Welcome again to the Crackdown. Tonight, I have for you a shortened edition because I’m getting the hell out of the house. Enjoy this recap.
Smackdown opened with pyro for the first time in recent memory. We’re not live from San Jose, California and to start things off, MVP hosts the VIP Lounge. He started sitting on the couches. The 2008 Draft is coming up and everyone is eligible, even referees. Everybody wants MVP on their show. MVP wants to be drafted because he doesn’t think he’s being used. Vickie Guerrero interrupted. Vickie doesn’t like that MVP’s complaining and insulting her Familia. MVP says he didn’t mean to insult her but he apologizes. He says he got the win on CM Punk last week like she asked, but Vickie’s been unavailable all week to talk about renegotiating his contract. Vickie says that’s tough luck, and she’s ordering him to wrestle Kane later tonight. Heels arguing with heels always feels awkward to me.
Back from break, Matt Hardy cued his music. It bothers me every time the champion comes out before his opponent. It’s Matt Hardy vs. Chavo Guerrero at Night of Champions, and Bam Neely looks a lot like Amish Roadkill on the graphic. Bam Neely came out to Chavo’s music and threw his shirt at Hardy.
Match #1: US Champ Matt Hardy vs. Bam Neely – non-title
Cole said Hardy couldn’t scout Neely because he’s never been in the ring. Foley reminded him that Neely’s wrestled some tag matches on ECW. Nice way to get your own product over. Bam Neely didn’t seem to know how to sell an enziguri. Referee Little Naitch threw Chavo Guerrero out after he grabbed Matt Hardy’s leg. That ended up not mattering much, as Hardy hit the Twist of Fate seconds later for the win.
Your winner, by pinfall, Matt Hardy! Smart booking, in that the heel’s bodyguard wrestled the baby face champion right before the pay per view. If Bam Neely had established himself with matches, he might’ve been more credible, however he and Hardy had a fine little match. Six minutes, thirty four seconds.
Backstage after break, Chavo complained to Edge about Charles Robinson. Edge calmed him down and promised Vickie would take care of Robinson and promised Chavo he’d take care of Matt Hardy but Chavo had to take care of Batista. Chavo was incredulous.
In the arena, Michelle McCool headed to the ring for a match with Layla. Yikes.
Match #2: Michelle McCool vs. Layla
Cole told us Layla’s being part of ECW made her more aggressive in the bedroom. Does WWE want the audience to take women’s wrestling seriously? Mick Foley read his next poem in tribute to Michelle, which was just Guns ‘n’ Roses lyrics from Sweet Child O’Mine. Natalya Neidhart came out and watched the match on stage. Michelle won with a heel hook.
Your winner, by submission, Michelle McCool! Michelle needs to take notes from Hardcore Holly on the art of dropkicks. That’s all I want to say. Four minutes, two seconds.
Backstage, Edge talked to Vickie until Charles Robinson walked in. Vickie said she’s been reviewing his performance and realizes that he’s been showing bias in his matches, especially towards Undertaker. Vickie’s forcing Little Naitch to wrestle tonight. Robinson has bad luck with General Managers, because GM Kurt Angle forced him to wrestle Luther Reigns a few years ago.
Back from break, Jaime Noble cued his music and he’s taking on Vladimir Kozlov.
Match #3: Jaime Noble vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Noble outwrestled Kozlov for a few seconds, but Kozlov took over. Noble came back with a missile dropkick and applied a nice guillotine choke. Kozlov escaped and eventually won with the Zinedine headbutt.
Your winner, by pinfall, Vladimir Kozlov! Kozlov’s longest match so far, but it’s starting to become apparent that this guy can wrestle. I’m anticipating his first real match. Three minutes, forty four seconds.
Back from break, MVP headed back to the ring for his match with Kane. Their feud in 2006 was pretty good, but these guys have already gone through an Inferno match, a cage match and all that mess. What more can they do? Kane made things explode.
Match #4: MVP vs. ECW Champion Kane – non-title
Cole mentioned the Inferno match far too casually, reminding us that Kane once set MVP on fire. That’s it, no shock, no incredulous tone, nothing. Just a normal conversational tone. Foley wondered if Vickie would take Edge’s name when they marry, wondering if she’d go by Vickie Edge. This show is so weird. Kane called for the Chokeslam, but MVP got a rope break. MVP was clotheslined out of the ring and took an intentional countout loss.
Your winner, by countout, Kane! It’s weird watching Kane wrestle a technical match arbitrarily. The matches he wrestled in 2004 against Chris Benoit were good because Benoit focused on a body part, rather than just putting holds on and not having them matter. Six minutes, fifty eight seconds.
After the match, Mark Henry attacked Kane and gave him a World’s Strongest Slam.
Backstage, Chavo Guerrero wished Charles Robinson luck in his match.
Back from break, it’s time for Little Naitch to wrestle. His opponent is the Great Khali. Surprisingly, Robinson didn’t act as scared as he should be.
Match #5: Charles Robinson vs. The Great Khali.
Robinson ran away but the Edgeheads stopped him and threw him back in the ring. Referee Mickie Henson started the match. Clothesline, headbutt, KHALI CHOP OF DOOM, Vicegrip, done.
Your winner, by ref stoppage, The Great Khali! One minute, twenty six seconds. Little Naitch was given a free stretcher ride to the back.
Back from break, Jesse and Festus came out to the ring. Deuce and Domino came out as the opponents again, but they came out arguing with each other. Foley borrowed the “Can I be serious for a second?†catchphrase to say it’s been an honor to work with Cole in case one of them get drafted.
Match #6: Jesse/Festus vs. Deuce/Domino
Festus hit an Avalanche, then Deuce and Domino brawled with each other. Domino got the worst of it, as Festus hit some of his moves for the win
Your winners, by pinfall, Jesse and Festus! Not really a match as it was a continuation of the Deuce and Domino breakup. One minute, forty two seconds.
After the match, Deuce kicked Domino in the face and put a jacket on him.
Back from break, Finlay and Hornswoggle made their way to the ring, whacking each other with inflatable shillelaghs and giving away treats. The Miz hit the button for his music and we’ve got a match.
Match #7: Finlay vs. WWE Tag Team Champ The Miz
John Morrison joined Foley and Cole on commentary. Foley had a good time comparing himself to John Morrison and making fun of the Miz. He revealed they are both supporters of Obama, among other things. Morrison tried to implement the same finish as last week, where they used n attack on Hornswoggle to distract Finlay, but it didn’t work and Finlay hit the Celtic Cross for the win.
Your winner, by pinfall, Finlay! Match wasn’t easy to focus on with all the bizarreness on commentary and at ringside, but if it was anything like last week’s match between Morrison and Finlay, then it was OK. Four minutes, forty one seconds.
Back from break, Batista headed to the ring. Vickie interrupted his intro to say Charles Robinson was supposed to referee this match. Wasn’t this match just made earlier in the night by Edge? Vickie has a special guest ref for this match. If the Animal touches the ref, he loses his title shot. The referee is Edge.
Back from another break, we’re ready for the match.
Match #8: Batista vs. Chavo Guerrero – Special Guest Referee Edge
Naturally, Edge performed all the typical heel referee repertoire, such as slow counts, tripping the face, and ignoring pinfalls. Batista kicked out of fast counts though. For some reason he didn’t call for a submission when Chavo applied a headlock. Chavo won when Bam Neely dragged Batista out of the ring and Edge fast counted Batista for the countout win.
Your winner, by countout, Chavo Guerrero! Chavo gets a cheap win over the big man Batista thanks to the politics of his relationship with Vickie Guerrero and Edge. Match will be forgotten in two weeks time. Whoever decided booking two countouts on the same show was a good idea should be hit with a chair. Five minutes, thirty seven seconds.
After the match, La Familia assaulted Batista.
Favorite match: MVP vs. Kane, it was good without being a must-see.
Least favorite match: Charles Robinson vs. Great Khali. Little Naitch had a match at WCW Slamboree, but he can’t get a single move in on Khali?
Hope you enjoyed, keep your teeth clean!
