So our boy CM Punk and Kofi Kingston are the champions over on Raw, and our champion? Mark friggin’ Henry. Yeah, let’s not talk about it just yet. I’m sure it’ll be rubbed in our faces later tonight. Oh look! A video package about Mark Henry winning the ECW championship. Thanks WWE.
DON’T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE!
The salt in the wounds, Mike Adamle, introduces us to the program and Justin Roberts is in the ring to introduce the new ECW champion. Don’t worry folks, this reign won’t last long. I swear it won’t last long… it won’t last long… it won’t last long.
Henry lumbers his way to the ring. Tazz and Adamle sing Henry’s praises as he pantomimes some words to the crowd. Just in case we weren’t upset already, he’s got a mic.
“I AM THE SAVIOR OF ECW.”
Yeah. That’s right. That’s what he said. Henry says he brought the title to ECW, where it belongs instead of on Raw with Kane.
Mark Henry: LOLZ! I AM WERLD’S STRONGEST MAN. I AM THE OH-PIT-OH-MEE OF WHAT A CHAMPEEN IZ.
Cue Tommy Dreamer’s music, and cue Tommy and Colin Delaney.
Mark Henry: I DUNT LIKE BEEN INTERROPTED!
Tommy Dreamer: I CAN HAZ UR TITLE?
Mark Henry: U’Z OLD. UR TIME IS PAST. YOU CAN NO HAZ TITLE. TAKE UR FRIEND AND GET OUTTA HEER.
Tommy Dreamer: COLIN REPREESENTS EEE-SEE-DUB IS ALLBOUT! HE GETS BEET UP REEL GUD. THAT GUY THERE IS TAZZ. HE SUPLEXES PEEPLE LOTS. HE BROKE HIS NECK.
Anyway, Dreamer makes a good point about the legacy of the ECW title and the effort that was put in to people winning the title in the past. Henry says Dreamer’s not good enough, then gives a match to Colin Delaney. If Colin can beat Mark Henry, Dreamer gets a title shot.
Matt Hardy, Hornswoggle and Finlay over Chavo Guerrero and the Douches by Celtic Cross
Hardy and Miz start. Miz gets a hammer lock, Hardy turns it around to an arm bar. Hardy takes Miz to the mat and Miz goes for the ropes. Hardy breaks and they go to a collar and elbow. Matt gets a headlock, Miz throws him to the ropes, but Hardy gets a shoulder block. Hardy gets an arm drag on a charging Miz and stretches out the shoulder. Hardy gets another and Hardy charges him to the corner and throws a few closed fists. Hardy throws a few of his own and whips Miz to the opposite side, hits a clothesline and a bulldog for two. TWO!
Hardy pulls Miz to the face corner and here comes Finlay. Finlay throws a kick and hits a NASTY short clothesline. Welcome to the world of stiff wrestling guys. Morrison gets tagged in, Finlay hits an atomic drop, a punch, a shoulder in the corner and a head drag for two. TWO!
This time Chavo is tagged in, whips Finlay, it’s reversed and goes for a back body drop, but is given the bot instead. Chavo tosses Finlay out and goes for a baseball slide. Finlay pulls the apron up and catches Chavo under it. The other heels approach and Finlay tosses Hornswoggle towards them and we head for commercials.
We’re back and Hardy is in a headlock from Chavo. The crowd’s firmly behind Hardy and he begins to fight out. He throws some punches, but gets charged into the heel corner. Miz is tagged in, hits a suplex and can only get a one. Miz drags Hardy back to the heels, tags Morrison and hits Hardy with a slingshot into a forearm by Morrison. Hardy is draped across Miz’ knees and Morrison hits a springboard elbow on Hardy. that move needs a name because it’s a bitch to type out.
Morrison attempts a pin but only gets two. TWO!
Morrison throws punches to Hardy’s faces and goes back to the rear chin lock, but Adamle cant actually name the move. Miz is tagged in and goes back to the rear chin lock. Hardy fihts out and hits a sunset flip on Miz for two. TWO!
Miz hits a clothesline and quiets Hardy’s comeback for two. TWO!
Morrison is tagged in and he continues the punishment.Morrison drives a knee into Hardy’s back and pulls back on the chin. Hardy fights out again, gets thrown into the corner and hits a boot to Morrison. Hardy comes out of the corner with a Side Effect and Finlay gets the hot tag as Chavo gets tagged in. Finlay clears house, rolls over on Chavo from the fireman’s carry, Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on Miz and Hornswoggle hits a tadpole splash on Chavo. Neely hops up the the apron but gets hit by the shelaylee then hits Morrison with the Celtic Cross for the pin.
That win proves that the longer you are associated with the ECW brand, ythe less chance you have to win as the three new guys get a win over three guys who have been on the brand for a while.
Backstage Tommy and Colin talk about how Colin didn’t need to do this, but Colin wants to do this.
Also backstage, someone with a huge fro is talking to Teddy Long. Apparently his name is “Atlas”. Estrada interrupts and wants to know the status of his contract. Teddy Long introduces Atlas Ortiz as the newest member of the ECW roster and tonight they are going to go one on one. Let’s see if the “newest to ECW” rule stays in effect.
Atlas Ortiz over Armando Estrada by backslide
Ortiz is medium sized with a medium build, bigger than Estrada. Ortiz has no real trouble overpowering and out wrestling Estrada. Atlas is Rich Young by the way. You might remember him as Atlas DaBone in OVW and has been in some recent Raw dark matches. Ortiz is a pretty sound wrestler and not as green as the other guys they’ve introduced in the past. He’s got some charisma too, so this might be a good addition to the ECW roster.
Mark Henry over Colin Delaney by the World’s Strongest Slam
I think it needs to be said that Delaney’s music is a faster variation of Hardcore Holly’s. Tazz warns us not to move or blink, cause we might miss the match. Henry charges and Colin moves out of the way. That only works once, Henry throws Colin to the corner and misses a punch. I will call every move of this match no matter how much it hurts.
Colin throws a few punches but is thrown out of the corner. Henry approaches Colin, grabs him by his hair and throws him head first to the canvas. Henry stands on Colin’s hair and pulls his arms upward, pulling the hair. Ow. Henry pulls Colin up and hits him with a kick to the gut. Henry pulls him up again and drills him with a punch as Dreamer rallies the crowd. Henry misses an elbow and Colin hits a drop kick to a seated Henry. Another bounce off the ropes and a punch, then another with a kick to Henry’s massive torso. Colin runs to the ropes, Henry stands up and body blocks the shit out of Colin. There goes that.
Henry picks Colin back up and hits a head butt, driving him back down. Henry pulls him up again, this time lifting him in gorilla press and throws him to the canvas. Henry pulls him up again and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for a three. The new guy beats the guy who has been around longer once more.
Dreamer comes into the ring to check on Colin as Henry looks on laughing. Henry walks up the ramp and we head out for the week. That was a pretty good show as it moves us forward from all of the feuds that we had dominating the show a week ago. But then again, most of those guys were drafted away from the program.