TNA Impact Spoilers

The results for this Thursday’s show…

– Booker T arrives with Sharmell and the world title belt. Jim Cornette demands that he returns the belt to Samoa Joe, yet Joe tells him to keep it because he will earn it back in a rematch at Hard Justice. Yippee-kay-yay, kimosabe.

– Beer Money are backstage, promising revenge on the fans for whipping them at Victory Road. NO BEER AND NO MONEY MAKE ME SOMETHING SOMETHING.

– Kaz is elsewhere backstage, feeling bad for letting everyone down at the PPV because he didn’t win the cup that nobody cared about or knew how was won anyway. Emo Kaz!

– Petey Williams beat Kaz. Loser Kaz!

– Matt Morgan squashes Jimmy Rave.

– Matt Morgan squashes Lance Hoyt.

– Matt Morgan is the new Chuck Norris.

– Jim Cornette is being pestered by the Knockouts so he starts singing Jay-Z’s 99 Problems and books a Battle Royal, with the winner getting a title shot.

– Kurt Angle and Team 3-D come out wearing black trenchcoats to welcome Sting into their fraternity. AJ Styles, Christian Cage and Rhino come out to ask for a rematch. For some reason this winds up being a 5 Table Elimination Table Match for next week.

– Velvet Sky wins the battle royal.

– Backstage, So Cal Val tells Jay Lethal it isn’t her fault Sonjay Dutt has feelings for her. (Kurt Angle: “SCREW YOUR BOOBS!”)

– Sonjay Dutt wins against Eric Young and Johnny Devine, pinning Young. Lethal comes out to attack Dutt but somehow screws it up and Dutt winds up making Val think that Lethal hit him with a chair. So I guess Val doesn’t watch Impact then, nor does anybody in her life who may talk to her about her relationships. Theme park reality bubble, nice.

– Beer Money come out to beat up a fan in an LAX shirt, and/or Hector Guerrero. LAX chase them away with the offer of no beer and less money to come, saving Hector, who used to be a turkey.

– Booker T beats Consequences Creed in a Stretcher Match in your main event of the evening. Joe is a-waitin’ in an ambulance, eatin’ grease, and attacks Booker afterwards. Russo Stretcher Matches shouldn’t end with ambulances they should end with outpatient consultancy appointments.

Xplosion Match…
Curry Mean beat Kip James. Huzzah!

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