Historically Speaking: I Love WWE 24/7

“[History is] the doubtful story of successive events.” – Bosanquet

The Opening Chapter
Wow…where did these last two weeks go? I’m finally moved into my new apartment and enjoying the wonders of WWE 24/7. I just watched my first edition of World Championship Wrestling, and found it quite random. There was like fifteen squashes or semi-squashes in a two hours show and another fifteen or so interviews. Now as I type this I’m watching a 1986 edition of TNT and it is some of the most absurd, campy, over-the-top stuff I’ve ever seen, including my first look at “wrestling magician” Paul Christie and the superstar tag team of Paul Roma and SD Jones.

As for a column this week? I’ve got nothing. Two weeks ago my inspiration came from the out-of-nowhere World Championship victory of CM Punk, and my mind is shot right now.

As the absurdity of TNT ends, I am now switching over to the History of ECW, so I think you’ll get a stream of conscious while I’m watching it.

The History of ECW: Hostile City Showdown ‘96
Paul and Joey open the show in WWE studios as they explain what we are about to see. Joey explains that the Hardcore TV show we are about to see is actually part of he Hostile City Showdown supercard that they taped weeks earlier, and actually admits on the air that the show is taped.

Joey informs us that we will also see the first-time teaming of D-Von and Buh Buh Ray Dudley.

The show proper opens with Buh Buh Ray Dudley (in full retard mode) in the ring with Sign Guy and I think either Dudley Dudley or Dances With Dudley. Francine is looking skanka-riffic as The Pitbulls’ maanger. D-Von Dudley now hits the ring and is quite mouthy towards Buh Buh and everyone else. “Thou shall not steal…though shall not kill, and thou shall not f*ck with The Dudleys.” Thanks D-Von. (Wow the first time I typed “Dudleys” I just instinctively ended it with a “z.” Vince McMahon is no dummy.)

The four men are brawling through the crowd pretty much with reckless abandon while the fans chant “E-C-W” before that was the cool thing to do, and long before it was the clichéd thing to do. Seriously, it’s just wandering aimless brawling.

Random cut to a satellite with Paul Heyman off-camera telling Joey “30 seconds.”

More brawling, and then they cut to Joey standing outside as an ambulance pulls away. Joey admits what we were watching was taped but this is “live” on Long Island as The Pitbulls, (Tommy Dreamer’s tag partners in an upcoming six man tag against Brian Lee & The Eliminators) were injured during the shooting of a “training video.” Paul, off-camera then tells him to cut back to the show.

What the hell was that?

Back to the taped match as they are now all in the ring and Francine is beating up the other Dudleys not in the match. D-Von just laid out the ref with a chair. HAT GUY~! The Pitbulls now superbomb the referee, and then it abruptly cuts to what I guess is the opening video.

Joey is in front of wall shilling Hostile City Showdown ’96 on VHS and the Rob Van Dam-Sabu match we will see later. He has more hype for this Saturday’s supershow at the Arena, called “A Matter of Respect” which will also feature Shane Doulas versus Scorpio for the ECW Television Title.

A bumper promo featuring Sandman and I think Missy Hyatt is interrupted once again by Joey “live” out in Long Island and admits that The Eliminators were the ones who did the attack on The Pitbulls while they await for Tommy to come out of the building.

“Back from commercial” Tommy is being put in a second ambulance while he screams bloody murder at the bad guys. Joey then says The Gangstas will be Tommy’s new partners (“as long they are not in jail.”)
Cut to Joey and Tazz in WWE studios to recap what we just saw, and then throw it to Rob Van Dam versus Sabu.

I love how Joey keeps hyping the VHS of Hostile City Showdown and encourages you to order it via 1-800 number. My how times have changed in a decade. Apparently that show is the famous one where Tommy says, “I’ll take them both” and makes out with both Kimona and Beulah.

“Van Dam is wrestling with a broken wrist. Sabu is wrestling with a broken something. I’m not sure what it is, but you can be sure something is broken or fractured on the man.” Haha…I love Joey Styles.

Joel Gertner is looking positively svelte as the unnamed ring announcer.

Van Dam dominates early with some kicks and then hits an unnamed Rolling Thunder. Sabu gets control and hits a guillotine leg drop off the top and looks like he hurts himself more than he hurts Van Dam. Sabu with a camel clutch and then into a single leg grab to kill some time. Sabu then puts Van Dam on the top rope, climbs the ropes himself and then dropkicks Van Dam to the floor. What a random move. Van Dam pushed into the crowd during a moonsault attempt. Now crowd brawling.

Sabu with a chair-assisted plancha from the top ring rope into the crowd onto Van Dam. That was pretty cool. Brawling as they set up a spot with a table laid out between the ring apron and the guard rail. Van Dam then hits a forward roll senton off the ring apron onto Sabu while holding a chair. It was the first time I’d ever heard Joey say “I give up; I don’t know what to call it.” Back in the ring and Van Dam actually gets a pin cover after a springboard legdrop. RVD puts him in a bow-and-arrow, which just seems random in this type of match and then he transitions into a leg grapevine as Joey tries to cover for Van Dam’s lack of psychology in regards to working on body parts.

Szbu hits a DDT, and Van Dam is so injured that he has time to fix his hair as he lays on the mat. More brawling and then a fan throws RVD a chair so he can do a chair-assisted springboard summersault plancha over the ropes onto Sabu. That got a “Jesus Christ” from me and an “Oh My God” from Joey.

Both men up to the top and RVD pushed Sabu through the waiting table. He tries a top-rope axehandle, but Sabut moves and RVD eats the floor. Sabu sets up another table, and then does a summersault leg drop over the ropes onto Van Dam as Joey touts how great of match this has been.

Van Dam kicks out of that and an Asai moonsault. Sabu whiffs a clothesline which Joey calls a “glancing blow” while half the crowd boos the botch. More back and forth action which is basically move-transition to next move-pin attempt-move. Sabu then hits him the rope assisted DDT that Randy Orton made famous a few years back, in a match actually against Van Dam.

Sabu finally wins with the Triple Jump Moonsault, as Joey calls it the greatest match in both man’s careers. He then calls it a match that may be remembered forever. Sabu offers a handshake but Van Dam blows him off, as the crowd chants “asshole” at RVD.

Pre-taped promo with Kimona, Tommy and Beulah, and now cut back to Joey “live on Long Island.” The Eliminators show up with blood on their hands and cut a promo on the big six-man tag.

Back to Tazz and Joey while they talk about Paul Heyman’s vision of “Crash TV” and how he produced his television product.

The Perspective
Well that was kind of fun. It was pretty random and completely different from anything I’ve done in the pas, but I’m sure you’ll all understand. I’ve really got to put this thing to bed so I can go back and watch some more WWE 24/7 randomness. It looks they are airing the second half of the WarGames matches in the “Shorties” and I don’t think I can last much longer without watching some Shockmaster action.

For this week the vault is closed…

Linked to the Pulse
Ivan fantasy books “The American Dragon” into WWE.

David B. remembers that epic Evan Karagias-Madusa love story.

PC talks about pushing of new talent.

This Day in History
I figured if we are talking history around here we should pay homage to what has happened on this very day in the years gone by. It will either make you long for the old days or be happy for what we have now.

1993 – Brian Lee defeated Tracy Smothers for the Smokey Mountain Heavyweight title
1994 – WCW Bash at the Beach was held at the Florida Arena, Orlando, FL
1994 – Hulk Hogan defeated Ric Flair for the WCW Heavyweight title
1994 – Paul Orndorff & Paul Roma defeated Cactus Jack & Kevin Sullivan for the WCW World Tag Team title
2001 – Cody Hawk defeated Race Steele for the HWA Heavyweight Title
2001 – Time Bomb & Nigel McGuinness defeated The Jablonski Brothers for the HWA Tag Team Title
2002 – Reckless Youth defeated Danny Carney to win the 2002 Shane Shamrock Memorial Cup in Glen Burnie, MD
2002 – Shelton Benjamin & Redd Dogg defeated Trailer Park Trash & Flash Flanagan for the Ohio Valley Southern Heavyweight Tag Title

1969 – Frank Finnegan was born.
1974 – Beau James was born.
1975 – Yuji Kondo was born.
1988 – Bruiser Brody died in a Puerto Rican locker room stabbing at 42

The Assignment
It’s important to know your history to know where you have come from and where you are going. Back when Nova was in charge of the WWE developmental system he implemented mandatory history assignments for the students of the developmental territories so they would know pro wrestling’s history and they would learn just how many moves Nova created and apparently the best ways to get on-line prescriptions. I feel Nova had a great idea there and every week I will assign a book or DVD for you to check out and learn from. They are not only educational, but very entertaining.

Thanks to Blockbuster Total Access I managed to pick up Viva Guerrero, a 2006 tribute to Eddie Guerrero that emanated from Denver, Colorado. Konnan and Larry Rivera (of XPW fame) called the action. Konnan and Rivera did a good job of introducing and explaining who the relevant luchadores were during all the matches, and Konnan especially did a good job tying the majority of the matches back to Eddie somehow. However the matches themselves were pretty much awful. There was a minis match featuring Mascarita Sagrada where they commentators didn’t even that the bout was a best-of-three falls. The semi main was the Guerrero brothers, Chavo, Mando & Hector against Haku, Villano IV and ??? that essentially was just a legends-style match, followed by a battle royal featuring everyone on the card that was won by Super Porky after he eliminated Haku. In-ring wise it was pretty much atrocious and forgettable, but for the sentiment it might be worth it if you want to remember Eddie.