One of Ken Anderson’s old gimmicks on the wrestling block would be to try and write a review directly after a PPV so he had as close to an uninfluenced opinion on the matches as possible. I tried to do the same thing last night but only managed rough paragraphs before falling asleep. I fleshed them out the next day without having read anything else first.
Obviously, these are one man’s opinion and I welcome comments, criticisms, and arguments.
Jeff Hardy vs. MVP: This is match I wish Shelton Benjamin and Matt Hardy had at the last PPV. MVP’s progress over the last year has been amazing — to the point where I’m ready to hand him the “top heel” ball on Smackdown and see how far he runs with it. Then again, I realize we’re back to the point where everyone on the roster is going to get squashed by Triple H, so maybe it doesn’t matter too much. I really wouldn’t be surprised to see MVP continuing to get pushed up the card — especially considering Edge’s kinda/sorta impending face turn and the lack of big heels on Smackdown. MVP won’t stay a heel for long. He’s already got too many sing-along catchphrases to stay evil.
Glamorella vs. Kofi Kingston/Mickie James; Intercontental Title and Women’s Title Winning Team Takes All: I’m not quite sure what it says about the PPVs that there are no so many belts in the federation that 1) not all of them are defended on every PPV and 2) the ones that are being defended in tag team matches aren’t even the tag titles. Points to the WWE for referencing Santino and Maria’s relationship when Maria was the backstage interviewer. Double points for making reference to his unibrow and how he has it because Beth enjoys his manscaping. Good match for what it was… I hate to see belts change hands as an afterthought to something else though.
HBK/Whisper/Jericho Confrontation: I had this wrong, I expected Whisper to get a Lion Tamer as she’s dancer flexible and it hurts less than a PUNCH TO THE FACE. Jericho gave her the business with that shot complete with a fat lip and a bloody mouth. This remains the best storyline in wrestling at the moment and giving Shawn’s wife a shot to the face does nothing but help it. Besides, it’s still not as bad as Rhino piledriving Sandman’s wife through a table. The storyline on Raw, I’ll assume, will be Jericho taking Shawn to task for ducking out of the way and allowing his wife to get punched. Jericho will likely mention that he’d never put his own wife in that situation and Shawn’s ego couldn’t help but retire in front of a crowd. I don’t know the specifics but I expect it to be EPIC.
Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry (c); ECW Championship: Matt hit the Twist of Fate in a 30 second match and Atlas drew the DQ. This will be the space in which I would complain about the ECW title not being defended under ECW rules but I’ve actually worn out the keys on my keyboard which allow me to do that.
JBL vs. CM Punk(c); World Championship: JBL was motivated and put Punk over pretty huge. The collision between the back of their heads was scary. There was some serious concussion potential or worse as Bradshaw seemed like he had to shake pins and needles out of his arm after it. The announcers need to do a better job differentiating the “Short Clothesline From Hell” vs. the “Clothesline From Hell” as one is a finisher and one is not. Cole should have plenty of experience in this regard and, if he didn’t suck, could probably do something to point it out. I’m also still very anti-GTS as Punk’s finisher. It looks f*cking stupid when he does it to guys who he can’t do it to well. This isn’t the Indies… not every guy is 5’9″ 170. He’s trying to do it to absurdly large guys and it looks ridiculous.
Great Khali vs. HHH; WWE Championship: As bad and absurd as expected. Khali actively takes things off the table. I hate Khali and want him off my television. Also, in no universe should this match have gone on after Punk/JBL. At least there was some question of the victor in that match. In this, there was no scenario in which Khali was going over. In fact, I’d argue that Henry/Hardy was a better candidate for this spot than what they went with.
John Cena vs. Batista: Didn’t remotely see the finish of this match coming. I expected either a clean win by Cena or a schmozz ending with an Orton run-in giving Batista the win with a heel turn. I did not, in any universe, expected a clean and solid win for Batista. Both guys brought their best for this match and it really showed. Not a bad spot anywhere. Honestly, could have been a MotyC if not for what followed.
Edge vs. Undertaker; Hell in a Cell: I’m sure there’s never been a SummerSlam but has there ever even been a PPV where the WWE had so little faith in any of the world title matches that it was THIRD from the top of the card? Regardless, correct call to make this the main event and it’s in that top tier of HitC matches with Undertaker/Mankind, Undertaker/HBK, and HHH/Cactus Jack. Great story where Undertaker did everything to Edge that Edge had done to him. Edge was completely destroyed at the end of this match — properly considering the crap he’s put Undertaker through and everything the crowd has likely wanted to see done to Edge in the last few months. I could have done without the semi-cheesy fire spot from under the ring because it’s one of those silly cartoony wrestling things… but the match was so good, I’ll live with it. Not sure where they go from here. I’ll have to assume Edge is taking a vacation but Smackdown seems relatively heel-less at the moment. None of the people teamed with Vickie are worth top of the card heel. MVP seems not quite ready yet. Khali is thankfully out of the top spot, and I’d have to assume that HHH/Undertaker is penciled in as the Wrestlemania match for Smackdown. Match of the Year Candidate and early favorite for Match of the Year. The Mango Consortium rated it at 13.75 stars.
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Thumbs up. Would Watch Again. A+++
