are ready for the tournament tonight, and Magnum TA better keep his nose out of the Kremlin’s business.
– Back with Dusty Rhodes for no reason. Shouldn’t he be on a plane to New Orleans by now?
– World TV title: Arn Anderson v. Manny Fernandez. Arn stalls for a bit and then attacks, but Manny gets a bodypress for two and Arn has to bail. Back in, Arn charges and runs into an elbow, and he bails again. Back in, Arn elbows him down in the corner, but the Bull goes over the top in the corner and elbows him down and out again. The announcers even acknowledge that Arn is obviously just stalling to the time limit if he can possibly do so. Bull with the headlock and he puts Arn down with a backfist, and AGAIN Arn bails. And we have to take a break, which I’m sure won’t cause us to miss much at the rate we’re going. Back with Fernandez controlling the arm and then switching to a leglock. He works on that for a while until Arn breaks loose, then kicks the leg out from under him and goes to a stepover toehold instead. He works on that for a while and we take another break. And Manny still has the leg wrapped up when we return. And now it’s figure-four time, but Arn makes the ropes so he switches to a half-crab instead. Arn breaks loose and pounds away, then turns a backdrop into a faceplant before going to a bodyscissors. Manny comes back with a flying forearm, but misses a dropkick. He keeps coming with a flying bodypress and the flying burrito, but time expires at 15:55. And Tully quickly comes out for the beatdown, which has Ron Garvin and Dusty Rhodes running out to save. Nice touch as JJ Dillon distracts Dusty on commentary to keep him away while David is all "DUSTY! DUSTY! LOOK OUT!" Majorly dull match, like the rest of this show. **
– Jim Cornette is out for the final build for the Cup, and gets the line of the show by noting "Magnum TA doesn’t know what his opinion is until Dusty tells it to him." BWAHAHAHA!
– The Midnight Express v. Art Pritts & Bob Pearson. The Express attacks Pritts and Dennis chokes him out on the ropes, and it’s over to Pearson for more abuse. Bobby brings him over to the announce table for some verbal abuse from Cornette, and it’s back into the ring for a suplex from Eaton. Cornette runs through his impressions of the babyfaces on commentary to liven things up while Condrey does pushups while holding a headsicssors. Back to Pritts and he gets nowhere, as Bobby holds a headlock while Cornette berates him. Bobby pounds him down and hits the flying kneedrop, and Dennis finishes with the Stroke at 5:00 while posing with the belt. Nice touch as Cornette notes on commentary that he wanted at least 5:00 of exercise for his team, and that was the time of the match.
– Tully Blanchard and JJ are out to teach lessons about the dangers of getting too close to Dusty Rhodes. No one shall ever shut him up. No kidding.
– Ron Garvin and his taped fist aren’t worried about legal threats from Tully Blanchard.
– Ron Garvin v. Brodie Chase. Garvin throws Chase around to start and ties him up in knots on the mat. He releases and headbutts him down again, then wraps him up and elbows him down, setting up a kneelift and a splash for the pin at 3:14.
– And we finish with Jimmy Valiant, comparing Paul Jones to Hitler and Napolean. Someone’s gonna be bald when it’s all over.
Total waste of time this week to fill in during the Cup.