The Jimmy Jacobs/Austin Aries Fued Has Jumped The Shark

You know. They’ve been building this feud for a very, very long time. It’s been over six months now as a matter of fact that the Aries/Jacobs program has been running. However, instead of working to bring the program to a natural conclusion, it looks like the master booker is trying to push the program forward on life support without rhyme or reason; no different than a hit TV show being signed for another season only to have Fonize jump the shark.

To establish where I’m coming from, here is a conversation from the hit Disney film, “The Incredibles”:

Lucius: [Bob and Lucius are sitting in a parked car, reminiscing] So now I’m in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I’m an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do?

Bob: [laughing] He starts monologuing.

Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda.

Bob: Yammering.

Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won’t shut up!

Now for everyone who wasn’t in New York City on May 10, let me describe the scene to you exactly as it happened… there is Austin Aries, down and out after a grueling match… there is the Age of the Fall’s Tyler Black and Joey Matthews holding down a beaten and battered Austin Aries… and there is Jimmy Jacobs with his infamous spike, looking down the eyes of Aries after Aries has stolen the one true love of Jimmy’s life…

And guess what does Jimmy does next?

Yes. That’s right.

Jimmy starts monologuing!

“Hold him up. Stand him up. Highers! You took everything that was important to me! You did it! I should kill you Aries! I should kill you! I should kill you! But I’m not gonna’ today. You emotionally scarred me. I can inflict all the physical pain in the world that I want on you, it wouldn’t do it justice. You have to live every day now, knowing what I did to Lacey. What you forced me to! You forced my hand! Hold that over your head Aries! Hold that over your head! Let it eat away at you! I’d spike you right now… Do it?! Imma inflict the worst emotional damage on you, you’ve ever felt! Everyday of your life, look over your shoulder, you don’t know how, you don’t know when, live with it on your hand!”

What the hell is that shit?! That isn’t drama! It’s not complex! It’s not even wrestling! It’s a hack job! I mean reading that, you should literally be able to pick up not only what is going to be said next, but also reference an innumerable amount of hokey James Bond villains from the 1970s who use the exact same plot device to keep things moving.

The bottom line is why would I want to go a wrestling show to see Jimmy enact “emotional damage” on Austin Aries? Why would I do such a silly thing?

It’s apparent that Gabe wrote himself into a corner and didn’t creatively push himself enough to come up with a believable scenario to keep the program moving forward. I mean I’ve seen shit stains on a camel’s underwear with more creativity in them. The same can be said with the Dragon/Morishima program, but that’s a different article for a different time.

Either way, here was one way to push the angle forward. Jimmy goes crazy backstage after the show and spikes everyone he comes across, leading to a believable “dismissal” from Ring of Honor. Now Austin petitions to have Jacobs brought back in so he can get revenge for what happened to Lacey. Voi-fucking-la! It’s simple. It makes sense. It doesn’t require the audience to make tremendous leaps in logic to work. And it’s a big money feud as it goes along with tremendous hype and makes the youtube videos mean something, and has plenty of pissed off people for Jacobs to work with as he returns.

Besides that, unless Jacobs comes back with Aries’ mother’s head in a small brown box delivered to the middle of nowhere, there is no way the “emotional damage” aspect of this is going to live up to any kind of expectations. No. Not even my guarded by the snakes, buried by the sand, hoping to find the Well of Souls expectations (Indy IV doesn’t suck).

All that will likely happen is that Lacey will continue to be threatened and used as a bargaining tool to cost Aries’ matches. The only thing that could turn it around and make the angle awesome is if eventually Aries goes, “F*ck it. The bitch isn’t worth it.”

Current Mood: Sunshiney
Currently Listening: Bloc Party – Flux

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