The Evil Woods – DVD Review

Film, Reviews

Available at Amazon.com

Travis started his review of Meet the Spartans by calling it the worst movie of all time. Well…we have a contender to the throne right here. And it comes out the same day. Can we refer to June 3rd as black Tuesday for movie releases?

Where to start with this movie. The acting is deplorable. The script is terrible. The audio sucks. The characters have no emotional connection with the audience, there’s no one to root for to actually survive. Questionable continuity. Let’s look at it this way, usually, these terrible horror movies at least have a hot chick in them for you to blindly root for to either survive or end up naked, this one, no hot chicks. Meaning the terrible acting hot chicks in all the other crappy horror flicks read this script and said, “Um…no. I don’t think so.”

The characters are introduced with three of them going on a camping trip and the other two convincing them to let them come with. This puts a negative light on the last two, because they come off as leeches, and nobody likes leeches. That leaves the first three as the characters we could like. Only problem is, the first three consist of a jerk and the two fugly chicks that like him for some reason. And by jerk, what I really mean is ASSHOLE. Think Stiffler times 10, except with no humorous value what so ever. And what makes it worse. The acting and script are so bad I don’t even know if they mean for him to be a Stiffler-esque sympathetic character, or an asshole to be hated. He definitely ends up being the guy everyone hates, but the script makes it seem like they want him to be rooted for. What makes him an asshole, you ask? Every line he has consists of one of the words, F__k, B___h, and man. Often all three. And he talks to himself. He walks through the woods right before his demise talking to himself as if he was talking to someone else and he keeps saying the same stuff. Not to mention, the stuff he says, are the things that good movie makers say with interesting shots, and good actors say through emotion. But this movie has neither of those two things, so they have to have some idiot without inner monologue tell everyone what’s going on.

Most movies of this genre have the final survivor have a climatic chase scene away from the killer. This movie, nope. The ugly chick gets the climatic chase scene, and her you’re rooting for her to be killed. You may be questioning why I keep referring to the girls as ugly, or fugly, and since you aren’t watching this movie, you need to be told. Look at it this way, they’re the only two girls in the history of crappy horror movies, that when sitting on a raft naked, you’re more inclined to look at the killer creeping up behind them than the girls themselves. Even still, the director keeps putting their boobs more and more in screen giving you less and less to look at.

The audio is also terrible. There are numerous points where the sound is a second off of the action that causes it. In the beginning, there are two people sitting around a campfire, and the girl says something when the guy is off looking for something, the girl then turns her head to the camera and you see her mouth move to the words she just said. Then there’s a point near the end, the girl gets out of the car, closes the door, and a second later you hear the car door close.

The movie isn’t even where the ridiculousness ends. The tagline on the DVD case says, “You can’t hide from what you can’t see.” Two things with that. The two people who try to hide are pretty successful while hiding. Second, the guy doing all the killing, is pretty visible. Which leads to the question, did the people who wrote the tagline even watch the movie? I wouldn’t blame them for not watching it.

The Evil Woods is presented in 1.85:1 DVD screen format. The audio is 2.0 Dolby Digital.

10 Minutes of Outtakes.

A 26 Minute making of feature. That loses you pretty quick when the first screen says “The genius minds behind the making of the greatest feature ever shot.”

Trailers for Knock Knock, The Chair, The Entrance, and TKO.


The Evil Woods is abysmal. I realize some people like these crappy horror flicks for the humor they can bring, but this one doesn’t even bring humor. If you see this movie in a store or a blockbuster, don’t look twice. I would even shy away from picking a movie that is so much as next to this movie for fear of it being contaminated.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..


Fixed Point Films Presents The Evil Woods. Directed by Aaron Harvey. Starring William Van Noland, Brad Smith, Ivory Dortch and Matilda Saliasi. Written by Jason Melling. Running time: 83 minutes. Rated R. Released on DVD: June 3rd, 2008. Available at Amazon.com.