Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of TNA iMPACT!

Thanks for joining InsidePulse’s live coverage of this week’s TNA Impact!

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TNA iMPACT 7/3/2008

– Taped from Orlando, FL

– Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West

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– AJ Styles is out to call out Kurt Angle.  However, he is met with Team 3D.  They attack and set up (another) table, but Rhiyno (I wish you were still with us, Eric S) makes the save.  Rhino teases the upcoming match as the fans chant “T-L-C”, which is of course called “Full Metal Mayhem” in TNA.  He says the fans can decide, at Victory Road.  So there you have, it Rhino, Christian and Styles v. Angle & Team 3D, Full Metal Mayhem at Victory Road!

– Meanwhile, Kurt Angle is with the first blind date that Team 3D apparently set him up with from last week.  His date is a fat chick named “Tiffany” at a rock climbing wall and West calls her a “human medicine ball”.  Oy.  Angle says that’s real funny.

– We get fan videos of why they should be the lumberjacks for the fan’s revenge match.  LAX talk shit to Roode and Storm via satellite even though they worked a dark match.  “Beer Money Inc.” is apparently the team name of Roode and Storm and they hit the ring with new music and continue arguing with the Mexicans.

Motor City Machine Guns v. Robert Roode & James Storm

Shelley and Storm start, and Shelley kicks him down, then Sabin comes in via axe handle.  Storm rakes the eye however and tags in Roode to let the heels go in control.  But, he runs into a drop toe hold.  Shelley comes in and gets a slingshot elbow, and back to Sabin who gets a running elbow and dropkicks Roode off the apron.  The heels get a dueling enziguiri and dropkick which results in a two.  Shelley gets a semi-hot tag and adds an inverted atomic drop  and enziguiri to Roode, but Storm comes in and gives him a backcracker.

Sabin comes in with a tornado DDT on Roode, meanwhile Storm comes in and turns him inside out with a lariat.  Jackie sneaks on the apron and spits beer on Shelley, but he ducks and it sprays Storm and Shelley rolls him up for the pin.

Winners: Motor City Machine Guns

– Post match the heels attack and handcuff them to the turnbuckles.  They then … whip them with straps.  Security tries interfering and they get the same treatment for their troubles.  Dave Penzer also gets thrown in the ring for good measure.  Jim Cornette comes out and tells them that he’ll fine the “biggest, meanest, most disgruntled wrestlers” on the roster and they’ll fight them tonight as we head into commercials …

– We’re back with Kurt Angle’s Blind Date # 2.  It’s “Melissa” and he greets her to a table.  He talks about how he’s a 12 time World Champion, been wrestling for 24 years, and that it’s been about 10 years since his last date.  He’s also going through a divorce with a real bitch.  The camera zooms in on her adam’s apple and chest hair and Angle figures out it’s a man and slams him/her up against a wall.  Again, oy.  He says no more jokes.


Moose v. Roxxi – Bimbo Brawl II

They fight with chairs and hockey sticks to start.  Moose gets a stick-assisted legsweep for two.  Outside they go for post and apron shots.  Moose gets a shopping cart full of goodies out now, Moose whips her into it.  Moose starts wacking her with a tray for two, but Roxxi fights back with a Dead End sign.  Sigh.  Chair wack by Roxxi gets two.  Moose ends up nailing the double-arm DDT on the Dead End sign for the pin.  Well it’s good to see that for the company that has always claimed to be strictly about the wrestling, they are trying to create a women’s version of 1999 WWF.  Say, Vince Russo is still hired in the company, isn’t he?

Winner: Moose

– Cornette recruits Nash to be one of those “disgruntled stars” to face Storm and Roode.  He also reveals that his partner will be Joe.  Nash has no problem with it and we fade out.  We’re back and now Cornette approaches Joe about tagging with Nash.  He wants no part of it to the point of screaming.  Cornette tells him he has to do it, and Joe says he’s responsible for whatever happens in the ring tonight.  Fair enough.

– Back from break and it’s Kurt Angle Blind Date # 3.  They’re eating dinner and she keeps saying “excuse me” and leaves for a moment as 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and 30 minutes in he talks about how bad ass he is, starting from when he was a child.  Angle wonders if she’s bulimic and confronts her.  She knows no, she has a “spastic colon”, which Angle wonders if that translated to, in layman’s terms, shitting your pants.  Borash and Angle crack up until JB reminds him that this is Brother Ray’s doing and he gets pissed.

Alex Koslov v. Rey Bucanero – World X Cup

Series of reversals and counters too start, and they go into a stand off.  Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Bucanero and he dropkicks him to the floor.  Koslov slides back in and hits a big suicide dive.  Back inside and a crossbody and enziguiri by Koslov for two.  Bucanero gets a powerbomb, and comes off the top with a tumbleweed … for the pin.  Couldn’t be much over a minute long.  Anyway, Mexico now leads the standings with 3 points.

Winner: Rey Bucanero

– Angle is backstage now with Borash and he informs him of Full Metal Mayhem, but he’s not happy and asks where Brother Ray is as we head into commercials.  Afterward, he comes out to the ring in a suit to call out Team 3D.  They come out and explain the match at Victory Road, and says that he doubts if Christian will even make it to the PPV after they put him through a glass table last week.  Angle mentions the dates, and he says he went home and lost his black book, so he did what he thought would be the right thing and got Devon’s black book.  Ha.  But, he did find a girl who is an 11/10 named Sandy that he saved just for Kurt.  She comes out and Angle likes this.  Ray introduces her to Kurt who then proceeds to check her out.  Kurt then promptly asks if she’d like to ride the Olympic Gold Medal Freight Train.  However, Angle proceeds to get pissed after she says she’s “fun and loyal” and says just like Karen, if she had the chance to sleep with someone else, she would.  He then apologizes and says sometimes he loses his temper.  He says he would never hurt a woman but knows who would, and out come The Beautiful People who attack and paperbag her.  Karen makes the save and her and Kurt argue, including a slap to Kurt.  Styles, Rhino, Gail Kim and OBD all run in now to make things fun.  Faces clean house and stand tall as we head to the break.

– Hard Justice video promo.  ICE T will be there.

– Time for this week’s edition of PIMP MY DRESSING ROOM starring Borash and Booker T.  They talk about the Joe/Booker match, how he’ll become the Champ, yadda yadda yadda.  Commercials.

– More Matt Morgan crap, where this time he reflects on his marvelous career in WWE.

Milano Collection AT v. Curry Man

Say, Milano was the 2006 NWA-Florida Jeff Peterson Memorial Cup winner.  I just did a video review of 2004’s Cup today, go check that out in the video section NOW.  Quick dropkick by Curry Man gets two.  Milano comes back with a sunset flip for two.  Curry Man throws him off the top and capitalizes with some corner offense and a back drop.  Milano misses a blind charge giving Curry Man his dance spotlight.  Curry Man tries a clothesline from the top but Milano ducks it Matrix style.  He comes back with a flying crossbody for two, however.  Curry lifts him up for the Spice Rack, but Milano slips off and shoves him into the ref, then a low blow and moonsault get the pin.

Winner: Milano Collection AT

– Beer Money Inc taunting as we head to commercials.

Raisha Saeed v. Taylor

If Taylor wins she gets a rematch at Awesome Kong.  Back and fourth to start and an arm drag by Taylor.  She tries a crossbody but it meets boot.  Saeed distracts the ref while Kong attacks Taylor on the outside.  Saeed then goes out and feeds her to the steps, and suplexes her back inside for two.  Scoop slam by Saeed but she misses a moonsault and Taylor capitilizes with a headscissors for two.  Taylor stays in control forcing Kong to take out the ref, but Taylor takes care of her and a german suplex on Saeed ends things.

Winner: Taylor

Main Event: Robert Roode & James Storm v. Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash

Nash and Roode start and Roode gets shoved to the corner, then pokes the eye.  Nash comes back with a side slam for two and tags in Joe who gets his corner stuff, the running elbow and big back kick, and the heels have to go out and regroup.  After commercials Roode has control of Joe in the corner, and he snapmares him down into a rear chinlock.  He fights out, but Storm tags in and they double team Joe, and Storm gets his leg drop for two.  Roode pummels Joe and Storm goes after Nash, but Nash comes back and double clotheslines them both down, and then snake eyes for Roode.

Jacqueline gives Storm handcuffs as Booker T is now watching from a monitor.  Nash sends Storm onto the announce table.  A handcuff attempt on Joe fails and he tries for the Clutch but Roode low blows.  Joe blocks the Payoff with a front suplex, then takes him up top, but Roode takes the yes.  Joe however comes back with the big kick and finishes with the Muscle Buster for the pin on Roode.

Winners: Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash

– Post match Joe and Nash argue and the music of STING is heard, lights go out, and there he is staring down from the rafters.  And that closes out this edition of Impact, folks.  By the way, if Jeff Jarrett now returns to set up the fresh idea of a Jarrett-Sting feud for Bound For Glory, you heard it here first.

End of show.

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