Twenty-four hours removed from Judgment Day, I’m back in the house with your real-time coverage of RAW! No Judgment Day recap as we start things right off with the video and pyro! We’re LIVE tonight and Chris Jericho takes on Batista in an interpromotional match! We begin things proper with JEFF HARDY, who was victorious last night against Montel Vontanious Porter. His opponent, for the 20th or so time….UMAGA!
Jeff Hardy v. Umaga
Standard Match
The bell sounds and they stare down. Umaga gets the advantage to start, but Hardy tries a sunset flip, but HE’S TOO FAT! Bonzai drop misses. Hardy hits a dropkick for two, but he runs right into a SAMOAN DROP FROM THE ISLE OF SAMOA! Umaga applies the neck vice, driving the energy out of Hardy. Hardy and Umaga tries a brawl, but Umaga wins that contest. Umaga sets Hardy up in the proverbial Tree of Woe. Samoan Headbutt CONNECTS! Umaga goes up top and Hardy misses the splash. Hardy gets his hair pulled…TWIST OF FATE – NO! Umaga sends him to the turnbuckle…WHISPER IN THE WIND – NO! Umaga swats him away. Umaga sets Hardy up in the corner and he runs for the REAR END COLLISION, but Hardy moves out of the way! Hardy wails with rights and follows with the turnbuckle dropkick! Umaga is back up, and he gets knocked out of the ring by a mule kick. Hardy executes a plancha and both men are down on the floor! The referee begins to count and Umaga sends Hardy to the ring post, but he puts on the breaks. Umaga gets sent to the steel steps. Hardy walks the barricade and dives into Umaga, but he catches him and he nails the swinging sidewalk slam! Both men get counted out.
Result:Â Double Countout
Grade: B
Hardy is being attended to by the trainers. Meanwhile, Batista and Jericho have a debacle in the back. They don’t trust each other, so it seems.
Commercials.
We get a recap of Judgment Day from last night! We return to a darkened arena. We get the lights and King William is in the center of the ring, with huge boos from the crowd. He books Jeff Hardy v. Umaga in a Falls Count Anywhere Match! He brings Randy Orton and JBL on the Titantron and they both want their respective rematches at One Night Stand. Regal books the two of them against Triple H and John Cena tonight! If Orton and JBL win, they get their rematches and choice of stipulations! However, if Trips and Cena win, they face each other in a match of Regals choosing.
Out comes MR. KENNEDY! Regal reminds Kennedy that there are consequences for interrupting him, but Kennedy wants Regal TONIGHT! Kennedy doesn’t get it and Regal says that the next person that interrupts him will be fired on the spot.
OUT COMES MR. MCMAHON! Regal has some big balls for that statement now. Kennedy smarts off at Regal and beckons him to fire Mr. McMahon. Vince shuts Kennedy up and Vince says that more viewers have complained about Regal’s abuse of power. Regal says that you have to take a half step backwards to take two steps forward. Vince brings up television ratings and attributes Regal as the reason of the declining ratings. Vince now talks to Kennedy and he says that he doesn’t like Kennedy. Vince makes Regal v. Kennedy official for tonight! There’s a catch, the loser gets FIRED!
Commercials.
Welcome back and it’s time for some diva action! Melina makes her way to the announcer’s table and she makes both Jerry and J.R. sweat!
Beth Pheonix v. Maria
Diva’s Match
Melina says that she’s not that kind of girl for Playboy, but she’ll let King convince her. From the bell, Beth overpowers Maria and she military presses her for a two count! Maria fights back, but Beth nails a backbreaker and torques the back. Maria gets out of it, but Beth overpowers her in the corner. Maria bashes her head in the turnbuckle and bulldogs her for two! Rollup by Maria gets another two, and Maria eats a shoulderblock. Maria comes off the ropes and kicks her in the face. OH MY GOD! Beth grabs Maria’s legs and she slams her down chest first and Beth holds on the back and Maria gives up! For future reference, that move is called the Glam Slam!
Winner: Beth Phoenix
Grade:Â C+
Melina darts towards Beth Phoenix with her boot, but Melina eats steel for her efforts.Â
Chris Jericho v. Batista is on TONIGHT!
So is Trips & Cena v. JBL & Orton!
Commercials.
Piper’s Pit is TONIGHT!
Footage of Piper Pit on Jimmy Kimmel that hit YouTube over the weekend! Santino eats cake and Roddy Piper throw some hot wings! This is the funniest segment of the year!
Mickie James has a conversation with Katie Lea, who accuses her of sleeping with Cena! She mocks Ashley Massaro and the $20,000 girls and Katie says that she’d give Cena a better time.
Back to Regal’s office and HBK livens up the mood. He becomes cocky and Regal decides to make Shawn’s match at One Night Stand a STRETCHER MATCH!
Commercials.
We are back and the WWE received an award from the G.I. Film Festival. Ric Flair was on hand to accept the award for the company.Â
Time to see who faces Shawn Michaels at One Night Stand!
Chris Jericho v. Batista
Winner faces Shawn Michaels at One Night Stand
The bell sounds and Jericho pie faces Batista! Batista fights back and he shoves Jericho. To the corner they go and he runs into a big boot! Jericho gets swatted awayand sent to the ropes. Jericho kicks Batista, but Batista elevates him to new heights!. Jericho runs into a train wreck for two. Jericho gets sent to the corner and Batista follows up with a clothesline. Batista sends Jericho to the ropes, but Jericho falls on his knees and the referee checks on him. Jericho says his knee is hurt, but Batista isn’t buying it!
Commercials.
Tomorrow night on ECW:Â Kofi Kingston v. Shelton Benjamin.
Back to the match, and Jericho is still hurt! Batista beats the holy hell out of Jericho, but Jericho sends Batista out to the floor. He’s now holding his knee and Jericho wonders if he’s hurt. Jericho kicks at the knees and goes for the chop block. It shows that Jericho was feigning his injury as he works on Batista! Batista is in a leg submission move. Jericho drops his knee on Batista’s knee and Batista shoots Jericho out of the ring. Batista comes closer and Jericho tries to pull Batista out from under him, but he sends Jericho to the commentary table. Jericho comes inside and he runs into a BIG BOOT! Jericho goes for the knee, but Batista hits the SPINEBUSTER! Batista Bomb attempt, but Jericho locks on a single leg boston crab! Batista fights closer, but Jericho pulls him farther away. Batista inches closer and he gets the rope! Jericho works on the leg again, but Batista fights him off. Chop block connects, but the Lionsault misses! Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Jericho uses the ropes and he evades it. Jericho up top and he dives INTO A CLOTHESLINE! Batista goes for a cover and Jericho kicks out at TWO! Batista still favors the left leg. He’s back up and he waits for Jericho. Wait for it….SPEAR is EVADED! Jericho looks for the Codebreaker, but Batista COUNTERS INTO THE BATISTA BOMB! He gets the victory.
Winner: Batista
Grade: A-
Shawn Michaels comes out to the stage to stare down Batista.Â
Later to come, Trips and Cena v. JBL and Orton!
However the Piper’s Pit is NEXT!
Commercials.
Regal is preparing for his match as Vince walks in. Regal wants to know the reasoning, but Ted DiBiase comes inside the office. He asks Regal to vacate the premises as they talk about MONEY!
Out comes <s>Roddy Piper</s> SANTINO MARELLA dressed like an idiot. He talks trash to my discontent. Santino is entertaining, but this is crazy. We go back to the Jimmy Kimmel skit. Now watching Santino getting his ass owned on national TV is actually amusing. He calls out Cousin Sal, Jimmy Kimmel’s cousin! He has ENTRANCE MUSIC!
Marella wants to find out why Sal idolized Piper. Sal brings up how Marella didn’t win the tag titles, didn’t beat Stone Cold, and when he claimed to have slept with Maria, Maria said that was impossible because Marella is HUNG LIKE A FOURTH GRADER!
[We’re sorry, but we have to interrupt this segment for a brief word from our sponsors.]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.]
Marella is embarrassed, who says that 4th graders are maturing at a very fast rate AND HE HAS PICTURES! Oh my God he’s a pedophile. Marella invited him here for an apology. Either apologize or eat cake. The real deal walks up behind Santino and yes, Santino eats more cake! Lillian gets some on her, but Santino Marella challenges Santino’s pal Sal and Roddy accepts for him. Sal isn’t too happy about it, but he’ll be alright with Piper in his corner.
Mr. Kennedy walks.
Commercials.
We are back and it’s official:Â Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch is FINISHED as a tag team.
Mr. Kennedy v. King William Regal
Loser is FIRED!
The bell rings and they circle the ring. They grapple and Regal assaults Kennedy in the corner. Kennedy fights back, but Regal returns the favor. Big back drop from Kennedy gets a two count! Kennedy kicks Regal in the head and he rolls out of the ring. Regal SWEEPS THE LEG and Kennedy is out of the ring as well. Regal is back inside and he drops the knee to the face. Knee strikes and Regal goes for a backslide, but Kennedy counters. Regal gets a proper cover for two. He beats Kennedy in the corner. Overhand Suplex connects for a two count in Regal’s advantage. Regal works a rear naked choke, wrenching the arm and Kennedy is in trouble. Knee to the face and Regal toys with Kennedy. Kennedy explodes with a boot to the face! They brawl in the center and Kennedy HITS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK FOR TWO!Â
Regal takes the advantage and Kennedy gets knocked out of the ring. Regal follows suit and he sends Kennedy to the announce table. He grabs a microphone and announces the match as a No DQ match!He calls for a tech guy to give him the brass knuckles! He sends Kennedy to the steel steps and Regal sends him inside the ring! Regal has the microphone and the knux! He readies for the Power of the Punch, but Kennedy hits the low blow! MIC CHECK CONNECTS AND KENNEDY GETS THE WIN!
Winner:Â Mr. Kennedy
Grade: B+
Regal is on his knees in the ring, distressed that he just lost his job. The fans chant him away as he is rejected! Regal takes the knux and places them inside his trunks before he leaves the ring.Â
Judgment Day Recap.
Commercials.
William Regal knocks on his door and inside is T-LO! What’s up Playa? Regal is PISSED!
Todd Grisham interviews Trips and he says that they were victorious last night, so they are the favorites. Where there’s change, Triple H is the constant.
“I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me.”
Time for our MAIN EVENT! Actually, not yet…WWE has to pay for this match!
Commercials.
Randy Orton & John Bradshaw Layfield v. John Cena & Triple H
Tag Team Match of EXTREME Consequences
The match begins with Cena v. Orton. They grapple in the center and Orton gains the advantage in the early minute. Cena whips Orton to the corner and BULLDOG CONNECTS! Tag to Trips, but Orton is prepared until Trips hits the high knee. Cena and Trips toss Orton out and we have to pay for airtime!
Commercials.
We’re back as JBL has Trips in a cover for two! JBL snaps on a headlock and Orton tags in. Double team ensues, but Orton kicks some sense to Trips. To the corner, Orton beats into Trips, but he doesn’t hit the dropkick! Cena is in and he does the shoulder tackles! West Side Slam connects, as does the Five Knuckle Shuffle. JBL interferes, but Trips stops that. RKO is countered into the FU, but JBL hits the big boot! The referee is busy with Trips, so the count is delayed. Cena and Orton think of the same thing and they crack heads! Trips and JBL are tagged in and they BRAW! Trips hits a lariat, but JBL tries to gain some offense. KNEE SMASH HITS! The Neckbreaker connects for two. Clothesline to Hell is countered to the SPINEBUSTER! Cena tags in and he locks on the STFU! Orton is in and he hits the reverse neck/back breaker! he goes to punt Trips in the head, but Cena eats it and Trips and Orton battle in the corner! JBL falls backward into the cover and they get the win!
Winners:Â JBL & Randy Orton
Grade: B
Post match, Randy Orton hits Trips with the RKO and the heels celebrate standing tall. JBL has the microphone and he announces that they will face off in a First Blood Match! Orton has the microphone and he wants him in a Last Man Standing Match!
Show Over.
The WWE RAW Report Card
Jeff Hardy & Umaga went to a no contest: B
Beth Phoenix d. Maria: C+
Batista d. Chris Jericho: A-
Mr. Kennedy d. William Regal: B+
JBL & Randy Orton d. Triple H & John Cena: B
Extra Credit:Â As much as Santino was annoying mocking Piper, he took being embarrassed very well and the overall segment was a good one.
The Final Grade for WWE RAW: B+
The wrestling wasn’t too crowded and One Night Stand takes on four matches added from RAW tonight!
Triple H v. Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship
JBL v. John Cena in a First Blood Match
Shawn Michaels v. Batista in a Stretcher Match
Jeff Hardy v. Umaga in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
That’s all from me, have a great week!
