TNA: Cross the Line!
We’re backstage in Booker T’s ROYAL LOCKER ROOM with JB. He’s going to give us a tour of the Six Sides of Steel and will invite “somebody” to be with him and Samoa Joe inside the structure! JB wants some champagne, but Booker wants some private time. They laugh as we kick this show off!
New iMPACT Opening video, set to TNA’s new video game upcoming later this year! We’re recorded from Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida! Tonight, we have a tag match with the TNA Knockouts, but first is a #1 Contender’s Match for the World Tag Team Championships!
Beer Money, Inc. v. Rhino & Christian Cage
Tag Title #1 Contender’s Match
It’s noted that we’re continually pimping the new TNA iMPACT video game, which I’m hoping to buy once it comes out. That is unless I can score an advance copy through certain sources, but I’m not holding my breath. Rhino & Roode begin and Rhino gets a shoulder block. Rhino blocks an armdrag and he clubs Roode;s back. Tag to Cage and they double team Roode with an arm drag. Cage off the top with a clothesline for two. Tag back to Rhino and Roode rakes the eyes. This gets Storm in the ring and Rhino intros him to the corner turnbuckle. Rhino also intros the boots and in comes Cage off the tag. Thumb to the eye of Cage and Storm gets Cage on the turnbuckle. Cage avoids disaster and he gets two off Storm. Thrust to the corner and Roode gets in and unleashes knifeedge chops. Cage elevates Roode out of the ring and Rhino takes care of the trash on the outside. Storm spits beer in Cage’s eye and Roode hits the high knee and Cage is sent flying into the barricade! We go to break.
Commercials.
We are back and Beer Money gets a double team over Cage. Roode covers for a two and he locks on a headlock. Cage gets back up and gets chopped for his troubles. Cage gets sat on the turnbuckle and Roode eates a boot. TORNADO DDT BY CAGE CONNECTS! Both men are down as Jacqueline chears her man on. In comes Rhino and Storm. Rhino dispatches Roode adn eh hits a thrust over Storm. Rhino attempts an overhead suplex, but settles for a spinebuster. In comes Edge and he hits the Impaler! Christian looks froggy, but Team 3D intervenes. In the ring, Johnny Devine is in the ring with a kendo stick. He gets taken out, but Storm has the stick and he gets GORED OUT OF HIS BOOTS! Rhino with the cover…one, two, NO! Hebner gets yanked out by Roode. Rhino is pissed off and Devon gets in the ring and he takes it to Rhino, Cage saves his partner and they tee off on Devon. Ray gets taken care of and Rhilo gets ready for the Gore. Jacqueline gets in Rhino’s face, pulling his hair and Cage isn’t having any of it. He takes her off and Hebner is there to enforce the no violence against women edict on Spike TV. Roode uses the Kendo Stick to both Cage and Rhino. 3-D gets Rhino and Storm covers for the three.
Winners: Beer Money, Inc.
Grade: B+ before the interference, D+ after – Split the difference and we get a C+.
Post match, 3D just screwed Rhino and Cage for the last time. At Hard Justice Cage lays the challenge for a New Jersey Street Fight!
Commercials.
We are back with Lauren with the Rock n’ Rave Infection, who just got a fake Grammy. They have a match against Black Machismo, Curry Man, & Shark Boy. Christy tells her to shut up and she annoys me. Actually…they all annoy me. Good tag team, wrong gimmick.
Johnny Devine & Rock n’ Rave Infection v. Curry Man, Shark Boy, & Jay Lethal
Six Man Tag Team Match.
So, Hoyt gets his name changed to Lance Rock? That’s weird. Christy redeems herself with the splits. Sorry, Mr. Rock, I’m already infected with something. I’m sure Ace can tell me what it is…TNA-itis? Nah, can’t be. Least Curry Man can out-dance Rock & Rave, so we’re okay.  Lethal’s still with So Cal Val? And I wonder what’s going.
“WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? WHAT THE HELL! RING THE BELL!” Best line ever.
Six man melee begins this contest as the heels take care of the faces. Lethal drops Devine like a bad habit on the outside, Shark Boy gets the Thez press and he opens up a can of whoop-ass. Curryman and Rock gets it on, but Christy just has to feel the Spice Rack. No, not the move, Curry Man himself. See, I can be comical when I want to be. Curry Man drops her on the canvas and he GRINDS HER! Rave is in and he covers for no count, Lethal breaking it up. Rock & Rave take care of Curry Man for two. In comes Devine and he lays into Curry Man in the corner. Opposite Corner we go and KNEE TO THE NECK! Devine gets a cover for one. Tag back to Rave and he hits a knee to the midsection. To the ropes and Curry Man explodes with a clothesline. Devine tags in Devine and Lethal gets tagged. He clotheslines Devine repeatedly and follows with a cartwheel/dropkick! He goes to the top and he gets pushed off by Rock. Curry Man chops Rock and he and Sharky almost gets chokeslammed! Curry Man sends Sharky over the top and we get rid of the dead weight. Devine Intervention by Devine is blocked, but Lethal gets the Lethal Combo for THREE!
Winners: Jay Lethal, Curry Man, & Shark Boy
Grade: B
Post match, Lethal asks for Val to enter the ring. He wants to say this one more time. He once again proposes, but Val accidentally lost the ring! Lethal gets pissed and he gets the hint, saying that she never wanted to marry him in the first place.
We go to the back with JB and some random dude from CMT, who’s around for something. Super Eric comes in and there’s trouble on the horizon. He’s going to find the ring and save the marriage.
Commercials.
We are back and JB has the scoop on Samoa Joe. He tells him that Booker’s gonna give us a personal tour. Samoa wants it to be a party of three, because only one will leave.
We get a video package highlighting the Samoa Joe & Booker T feud, with Sting as a side dish. JB quickly moves about and tries to get a word with Big Kev. Kevin tries to console Joe, but Joe isn’t having it. Big Kev wants to help Joe out, and he grants him that request.
Commercials.
We are back and your DISPUTED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, Booker T, makes his way to the ring. The Six Sides of Steel is loaded with weapons galore and Booker promises that the lights won’t go out. They do go out with Samoa Joe makes his entrance. Booker’s sadly mistaken and that if Booker wants Joe inside the cage, he’ll kick his royal ass. Joe gets inside the cage and Booker begs off. Booker says he comes unarmed, but Joe is armed. Kevin Nash is outside the cage and JOE UNLEASHES HELL ON BOOKER T! Sharmell is out and she tries to intervene, but Big Kev takes her away. The black baseball bat comes from the ceiling and Booker once again stand stall. STING STRIKES AGAIN!
We get a video for Shawn Daivari, but he’s now known as Sheik Abdul Bashir.
We are back as Joe is assisted by the referees. AJ Styles is in the ring, but he’s going to wait for this break.
Commercials.
We’re back and AJ Styles has something to say. He calls out Sting becuase he wants to know what’s going on with Sting. He wants to know why. He now calls Sting a coward and THE LIGHTS GO OUT! They go back on and Angle’s in the ring! Angle Slam connects and he mouths him. He wants him to get back up and he does after a few minutes. A second Angle Slam connects and he continues to talk trash. One more time, Angle beckons. AJ tries to get up again and a third one connects and AJ is out cold!
JB is in the Beautiful People’s locker room and they bicker about why Shark Boy & Curry Man are in their room. Maybe they wanted a sneak peek. Shark Boy responds “Angelina, you ignorant SLUT, the day I gotta pay for it is the day those two flapjacks perk up on their own. Now I know that you’re a couple of gold digging broads and I know you got Val’s ring, so fork it over.” Best. Quote. Ever. Curry Man sticks up for Sharky and he wants some action. The only action they will get is with themselves. They are ready, but is “she” ready? Who’s “she”? We’ll know later.
Commercials.
We are back and we have an interview Petey Williams with Rhaka Khan! Petey gives us his daily routine and he talks down Consequences Creed. He does his worst “Arnold” impersation. Well, time for that match.
Consequences Creed v. Petey Williams
Non-Title Match
Great, we have Hermie Sadler on commentary. The bell sounds and they lcok up. Williams toys with him, but Creed SWEEPS THE LEG! They shove around and Williams gets sent to the ropes. Arm Drag blocked by Williams, bht the Creed Jab connects for two. Creed gets a cross body for two and he takes it to Williams in the corner. Creed off the ropes and Williams is down for TWO! Poke to the eyes hit and Williams ends up going to the corner. Creed follows, but he gets sent up and over and knocked down. Over the top, Williams hits the hurrancuranaon the outside. Creed gets sent back inside and Williams hits a ribcracker for two. Jawbreaker sets up the roundhouse kick. He taunts his way to setting up for a slap. Standing dropkick gets two as Creed is fighting on. Creed gets some punches, but Williams goes for a side slam. Creed rolls over. Suplex attemt, Creed floats over again! Williams gets chops and KICK FROM NOWHERE hits and Creed builds momentum. Corner splash connects and Creed is getting it on. Khan gets on the apron for the distraction, but Creed sends a charging Williams to her and hits his supposed finisher for TWO! Creed goes back up and he misses the leg drop. Canadian destroyer is countered to a rollup with bridge for THREE!
Winner: Consequences Creed
Grade: B-
To the back, Shark Boy & Curry Man mess with LAX and Shark Boy doesn’t lay off. Curry Man does the talking and LAX sends them away. Super Eric chimes in as there’s a big break in the case. Comedy is fun.
Commercials.
Lauren is with AJ, who is hurt badly. AJ doesn’t believe in magic and when Sting comes from hiding, AJ will be the first to greet him. As for Angle, he wants a Last Man Standing Match at Hard Justice!
Now we have Jim Cornette at the table as we hype Hard Justice.
LAX v. Beer Money for the Tag Titles
Consequences Creed v. Petey Williams for the X-Division Title
Jay Lethal v. Sonjay Dutt in a “Black Tie Brawl & Chain Match” (Say what?)
AJ Styles v. Kurt Angle in a Last Man Standing Match
Team 3-D v. Christian Cage & Rhino in a New Jersey Street Fight
Samoa Joe v. Booker T in a Six Sides of Steel Weapons Match for the World Title
Time for Karen’s Angle, the second part with Kaz. We talk about Kaz’s failed opportunity in the WWE in 2006, so he returned to TNA. He discusses his memorable matches with Christian Cage. So, Kaz is leaving TNA due to his recent string of bad luck. Weird segment.
Tomko comes in and he crashes Karen’s segment. Rumor has it that he’s gone from TNA too (non-angle), so why didn’t this get edited?
Commercials.
We are back with Lauren interviewing Big Kev. He’s seen this side of Sting and it’s not a good one. Joe comes in and he’s going to go up the rafters and break every bone in his body.Â
Matt Morgan v. Jobber
The jobber tries to attack before the bell, but that’s stupid. Morgan takes and he hangs him out to dry and effortlessly goes back in the ring. The jobber flies into Morgan’s grasp and he hits the Hellavator for the win.
Winner: Matt Morgan
Grade: F
Morgan grabs the microphone and he calls out Tomko, asking if scaring women make him badass. He says that Tomko can’t hear him since his head is shoved up Kurt’s ass. Tomko comes out and they get face to face. Morgan talks trash and Tomko shoves away. They brawl, but they are quickly broken up! Tomko breaks free and he goes after Morgan. Tomko leaves the ring and takes the coward’s way out. Morgan turns his back and Tomko returns to the ring to beat on Morgan. Tomko gets laid out by the big boot and falls victim to the Hellavator!
JB is with the Prince Justice Brotherhood, who are looking at last week’s footage. Sonjay Dutt stole the ring. They will take action next week. Words can’t describe this.
Commercials.
JB is with the group of Beer Money & Team 3-D. They are now the best of friends because they are scumbags! It’s 3D & Beer Money against LAX, Christian, & Rhino no-DQ 8 man tag match. Someone’s gonna go through a table, maybe a glass table.
We get a TNA Roughcut segment with Taylor Wilde.Â
Time for our MAIN EVENT! Last week, Taylor beat Velvet Sky twice in 25 seconds.
The Beautiful People v. Gail Kim & Taylor Wilde
Knockouts Tag Match
Wilde and Sky begin the contest. Sky taunts her way to WIlde turning her back. Wilde comes back quickly with the kicks and in comes Love. They face off and Love shoves her away. She shoves again and Wilde wants some! Wilde gets a headlock and sent to the ropes. Wilde gets a quick armdrag and in comes Kim. Kim works on the arm of Love and she takes her down. DROPKICK BY KIM CONNECTS and she continues on the arm. Kim hops on the ropes, holding on the arm. She kicks Sky away and she SNAPS THE ARM OFF THE ROPES! Sky pushes Kim out to the floor for good measure. Sky puts the boots to Kim as we take a break.
Samoa Joe climbs the rafters as we head to….
Commercials.
We are back to the action as Sky gets a one count on Kim. Dropkick by Love gets two as Love and Kim are the legal women. Love pulls the hair and slams Kim back down. She does it again and she locks on a eye gouge. Sky holds Kim back as Love kicks her repeatedly. She gets a close two count. Kim fights back with the knees to the chin and both women are down. Wilde gets in as doe Sky and Wilde takes out the Beautiful People. T-Bone Suplex gets two, broken up by Love. All Hell breaks loose as Kim owns Love and Wilde owns Sky. Love sends Kim all the way to the floor and she follows up with a dropkick to Wilde. She puts Sky on top and Wilde kicks out at two. They send her to the ropes and Wilde looks for a sunset flip on Sky, who puts her arms in the air and knocks Love to the canvas. Love looks to stop it, but Kim hits a double dropkick, which allows Wilde to score the pin!
Winners: Gail Kim & Taylor Wilde
Grade: B
They celebrate, but Love knocks Kim to the floor and the duo beat down Wilde. Kim tries to fight back and it’s 2 on 2 again. AWESOME KONG IS OUT and she annihilates Gail Kim and Taylor Wilde! Awesome Bomb to Kim! Awesome Bomb to Wilde! The Beautiful People & Kong stand tall
BUT WAIT! ODB COMES OUT! She stares down Awesome Kong and Roxxi Laveaux comes out with the chair and Kong decides that discretion is the better part of valor. Traci Brooks stands at the top of the key.
Meanwhile, Samoa Joe is still looking for Sting, but all he gets is a black bird…
Show Over.
The TNA iMPACT! Report Card
Beer Money, Inc. d. Christian Cage & Rhino: C+
Jay Lethal, Shark Boy, & Curry Man d. Johnny Devine & The Rock & Rave Infection: B
Consequences Creed d. Petey Williams: B-
Matt Morgan d. Jobber: F
Taylor Wilde & Gail Kim d. The Beautiful People: B
The Final Grade for TNA iMPACT!: C+
Well, some things were good, other things sucked. Can’t really complain as at the least, TNA is trying. I haven’t lost my mind, so tonight was a halfway decent show and it becomes interesting to see what happens next week on the final show before Hard Justice. Mark Neeley will return next week and I’ll be back at my post this Monday. Before you leave, be sure to check out the Marshall Report (cheap plug).
