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We open up tonight’s show with Mike Adamle, who has gotten a new HEEL look! He’s not wanting to take up too much of our time. There was a man who wasn’t taken very seriously. He wasn’t good at his job. It’s not Mike Adamle, but Ronald Regean. He went from a B-rated movie actor, to the greatest President of the US. We all make mistakes, but we grow from them. He brings up the “Fire Adamle” petition on the WWE Fans Messageboard. It’s sad that he’s reading from a script. He brings up last week’s match between Simply Priceless and the commentators. There will be THREE Championship matches TONIGHT!
Simply Priceless v. John Cena & Batista – WWE Tag Titles
And before we get the other two matches, JBL interrupts us by kissing Adamle’s ass. JBL brings up his past and what he is now. Great, he’s on the cover of the Fortune 500 Magazine. He continues the asskissing of epic proportions by asking for JBL v. Punk for the World Title at Summerslam!
Enter Chris Jericho, who gets cheered! JBL says that it does not concern Jericho. He feels that retiring Shawn Michaels deserves him of the World Title opportunity. JBL said that he beat Cena in the worst match at the Bash. THE ADAMLE brings order and wants to make it right. Something that hasn’t been done before. It will be JBL & Chris Jericho taking on CM Punk in a HANDICAP MATCH and whoever scores the fall gets the title shot at Summerslam. If Punk wins, neither of them get the shot!
Shawn Michaels will be here for an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!
Commercials.
Well, we are back so let’s get our first title match out of the way, shall we?
Kofi Kingston v. Paul Burchill w/Katie Lea Burchill
WWE Intercontinental Championship
They lock up and Burchill works the arm quickly. Kingston rolls over and kips up and nails an arm drag for two! They lock up again and Burchill slams Kingston down. Off the ropes and Burchill runs into a reverse elbow. He runs the unorthodox offense which results in a two count. To the corner, Katie tries to interfere, which buys Paul time. Paul takes and he hits the OSAKA STREET CUTTER for two! Yes, I’m good with my SmackDown moves from the PS2. Burchill locks on a chinlock in our rest hold moment. Kofi arm drags his way out and he puts the boots to the air. To the ropes and Kingston hitsa dropkick, building momentum. Springboard crossbody gets 2 1/2 and he hits the standing dropkick. Boom Boom double leg drop connects and the Trouble In Paradise FLOORS BURCHILL! Kofi retains!
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Grade: B
Kingston celebrates as Paul is rejected. Katie Lea taunts Kofi, but Paul’s post match attack is nullified. Mickie James makes her way to the ring – SHE WANTS KATIE NOW!
Commercials.
We’re back and we’re rolling right along!
Katie Lea Burchill v. Mickie James
WWE Women’s Championship
We’re JIP as Mickie hits a clothesline, nailing Katie Lea with the forearms and practically OWNING KATIE! Sitting dropkick connects and Katie rolls out of the ring. THEZ PRESS OFF THE APRON! She is feeling the referee abuse as this buys Katie Lea time as she snaps Mickie’s head off the second rope. She goes for a delayed cover for two as it seems Mickie’s hurt. Arm drag connects and she focuses on the back of Mickie’s neck. Bow & Arrow is locked in , but Mickie flips over for a two count. Mickie hits the Mickiecurana and hits the strikes! Katie goes down and she hits the neckbreaker…FOR TWO! Katie hits a jawbreaker and hits a suplex with bridge for two. She kicks her in the gut, but Mickie counters with the Mickie-DT fot THREE!
Winner: Mickie James
Grade: C+
Beth Phoenix enters the ring and she tosses Mickie out of the ring. She slams Mickie against the apron and she rolls her inside the rong. Mickie tries to fight back, but Beth hits that awesome move, leaving the champion laying. Santino comes onto the stage congratulating her. She grabs Santino’s ass and he pats hers, causing her to look evilly at him. Weird.
Commercials.
THE ADAMLE is on the phone thanking Stephanie for thinking outside the box. Santino & Beth come inside his office wanting title opportunites at Summerslam. Both won’t be on the line, only one will. Either the Intercontinental or the Women’s Title. They bicker until Mike interrupts with an ADAMLE-FIRST! Beth & Santino v. Kofi & Mickie for BOTH TITLES! Why didn’t they HIRE ADAMLE SOONER?
Promo for Cena v. Batista I at Summerslam. Todd Grisham is also RAW interviewer, interviewing Batista. He would rather be in a title match, but he doesn’t mind beating Cena. For tonight, Cena better stay out of his way.
Commercials.
In the ring, Layla is performing the RAW EXPOSE. We get a WWE.com exclusive as Jamie Noble wants to book a date at the Waffle House. Comedy ensues. So does the dancing…until William Regal interrupts with his EVIL REGAL MUSIC. He comes inside the ring and he reminds us that HE IS OUR KING! YES! CONTINUITY ENSUES. Out comes a ticked off Noble and he headbutts his way to a Regal asskicking! Referees bust in and attempt to separate them, but it does not work. Finally it works and we cut to CM Punk, who’s on his way to the ring!
Commercials.
Tomorrrow Night on ECW:Â The Dirt Sheet featuring Miz & Morrison with special guests Mark Henry & Matt Hardy!
WWE Rewind: JBL wins at Saturday Night’s Main Event.
We’re back and it’s TIME FOR AN ADAMLE ORIGINAL!
John Bradshaw Layfield & Chris Jericho v. CM Punk
Handicap Match of Summerslam Proportions!
Lance Cade suffered a broken nose somehow, so he’s not here tonight. THE ADAMLE instructs that this match has now gotten a time limit! If the 10 minute time limit expires, it becomes TRIPLE THREAT!
The bell sounds and JBL & Jericho argue for the first 20 seconds. Punk attacks, but the numbers game gets to him. Double clothesline connects and Jericho follows up with a stiff kick. Punk elevates Jericho off the top and it’s him v. JBL. FALLAWAY SLAM BY JBL gets two! JBL clubs Punk and he beats into him in the corner. Quick neckbreaker gets 2 1/2 as JBL takes care of his partner, but Jericho does it for him. Jericho puts the boots to Punk and he hits the side slam. He gets a two count following a leg drop. He locks on a submission hold as three minutes have elapsed. Punk rallies out of it, but he gets hit by the high knee and Jericho hits the fist drop for two. Scoop Slam by Jericho and he goes back to the top rope. Punk beats him to the punch and he attempts the Superplex, but Jericho rakes the eyes. Jericho hits a flying forearm for two! Jericho locks on an abdominal stretch as we hear the halfway point. Punk arm drags out of it! JBL gets bck in the ring and he cuts Punk off with the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! Jericho breaks the count up. Jericho goes for a pun and JBL breaks it up. JBL and Jericho beats the hell out of each other. JBL kicks Jericho in the face and JBL blasts Punk’s head off the commentary table. Jericho hits the Lionsault in the ring and JBL pulls Jericho out. Back inside the ring, JBL & Jericho duke it out and Punk takes out JBL with a flying forearm. Jericho goes for the bulldog, but Punk sends him the wrong way on the middle rope! OUCH! They get back up and Punk hits a roundhouse to Jericho, followed by the high knee to bulldog combo! Jericho and JBL collide and Punk hits the GTS on JBL! Jericho kicks Punk’s head as we almost hit three! Jericho runs into a Punk Powerslam for two! Punk catapults Jericho into JBL and rolls Jericho up for TWO! Punk goes for the GTS, but Jericho grabs the eyes. The WALLS IS LOCKED IN! Punk is struggling to survive and he gets pulled away from the ropes. JBL hits Jericho from behind and it looks like he’s going to survive. Jericho snaps JBL’s head off the ropes and he falls ON PUNK AND HE WINS WITH ONE SECOND TO SPARE!
Winner: John Bradshaw Layfield (& Chris Jericho)
Grade: A
It’s JBL v. Punk at Summerslam!
HBK is getting ready for the interview…NEXT!
Commercials.
Welcome back! As we prep for Shawn’s interview, we go back to the epic Jericho/Michaels feud. Now we go live to HBK! He’s been better as there has been severe damage done to his eye, but he’s being monitored. Shawn warns Jericho that before he can give himself a pat on the back, Shawn has been wrestling injured the past four months! The deal is this – he has a re-evulation on August 15th. He will be at Summerslam to publicly announce his future. For once in his life, he’s going to listen to the doctors and if they say that he shouldn’t wrestle, he’s prepared to walk away. He loves to perform, but he loves his family more.Â
Still to come: The Tag Titles will be decided!
Commercials.
It’s time for “Striker in the Classroom!” He thanks Mike Adamle for finally allowing him to compete as a RAW roster. He’s sure that Mike Adamle will select the finest specimen to test his abilities. This screams Kane and I’m right.
Kane v. Matt Striker
The bell sounds and Striker tries to go toe to toe with Kane but he fails miserably. Kane hits an uppercut and follows up with a big boot. Whip to the corner and clothesline, sidewalk slam – yup this is almost formula. Flying clothesline connects and he sets Striker up for the Chokeslam for the three.
Winner: Kane
Grade: F
Kane grabs his bag and he leaves the ring, scaring away everyone. Ke grabs the microphone and he gets back inside. He has been in a bad place lately, but he’s in a better place now. He’s not alive – but he’s dead. I’m confused.
Commercials.
Last Friday on SmackDown, Edge and Mick Foley create the best promo EVER!
A promo for Batista is shown. T-Grish hits Cena up and he puts Batista over. Cena gives a godly promo hyping the encounter and he calls THE ADAMLE cute as he knows two things are going to happen. Poor DiBiase & Rhodes…
Commercials.
We’re back in THE ADAMLE’s office and Kelly Kelly enters, giving him a compliment. Uh-Oh…Mike Adamle is making the huge mistake of his life – he’s going to force Kane to reveal the contents of the sack, or he’s gonna take it from him.
Time for our main event match.
Simply Priceless (Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes) v. John Cena & Batista
WWE World Tag Team Championships
Cena starts things off with jobber #1, oh excuse me…Ted DiBiase. Cena allows DiBiase to get the advantage for a second before he owns him on the exchange. BULLDOG connects and we get an early two count. Cena tags in Batista and Rhodes comes in. Batista isn’t so nice, as he owns Rhodes from the get-go. Rhodes gets a measure of offense in, but Batista is too strong. Sunset Flip is countered to the corner thrust. Rib breaker connects for two.. Batista lets Cody play around for a moment, but he gets tired and he looks for the B-Bomb until DiBiase interferes. He’s taken care of but Batista hits the ring post and he’s really in trouble as we go to break.
Commercials.
We’re back and Batista’s arm is being worked on by Rhodes. Batista is still strong by hitting a big boot to Rhodes. Cena gets the tag and hits the flying tackle. Protobomb connects and he is on fire. Five-Knuckle-Shuffle connects and whe goes for the FU, but DiBiase tags in and hits a dropkick to Cena. Rhodes leaves the ring but hits a DDT to Cena. DiBiase has Cena on the outside and he sends Cena straight to the steel steps. Back inside the ring, DiBiase gets two, since Cena grabbed the ropes. Double Team Suplex connects and Rhodes, the legal man, gets two. Tag back to DiBiase and they doublepunch Cena. Side suplex connects and DiBiase hits the Priceless Elbow and follows upw with a lariat for two. Tag to Rhodes, DROPKICK TO CENA GETS TWO! The champions are doing better than I expected. Cena tries to fight back, but Rhodes hits a Russian Leg Sweep. Tag back to DiBiase and he works on Cena’s arm. That gets two. The champions are cutting the ring in half as Rhodes gets a nearfall as well. Rhodes puts the boots and fists to Cena’s head. Rhodes gets flashy and that costs him. Rhodes locks on a sleeper hold and Cena looks like he’s going to fade away. Cena’s down to one knee, but he gets back up. Cena drags Rhodes closer to Batista, but Batista moves away! Rhodes gets a two count! In comes DiBiase and he locks on the Million Dollar Dream! Yes, it’s the same sleeper, but it’s DiBiase! Cena pries the arms away as he POWERS UP! Cena gets his own sleeper, but Rhodes stops it. DiBiase gets caught by Cena with a side slam. Cena TAGS BATISTA by slapping him! Batista mouths Cena and he levels DiBiase. Down goes Rhodes and DiBiase is in trouble. Batisat gets stopped for a second but he hits a SPINEBUSTER! Snake Eyes connects and the SPEAR DOES AS WELL! Thumbs Down. Cena takes down Rhodes and Batista hits the bomb! THEY WIN THE TITLES!
Winners AND NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS:Â John Cena & Batista
Grade: A
They stare down a bit and they raise their titles in the air. Cena outdoes Batista once again. So they take turns hyping the crowd. They stare again and Cena’s music plays.
Show Over.
The WWE RAW Report Card
Kofi Kingston d. Paul Burchill: B
Mickie James d. Katie Lea Burchill: C+
JBL (& Chris Jericho) d. CM Punk: A
Kane d. Matt Striker: F
John Cena & Batista d. Simply Priceless: A
The Final Grade for WWE RAW 08.04.2008: B
Counting the Kane squash match, the grade would had been a B-. However, the other four matches, flanked with 2 A rated matches made it a B+. I split the difference this week as things seem to be looking good for the Red Crew. Mike Adamle seems to function better as the GM and has made unique matches tonight and for Summerslam. Summerslam has indeed become a lot more interesting. That’s all from me, have a good week!
