Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of WWE RAW for 7/7/08

Welcome back to the Pulse, readers!  Hope your weekend was as awesome as mine was.  It’s time…to…get…RAW!

WWE:  The World is Watching

Last week on RAW was the beginning of Edge’s worst week on record.  He gets his ass kicked by Batista and CM Punk wins the World Championship!  He also defends it against John Bradshaw Layfield, even under Martial Law!

The inmates are running the asylum this week.  Stephanie McMahon opens up our show by begging everyone to work together in this time of uncertainity.  The show begins in DARKNESS..

EXCUSE ME!  EXCUSE ME!  EXCUSE ME!  I SAID EXCUSE ME!  DID YOU HEAR ME?  I SAID EXCUSE ME!

Vickie Guerrero is on RAW tonight and she has something to say.  With due respect to Stephanie, she introduces herself.  I love the fans.  Tonight, she’s here to protest CM Punk becoming the World Champion and she’s not leaving the ring until CM Punk surrenders the title to her.  She also demands an apology. 

Well, this brings out Punk.  He rubs in the fact that he’s on top of the world, even mocking Vickie a bit.  She asks him how dare he celebrate?, considering how last week he took advantage of Edge’s state of mind and “stole” the World Championship.  Edge is close to having a nervous breakdown.  Punk tells it like it is – she can cry or scream all she wants, but Punk reminds her that he won the Money in the Bank, so he can do whatever he wanted to do.  Besides, Edge did this to others.  Vickie gets upset, but Punk says that there’s other fish in the sea.  He talks about her and the Great Khali and this brings Vickie to her feet.  SLAP in the face to Punk and he smiles!  She sits back down and Punk wheels her towards the end of the ring and the stock market just crashed.  JBL is out of his limo and he says that he bought himself a one way ticket to the end of his title reign.  JBL challenges him AGAIN for the title TONIGHT!  Punk says that Bradshaw had his shot and he lost!

JBL is pissed off.  He didn’t lose anything – the interference from last week saved Punk’s title reign.  Cue up John Cena and he has a major announcement.  Tonight, JBL is severely sick because of many things.  They don’t do the “blame game” on RAW!  He tells JBL to shut his mouth and listen to Punk.  The McMahon’s aren’t here.  No one is charge, so TAKE THAT DIAPER OFF JBL!  There…are…two…of…us…here!  We can have a rock, paper, scissors tournament…or we can have JBL v. Cena for the 100th time for #1 Contendership!

Here comes the Animal with an awesome Animal shirt!  JBL is like “who invited you to our party?”  He’s out here to give Punk his due, for the Hell he went through at Wrestlemania.  He also wanted to say hello to Vickie Guerrero.  He forgives her, but he tells her to roll her ass back to SmackDown!  Lastly, Punk cashed in his Money in the Bank because of Batista’s – but JBL doesn’t give a crap!  Cena proposes a triple threat match to determine Punk’s opponent at the Great American Bash!  JBL reminds Cena that we are under Martial Law, but Cena says that it isn’t his rules.  JBL gets very pissed off as Cena asks him if he’s in or if he’s out.  FINE!  But if you gang up on me, double-team me…

My, my, my…HELL, FIRE, & BRIMSTONE erupts.  Kane wants in this match too!  Punk says that he’s okay with that.  Tonight is a Fatal Four Way, good luck boys!  Punk gets the last word as everyone is dumbfounded!

Up next, REY MYSTERIO faces Santino Marella!

Commercials.

Welcome back to New Orleans…or wherever you’re watching RAW from!

Rey Mysterio v. Santino Marella

THE MUSTACHED ONE IS ANGRY!  RUN LUIGI RUN!  Santino flexes and he shoves Rey to the ropes.  Poke to the eyes…HURRANCURANA by Rey!  Rey takes it lucha libre to Santino, but Santino flapjacks him on the canvas.  He drops the forearm for two, twice.  Saluting headbutt connects and he locks on a rear naked choke.  He works on the lower back, but Rey sets him up on the ropes.  6-1-9 is countered to a clothesline for two!  Mysterio misses Santino, and he scores some stiff kicks and he nails a clothesline as well.  Double foot stomp gets two!  Rey off the ropes, CONNECTS on Santino.  Dropkick to the ropes…6-1-9 CONNECTS!  He goes up top and the MISSLE SPLASH CONNECTS!  Santino’s done.

Winner:  Rey Mysterio
Grade: B

Still to come:  Shawn Michaels addresses Chris Jericho!

Rey celebrates at the top of the stage.

Commercials.

Later tonight, we will determine CM Punk’s opponent.  Todd Grisham is here to interview Punk.  He doesn’t care who he gets to face and suddenly, the set gets broken.  Snitsky comes in and calls Punk’s title win a FLUKE.  He doesn’t deserve the title, so Punk wants to channel that anger in a match tonight.

CM Punk is talking to Mickie James about some hokey-pokey stuff.  Kelly Kelly comes up – “We have contracts?”  The divas leave.  Cena: “God Bless America”.

Commercials.

We are back as someone cut off Jillian’s headset mic.  She gets another mic and she’s annoying as hell.  She’s interrupted, thankfully.

Jillian Hall & Layla v. Kelly Kelly & Mickie James

So we get more of Layla v. Kelly Kelly?  Some things have to be the same.  Mickie James accidentally walked into the men’s locker room…ONLY ON WWE MAGAZINE!

The bell sounds and Jillian works on the one arm that Mickie injured!  Mickie gets an armdrag, but Jillian gets a bodyscissors applied.  Tilt-a-whirl…CHOP BLOCK!  Low dropkick connects and Mickie works over Jillian.  Tag to Kelly..SUPER-DELAYED Hurrancurana by KK.  KK has improved greatly.  Jillian dumps her to the apron, but KK is good.  Layla drops her off the apron and Jillian takes it to KK on the outside.  back inside KK gets thrown around by Jillian.  Jillian gets two so she bashes KK’s head in.  She stretches KK’s already stretched body, but KK FLIPS HER OVER!  Jillian quickly reverts control, beating KK senseless.  She gets pummelled to the corner.  Opposite corner we go and KK gets a victory roll on Jillian, getting the win!

Winners:  Kelly Kelly & Mickie James
Grade:  B+

JBL’s limo rolls out and our MAIN EVENT…is next?!

Commercials.

We are back as JBL is still in a suit.  His limo is locked as we wonder what is going on.  He tries opening up his door to no avail.  Cena has hijacked the limo!  Last week, Cena was thrown out of the building for his protection.  Cena brought the limo back for his protection – because Louisiana has strict laws about limos.  Cena brought two handymen to help him, FOR JBL’S PROTECTION!  The state of LA does not allow you to drive a limo without a passenger side mirror.  JTG bashes the mirror.  The windshield needs to be ventiliated, so Shad beats a hole into it.  It’s also illegal to tint the windows.  So, they break the windows.  The limo is now going to get a custom paint job, so they graffiti it.  “JBL IS POOPY!”  The car is now up code.  HAHAHA!

The main event Fatal 4-Way is still upcoming later tonight!  Up next, CM Punk is in action, but we go back to LAST WEEK!

Punk makes his way to the ring and he looks at the newly-improved limo as we go to break!

Commercials.

Tomorrow Night on ECW:  The Savior of ECW continues to dominate!

Welcome back as it is time for Snitsky’s first appearance in a while.

CM Punk v. Snitsky

The bell sounds and they lock up.  Snitsky can’t compete with Punk’s Martial Arts.  Punk jumps into a waiting Snitsky’s clutches and he gets slammed to the post.  Snitsky knees Punk in the sternum and he splashes him on the canvas.  Two elbows get a two count.  Bearhug is locked in, but Punk gets out of it.  the new world champion gets dropped, but Snitsky misses the big leg drop.  Kicks to Snitsky…Punk slides underneath…ENZUGIRI to Snitsky.  Kick to the face, followed by the BULLDOG!  Punk looks for the GTS…HE GETS IT!  Good-bye Snitsky!

Winner:  CM Punk
Grade: B

Shawn Michaels walks towards the ring!

Commercials.

We are back on Bourbon Street!  We take a stroll back down to memory lane to the beginning of the epic Jericho/Michaels feud.  Out comes Shawn Michaels and he has a lot on his mind tonight.  He says that last week, Jericho challenged him to a match at the Great American Bash.  Injury or no injury, he accepts!

This brings out Chris Jericho and Lance Cade!  The two whispers in each other’s ear before Jericho talks on the mic.  He knew that Shawn was going to accept.  He feels that the pride and ego would supercede his health.  He talks about how Jericho gave Michaels a pep talk back at One Night Stand.  He says how Michaels is hurt, otherwise he’d already attack him.  Jericho says that Shawn will always do anything for the fans, but he wonders why Shawn wants to be a martyr for the fans.  The fans don’t know anything, but Jericho and Cade know it all.  He says that Shawn will eventually be forgotten.  Shawn says “that’s it?”  He thought that Jericho despised him for being a liar. He says that he’ll be remembered forever.  It’s not right, but he’s HBK, so it’s not fair!  Shawn pays Jericho his dues, but in spite of all that, he’s got no ace.  Despite anything and everything, Jericho will NEVER be him!

Commercials.

Welcome back and Charlie Haas is in the ring!

Charlie Haas v. Kofi Kingston

Renewed push for Haas?  Let’s hope so.  They begin with Haas getting a headlock!  Haas runs the ropes and gets armdragged for his trouble.  Haas gets back up and HE HITS A STIFF PUNCH!  He chokes out Kofi to a referee’s three count.  Kofi tries to fight back and he gets clubbed to the back!  Knee strikes, followed by a STIFF KICK or two!  Haas gets two!  He gets a headlock applied, but Kofi gets back up and he gets headbutted!  To the corner, Haas still looks good!  Kofi gets back at it, but Haas hits a stiff kick.  Kofi hits the cross body, followed by a dropkick!  BOOM BOOM leg drop connects!  Kofi nearly gets powerbombed, but he lands on his feet and TROUBLE IN PARADISE!  You did good, Haas, but not good enough.

Winner:  Kofi Kingston
Grade: B

Post match, PAUL BURCHILL comes in the ring nails the TWISTED SISTER and leaves Kofi laying with the curb stomp!  He stares the champion down as we go to….

Batista gets focused and a fan runs into the live camera shot mocking Batista!  Security chases after him as Batista can only laugh!

Commercials.

Tommorrow Night on ECW:  You already know.

Wow: 9:40 already?  Time flew tonight!  It’s time for our MAIN EVENT!  Let’s see if anything happens in relation to production screwups and random fans acting STUPID.  That fan inspired me to do this:

Ticket to RAW: $80
Chicken Strips, Fries, & Coke: $12
T-Shirt: $25
Bail Money: $1000
Getting shown live on TV acting like an idiot…PRICELESS

Batista v. John Bradshaw Layfield v. Kane v. John Cena
#1 Contendership to the World Heavyweight Championship

Cena and JBL waste little time getting it on.  Batista and JBL pair off while Kane and Cena pair off as we take a break.

Commercials.

We are back as Cena is battling out of a Kane sleeper, and JBL is being owned by Batista.  Cena runs into an elbow by Kane.  JBL gets the advantage as Kane looks to rip the eyes out of Cena.  Batisa hits the Spinebuster, but Kane chokeslams Batista only for Cena interrupting the count.  Kane goes to GOOZLE Cena, but Cena counters into a FU attempt, but BIG BOOT by JBL!  JBL and Kane KICK EACH OTHER TO OBLIVION!  Cena and JBL are back up.  VIntage Cena looks to gain momentum.  Cena hits a FU on Batista and JBL just BARELY interrupts, and WE GOT TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK?

Commercials.

The other matches tonight didn’t get chopped up with commercials…why did the main event need two commercial breaks in it?

We’re back and Cena and JBL get it on.  PROTOBOMB by Cena!  You Can’t See him, but Kane did!  Batista lays it in on Kane.  Corner to corner and JBL gets laid out!  Drop toe hold by Batista on Kane.  Cena gets SPINEBUSTERED!  JBL gets the CLOTHESLINE TO HELL!  Cena in with the STFU, but Kane goes to Chokeslam Cena & JBL!  They work together for five seconds and the fight goes outside!  Batista and Kane are inside as JBL lays Cena out with the STEEL STEPS!  Kane nails three haymakers to send JBL over the barricade!  Kane goes up top and he misses Batista.  SPEAR by Batista and he WINS!

Winner:  Batista
Grade: B+ (for what was shown)

Kane is one pissed off MONSTER!  He takes apart the steel steps and yells at the commentary team.  SUPERKICK to a crew member!  He goes after Lillian, who runs for safety.  The timekeeper isn’t as lucky.  Batista heads back over to the commentary table and he GRABS MICHAEL COLE!  He throws him in the ring and he steps on the ankle!  Kane grabs Cole back up and he goes to chokeslam Cole, but Jerry Lawler saves Cole, so Kane beats the holy Hell out of Lawler!  He seethes a bit and he kicks Lawler in the face before leaving the ring. 

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Rey Mysterio d. Santino Marella: B
Kelly Kelly & Mickie James d. Jillian Hall & Layla: B+
CM Punk d. Snitsky: B
Kofi Kingston d. Charlie Haas: B
Batista d. Kane, John Cena, & John Bradshaw Layfield: B+

The Final Grade for WWE RAW for 7/7/08: B+

Well, I almost wanted to give the main event an A because it was a decently good match, for the seven or so minutes out of the fifteen that was shown on TV, but when the other matches on the card didn’t get cut in the middle of it, I felt that the WWE should had ran this important match without commercials either, but that’s just me and it did hurt getting into the match a bit.  Crazy Kane returning is a plus and the question we now have to ask: “Is this the end of Punk’s reign?”

Catch you all later this week for the Marshall Report and as always, keep it to the Pulse for all your latest in wrestling news!  Have a great week!

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