Guerrilla Chikarticles: A Recap of Most Things Indy

It’s events like Judgment Day that remind me why I stick to independent wrestling. (Judgment Day 2008 Review and important results from this weekend’s indy shows.)

The Opening Segment (5.19.2008)
One Time Only: WWE Judgment Day 2008 Review

Guerrilla Chikarticles is all about covering the independent wrestling community. The Opening Segment was made to highlight a specific part of independent wrestling, whether it be in a positive light or in a demeaning light. This week, you’re going to see something completely different. I made my way over to a friend’s house for Judgment Day and shelled out a measly ten dollars to contribute toward the bill. By the end of the event, I wanted to take my ten dollars back and book out of his house. If I wasn’t such a nice guy, I would’ve done so. There are times that I think WWE is getting better, but then comes an event that just laughs at my face for spending another forty dollars on it. It’s events like Judgment Day that remind me why I stick to independent wrestling.

Match One: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

One of the matches I was looking forward to the most, I was dumbfounded to see that it pulled the curtains. Even though there was no serious build up to this match except for the fact that JBL hates Cena, their past meetings made me think this one was going to be good (See Judgment Day 2005). Then the bell rang, and my heart sunk. I would’ve fell asleep if I hadn’t drank a Red Bull ten minutes before hand. It was sloppy, slow, and stinky. There was a spot where JBL had Cena in an armbar and Cena lifted him up (because of his steroids). Cena had JBL up about a foot in the air, and was supposed to simply slam him back down. Instead he accidentally sat back down and JBL let go of the hold. That wasn’t the only thing that made me mad; it’s just the one that stands out the most. And after weeks of putting JBL over talent and weeks of Cena not being on TV, Cena puts JBL away with the FU making the last few weeks of JBL’s destruction completely pointless.

Entertainment Rating: 3 out of 10. The match was very slow and routine-ish. I guess they put them in the opener because they realized these guys can’t pull off an entertaining match without a gimmick (in reference to their “I Quit” match at Judgment Day 2005).

Match Two: John Morrison and The Miz © vs. Kane and CM Punk

I was expecting this match to be like very simple and short, but it went on longer than I expected. Not a bad match at all, though I knew the titles weren’t changing hands. Why put the straps on the ECW World Champion and the MITB holder? The finish was nice, as I was expecting Miz and Morrison to go over by cheating, but they won squeaky clean. Morrison does need a new finisher though. If I may quote my friend: “What a [expletive deleted] move. If I was ever in a fight and I did that to someone they would say ‘That was a mad [expletive deleted] move.’ Then I’d be like ‘Yeah, but you’re a little dizzy now, and I am too.’

Entertainment Rating: 7 out of 10. There was really nothing wrong with this match and it kept me hooked for the most part. I used to hate the Miz because he could never wrestle, but they paired him with the right person. Morrison and Miz go together perfectly.

Match Three: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

I was never really pulled into this match because the storyline confused the crap out of me. One night, the feud is Michaels/Batista. Then for several weeks it’s Michaels/Jericho, and Batista is nowhere to be seen. The match itself was good until the end. Michaels Sweet Chinned Jericho on the apron, sending Jericho to the floor. Michaels went into the ring and left at the referee’s five count. The referee should’ve reset the count, but just kept counting from five. After Michaels set him up for another Sweet Chin, Jericho reversed it into a Code Breaker. Jericho set up for a Walls of Jericho, but Michaels reversed it into a pin for the three. Now, the pin was set up for Michaels to sit on both of Jericho’s shoulders, but Michaels only sat on the left shoulder leaving Jericho’s right completely exposed. Jericho could’ve lifted his shoulder with no trouble, but decided to stick with the finish.

Entertainment Rating: 6 out of 10. The finish really took away from the whole match. It made Jericho look careless and dumb.

Match Four: Mickie James © vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

This was your typical WWE Diva match. Nothing special happened here. Expect a short Phoenix/Melina program to happen on RAW for a couple weeks. Mickie pinned Melina while Phoenix was out.

Entertainment Rating: 4 out of 10. I just like seeing Phoenix man-handle the Divas. Seriously, her beat-down on Melina last week on RAW was crazy.

Match Five: Edge vs. Undertaker for the vacant World Heavyweight Title

I wasn’t too excited for this match. SmackDown! has pretty much been revolving around the same people for years now: Undertaker, Batista and Edge. This wasn’t anything new and I knew I was going to see the same stuff I’ve seen from all of Edge and Taker’s other matches. Undertaker won by countout and was rewarded the title, but Vickie came out to cut Undertaker’s celebration short.

“ESSCUSE ME! ESSCUSE ME! ESSCUSE ME! ESSCUSE ME! I HAVE TO INTER UPT THIS ANNOUNCEMENT! ESSCUSE ME! I HAVE TO INTER UPT THIS ANNOUNCEMENT! ESSCUSE ME! ESSCUSE ME!”

WWE, please send Vickie to some language classes because she can’t speak for squat.

Entertainment Rating: 2 out of 10. Same ****, different PPV.

Match Six: MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

Great! The match I was looking forward to the most was changed! Matt Hardy vs. MVP is always the highlight of the event. We skipped this match due to everyone’s hate of Jeff Hardy.

Match Seven: Triple H © vs. Randy Orton

I was sure this was going to be the match of the night. After all, when was the last time a Cage Match made the main event for a pay per view? They had to have something special planned for this match. It started off nice with some back and forth action. Then, it all just deteriorated from there. It really started to drag in the middle when they ran out of spots and just did the same things over and over again on the cage. There was a point where Orton was at the top of the cage and kicked HHH off of the ropes, sending him to the middle of the ring out cold. Why couldn’t Orton just climb over? Why couldn’t HHH just walk out the door instead of trying to chase Orton? Then the HHH Series of Unfortunate Events happened (Opponent’s Finisher Reversal, Spinebuster, Pedigree) and it was all over. What could’ve been an amazing match was complete horse manure.

Entertainment Rating: 3 out of 10.

Overall Thoughts on Judgment Day 2008…

I’m giving this event an additional zero out of ten for not only changing the Matt Hardy match, but because the advertised Mark Henry/Big Show match never happened. With an average of 3 out of 10, I don’t have to give my overall thoughts. Hell, I’d rather watch Ring of Honor than watch WWE after watching this PPV.

Quick Results of this Weekend’s Major Indy Shows…
1. (CHIKARA) Eddie Kingston made his return to Chikara after missing last month’s Deuces Wild. He annihilated Shane Storm.

2. (CHIKARA) Incognito won the 2008 Rey De Voladores Tournament after beating Helios.

3. (CHIKARA) Incoherence retained the Campeonatos de Parejas after beating The Osirian Portal two falls to NONE.

4. (PWG) Roderick Strong and Jack Evans beat Kevin Steen and El Generico in the finals of the DDT4 Tournament to become the new PWG World Tag Team Champions.

5. (PWG) The Human Tornado showed up to the DDT4 Tournament and decided to keep the title throughout his hiatus from action.

6. (IWC) Jerry Lynn won the Super Indy Title by pinning Larry Sweeney at IWC’s Hell Hath No Fury 3 on May 17th.

Sorry for the lack of Chikarticles. I was on a vacation in North Carolina. Though I already did write it and was prepared to post it, a tornado cut off all internet for the following days. The net was back up on Thursday Night, but the power went out once again preventing me from posting it. Crazy. I will return this Friday with the normal Chikarticles Format.

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