The SmackDown Report

Romance is in the air as the happy couple celebrate their wedding and we have the first ever SmackDown Wedding Reception. Meanwhile, some more matches are announced for Great American Bash and who needs The Love Boat when Triple H presents True Love: The Movie!

I saw The Dark Knight today. I think I might go see it another seven times, once each day next week. It’s that good. Not without it’s faults, but still fantastic.

Also, I start Uni on Monday. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m a freshman! I don’t know if we even use that term here, I’ve been watching far too much American television. Next Friday is Autonomy Day at my University, which is code for: drink the Uni pubs dry. I am very much so looking forward to it.

A very, very corny opens us up with the action blockbuster trailer voice over guy putting over Edge and Vickie’s “raging inferno of unbridled passion”. Kinky.

Earlier in the day, the pair in white said their “I Do’s”. I don‘t like Edge in white. Does this count as a Wrestling Wedding that technically went right?

The ring entrance is set up like a wedding reception, with Ryder, Hawkins, Neely and Alicia Fox (the wedding planner who I ignored most of the time) occupying the scene. Chavo Guerrero gets his own special entrance before Justin Roberts introduces the happy couple, Edge and Vickie. Chavo gives them a speech and the tension between all of La Familia looks to have disappeared. Chavo says that Edge is a perfect fit into the Guerrero family because of their trademark wild side. Chavo calls it an honour to be his best man and be at his side on Sunday when he becomes the WWE Champion. As a part of their wedding gift, Chavo made a faux WWE magazine cover of Edge being hailed as the WWE Champion.

Edge pretty much says that Vickie loves sexing him, and that’s really all he has to say before the matches get under way. Finlay and Hornswoggle make their entrance, but Edge berates them for blatantly cheating every week. Edge announces a special guest referee for this match: himself!

The rumoured Fatal Four Way for the tag titles are now official, by the way.

Special Guest Referee Edge : Finlay and Hornswoggle vs. Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder
I’m going off of what JR calls each Edge Head, since they’re had to tell apart now. Edge makes special note to toss the shillelagh early on, earning this match one point right away. Finlay takes Hawkins into the corner but Edge gets Finlay off of Hawkins. Lock up and Edge removes Finlay off of Hawkins, allowing Hawkins to attack Finlay. Doesn’t take long til shenanigans break down and Edge tries to attack Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle escapes, Hawkins prevents Finlay from nailing a Celtic Cross on Edge – Edge nails a spear to Finlay, and that allows Hawkins to get the three count.
Winners: Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder

Well, it was very short. One out of Ten. That’s just for the throwing of the shillelagh.

Vickie and Edge have their first dance as Husband and Wife. The dance is eventually interrupted by The Big Show, who takes over the dance with Vickie. Edge isn’t happy about Show dancing with Vickie, so Edge tells Show to get down to the ring for his scheduled match.

Commercials.

The Big Show vs. Shelton Benjamin, Montel Vontavious Porter, Vladimir Koslov and The Great Khali
No Big Daddy V? So, Show starts with Benjamin. Lock up and Show tosses Benjamin right down. Apparently we’ve also got Benjamin vs. Hardy booked for Great American Bash. Porter in and tags out to Koslov right away. Koslov vs. Show, now this could be good. Koslov tries to take it to Show, but Show tosses him into the corner where Khali tags in. Show down between Khali and Show, and Khali shoves Show. Khali with punches to Show, Show off the ropes with a clothesline. Big boot to Benjamin, elbow to Koslov. Chaos breaks down as all five men are in the ring. Round house from Benjamin, chop in the corner from Khali, running boot in the corner from Porter and Koslov nails his running battering ram.
Winner: No Contest

Post match, Khali nails the Khali Bomb. Cruddy and quick match, but enjoyable. And I love the multiple finisher moments. Three out of Ten. Also, awesome to see Show stand up to four guys. Note to WWE: you just had near monster Show and awesomely funny Show in the span of seven minutes, kudos.

Still to come: Hardy vs. Hardy!

Commercials.

We’re back, and Vickie Guerrero is in the ring. Can we give her some theme music for once? Vickie does her trademark Excuse Me holler, and she’s going to throw the bouquet. Vickie has to fight to get her word through, and all of the eligible ladies are at ringside. Before Vickie can finish talking, McCool attacks Natalya! Hawkins and Ryder drag McCool out, and Cherry gets the bouquet! Vickie congratulates Cherry, and Vickie says she thought Cherry was never going to get married. Since she caught the bouquet, that’s given Cherry a special match against Vickie! But first, she has to face Natalya!

Natalya vs. Cherry
Natalya slams Cherry down and takes at her with fists and the bouquet! Sharpshooter finishes this with ease.
Winner: Natalya

-Four out of Ten. Not as harsh because bouquets are an awesome weapon.

Cherry vs. Vickie Guerrero
Vickie covers for the three count.
Winner: Vickie Guerrero

Justin Roberts goes to announce Vickie as the winner, but Vickie cuts him off and announces “The winner is THE BRIDE!”. -Five out of Ten.

Commercials.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Brian Kendrick w/ big African american guy Ezekiel
Kendrick looks REALLY gay in the white leather jacket, and he got a bit of a hair cut too. Kendrick with a hammerlock, Yang reverses it and gets a headlock takedown. Kendrick goes after the arm, Yang flips out and gets a hammerlock but Kendrick gets to the ropes. Yang with a drop toe hold and follows with a hurricanrana. Yang clotheslines Kendrick to the outside but misses a vaulting body press and comes face to face with Ezekiel. Kendrick gets a cheap elbow to Yang and takes the match back to the ring. Kendrick sends Yang shoulder first into the top rope and kicks the shoulder. Kendrick covers for a one count. Kendrick with an arm ba, Yang nearly escapes but Kendrick nails a nice hammerlock scoop slam. Kendrick with a nice kick to the arm for a two count. Kendrick gets a key lock, but Yang turns it into an arm drag. Yang ducks a clothesline and gets a two count backslide. Yang with a very nice missile dropkick for a two count! Yang with a kick tot eh back of Kendrick’s head for a two count. Yang up top, but Ezekiel causes the distraction allowing Kendrick to drop Yang back into the middle of the ring. Sliced Bread No. 2 for the three count.
Winner: Brian Kendrick

Kendrick’s hotter as a bad guy. I like, I like. Five out of Ten. Nice match but nothing, you know, great. They’re pretty much trying to go for the old school Michaels thing, which makes sense but I really wish they’d try to be less obvious about it.

Edge is backstage for some reason, and gets given a Slim Jim gift. Edge runs back off … okay.

Commercials.

Edge and Vickie are still enjoying their reception.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Umaga
Kennedy runs into a push from Umaga. Kennedy with shots to Umaga, clubs to his back but Umaga elbows Kennedy down. Umaga tries to slam Kennedy into the turnbuckle but Kennedy fights him off. Kennedy avoids a dropping head butt, and targets the head but Umaga clotheslines Kennedy down. Umaga tries jumping off the second rope but Kennedy gets his feet up. Kennedy with rights to Umaga in the corner. Kennedy tries for the face wash boot, but Umaga gets up and elbows Kennedy down. Umaga whips Kennedy into the corner twice in a row, and gets a leg drop to the back of the head (something for EWR fans there I guess). Umaga gets the shoulder claw, Kennedy almost escapes but Umaga head butts Kennedy and gets in a blatant choke for a few moments. Umaga returns to the shoulder claw, Kennedy escapes but runs into a kitchen sink high knee. Umaga keeps the shoulder claw locked pretty damned long, with Kennedy finally escaping only to run into a Samoan Drop.

Commercials.

We’re back and Kennedy is lying flat on his back, but Umaga is standing high and mighty. During the break, Umaga got a nice kick to the head of Kennedy. Kennedy with a scoop slam attempt to Umaga, but Umaga’s weight causes Kennedy to crash for a two count pinfall. Umaga returns to the shoulder claw, Kennedy tries fighting Umaga off but runs into a throat thrust. Umaga goes to the second turnbuckle and goes for the head butt, but Kennedy rolls out of the way! Kennedy fights Umaga off, Umaga pushes Kennedy into the corner but Kennedy avoids the running splash! Kennedy with a roundhouse for a two count. Kennedy goes for the Mic Check, but Umaga doesn’t fall! Samoan Spike for the three count.
Winner: Umaga

Hrm. A fair bit too much one sided, but it also went a fair way in restabilising Umaga as the uber monster. My best guess is that it’s building up to the point where Kennedy can compete fairly against Umaga, which makes this match and it’s too one sidedness acceptable. Five out of Ten.

Commercials.

John Morrison and The Miz vs. Jesse and Festus
Bells rings and the usual happens, but Morrison and Miz escape the ring in time. Jesse and Morrison begin. Lock up and Morrison goes for a knee but Jesse blocks it and nails a back drop. Festus in and Morrison gets whipped into a big throat thrust. Festus with a throwaway slam. Jesse in, and Festus slams him onto Morrison for a one count. Jesse with a monkey flip. Jesse with a flying cross body for a two count. Miz drags Jesse into his corner via the hair, Morrison attacks Jesse before tagging Miz in. Jesse gets an enziguri to Miz, and Festus is in to dominate. Beer claws to Miz, splash followed by diving shoulder. Morrison gets big booted off of the apron. Festus with the butt drop, Jesse tagged in and thrown into Miz for the two count – broken by Morrison. Festus throws Morrison outside, but Festus collides with the ring post. Festus with a flapjack to Morrison. Miz with the Reality Check on Jesse for the three count.
Winners: John Morrison and The Miz

Fine enough tag team match. Four out of Ten.

Commercials.

RAW Recap

JR and Foley hype Great American Bash. Should be quite the show.

Justin Roberts announces Jeff and Matt Hardy. The pair make their entrance together and drop the wedding cake over Chavo Guerrero … shouldn’t they be using their old music, instead of Jeff’s?

Commercials.

Brother vs. Brother: Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
Jeff goes after Matt’s arm to start. Matt turns a hammerlock into a headlock, Jeff escapes it but Matt gets a hip toss. Jeff off the ropes into a hip toss from Matt. Matt gets a school boy for a two count. Matt and Jeff both look to go for Twist of Fate’s, Matt pushes Jeff off but Jeff gets a Whisper In The Wind. Jeff with a split legged pinfall for a two count. Jeff with a sleeper slam on Matt for a two count. Jeff skins the cat but Matt clotheslines him back out afterwards. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate but Jeff locks it so Matt gets in a guillotine choke, so Jeff slams Matt into the corner. Jeff with his swinging dropkick for a two count. Matt tries for the Side Effect but Jeff blocks and nails Matt with the Side Effect! Jeff goes up top but misses the Swanton! Matt goes up top and nails the moonsault for the two count. Right away, La Familia storm the ring and attack both Hardys!
Winner: Draw

Both Jeff and Matt eat spears from Edge. Match could’ve been really good, so I’m cut that the match was so short. Two out of Ten. What was the harm in having the pair go about fifteen minutes?

Commercials.

We’re back and La Familia, with Wedding Planner Alicia Fox, are positioned in the ring. Edge has gotten the crew backstage to make a video package for Vickie. In a nice touch, we can hear the crowd’s boos over the video. Post video, Triple H makes his way out complete with wedding presents and the WWE Championship. Triple H relives us all by revealing he’s not here to say he’s secretly married to Vickie Guerrero, phew. The love between Edge and Vickie warms his heart and his brought some presents. The first is also a video, but he didn’t have the resources or time though he thinks it’s special and truly expresses the love Edge has for Vickie. So, the screen flickers to show Edge sitting alone in a hotel room until the wedding planner Alicia Fox makes her way on in. The crowd instantly know how this is going to turn out. And so should you.

Triple H makes the tape fast forward to Edge flirting with Alicia by saying she smells nice (well I know whenever I hear that, I instantly sleep with whoever says it) and then faking a sore neck. Alicia massages him and the line of the night goes to “Seems to be getting looser” “Actually, it’s getting stiffer”. Ba boom ching! Triple H says that plenty of guys get single women to come to their hotel room for massages while their wives aren’t there, and it means nothing. Edge demands La Familia attack Trip,s but Trips reveals his one size fits all second gift – a sledgehammer. True Love: The Movie continues, with Edge now massaging Alicia. Somewhere in there, Edge says that Vickie wears big granny panties. Trips stops the video and reveals a pair of granny panties, saying at least now he’s got something to park his car under – a pair of granny panties in Vickie’s size. The final chapter in True Love: The Movie, shows Edge and Alicia making out. Vickie is NOT happy, and Edge looks like his got his balls caught in a bear trap. Edge leaves the ring with Vickie breaking down, and that’s how SmackDown fades out … If Edge had just told Alicia “I’m here to clean zee pool”, then this would’ve been the best episode of SmackDown ever. But he didn’t and it’s not.

Hawkins and Ryder defeat Finlay and Hornswoggle: 1/10
The Big Show no contests MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Vladimir Koslov and The Great Khali: 3/10
Natalya defeats Cherry: -4/10
Vickie Guerrero defeats Cherry: -5/10
Brian Kendrick defeats Jimmy Wang Yang: 5/10
Umaga defeats Mr. Kennedy: 5/10
John Morrison and The Miz defeat Jesse and Festus: 4/10
Matt Hardy no contests Jeff Hardy: 2/10
SmackDown 18/07/09: 11/80

A very interesting show today. The decision to show the reception instead of the wedding makes this Wrestling Wedding stand out, and I liked the idea of the wedding party watch the entire show from the stage. Good booking, cruddy wrestling, but a unique way to do a weekly show gives this episode an easy thumbs up. I’d understand arguments that the main event segment went too long, but really, it fits Trip’s character perfectly, was funny, and made you really want to see Edge do the wrong thing. Very nice for this not to be your average run of the mill go home show. Until next week, have a good week.

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