– Whenever I review a GAB I haven’t seen before, I’m constantly haunted by my review of GAB 05, which I always consider one of the worst PPVs of all time, and definitely in recent years. Looking back at it, I must have really been high on the Benoit juice with awarding that US title match what I did, as I’m sure If I ever come arond to redoing it, it won’t be getting the same treatment.
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The NeelDown: WWE Great American Bash 2007
– From San Jose, California (Go Jody Shelley!)
– Your hosts are JR, King, Tazz, Styles, JBL & Cole
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MVP v. Matt Hardy – US Title Match
Hardy dumps him to start and follows out with a plancha. MVP goes in control with a hip toss and goes to a chokehold. Meanwhile JBL and Hardy argue over the importance of the US belt. JBL calls this a match made in heaven and some of the best SmackDown has to offer, which as sad as it is to say, is true. They go to a test of strength where they exchange headbuts and chest bumps, and Hardy gets a suplex causing MVP to go out for a breather. Matt goes up but MVP tosses him off for two, and capitalizes with a drop toe hold and then the running kick, but Hardy gets the ropes. MVP locks in an abdomen stretch but Hardy bites him. Hardy goes for something but MVP catches him on the shoulders and throws him off, then goes for the running kick again by Hardy pops up and counters it with a clothesline. Funny spot sees Hardy go up top but slip. He makes it up though, but MVP meets him up with a superplex for two. MVP tries a back suplex from the top now, but Hardy falls on top, which Cole calls a “bulldog”. Matt slugs him down and gets a bulldog from the second rope (that’s what one is, Cole). The leg drop gets two. Twist of Fate is countered and MVP tries the Playmarker, but Hardy counters that into a Side Effect for two and the crowd went from completely dead to suddenly alive on that note. Small package gets two for Matt. MVP tries the running boot to the corner but it misses and Hardy rolls him up for two. Another Twist of Fate attempt, but MVP shoves him to the corner where this time he connects with the big kick, followed by the Playmaker for the pin to retain the title. Surprisingly a pretty good opener, and the multiple close falls on MVP made it interesting. (***)
Winner: MVP
– Meanwhile, Dusty Rhodes tells a bullrope story.
Chavo Guerrero v. Funaki v. Jamie Noble v. Shannon Moore v. Jimmy Wang Yang – Cruiserweight Championship Match
This is a “cruiserweight open” where it’s the brilliant rules that everyone in the ring and the first to get a pin wins. Hornswoggle runs in and steals the Cruiserweight title, since they obviously couldn’t have a show without him making an appearance. Anyway, everyone gangs up on Chavo and dumps him to the floor. Funaki gets a nice legscissors on Noble, but is met with a swinging neckbreaker by Moore. Wang gets a rana on Moore and wants a reaction, but no one cares. Noble tries to suplex him, but he lands on his feet and gets a high spin kick. Chavo comes in to break up the count, then back suplexes Wang. Moore attacks him, but they both fall victim to a flying crossbody by Funaki. Noble returns to attack everyone and snap powerslams Wang for two. Chavo tosses everyone and locks Wang in a Clover Leaf but Moore and Funaki break that up.
Noble attacks both them but eventually gets slammed down by Moore, who goes back to work on Funaki, who dumps him to the apron and knocks him to the floor. Funaki tries a tornado DDT on Noble, but he counters it to a Northern Lights suplex and then into an armbar. Moore breaks that up with a leg drop from the top and gets two on Noble. Chavo hits the Gory Bomb on Funkai but Wang breaks up the count. For his troubles, he gets the rolling verticles from Chavo, or two at least, as he blocks the third. Blind charge by Chavo meets Wang elbow and the moonsault from the top gets two after Noble breaks the count. A bunch of quick stuff happens and Wang ends up dumping Moore onto Funaki and Noble on the floor. He goes up top but is met by Chavo, who is met by Noble, and they do a TOWER OF DOOM suplex spot, and Horswoggle out of where jumps off the top with a crossbody on Noble for the pin and the title? Guess so. I know, it makes oodles of sense considering he wasn’t in the match. Hornswoggle high-5s JBL and then runs up the ramp to avoid everyone going after him. Well, stupid finish aside, it was full of good spots which was pretty enjoyable, even though this is about as moot of a point as any for the dead Cruiserweight belt, and that’s really saying something. (**3/4)
Winner: Hornswoggle
– Video package of BOBBY’s amateur wrestling background. A little early to be hyping up the main event, don’t you think?
Sandman v. Carlito – Singapore Cane on a Pole Match
Carlito spits on him right away and tries blind charging for the cane, which Sandman has no part of and goes on the attack and ends up dumping him. He goes for the pole but gets knocked off and kicked down. So Carlito tries climbing, but he gets yanked down, and more pointless brawling ensues. Yep, it’s a “____ on a pole match” alright, you know the drill. Carlito gets a dropkick and a suplex but that gets him about as far as the other attempts did at trying to get the cane. He misses the springboard elbow and Sandman is able to retrieve the cane, but Carlito ducks a swing with it and gets the Back Stabber (or whatever he calls that) for the pin. Garbage filler match which served no better purpose but to I guess further bury ECW. But don’t do they already do a good enough job with that themselves every Tuesday night? (1/2*)
Winner: Carlito
– Randy Orton lets us know that it’s HBK birthday today.
Candice Michelle v. Melina – Women’s Championship Match
It really disappointments me that they always have Melina wrestle in pants ever since going to the women’s division. The matches would be so much more enjoyable if they went back to the MNM-era skirts. Candice Michelle on the other hand looks like one of the stupidest Women’s Champs in history the way she always starts off with her fists up like it’s a boxing match. Melina works on the arm to start which Candice eventually reverses and then they do the bridge counter where they stand up out of it, resulting in Melina getting a backslide for two. Candice gets a fireman’s carry for two. They do some rope choking and then Melina goes back to working the arm. Candice eventually mounts the comeback with truly the most pathetic “clotheslines” and dropkick I’ve ever seen. Flying crossbody gets two. Hanging neckbreaker by Melina and Candice … accidentally kicks out at one. Melina tries choking her out, but Candice ends up getting out and getting some sort of bulldog for the pin to retain the title. Well regardless of how bad Candice looks in the ring even though they’re trying to act like she can wrestle, nothing too bad for a women’s match. (**)
Winner: Candice Michelle
– The Hardy Boyz meet up in the back, and Candice comes in to pour her water bottle on herself, with Ron Simmons providing comedic relief.
Umaga v. Jeff Hardy – Intercontinental Championship
Umaga pummels him to the floor to start. Back in Jeff gets the jawbreaker but runs straight into a Samoan drop and he continues brawling him down and gets a pair of Irish whips. He locks in the neck vice thing, which Jeff almost fights out of a couple of times, but no cigar. Eventually Jeff tries lifting him for a slam but Umaga falls back on him for two. Now he gets a rope-assisted ASS SPLASH OF DEATH. And another. Jeff gets caught off the top and Umaga gets a nice-looking Black Hole Slam (blatant rip) for two. Well, JR just called it a sidewalk slam. Anyway, he misses the falling headbutt but Jeff dodges it and that allows him to fight back with a DDT and then land a crossbody to the floor resulting in a double KO. Inside a sunset flip fails but Jeff gets a low dropkick for two. The corner ass splash misses and Jeff gets the whisper in the wind for two. Jeff dodges a blind charge and nails the swanton bomb but only for two. Umaga blocks the twist of fate, corner ass splash connects, and the KILLER THUMB for the pin to retain the title. It actually wasn’t too bad when they allowed Jeff the come back. (**1/2)
Winner: Umaga
John Morrison v. CM Punk – ECW Championship
This is right after Morrison got his new gimmick, as he won the vacant title last month still as Johnny Nitro in the very same match. They trade headlocks and hammerlocks to start and Punk drop toe holds him down into a crossface. Punk gets a top rope-assisted suplex and low dropkick for two. Monkey flip out of the corner sends Morrison to the floor, where Punk follows him out but gets fed to the steps. That gets two inside after a unique pin by Morrison, don’t even know how to call it. GTS is countered and Morrison slams him down face-first for two, then locks in a bodyscissors. Inverted suplex by Morrison gets two and he slugs away. Punk fights off a superplex attempt and gets a high crossbody but he hurts his ribs in the process.
That allows Punk to get the kicks and a flapjack for two. They exchange cradles, Morrison tries holding the ropes on his and the ref has it scouted. Running enziguiri gets two for Punk, followed by the running knee to the corner, but Morrison slips out of the bulldog attempt and bails to get his belt and walk. Punk hauls him back in, but his springboard attempt hits Morrison’s knee and that gets the pin for Morrison to retain. The match was good as per usual when these guys go at it, but I would have liked to have seen it go longer. The finish was just about as random as when Morrison won the title last month, but they seem to be building it up as Morrison always being one step ahead of Punk. (**3/4)
Winner: John Morrison
Randy Orton v. Dusty Rhodes – Texas Bullrope Match
So the build-up here is that Rhodes gets inducted into the HOF, Orton is a legend killer, you get the picture. After far too much stalling, Orton tries attacking with the cowbell but Rhodes ducks it and lays into him with the bionic elbows. Orton tries to bail but Rhodes yanks on the rope sending him to the post. Orton tries heading up the ramp and Rhodes teases wacking him with the bell but goes back to the elbows instead. Back inside Orton goes to work on the knee with the bell then tries choking him out with the rope, then nails him with the cowbell for the pin. Well, I’m glad it was short, but for all the build-up it kind of looks stupid. Not much of a match. (1/4*)
Winner: Randy Orton
The Great Khali v. Kane v. Batista – World Heavyweight Championship
This was supposed to be Edge v. Kane for the title but Edge suffered the real injury on SD and thanks to that we now have champion Khali and this exciting triple threat. It’s really a golden opportunity for Dave since losing to Edge last month meant he couldn’t get another title shot as long as he was champ. Kane and Dave go after Khali to start but he takes them down with a double clothesline. JBL comments that in 24 hours we went from the Rated R era to the era of T-Rex. Batista runs into a Khali spin kick (seriously) and he locks in a variation of the neck vice. Kane tries interrupting but he gets the same treatment, and then chokeslams them both. They go to the floor where Khali clears off an announce table and they build up where eventually Kane and Batista working together to send Khali through the table. Back inside a side slam gets two for Kane. Scoop slam by Dave gets two. Kane gets the flying clothesline and sets up the chokeslam but Khali runs in, so he gets it, and Batista breaks up the pin. Kane and Batista go back to the floor to brawl where Batista sends him to the post and goes back in to run into Khali’s boot, but recovers and hits a spinebuster for two. Kane comes back into the mix and he counters the Demon Bomb with a back drop and nails the chokeslam for two. Kane retrieves a chair but he gets a spinebuster and Batista channels the POWER OF THE ANIMALS. Weak-looking Demon Bomb connects on Kane but Khali yanks him out on the pin and feeds him to the steps, then gets his slam on Kane for the pin to retain the title. The non-Khali stuff wasn’t terrible, but altogether it was about what you’d expect. (*1/2)
Winner: The Great Khali
John Cena v. Lashley – WWE Championship
Lashley overpowers him to start, then outwrestles him, then merely shoves him down for two. Not many can claim to achieve all of that this early in a match against Cena, except maybe the last part. Cena tries the STFU early but Lashley escapes to the outside for a breather. Back inside Cena gets a bulldog and scoop slam for two. Suplex gets two, but Lashley catches him with a t-bone out of the corner for two. Lashley wears him down in the corner Lesnar style and gets a side slam for two. Delayed suplex gets two for Lashley. Cena gets two of the five moves of doom, the latter being the leg drop, for two. This match has absolutely no flow or chemistry to it, it’s just each guy trades a suplex while the crowd looks on bored. Lashley comes back with a backbreaker out of nowhere and locks in a bodyscissors, the second applied of the night. JR calls Lashley’s strength “Herculean-like”.
Blind charge misses and a back suplex sets up the People’s Elbow Rip-Off, but Lashley slips out of the FU and gets a snap slam for two. He tries some kind of slam again but Cena slips out and turns it into the FU but only for two. STFU instead, but Bobby makes the ropes and then fights back with the POWER OF BOBBY and his spear gets two. Say, that’s only what, about four guys at this point in the company using that as a regular move? I feel bad for Edge who has to use it as a real finisher. Lashley sets him up top but out of nowhere Cena gets a sloppy FU off the top which kind of just looks like he shoves him off, for the pin to retain the title. It probably proves that they should have ended Lashley’s “quest” for the title after last month’s fatal fourway match considering he was later let go of by the company in early 08. I also think all of about ten people actually bought Lashley’s chance of winning where as it was more appropriate in the fatal fourway, and really, they never built it up in the match that he was actually going to pull it off anyway. The match was pretty dull and the crowd was dead throughout, for obvious reasons. (**1/2)
Winner: John Cena
End of show.
The NeelDown — Nothing on this show can really justify a reccomendation, it was pretty dull throghout, ending with a cople oh, well, not so great title matches. Really it kind of got worse during the second half, which never really holds up as a good formula. Make sure to let me know your thoughts as well, mark.a.neeley@gmail.com. Not reccomended.
