Hello Crack-heads. This is going to be a shortened edition of the column this week, as I’ve gotten completely embroiled in the Olympics and missed watching Smackdown on TV. Hopefully you still find my writing enjoyable.
A recap of last week’s fantastic promo by Mick Foley to Edge aired. If you haven’t seen this promo by now, shame on you.
Smackdown’s NOT live from Atlanta, the home base of WCW. JR introduced the show minus Mick Foley, selling his injuries inflicted at the hands of Edge last week. His replacement is former Smackdown announcer Tazz.
Match #1: Maryse/Victoria/Natalya vs. Michelle/Cherry/Maria – Six Diva WWE Olympic Tag match
Maryse was dressed as a tennis player. JR referred to her as their “own little Anna Kournikova,†never mind that she retired five years ago. Victoria was dressed as a gymnast, Natalya was dressed as a jockey, Michelle was dressed as a beach volleyball player (I had no idea what she was until JR explained), Cherry was dressed by a boxer, Maria as dressed as a skier. Natalya won the match for her team by applying the Sharpshooter on Maria, who was not the legal woman at the time.
Your winners, by submission, Natalya/Maryse/Victoria! Silly gimmick match. The entrances took about a half minute longer than the match did. Two minutes, thirty five seconds.
Backstage, the Edgeheads and Chavo found Bam Neely KO’d backstage, with a black rose on his chest. Neely got knocked out by a rose?
Back from break, The Edgeheads made their way to the ring to face Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore, who was released two days ago, in case you doubted Smackdown is taped.
Match #2: The Edgeheads vs. Jimmy Wang Yang/Shannon Moore – non-title
The Edgeheads won when they hit a double Edge-cution style DDT behind the back of the referee.
Your winners, by pinfall, The Edgeheads! Enjoyable tag match, but where does Wang Yang go from hear with his tag partner released, and no cruiserweight division to rely on? Four minutes, thirteen seconds.
MVP cut a promo about his match at Summerslam against Jeff Hardy, saying he can’t lose because Hardy is his own worst enemy.
Back from break, it’s match time.
Match #3: Jeff Hardy vs. US Champ Shelton Benjamin – non title
After hitting the Swanton Bomb on his second attempt, Jeff Hardy was attacked by MVP, who hit him with a boot to the head, similarly to his actions on Saturday Night’s Main Event.
Your winner, by disqualification, Jeff Hardy! Great match storytelling, with the crowd buying into every bit of it, great action and all the things you can ask for in a good match. I give it my recommendation. Fourteen minutes, thirty six seconds of what was shown.
Back from break, Triple H will take on Great Khali in a Indian Broken Glass Arm Wrestling match. I’m hoping Khali brings Scott Steiner for advice on how to beat Trips in arm wrestling. No such luck. Crowd did the “What?†chant during Khali’s promo. Trips more or less called Khali a genie and told Runjin Singh his entire plan for Summerslam. So I guess Great Khali is James Bond. Neither man won when Khali head butted Triple H. Trips escaped the Boogeyman Chokebomb and went for the Pedigree, but Khali shoved him off and hit the CHOP OF DOOM! He applied the Vicegrip. Khali’s hands are still smaller than Triple H’s ego, as he was the first man to actually try and fight out of the Vicegrip with punches, but he was eventually subdued by the hold. I don’t remember the last time a heel actually left Triple H lying.
Backstage, a black rose apparently knocked Curt Hawkins out. I hope this means the FBI is coming back, but that’s unrealistic with the release of Nunzio.
R-Truth Ron Killings is still telling us he grew up poor.
Backstage, Chavo Guerrero figured out the age-old Goldbergian philosophical question of “Who’s Next,†saying he and Vickie were next on the villainous list of the black rose.
Vladimir Kozlov, now with music, is ready to destroy someone. But first, he has something to say. He’s never lost, and he wants better competition. So, out come Jesse and Festus.
Match #4: Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jesse
Vladimir Kozlov won with the Zinedine headbutt when Jesse came off the top rope.
Your winner, by pinfall, Vladimir Kozlov! Squash. Blah. One minute, forty two seconds.
Back from break, The Brian Kendrick was ready to speak. Knowledge is power, so Kendrick must be the most powerful man in WWE. Ezekiel Jackson is his adviser. Super Crazy cued his music.
Match #5: The Brian Kendrick vs. Super Crazy
Off a distraction from Ezekiel, Kendrick hit Sliced Bread #2 for the win.
Your winner, by pinfall, The Brian Kendrick! I’m not really a fan of cruiserweight wrestlers wrestling a heavyweight style match. Just doesn’t feel right to me. Four minutes, thirty nine seconds.
Ezekiel put the Torture Rack on Crazy after the match.
Backstage, Edge told Chavo and Vickie that he had a plan for avoiding being laid out by the Undertaker
Back from break, Edge cued his music and came out to the ring with Chavo and Vickie. He grabbed a chair and a microphone. He called out the Deadman. But it was a setup all along, as Edge cracked Chavo with a chair and gave him a one man Conchairto. He teased tipping Vickie’s wheelchair over, then did just that. Edge said Mick Foley was right, it’s the crazy, intense Edge that needs to go to Hell in a Cell with the Undertaker. Taker wants to bring him down to hell? Edge is going to take the Taker, La Familia and most of all, Vickie Guerrero with him.
Favorite match: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin.
Least favorite match: Six diva tag.
See you next week and keep your teeth clean!
