Welcome all to this week’s RAW Report! We barely get started before the countdown begins for a certain Chris Jericho to make his way to the ring in a suit & tie! Last night, he was involved in a controversial & dispicable moment involving Shawn Michaels and his wife. He’s not here to apologize for what happen last night. If anyone should be held responsible for Rebecca Michaels being hurt, it should be Shawn himself. And here’s proof.
Footage of Shawn’s announcement from last night is shown.
Jericho gets major heat from the airing of that footage. He’s an asshole and he likes it! Even Triple H can’t garner that kind of heat anymore! He said that Shawn knew what he was doing last night. Shawn Michaels wanted to retire in the spotlight. He blames the fans for what happened to Rebecca as well. All Shawn had to do was admit that Jericho ended his career. Now the last moment of Shawn’s career was cradling his wife and he is to blame for it. Best thing about it is that Shawn gets to live with it for the rest of his life. We get HBK chants right now. Shawn had it coming.
Jericho leaves the ring and walks up the ramp. He leaves the set and we go to break.
Commercials.
NEXT WEEK: RAW WILL BE ON SCI-FI!
We are back and Batista makes his way to the ring for our first match of the night! His opponent is Paul Burchill, who does not get any music.
Batista v. Paul Burchill
The bell sounds and Batista puts Burchill in the corner. Burchill goes for the injured knee and he gets sent to the ropes. Batista reverses a whip to a whip in the corner. Powerslam try, but Burchill slides off and chop block Batista. Burchill talks with the referee and that allows Batista to SPEAR HIM OUT OF HIS ENGLISH BOOTS! To the corner we go, Batista hurts Burchill some more. We get the spinebuster and the Batista Bomb. That’s all she wrote.
Winner: Batista
Grade: D+
Batista walks up the ramp in smiles. He basks in the glory and we we go to THE ADAMLE! He introduces PRIMO COLON, or however it’s spelled. He’s the brother of Carlito. The new kid can’t get five more seconds of time as Adamle runs to get some words with Cena. Cena blows him off and he congrates Batista on being the better man last night. But that was last night. So, not only is Mike Adamle the RAW GM, but he’s filling in the void of Todd Grisham of being interviewer extraordinare!
Commercials.
We’re back and Jillian Hall is excited to be in Chicago. She is going to sing a song performed by Chicago. I’ll be sure to mute this on my new HDTV in a few weeks. Thankfully, Kelly Kelly has been “busy” the past few days and she interrupts the torture.
Jillian Hall & Katie Lea v. Kelly Kelly & Mickie James
The bell sounds and it’s Jillian and Mickie to kick things off. Jillian knees Mickie in the gut and to the ropes we go. Jillian tries a flip, but Mickie is too smart to fall for that. Katie Lea comes in off the tag and we know THE ADAMLE has a huge announcement later on tonight. To the match, Kelly Kelly tags in and she takes it to Katie. Kelly explains in the new edition of WWE Magazine just how far she goes on the first date. I’m SO buying that issue! Jillian gets back in the ring and she pulls the hair to slam Kelly down for two. She pulls the hair a bit and abuses the count by the referee. In comes Katie Lea, WATCH THE HAIR! Knee to the spine gets two for Katie. OFF THE HAIR! Katie gets a headlock locked on, Kelly tries to get out of it. In comes Jillian Hall, who pulls the hair some more. WATCH THE HAIR! The referee is busy with Mickie and Jillian covers for thirteen, but Kelly kicks out. In comes Katie and Mickie following a blocked Jill-A-Sault. Mickie is on fire, but Katie walks into a neckbreaker for two! Jillian breaks it up and STEREO DROPKICKS! Katie gets a rollup with the tights FOR TWO! Mickie-DT connects and that’s a wrap!
Winners: Mickie James & Kelly Kelly
Grade: B
Recap of Summerslam is shown.
Commercials.
Last week, WWE beat out Monday Night Football for the second week in a row. Yes, it’s preseason, so take it as you wish.
We’re back and one of our main events tonight is John Cena versus the Tag Team Champions, Simply Priceless, in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match.
JBL is out and he sent many of his personal employees their walking papers. He got Punk’d by Punk last night. Jaime Noble walks out and we know what will happen.
John Bradshaw Layfield v. Jaime Noble
JBL is out the gate and he beats the Hell out of Noble. Noble returns the favor and he chops JBL down to his size. He jumps into JBL’s clutches and JBL hits the Fallaway Slam! JBL hits the stiff shots to the back. He pie faces Noble in the corner and the referee gets involved. JBL drops the elbow on Noble three times, four times, five times, six times! Noble gets up long enough for the Clothesline From Hell! JBL does not go for the cover as he assists Noble up for the short-arm clothesline. He picks Noble up and he hits a short arm 360 clothesline! He goes for the pin and the referee counts to one, but Noble is out! Call it a TKO.
Winner:Â John Bradshaw Layfield
Grade: F
We have a BLOCKBUSTER ANNOUNCEMENT from Shane & Stephanie McMahon up next!
SmackDown will be going to My Network TV on October 3rd! If this means new music, like the one that played during the commercial…count me in as a happy camper!
Commercials.
We are back and Mike Adamle makes his way to the arena! He has a couple announcements. Tonight, CM Punk will face Chris Jericho! The next announcement involves the World Heavyweight Championship. A new WWE Championship Concept! Five superstars, including the World Champion will be in this match. There will be a 20 minute time limit and whoever is holding the title at the end of the 20 minute period will be champion!
It’ll be CM Punk v. Kane v. JBL v. Batista v. John Cena in the World Heavyweight Championship SCRAMBLE! At least you can’t blame Mike Adamle for this match making idea. This one has Shane & Stephanie’s fingerprints on it.
Time for our mid-show main event of sorts!
Simply Priceless v. John Cena
But first, Cryme Tyme just stole the Tag Team Championships! Cena makes his way out and the tag champions scatter from the ring. The bell sounds and it is Rhodes beginning things off…AFTER THE BREAK!
Commercials.
We’re back and Rhodes PIEFACES Cena! Rhodes runs away from Cena and he slides in to tag in DiBiase. DiBiase takes it out on Cena and gets a two count. Tag to Rhodes and a double suplex gets a two count. Tag back to DiBiase and DROPKICK by DiBiase gets two. Tag back to Rhodes and STEREO FOREARMS gets two for Rhodes. Rhodes beats on Cena, hitting a Side Russian Leg Sweep, knocking Cena to the ring apron. Cena teeters on the apron as Rhodes is in control. Cena tries to battle back, but he eats the ringside barricade! Back inside the ring and a two count later, Rhodes tags in DiBiase. Cena tries to fight back and he eats the corner. Back suplex connects by DiBiase and he hits a clothesline for TWO! Tag to Rhodes and they both drop their elbows for two! Cena tries to fight out the corner, but the numbers are against him. Rhodes gets two following a chop block. Cena gets sent to the ropes…SHOULDERBLOCK MISSES and Cena gets sent to the ring steps as this has been all Simply Priceless tonight. Back in the ring and Cena kicks out at two again. DiBiase gets involved and he hits a snap suplex on Cena. Another suplex connects and DiBiase tries another suplex, but Cena counters with modified suplex! Tag to Rhodes and Cena struggles to get up. Rhodes plays cocky and he pays for it! Cena with the body shots and the shoulder tackle. Protobomb connects and the Five Knuckle Shuffle does as well. FU attempt fails and DiBiase gets taken out. Drop toe hold and the STFU…Yup. Cena gets about 30 seconds total offense (that was shown) and he still wins.
Winner:Â John Cena
Grade: C
Up next, Shawn Michaels has the EXCLUSIVE REACTION to what happened last night.
Commercials.
Harley Race is here tonight! We get another recap from Shawn’s big announcement. Looks like Rebecca suffered a broken jaw last night, but it’s unknown. We go back to Summerslam as the Michaels’ walk out. Shawn does not respond at first to Michael Cole. He’s going home and comfort his wife & kids, who watched their mother get punched in th face because of him. And then, nothing.
T-Grish still works on RAW too and he has CM Punk! Punk says that Jericho done the lowest of lows. In Chicago, they deal with guys like Jericho. Tonight it’ll be done on Punk’s terms and CHICAGO STYLE!
Out comes “Glamerella” and I am pissed off. Beth made the pin and Santino gets the Intercontinental Title? Hell, Beth Phoenix would make a better Intercontinental Champion! Santino defends the title against D Lo Brown…NEXT!
Commercials.
During the commercials, Pulse Glazer chimes in on AIM and offers something about sacrificing the Tag Team Champions to John Cena.
Pulse Glazer: “Cena going over the tag champions is completely counter productive. We know these guys will be major players one day and every time WWE undermines that, they hurt themselves. Guys like Val Venis are in the back for just this. Use them.”
I respond to this with…
“Last I checked, Val Venis is out on injury leave until further notice. Your argument is definitely worth merit and I agree. Then again, that’s why neither one of us would ever be offered a job by the WWE because we have common sense.”
During the commercials, Santino & Beth gave an acceptance speech that will be aired on WWE.com after RAW tonight!
Santino Marella v. D-Lo Brown
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Michael Cole invited Kofi Kingston to commentary tonight! D Lo attacks off the bell and he hits a high knee! Brainbuster connects and D Lo eats canvas from off the top. Santino does the annoying talking and pins for two! D Lo comes back with a clothesline and he drops the leg! Up to the top he goes again and Beth Phoenix gets involved. GET TO STEPPING! Beth slaps D Lo and that gets the DQ. Santino has it and D Lo slaps Santino silly. He sends Santino out of the ring and gets his head bashed against the announce table.
Winner via DQ: D-Lo Brown
Grade: D+
So who wears the pants in this weird relationship?
Backstage, Kane walks as we get some ominous music playing in the background.
Commercials.
TOMORROW NIGHT ON ECW: The people that spent $40 to see the 30 second ECW Title match end with a DQ gets royally pissed off when they offer the rematch on SCI-FI!
WWE 24/7 Classic: Stacy Kiebler v. Torrie Wilson in a bikini contest. However, Tajiri spoiled things. That’s okay. Trish Stratus in lacy underwear redeemed the skit!
KANE COMES OUT WITH NEW MUSIC! This suits Kane a whole lot better. He says that it looked like everyone was shocked when he pulled Mysterio’s mask out of the bag. It comforted him and put a smile on his face. Rey has been absent for six weeks and there’s a reason. Kane never liked Rey Mysterio and he does not like people that do. Six weeks ago in a parking lot, Kane obliterated Mysterio and left him barely alive. His spirit however…is dead.Â
This brings out Batista, who is Rey’s friend! SPEAR to Kane! SPINEBUSTER! He goes for the Bomb, but Kane goes after the knee and he CHOKESLAMS Batista! Kane leaves while Michael Cole explains the transformation of Kane.
Commercials.
We are back to the show! Time for what should had been on Summerslam!
Chris Jericho w/Lance Cade v. CM Punk
It’s official, CM PUNK is hugely over in Chicago! The bell sounds and the two stare down. Jericho whispers something to Cade and here we go! Punk scores with the kicks and he shows Jericho CHICAGO STYLE! Backbreaker connects, followed by a stiff kick to the head. Punk hits the knee strikes and Jericho fights back with kicks of his own. Jericho has Punk cornered a bit. Opposite corner we gp and Punk locks on the Taruntula! Rollup gets two and Punk locks on a bodyscissors! Jericho goes for a spear and he goes THROUGH the ropes!
Commercials.
We’re back and Jericho is in control, locking on a modified armbar, with knees going to the back. Punk gets back up and gets out of it. Off the ropes and Jericho gets a lariat for two! Jericho drops the elbow to Punk’s back and he hits a backbreaker of his own. He torques the back as Punk is in trouble. Punk knees his way out of it, but is the damage done? Punk gets the forearms and he gets sent to the ropes. Jericho comes alive with the octopus stretch! Punk turns it around and Jericho sends him to the corner. Bulldog attempt was not to be as Punk nails a roundhouse kick! Punk and Jericho go at it and Punk hits a dropkick! Punk nails the double underhook backbreaker for TWO! Not to be stopped, Punk hits the knee to the face, but Jericho counters the bulldog! Lionsault hits and that gets two! Jericho goes for the Liontamer, but Punk stops it. Punk gets a sunset flip for 2.999999999999! Punk is woozy and he tees off Jericho to the corner. Jericho nails Punk in the corner, but Punk isn’t fazed! GTS try, but Jericho holds the ropes! Jericho locks on the Liontamer! Punk crawls closer…and he gets there! Jericho is frustrated! Codebreaker attempt is countered to a GTS attempt, but Jericho lands on the apron. VERY HIGH KNEE BY PUNK CONNECTS! 2ND ROPE BULLDOG KNOCKS JERICHO DOWN. GTS attempt, but Lance Cade sticks his nose where it did not belong. Jericho nails the Codebreaker for the victory!
Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade: A
Jericho walks up as we fade out.
NEXT WEEK: RAW WILL BE ON SCI-FI!
And we’re out.
The WWE RAW Report Card
Chris Jericho d. CM Punk: A
D-Lo Brown d. Santino Marella: D+
John Cena d. Simply Priceless: C
JBL d. Jaime Noble: F
Mickie James & Kelly Kelly d. Katie Lea Burchill & Jillian Hall: B
Batista d. Paul Burchill: D+
The Final Grade for WWE RAW for 08.18.2008: C
Aside of the Divas Tag and the main event, the rest of the show didn’t click. The theme for Unforgiven is: “Will CM Punk beat the odds?” Chris Jericho is still awesome and the opening promo continued to build well for the epic feud between him and Shawn. Next week on Sci-Fi will be interesting. Have a great week!
