Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of WWE RAW for 6/30/2008

Before we get on with tonight’s coverage of RAW, I’ll be starting a new campigan now that everyone’s favorite play-by-play announcer has made it to RAW.  I’ll be bolding out any Cole mannerisms, like VINTAGE [NAME], and any other mannerisms I find.  This should provide a more entertaining way to read this report.

We begin our show tonight with a recap of what happened to Vince McMahon last week.  Shane, the WWE Executive Vice President begins things off saying that the family won’t come forth and explain Vince’s condition.  Laughter could be heard towards the end of the clip, presumably from the fans.

RAW Video, with updates to the new superstars drafted to the show airs.  We are LIVE from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.  Tonight, Kofi Kingston defends his newly won Intercontinental Championship against Chris Jericho!

We’re in Oklahoma, and that means we are in J.R. country!  Jim Ross makes his way down the ramp, getting a huge reception!  He has the mic and he is shocked at the reception.  He says that it’s a honor to be standing in the ring, to be able to say it’s damned sure good to be home.  He’s excited about his new position on SmackDown, and that gets boos from the crowd.  They’re going to raise Hell on SmackDown and take the show to new heights.  He thanks King for the years they’ve been together.  He gives Cole some good props, and he gets boos. 

He now talks about great moments in Oklahoma City.  We get to the good stuff about Vince McMahon, but he’s not going to mock him tonight.  He continues to pimp SmackDown. 

We’re interrupted by Edge and the RMY from Friday Night SmackDown!  That’s half of “La Familia” in a RAW ring tonight!  Sadly I think I know where this is going.  Edge knew that since JR had a farewell address tonight, he just had to be here.  His arrogence never seems to amaze him.  He lays it heavy, saying that nobody ever cared about him.  “Why don’t you put that in your blog, BBQ boy?”  HAHA, classic.  It’s not bad, because he’s going to HIS show, SmackDown.  He can now call his future Hall of Fame career.  He asks JR to say “EDGE WINS!  EDGE WINS!”  JR responds by dropping the mic. Edge has Hawkins and Ryder to escort him out of the ring to practice saying that.  Edge stays in the ring in all smiles.  He has a better reason to be here tonight.  He mocks about how RAW is missing a General Manager and he talks about his bitch, Vickie Guerrero, who’s resting comfortably.  The show is also missing the Undertaker, but everyone is missing him since he banished him from the WWE.  The third thing the show is missing is a World Champion and that Edge promises that no one on RAW will get to challenge him for the World Title and that no one will get to see him on Monday nights again!  Cheers for that.

Edge walks up the ramp and OUT COMES THE ANIMAL!  Batista is here and he is pissed off!  He goes after Edge and they brawl at ringside!  Edge goes head first into the steel pole!  They take the fight to the crowd and back to ringside.  Edge gets introduced to the announcers table and is taken out.  Edge gets sent to the steel steps and is tossed inside the ring.  Edge begs off, but he gets BATISTA BOMBED on the canvas!

PUNK IS HERE!  PUNK IS HERE AND HE’S USING MONEY IN THE BANK!

CM Punk v. Edge
World Heavyweight Championship

GO TO SLEEP!  ONE TWO THREE!

Winner AND NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION:  CM PUNK!
Grade:  A+

PUNK WINS!  PUNK WINS!  PUNK WINS!

I’ll say it again.  PUNK F*CKING WINS!

Commercials.

Welcome back.  Forgive me…I had to calm down a bit.  PUNK F*CKING WINS!  We recap what happened before the commercials and everything is right!  Mickie James makes her way down the ramp for her match.  Jillian Hall drowns out Lillian Garcia singing her song. 

Mickie James v. Jillian Hall

Mickie James covers her ears.  She then shoves Jillian and the action spills outside the ring.  Hurrancurana on the outside.  Back to the ring, Jillian works on the arm that was injured last night.  She kicks Mickie down and the referee backs her off and checks the injury.  DDT try by Mickie gets turned into a one arm DDT by Jillian for two.  Mickie tries to fight out, but gets sent hard on the canvas.  Tilt-A-Whirl senton misses, but Jillian goes back to the shoulder.  Springboard elbow misses, but the Mick Kick does not.  Score one for Mickie.

Winner:  Mickie James
Grade: B-

Rey Mysterio is walking.

Commercials.

We’re back and we are still talking about PUNK!  Equally as shocking, Rey Mystero is about to make his appearance!  He walks down the ramp and hits the ring.  Microphone in hand, he begins to speak.  HE congratulates CM Punk for bringing the World Title back to RAW.  He talks about how his entire WWE career was on SmackDown and that he’s shocked to be on RAW.  He’s LIKING IT! 

Enter “The buzzkiller” Santino Marella.  He claims to be the most charasmatic superstar on RAW, he welcomes Rey Mysterio.  He talks about Rey’s mask and calls him Batman.  SHUT UP YOUR FACE, says Santino.  Santino doesn’t understand the popularity.  Rey Mastro…somebody sign Santino to cover David Letterman on CBS.  Apparantly, Santino’s pissed off that his Santino’s photo…holding a rose and in his boxers didn’t make WWE magazine’s cover.  RAW is where “true superstars” thrive and shine.  He invites Rey to speak with a language that everyone can understand.  6-1-9 good enough for ya, Santino?

Up next, an interview with your NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, CM PUNK!

Commercials.

We recap what happened at the beginning of the show.  Edge was a victim of his own success.  Todd is with the new champion.  Punk is speechless, yet he thanks Batista and a lot of other people.  Uh-oh.  Enter JBL…  JBL is mad that he’s celebrating.  JBL says that he has a couple options, either go to sleep a paper champion, or put the belt on the line against JBL.  Punk accepts and we have our main event!  Somehow I’m not liking this.

Commercials.

We’re back and out comes John Cena!  He has a mic and he speaks.  He’s a fan of surprises and classic moments.  He said that his match last night would be a classic moment.  He didn’t win, but he can take that loss with pride.  He talks about tonight as a part of history.  He gives Punk his props and he’s pissed at JBL for bullying Punk in putting the title on the line.  He goes on saying that Punk would had said yes to anybody.  He now has the idea…maybe Punk should have an option to choose.  He says to defend against either JBL or John Cena…RIGHT NOW!  He tells JBL to take his ass and go back —

Only to be interrupted by JBL himself.  You Suck chants are directed at JBL.  JBL says that Cena won’t be facing Punk tonight and that as of right now, JBL has declared martial law in the WWE.  Out comes the rent-a-security guys from JBL’s personal bank account.  With Vince out right now, JBL is in charge.   He sends the guys to take Cena out and it looks like Cena is going to fight his way out.  They charge and Cena IS SUPERMAN!  Well, until JBL gets some free shots in.  Security drags Cena out.  He breaks away, only to get stopped once again.  Cena goes bye-bye.  To the back, Cena continues to struggle and he gets thrown out.

Commercials.

Tomorrow night on ECW: Blatt gets to recap a show where their World Champion is Mark Henry.

Last night, Cody Rhodes turns on Hardcore Holly.  Tonight, they are in action against Steve Anthony and Darren Wade.

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase v. Steve Anthony & Darren Wade.

Since I don’t know who’s who…they get the jobber treatment.  Rhodes takes it to Jobber 1, but DiBiase tags in and beats the hell out of Jobber 1.  Teamwork by Rhodes and he’s in.  Jobber 2 tries to interfere, but Jobber 1 eats a DDT for the loss.

Winners:  Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase
Grade: F

Cody answers why he did what he did to Bob Holly.  He took his father’s advice and “carried Bob Holly” to a decent tag reign.  He says that when you’re talented, you don’t pay dues.  Ted calls everyone under 30 spoiled, obedient sheep.  What they did was simply priceless.

Still to come:  PUNK v. JBL!

Commercials.

Backstage, Katie Lea bitches that she lost last night.  Paul Burchill tells her to stay out of trouble for a moment.  Trouble comes to her in the form of Jaime Noble.  He’s going to walk up to walk up to the biggest and baddest star on RAW and “draw the line”.  KANE stands in the way.  Jaime BS’s his way out of an asskicking and he tells Kane to stay out of his locker room.  He talks his way to a GOOZLE, but Noble escapes.  Kane follows.

Jaime runs out to the ring and he hides underneath the ring.  Kane walks down the ramp and Jamie just crapped his pants.  Jamie dives his way out and he beats Kane until he sits up.  He tries to take it to Kane, but Kane hits the Big Boot!  CHOKESLAM TO HELL ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!  Kane wins this impromptu brawl via knockout.

Chris Jericho is walking, the Intercontinental Title will be decided…NEXT!

Commercials.

We’re back, time for the second of three title matches this evening!  Before the match, Shawn Michaels rants about Shawn Michaels, going as far as to challenging HBK at the Great American Bash.  The worst for him and Kofi is yet to come.  The title match is NEXT!

Chris Jericho v. Kofi Kingston
WWE Intercontinental Championship

 We are JIP as Kington got hung out to dry during the commercial.  Unique rollup by Jericho gets two.  Kingston is back up and ht gets tossed to the ropes, but Kofi blocks going through.  Kingston explodes from the ropes and hits Jericho.  BOOM BOOM Leg Drop hits.  Jericho back up…he hits an enzugiri to Kingston and gets two!  Bulldog by Jericho hits and the Lionsault hits for TWO!  Jericho is pissed off!  Kingston rolls Jericho up for TWO, grabbing the tights.  Jericho reverses it and he GRABS THE TIGHTS IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE!  The ref calls for the DQ.  That’s a first I’ve heard that you can be DQ’ed for grabbing the tights.

Winner:  Kofi Kingston via DQ
Grade:  C

Post match, Jericho GOUGES the eyes of Kingston.

Commercials.

We’re back on RAW and we once again remind everyone how Edge lost the World Title…TO CM PUNK! 

Edge bitches at the RMY, berating them for his loss of his title earlier tonight!

Our main event is NEXT!!

Commercials.

John Bradshaw Layfield v. CM Punk
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

CM Punk has his name on the title!  The bell sounds and they circle the ring.  JBL’s security walks down the ramp, possibly to keeping people out.  JBL takes it to Punk in the corner.  In the center, JBL drops a couple elbows for a one count.  Headlock applied and CM Punk is in trouble.  ARM DRAG by Punk!  Kicks by Punk sends JBL outside.  Baseball slide misses, but JBL hits a lariat on the outside.  Punk gets introduced to the announcer’s table.  Back in the ring and Punk kicks out at two.  JBL boots Punk’s face and he picks him up.  He crimps the neck and Punk kicks his way out of it.  Off the ropes, Punk gets caught in the sleeper.  He drops to a knee, but Punk battles back.  He thrusts his way out of it.  He runs into a shoulderblock as JBL runs into a boot to the face!  Standing pescado hits and both men are down!  High knee connects and the bulldog does too…for TWO!  Punk misses the clothesline, but doesn’t avoid the fallaway Slam as JBL gets two.  ENZUGIRI connects.  SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE GETS TWO!  John Cena hits the stage with Cryme Tyme!  They beat the hell out of JBL’s security!  JBL is distracted.  Punk HITS THE GTS!  UNO, DOS, ADIOS JBL!

Winner:  CM Punk
Grade:  B

Post match, Punk dives over the top and he brawls with security as we head out!

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

CM Punk d. Edge: A+
Mickie James d. Jillian Hall: B-
Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase d. Darren Wade & Steve Anthony: F
Kofi Kingston d. Chris Jericho via DQ: C
CM Punk d. JBL: B

The Final Grade for WWE RAW: Are You Kidding? A+

Tonight, CM Punk cashing in his Money in the Bank and winning the World Heavyweight Championship definately earned the grade for RAW.  It was 100% unexpected, and the WWE does the right thing for once.  JBL’s Martial Law scenario proves to be very interesting, so next week’s RAW will be one to watch.  For the first edition of RAW hosted by Michael Cole, I’m saddened to report that he didn’t use any mannerisms tonight, but that’s OK!  One last thing I have for tonight and that is PUNK WINS!  FTW!  Have a great week!

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