What’s going to be harder justice; justifiying my enjoyment of this show to smarks, or explaining to my family that it isn’t porn when the cable bill comes in?
And yes, it did take me a working week to watch the whole thing. I have a life outside of wrestling. Mainly comic book blogging, but still.
Petey Williams over Consequences Creed, Not Daivari interference leads to Canadian Destroyer, **
The crowd just refused to not be in Mini Me Steiner’s corner, didn’t they? This was perfectly okay, but just never clicked on any level beyond that. Creed is a little too green to keep up in there, so it felt kind of awkward in spots. It just seemed like they were having a hard time clicking. Picked up considerably toward the end, as it should have, but the Russo-riffic interference from Rhaka the Nubian Glamazon and Muhammad Hassan’s old manager stealing gimmick kinda spoiled that. I’m hoping we get Petey vs. the Minnesota Sheik out of this and not Creed, since it would be the better match and all, although Creed’s being a walking American flag with an afro might make that impossible.
ODB, Gail Kim, and “Upset Queen” Taylor Wilde over the Beautiful People and Awesome “Queen” Kong, Taylor’s finisher (roll up out of a finisher) on Angelina Love, **
As an aside; I once dated an upset queen. Nice girl, but hard to please in bed if you didn’t catch her by surprise with a fluke move.
Ahem. Another perfectly okay match, the solid work you’d expect out of these six, but nothing you’d need to pay money to see, since they’ve been getting main events for this sort of thing. Tracy actually added a bit to the match by not being as hapless as the regular refs. Well, that and her rack and tramp stamp were nice. I think Earl Hebner might look similar in a halter, mind you. I keep expecting ODB to turn, and that may be where they’re headed, who knows. It would freshen up her character a lot, even if she’s probably too over as a face to justify it.
Beer Money Inc., the greatest tag team in the universe, better than even two Bryan Danielsons, over LAX, Homicide gets beer bottle in his eye, ***1/2
If Homicide had yelled “I’m not supposed to get beer bottle in my eye!”, I would have given it the full ****, at least. As is, I liked this match a lot, and not just because my boys went over. All the drama over patchy bandaged Homicide, BMI finally jelling in the ring, and a Border Toss Plancha (!!!) made this better than the snooze fest of last month by leaps and bounds, even if Homicide as face in peril is still hard for me to accept; had it not been for the glass table spot, this match would have been just as dull as the last couple title defenses they’ve had. But, yeah, LAX can either chase the belts or break up now, who cares; the evil coalition of a drunken redneck, Canadian JBL, and ageless female badass has finally done something beyond have a rad name. TNA, TNA, TNA!
Jay Lethal over Sanjay Dutt, Tuxedo Chain Match on A Pole With (Is Russo not trying, or is this an elaborate practical joke, seriously WTF? dude), chain assisted elbow **1/2
I’m on record as being sick of this feud, right? Throw in a mash up gimmick match that seriously makes me wonder what they’re smoking down in Florida, and I expected to hate this. I didn’t, so I’m probably overrating it.
Don’t get me wrong. The half tuxedo/half chain match is a terrible, terrible idead. Just awful. And so is Sanjay on offense as a heel. His mannerisms are good, but he’s boring when he has to actually do anything besides flips. He’s wasted in this role as a singles guy. On a tag team, I think he could work.
But everytime Lethal was in control, I enjoyed it, and I’m tacking on an extra star because this felt like a blow off, and I hope to Mick Foley we can all move on now, lest we get a blindfolded, flaming table, upside down ladder match for the key to Val’s chastity belt (or a comp tape of the creepy fetish stuff she did for Ring Divas) on a pole at Bound For Glory. Also, I think this deserves the kind of grading slack that a special ed class would; gosh darn it, they tried! So **1/2 it is. This probably killed my chance to get in the cool kids star rating club, but whatever; it was bound to happen some time.
Ryhochrist over Team 3D, Rhino Enivornmental Activist/Oscar winners Brother Ray through a table, **
The gore is just always going to be over, isn’t it? This was an okay brawl. Not as good as I hoped for, and kind of redundant in a show full of them, but the climax elevated to solid status. I really wish the whole “walking tour of the arena” aspect of these things would just go away all ready. It’s just filler, although at least in this match it led to a Ray high spot, which was cool. I did enjoy Christian using the sign that said “Christian Use My Sign”. That’s ECW nostalgia I can get behind Sure it was a plant, but, it’s still real to me! Anyway, the good guys went over and should be challenging Beer Money soon, so it’s all good in the hood, as the Tazz would say if he ever had to work in TNA. Even odds on that one.
Post match, Johnny Devine ran in. That’s pretty much his only job in TNA right now, isn’t it? Running in during and after 3D matches. Abyss made the save. Yes, he’s still TNA’s Incredible Hulk. I hope they make that sad walking away music his entrance theme.
A.J. Styles over Kurt Angle, Last Man Standing Jersey Death Match, Super DDT, ***1/2
I really wanted to love this. Even Glazer said it was good, which must have caused him physical pain. And it certainly had great moments. There were some excellent spots there, some I’ve only seen in video games before this (super germans and DDTs, for example). But it was a bit sluggish for me to really enjoy it on a level beyond just a solid match. It didn’t help that, for a good half of the match Kurt seemed to be parodying/homaging Randy Orton with all the chin locks. Add in all the stalling early, and it was like he was trying to create the world’s most boring heel hybrid of Orton and Larry Zybysko. Maybe he watches all those AWA reruns, too.
I mean, I don’t begrudge him if it’s his help or even a deliberate style choice, but the pacing felt a little choppy to me for it to reach the heights of what you’d expect here. It was parts of a great match, but wound up just being a good one. I mean, I was happy to watch this just to see AJ reverse Angle’s Styles Clash attempt to a heel hook ankle lock and make him tap. That’s one very, very specific thing we won’t see in WWE or ROH, so suck it, Northeastern based jerks!
I think one of the problems I (at least) have with Kurt’s TNA run is that every time he gets paired with a Joe or AJ, I keep thinking of the Kurt from ’01-03, before injuries really took their toll on him, not the one of today, who can still have a good match in his sleep, but just isn’t able to do what he could 5 years ago.
That hampers these matches as much as anything; it’s palpable, the idea of what that Angle could have done with these guys. But since no one around here has a time machine, we’re stuck with the physically broken down but still (handi?) capable Angle of today. I can live with that, although it might be best for everyone if he retires soon. Just saying. Unless he would jump to MMA right after that. That wouldn’t end well. Sting ran in post match and did Sting things. Nash being right behind him isn’t conspicuous at all, although maybe he was just asking him about hair dyes or that whole Jesus thing.
Samoa Joe over Booker T, Six Sides of Steel with Weapons (Cut the Pickles), El Kabong Special, ****
Things I enjoy about TNA: the main event intros, from the over the top vidoe packages with the professional James Earl Jones sound alike to JB’s special ring introduction, they’re pure class. It’s one of those nice touches that helps make them feel slightly less like WWE’s retarded Southern fourth brand.
Another thing I enjoyed; this match. An inordinate amount, maybe, but I thought it was a fun garbage match with neat spots, from the Van Bookernator to Joe RVDing adapting his stuff to the milieu (garbage can assisted senton! lids as cymbals!). It’s kind of sad that the spinaroonie got the biggest pop of the night, but hey, at least Booker can say that’s still over.
Then there’s the ending. I get the feeling people are apoplectic because Jarrett’s back. Personally, I had no problem with it. For one, I’m willing to give them enough rope to hang themselves. Mind you, they almost always do. TNA has inherited WCW’s ability to shoot themselves in the foot. But I like this idea of doing the Millionaire’s Club/New Breed feud right. It’s a good feud on the bone; young guys vs. old guys, generational conflict. There’s actually a decent reason for Jarrett to side with the young guys I can think of; he knows they’re the future and is sick of twats like Angle and Booker trying to hold them back. Also, if Jarrett’s gonna come back, and it’s more of a when because he’s in charge, then I think I can live with him as a face helping all the young dudes instead of the heel leader of the old guys faction. Besides, if he tries to put himself over too much, even the R-tards in the Impact Zone will let him know.
So, I’m not blowing a gasket over the return of El Kabong and its master. Mainly because, as hard as this is to say, TNA was better when he was on top. No, really, it was. Mainly because the dumbassedness of the main events didn’t trickle down to the X-Division stuff. But really, think hard about this; TNA was better before Sting, 3D, Angle, Christian, and Booker showed up. Who would have thought that three years ago?
And yet here we are, giving this thumb a lukewarm, thumbs in the middle, shrug of the shoulders reccomendation. It wasn’t as bad as I imagine others have led you to believe on this site, not worth paying for the replay, or at all really. Which is as good as TNA’s getting from IP, I think, so I still feel sort of like an advocate for them. That gives me a rash. Roll on Summerslam! Punk showed some balls Monday so… he’s jobbing, isn’t he?
