Brought to you, as always, by www.stablewars.com, where you can win a copy of my new book every month!
The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – May 31 1986
– Your hosts are Tony & David.
– First up, Big Dust and Baby Doll, and Dusty doesn’t know what the hell the Midnight Express is talking about with this “James Boys” stuff and he doesn’t care, because he’s focused on winning the World title from Ric Flair.
– Hector Guerrero & Manny Fernandez v. Thunderfoot & Bob Owens. I’m curious what song they were overdubbing with the cheesy mariachi music here. The jobbers double-team Manny in their corner, but Manny chops at Thunderfoot and starts working the arm. They switch off, as the Retro Timeline gives a HUGE spoiler for new NWA viewers who might be watching this show. Yeah, I know everyone who would care enough to tune into this 22-year old program would already know that Dusty Rhodes beats Ric Flair for the World title in July, but why ruin the fun? Owens comes in and the faces switch off on his arm as well, then add a double-backdrop. Hector drops the leg and adds a butt-butt, and the Flying Burrito ends it at 3:08.
– Arn Anderson doesn’t care who he’s facing during the Bash, as long as it’s a top contender. And Ole Anderson (his COUSIN, according to him, thus changing the relationship yet again) is coming back soon to complete the FOUR Horsemen.
– And it’s another serious injury suffered by Ricky Morton, as Flair cripples him again and the sun continues to rise in other news. So we go to the film as Morton has Flair beat and the Horsemen run in for the beatdown, resulting in Flair dropping the knee on Ricky’s nose and breaking it. The RNR join us for their comments, as Ricky debuts his SEXY nose-guard look, wearing what appears to be a jock strap on his face.
– Wahoo McDaniel v. Vern Deaton. Didn’t he just wrestle as Thunderfoot? Or was that Joel? Deaton tries working the arm, but Wahoo pounds him on the ropes as “Mr. Electricity” Steve Regal cuts a promo at the announce table. Does that mean the Wahoo-Garvin feud is finally over? Wahoo works a headlock and chops the crap out of Deaton to finish at 2:32.
– Meanwhile, Sandy Scott hosts a contract signing between Magnum TA and Nikita Koloff, as the Russian are rocking the white suits here. And of course, Nikita talks shit about Magnum’s mama and the brawl erupts. No, really.
– Jim Crockett announces that next week, right here, NIKITA KOLOFF V. MAGNUM TA FOR THE US TITLE! Holy SHIT. If I had been watching this show as a 12 year old I would have been shitting my pants with excitement for next week.
– Shaska Whatley v. Bill Mulkey. Shaska beats Mulkey down and adds a backbreaker, then spits on him. Sure, why not. No one whiter than a Mulkey, that’s fo shizzle. Backdrop and he stomps away, but Mulkey goes for an atomic drop and it gets reversed. Superplex finishes at 2:45.
– Ric Flair comes out to show off his suit and clarify his actions: Because Morton DARED to think for one day that he was half the man that the World champion was. People thought he was getting soft, so he had to make an example out of Morton, courtesy of the Four Horsemen. Anyone know what exactly happened with Ole that he was gone for so long? And then Flair again steals the show by pulling a tiny bikini out of his pocket and demonstrating how “itty-bitty” all of Morton’s fans are, which cracks up Tony and half the audience. This? Awesome.
– Tully and JJ join us with some footage from Norfolk, as Garvin is going to wrestle Leo Burke, but Tully (wearing a sling) shows up to provide moral support. And the ref gets bumped, allowing JJ to debut the LOAFER OF DOOM, which accidentally knocks Leo out to give Garvin the win. And then Tully is miraculously healed! He jumps Garvin and beats him bloody, then piledrives him on a chair.
– The Midnight Express v. Art Pritts & Brodie Chase. And history is made, as Jim Cornette is now guarded by Big Bubba Rogers. David is confused, but Tony assures him that he’s positive Jim will tell them without being prompted. Bobby suplexes Chase and drops the Alabama Jam, and Dennis comes in to choke him out. Over to Pritts, so Eaton pounds on him and Condrey stomps him down. Pritts gets dumped and Bobby hammers him on the floor and sends him back in. Back to Chase and he gets walloped, then Bobby goes up with the missile dropkick, allowing Dennis to hit the Stroke and Eaton to finish with the flying elbow at 4:32.
– More with Jim, as he explains that Bubba Rogers is an old friend of Mama Cornette from Kentucky, here to nullify the influence of Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA and prevent further attacks on his person. They show the tape of the Express unmasking the James Boys, but they’re just fake James Boys. Tony thinks the matter is closed, and then Baby Doll comes out to challenge Cornette to a match and he’s all “You want me, you fat hog, you’ve got it!” I’m dying of laughter here watching this stuff.
– Jimmy Garvin joins us to heap the abuse on Baby Doll, getting all offended because she’s “floating around the studio like a big fat cumulus cloud or something” and thus ruining the beauty of Precious in the process. But onto Wahoo, who is apparently going door-to-door in Jimmy’s neighborhood and bothering his friends.
– The Rock N Roll Express v. David Dellinger & Paul Garner. Double dropkick ends it at 0:12.
– The Russians are ready for Magnum next week, and Ivan congratulates him in advance for being the new US champion.
– Baron Von Raschke & The Barbarian v. Rocky King & Italian Stallion. King tries a slam on Barbarian and gets slammed, but he manages a tag to the Stallion. Barbarian quickly drops him with a stungun, but Baron comes in and gets double-teamed. He comes back on King and pounds away in the corner, into a backbreaker, and Barbarian hammers him down and follows with an elbow. Short clothesline and big boot set up the flying headbutt to finish at 4:18.
– Great American Bash…UPDATE. Bob Geigel announces that Flair will defend his title 14 times in 30 days, starting with Hawk on July 1 and ending with Dusty Rhodes. There was a really good cage match with Ricky Morton in there, too.
– Ron Garvin v. Kent Glover. This has to be quick because there’s about 2 minutes left in the show. Garvin wrestles him down and adds a backdrop, and Hands of Stone ends it at 0:40.
– And we finish with Cornette ranting about Baby Doll again, as he’s gonna send her back to the kitchen. EVERYONE’S AGAINST HIM!
And we’re out.
