The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – May 17 1986

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The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – May 17 1986

– Man, another short show this week. Weren’t the Braves usually out of contention by May anyway?

– Your hosts are Tony & David.

– Jim Cornette immediately butts in, offering the "Mama Cass Elliot Workout Tape" to Baby Doll and ranting extra-loud this week about the James Boys and rednecks in general. Man, he’s one to talk.

– Magnum TA v. Art Pritts. Art almost gets a shot in before the belly to belly at 0:20. Moving on…

– The Rock N Roll Express join us, with a crowd so vocal that you can’t even hear Robert talking, which improves his promo 200%. Ricky Morton retorts to Ric Flair’s insults of his fanbase by holding up a giant pair of bloomers, because Flair is always talking about how he likes big girls.

– Next up, Manny Fernandez and Jimmy Valiant, who are still promising to cut Paul Jones’ hair and make him a bald foreigner, too.

– Ron Garvin v. Robert Burroughs. Garvin wrestles him down to start and works the back with a camel clutch, then pounds the guy with headbutts to the back in the corner and cranks on an armbar. Backdrop and Hands of Stone finish at 3:16. I guess the hand is healed now.

– More from Cornette, as he’s still paranoid about the James Boys (but still cracks up Tony by saying he looks like "A JC selling jelly"), and introduces…

– The Midnight Express v. Rocky Kernodle & Vern Deaton. Eaton pounds on Kernodle in the corner to start, but gets caught with a bodypress for one. Rocky dropkicks him into the corner and brings him out with a monkey flip, but brings in Deaton and that turns the tide. Condrey tosses him and Cornette stops to fire off a hilarious rant about how Dusty’s father live in the sewer and then died in the sewer because "he committed sewer-cide". Back in, the Express switches off and stomps Deaton down while Tony and David keep egging Cornette on. Dennis tosses Deaton again and taunts Kernodle, and Eaton allows Deaton back in like a gentleman before kicking him in the head on the way in. Dennis chokes him out on the ropes and Bobby adds the missile dropkick. Dennis works the arm and Cornette keeps wandering over and going off on hilarious tangents about how Baby Doll is so fat and ugly. Rocket Launcher ends it at 5:11.

– Tully and JJ are out to complain about Garvin wanting a taped fist match, and point out that it’s probably all Dusty Rhodes’ fault. Funny how the subject keeps coming back to Dusty.

– Bull & Boogie v. Jerry Garmon & Brodie Chase. Fernandez backdrops Chase to start and follows with a backdrop, then chops him down and brings in Valiant for a double elbow. Another double-team follows and Bull chops chase down again. Over to Garmon, and Manny immediately starts working his arm. Valiant picks up on that and he goes to a neck vice. Manny elbows him down and cradles for two. David points out that Shaska may have turned on Valiant, but Fernandez NEVER will. Bad criss-cross into the Flying Burrito ends it at 3:17. Garmon was pretty clumsy out there.

– Tony and David run down the Great American Bash locations and bring out Arn Anderson, who calls Ricky Morton "the human scab" and lets us know that "the fourth Horsemen" is coming back and Dusty Rhodes is going to pay.

– The Road Warriors v. Ray Traylor & Carl Styles. They take turns pounding on Styles and Animal powerslams him, then Hawk drops a leg. Body vice into a backbreaker gets the pin at 1:00.

– Jimmy Garvin v. Rocky King. Garvin pounds away and they trade wristlocks before Garvin takes him down with an armbar. He slugs King down and adds a slam for two. He drops King on the top rope and adds a backdrop, and finishes with the brainbuster at 2:00. I thought they’d give Rocky some offense, actually.

– Garvin joins us and shows a tape of him delivering a brainbuster to Wahoo on the concrete after he and Tully beat Wahoo and Sam Houston in a tag match. He also points out that Baby Doll is a "loose Jezebel" because she can’t decide which man she wants to be with.

– The Koloffs v. Bob Peters & Jim Dawson. Ivan chokes Peters down and brings in Nikita, who drops him on the top rope and then tosses him over to tag out. Dawson gets elbowed down and Ivan pounds away, and we take a break. Back with Ivan choking him out on the ropes, then Nikita flattens him with a standing Sickle to finish at 3:10.

– The Koloffs stress that the Road Warriors and Dusty are NOT going to win the six-man titles from them.

– The Rock N Roll Express v. Gene Ligon & Randy Mulkey. Funny bit as Ricky is mobbed by fans on the way in and Robert passes through unharmed. Ricky quickly dropkicks Mulkey and Robert pins him at 0:13. Who do they think they are, Magnum TA?

– Moving onto Ric Flair, as he cuts the usual great promo about nothing and tells Tony to give his wife his fondest regards.

– The Mysterious James Boys join us for a promo. Although the graphics list them as "Frank James" and "Jesse James", Dusty and Magnum make no effort to conceal their identity, with Magnum’s moustache and mullet sticking out of the mask and Dusty cutting his usual promo.

– The Barbarian & Shaska Whatley v. Mike Simiani & Bill Mulkey. Dammit, almost made it through a whole show without Paul Jones’ army. Barbarian presses Simiani and drops an elbow to start, then follows with a legdrop and shoulderbreaker. Over to Shaska, who headbutts him down and tosses him. Barbarian rams him into the post, and back in for more punishment from Shaska. Mulkey tags in and falls victim to a flying headbutt, and Barbarian adds his own diving headbutt to finish at 3:07.

– Dusty and Baby Doll are out to let us know that they’re not afraid of the Four Horsemen, as the term is now fully part of the canon. Frankly, I’m surprised, because I thought the official debut of the group was a lot sooner than June of 86.

– Baron Von Raschke v. Tony Zane. Baron hammers on him to start and chokes away in the corner, but Zane reverses him into the turnbuckles and throws knees. He starts working on the arm, but Baron takes him down and adds a pair of knees. It’s GOOSESTEP time, which signals the Claw to finish at 1:24.

– And we finish with Ivan Koloff coming out to confront Magnum about the upcoming US title match with Nikita, even though he’s an inferior athlete and a coward. But before we can have the match, he has to agree to let Nikita hold a press conference. Magnum retorts that he won’t be able to walk around with his head held high until he beats that damn commie once and for all! Words to live by, as we’re done for another week.