Join us tonight at 9:00 PM EST for our live coverage of this week’s TNA iMPACT!
On a pre-note, something that will debut this week is the Don West Cream Count. We will be counting exactly how many times Mr. West yells his patented favorite word for a high impact move (i.e. “Angle just CREAMED Joe with the steel chair!”) and tally up the total at the end of each show. Now we shall get to it.
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TNA iMPACT! – 8/7/2008
– Taped from Orlando, FL
– Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West
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Roxxi v. Jacqueline – Bimbo Brawl
Traci Brooks is your special guest referee. Roxxi attacks to start but Jackie gets a swinging neckbreaker for two. Jackie misses a charge and tumbles to the floor where Roxxi follows up by feeding her to the steps. Roxxi throws some weapons in the steps but ends up falling into a chair she set up. After some arguing with Traci, Jackie tees off on Roxxi with the COOKIE TRAYS OF DEATH, concluding in the tray version of a con-chair-to. Roxxi comes back with a sideslam on a trash can lid as the announcers talk about how good Traci looks. Jackie catches her with a T-Bone suplex out of nowhere and gets the chair but has it booted in her face, and the VooDoo drop finishes for Roxxi.
Winner: Roxxi
– In the back Christian Cage rants about how he’ll never forget what he had to endure after going through the glass table. He says all of the tag titles Team 3D has won are impressive but the only reason they have them is because he became a singles wrestler. Rhino finally stops standing there with his hands in his hoodie looking stupid and cuts some nice angry mic work and saying they’ll fall victim to the GORE GORE GORE.
– Super Eric tells So Cal Val that “the guru” Sonjay Dutt is the one who has her engagement ring.
Sonjay Dutt v. Curry Man
Dutt gets cocky to start but falls victim to a pair of arm drags and a scoop slam. Curry Man freezes bent over, but when Dutt charges he gets the arm drag treatment again. Dutt goes in control with a backbreaker as Val makes her way out. Dutt misses a blind charge and nails the “flying hip attack” as called by DW, but Dutt rakes the eyes and drops a leg while Curry Man is caught in the ropes, then pins him with the ropes for the pin.
Winner: Sonjay Dutt
– Post match Val hits the ring wanting her ring but Dutt goes up the ramp. However, Shark Boy avenges his fellow member of the brotherhood and hauls him back in the ring. Super Eric is out now and he press slams Dutt then pulls the ring out of his tights and hands it to Val. She goes hysterical on Sonjay but he says it accidentally fell in his hospital bed so he kept it. He says he’s happy that she got the ring back and they hug. I guess she’s over it just like that. Wow this feud (if you want to call it that) just gets worse and worse. When Shark Boy attacked, Don West exclaimed that he creamed Dutt! CREAM COUNT: 1
– Meanwhile, Lauren is with the heels in the back and asks if they’re going to put on a good old fashioned wrestling match. Bubba says that would be boring just like sleeping with her would be. He then proceeds to provide the insult of all insults, that she’s “lame as a duck”. Anyway, they’re gonna brawl and drink and kick some ass.
– They air another promo of Daivari or whatever hell name he’s going by these day doing his same recycled gimmick that ran out of steam years ago, he hated the USA and he shouldn’t be patted down at airports we get it. This time he tries to spice things up by targeting pollution and ga$ prices. Shouldn’t they have learned by the fate of Muhammad Hussan? Or maybe they should stick him with Kurt Angle again so Kurt can say he’s “not too fond of the black people” and say the greatest country is France.
The Motor City Machine Guns v. Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal
Shelley and Lethal trade reversals to start into a stand off where they shake hands to a crowd pop. They both tag out and Sabin gets a headscissors on Creed but he slugs away in the corner and Sabin runs into a lariat for two. Lethal comes in and get the fancy shuffle punches for two. Sabin locks in an interesting hold where he’s on Lethal’s back but he makes it to the ropes quick. Sabin makes a desperate tag to Shelley and they dump them both, where Shelley follows out with a crossbody on Lethal. That gets two for Sabin inside, and back in comes Shelley who holds Lethal in place for a Sabin bulldog that gets two. They slug it out and Shelley takes him down quick in an odd sequence. Shelley enziguiri sets up a Sabin dropkick and that gets a close two. Lethal is finally able to mount a comeback via a leg lariat on Sabin and that sets up the hot tag to Creed who cleans house. He catches Shelly springing in and plants him down with a TKO for a close two. Sabin sunsetflips him into place as Shelley comes off the top with a flipping headbut, Lethal back in to make the save. Creed springs in with a crossbody on both of the Guns for two. Creed does the splits as Lethal lands a suicide dive to the outside on Sabin. Inside Creed shoves Shelley to the corner then rolls him up for the pin. Afterward they shake hands but Shelley shoves Creed.
Winners: Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed
– This week’s installment of Karen’s Angle is with Frank Trigg who immediately tries to bring up Karen cheating on Angle, but she asks to keep it professional. She asks how he got his start in MMA, but he goes back to talking about Kurt, saying he’s known her longer than Karen. Karen says to shut off the cameras as Trigg gets pissed and starts yelling in Karen’s face. A camera man tries to break it up but Trigg clocks him in the face and then calls Karen pathetic as he walks away.
– After commercials Angle says that AJ insulting him is like him spitting on every troop fighting in the war.
– Meanwhile Lauren tries interviewing the Beautiful People and Amazing Kong but Angelina takes the mic and tells her to get lost. Velvet Sky is wearing a “OMG WTF” shirt. Love says they have Queen Kong on their team, and she loves Chinese (Gail Kim) and dirty biatches (ODB). Sky kisses the camera as the segment ends.
Team 3D & Beer Money v. Christian Cage, Rhino & LAX – No DQ
Big brawl to start and it’s GORE GORE GORE time for every single one of the heels, sending them to the floor where Christian and LAX follow them out with crossbodys. After commercials the heels are in control and Ray lands a superplex on Hernandez. Christian comes in to attack but he runs into a back drop. Homicide comes in and punches Ray in the scrotum and Christian goes up to rana him off, followed by a flying elbow by Homicide. Rhino takes D’Von down but Beer Money come in to double suplex him and stop to pose, but Hernandez comes in to take them both down. However, Ray scoop slams him to set up the wazzzup headbut, but Rhino takes D’Von out. Hernandez tries the Border Toss on Roode but he gets superkicked by Storm but Homicide takes him down for the pin. Well that was short.
Winners: Christian Cage, Rhino & LAX
– Post match the heels beat them down with kendo sticks and the glass table is hauled into the ring. They slam Homicide through it. The refs and some trainers check on him as we head to commercials.
– We cut a promo on Taylor and Gail, Traci, ODB and Roxxi commentate that she now has a huge target on her back. Bill DeMott (!!) also gives us his insight via phone. Seriously.
Awesome Kong v. Salinas
Awesome Bomb gets the pin in about two seconds.
Winner: Awesome Kong
– Post match the blonds get say that this was just a preview of what will happen to Gail at Hard Justice. Kong then “creams her again” according to DW. She goes for another Awesome Bomb on a chair but the face chicks hit the ring. Taylor Wilde slips out of an Awesome Bomb and nails a pair of dropkicks, but gets nailed coming off the top. Now she’s about to get the powerbomb on the chair but Abyss is out and he faces off with Kong until Saeed backs her off. Saeed slaps him so he grabs a chair but you know the routine by now, he hesitates and she bails. A random security guard then takes the chair (?) so Abyss Black Hole Slams him. Wow, if only those security guards would pop up every time someone went to use a chair. CREAM COUNT: 2
– Back in his pimped out locker room on his pimped out couch, Booker calls Borash “Jeremiah” while caressing the World Title belt. He says he’s gonna punish Joe tonight before the PPV because he came to TNA to prove that he’s the best without any shadow of a doubt. Jeremiah asks if Sting will be here tonight and Booker says the real Batman (get it?) will show up. They all then sip out of pimped out champagne glasses.
– Lauren is with Joe in his locker room, not pimped out mind you, and he asks Sting where he was before and why he attacked him with bats with his partner Booker. He also adds that he will take his title back at Hard Justice.
– We run down the Hard Justice card and of course the epic Ice T performance. Don’t forget to check back with Pulse Wrestling for match-by-match live coverage of the PPV as it happens, as well as the day before for our staff predictions of the event in our annual Rasslin Roundtable.
– We get the clips of Sting screwing Joe up to this point. Hard Justice 2008: The return of Jeff Jarrett to set up JJ-Sting pt. XVIII headlining Bound For Glory?! You heard it here first folks! Meanwhile Styles responds to Angle’s previous comments about the spitting on the troops. He says they are all the real heroes and Kurt is just a punk that got lucky to win a gold medal.
First Ever 8-Man Duel-Entrant Weapons Gauntlet
They advertised this as a 10-man gauntlet instead, but Nash and Hoyt apparently dropped out, so whatever. This isn’t for anything, either just a good ole gauntlet for nothing. Got all those rules, right? Our first participants are Kurt Angle and AJ Styles. Styles wins the brawl and brings in a ladder and trash can, but Angle nails him with the can and tries dumping him to no avail. They collide with crossbodys mid-ring as Matt Morgan and Tomko are your third and fourth participants. Those two brawl on the floor as Styles and Angle continue to go back and fourth. Styles tries the Styles Clash but Angle back drops him to the apron where he springs in with a flying forearm. West exclaims that he “springs over and just creams him” on the replay! CREAM COUNT: 3. Styles sets up a chair in the corner but Angle catapults him into it as your fifth and sixth participants are BG James and Kip James. They run out with road signs and collide with them in a stupid spot, and BJ goes in control by choking him with the sign. Back inside Angle gets sent into the ladder and bleeds VICIOUSLY. He’s literally bleeding like a sieve if I can steal that quote from JR for a moment, but he’s able to connect with a belly to belly on Styles. Your seventh and eighth participants are Samoa Joe and Booker T who collide in the ring but Styles and Angle get involved. After commercials both James are gone and Angle just randomly gets dumped by Styles? And then Booker elminates Styles? Yeah. Angle locks in the Ankle Lock on the outside there but is forced off. Final Four time with Booker, Matt Morgan, Tomko and Joe. Morgan tries the Hellavator on Tomko but Booker comes in and dumps him so he’s gone, as if he had a chance. Tomko and Booker gang up on Joe and Booker lays him out with a superkick. Booker misses a charge and goes to the apron and Joe shoves Tomko into him for the elimination. That leaves Joe and Tomko and when it gets down to the final two (another rule!) you must win via pinfall or submission. Tomko goes in control briefly but the Muscle Buster quickly finishes things.
Winner: Samoa Joe
– Post match Joe says that will be Booker’s fate Sunday, and Sting will be next. Sting’s music hits and he shows up in the rafters pointing his bat at Joe.
End of show. And the results from our first edition of the DON WEST CREAM COUNT: A measly 3. It’s truly amazing that the main event and opening contest, both being full of fun weaponry, managed to escape cream-less! Definitely an off night, but what will next week have in store? Tune in next Thursday to find out!
